Status: In Progress

You Could Be My Punk Rock Princess

Give Me Love

Kat's POV

"Give me love like her
'Cause lately I've been waking up alone
Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt
Told you I'd let them go
And that I'll fight my corner
Maybe tonight I'll call ya
After my blood turns into alcohol
No, I just wanna hold ya"

Ed Sheeran played as Zack held me in his arm. I just felt overwhelmingly guilty. I didn't mean to make him feel like I had. I love him. I didn't ever want to make him hurt or cry. I loved him too much for that. Rian and Alex had been gone a good ten minutes before Zack and I even thought about pulling away to sit down. Zack, being the gentleman he is, walked me over to a seat and sat me down. He lightly kissed the top of my head, and started boiling the kettle, sitting two mugs out in front of it. He made both him and I hot chocolate and sat mine down in front of me before grabbing his and sitting across from me.

"So... you're not doing okay..." he started.
"I... I..." I struggled to find a nice way to put it, but couldn't. "I'm not."
"What's going on? Talk to me," he begged me.
"Kyle's falling apart and he-"
"No," Zack cut me off. "I know Kyle's not okay right now. What I don't know is how you're feeling."
"I... I'm worried, I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm angry... I... I can't fucking do this anymore." My head fell to my lap as I felt tears well up in my eyes.
"Why?" Zack asked.

"My parents are splitting up, I'm basically a mother, I do so much that I don't have time to look after me. I want Kyle to have the best life opportunity he can. I want him to feel normal. Happy. I hate knowing that he's hurting. I don't know how I'm supposed to be there for him when I can't even be there for myself. I want to do so much with my life. I've got you guys, the band, him and my parents being away to juggle. And now, more than ever, I've got to be there for him. For dad. Because, clearly, mom doesn't give a shit. And mom's moving to Australia. Which means I'm never gonna see her again. What if I let him down, Zack? I don't know how to be a good mom. I've not had one around to show me how to be a good mom. I'm only seventeen for fuck sake. I can't do this. But I can't let him down. I'm terrified I'm gonna let him down. My mom's a selfish fucking bitch and she can rot for all I fucking care, but Kyle needs a steady, proper mother figure and I don't know if I'm what's good for him," I told him, biting back the tears and looking at my cup of hot chocolate.

"You're perfect for Kyle. He's extremely lucky to have someone who cares about him as much as you do, and you're never gonna let him down. Kyle will have the best life opportunity he can, because alongside his sister, he gets six brothers who care about him almost as much as you do. You do know how to be there for him. No one knows better how to be there for him. Only you. I mean, sure, Alex, Jack, Matt, Rian, Vinny and I can sit with him and make jokes and let him watch his favourite TV shows, but none of us could sit there and let him scream at us, blame us, cry on or at us. We couldn't watch him break down like you do. And right now, that's what he needs. God knows at his age, you were the same. And I know you'll never see your mom again, and it's absolutely gonna sting right now, but it means more stability for you and Kyle. And don't give me that "I'm not a good mom" nonsense. You're a fantastic mom, even if you're not biologically a parent. You're an amazing parent and guardian who would never let anything happen to him, or anyone you care about. You make a fantastic mom BECAUSE your mom's not been there. You don't want him to suffer and feel alone. You want him to be happy. Do you wanna know what that is? That's a good parent, honey. The fact that you've gone through what you just have and all you can think about is if Kyle's gonna be okay? That makes you a good parent. Hell, that makes you a fantastic parent. So don't worry about being a bad parent. You're not. You're a teenager who's been caught between a rock and a hard place and you're just making do with what you can," Zack assured me as I took a sip of my hot chocolate, feeling it's warmth fill me up and the sugar already begin to take affect.

"Wh... where's Kyle?" I asked him.
"Don't worry about Kyle just now honey. Matt and Vinny took him to see a movie to get him away from here and bought him some cotton candy. We're focusing on getting you better. How're you feeling now?" he asked me.
"...Not much better, if I'm honest. I don't want Kyle to have to be there for the divorce, but it'll be his last chance for him to see mom. And I don't want him to see me hurting. So I really don't know what to do right now, apart from pull on a fake smile and hope for the best. I just don't want him to hurt anymore. And I'm tired, my arms hurt, my head hurts and I just... I don't know what to do," I admitted.
"We'll go up to bed after Kyle's in and away to bed, I promise. I know you don't, but soon he'll realise how amazing you are and he'll never feel sad. He'll never truly be alone when you're here. He's just as scared as you are. He doesn't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you," he told me.

I finished my hot chocolate by the time he finished his sentence and, feeling a little stronger, I got up and walked 'round the table to him, pulling his face up to mine and kissing him softly. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me forward until I was straddling his lap and he was kissing me deeply and with passion. I pulled away first and kissed his cheek softly.

"You're not gonna lose me. I promise. Now what's going on with you? Are you okay?" I asked him.
"...Yeah... I'm Ok-"
"Zack, don't tell me you're okay when I walked in here to find you in tears. What's going on?" I asked him.
"I'm terrified I'm gonna lose you. You barely eat or sleep, you don't drink a lot. You've self harmed, attempted suicide. You cry yourself to sleep instead of talking to someone about how you feel. I don't want you to be another lonely statistic. I want you in my life. Happy, smiling and breathing. I don't want you to feel bugged down with all of these problem. I want you to have the best life and opportunities you can. You're smart, funny, beautiful and the best thing to happen to me. And I'm worried that you can't see that," he opened up.

"You're not going to lose me baby. I know it doesn't always seem like it, but I do try for you. I try to look after myself and keep myself smiling, but sometimes I can't. Which is why I need you. You mean everything to me. Everything. And I don't wanna lose that. Which is why I'm still here. Because after everything and after everything you know, you're still here. And I may not deserve the love and compassion you show me, and I know I'm irritating and annoying, but I love you and you love me and it's my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. It's my reason for smiling. It's my reason for living. Because I have the best guy on this planet. So I'm going nowhere. You don't need to be afraid baby. I'm always gonna be here with you and I'm always gonna be here for you. I love you," I told him.

"I love you too baby," he told me, kissing me again and pulling me closely into him.
♠ ♠ ♠
So, sorry it's been a while. My laptop charger broke so I couldn't use my laptop to update this. But, I've got a new charger now, so all is good. I'm back!

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Title Credit: Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran