The Art of Subconscious Illusion

Chapter Three.

“Susan...come on Susan, is this really how you’re going to treat an old school mate?” he called out to me and I felt my mouth drop open, was he being serious right now to say something like this to me? “Susan, let me in...I have your phone!” Oh hell no.

I opened the door, glaring at him as I held out my hand, “Phone, now.” He just smiled at me, cocking his head to the side and his hair fell into his right eye.

“May I come in? Or are you going to make me leave as soon as I get here?” he countered and I crossed my arms over my chest, noticing his eyes wander to my exposed chest as I made more cleavage. I groaned, rolling my eyes as I move out of the way.

“Come in if you must.” I mutter, seeing him make his way inside and sit down at the kitchen island. “Can I have my phone?” I asked, going into my room and getting my house coat that went to the floor, bundling up in that.

“I’m not sure if I should yet, I came here to be nice and civil and give your phone back, only to get the door slammed in my face.” he said pouting, his lip rings protruding out more and I began to fidget with my own as my anger began to rise.

“You can’t be serious right now.” I look at him angrily, causing his eyes to widen as I storm over to him. “You ruined my life in middle school and high school, or has the lifestyles of the rich and famous clouded your memories to your darker days?”

“My darker...you are that hung up on high school? Was my boyish teasing and simple pranks, that worse off for you?” He crossed his arms over his chest and my eyes narrow at him.

“You ruined my life Zacky, I don’t think I would or could forgive you because believe me I have tried!” I mutter as I go to the fridge, getting ingredients out for Italian Sides: Creamy Garlic Shells and looked at him, eyeing me curiously. “I cook when I’m angry.”

“What do you mean? Why is it so difficult for you to even begin to forgive me?” he asks, watching my every move and I sigh, turning on the burner to let the stuff heat up.

“Zacky, do you know anything about my home life or how terrible my life has been?” I questioned him, putting the pasta in. “If you knew the impact you made on my life, you would understand why I can’t do that…”

“Well...why don’t you tell me the impact I had on your life?” he asked me, sitting at the island on one of the stools and biting his lip, leaning on the counter.

I sighed, stirring my pasta and not looking over at him. “Fifth grade, you mixed sand and water, putting it in my backpack with all my homework. Sixth grade, fire crackers in my locker that almost got me suspended. Seventh grade, put super glue onto my chair and caused my pants to rip without my knowledge and I walked around with my underwear showing. Eighth grade, you walked behind me with a farting ringtone that you would play whenever I passed someone in the halls. Ninth grade, started the rumor that I was a raging lesbian and that ended up with me getting shit from my Catholic family!” I look at him, stopping my stirring. “Need me to go on? These are just the finer points to you ruining my life and there are three more years. Tenth grade, you sabotaged my science project and rigged it up to explode over the principal and the teacher along with the judges as they past...resulting in two of them being hospitalized due to shards of glass. In eleventh grade, you hit me with your car in the parking lot because you were too doped up to realize that there was someone walking and I ended up using crutches and cost my family their vacation. And finally, senior year prom and my first year of going because I got a letter and flowers from a boy that I had a crush on whom said that he would meet me there and when I went to actually thank him for the flowers and accept his offer...he turned me down, telling me that I was a raging lesbian cow and all of his friends laughed at me.” By now, tears were falling down my face and I turned off the burner because it was done. I couldn’t believe that I was actually facing my bully and telling him off, it felt kinda good but wasn’t at all what I was expecting.

I hadn’t expected to see him standing right there as I turned around, staring at me with the most awestruck face like he hadn’t realized what he had put me through. He hadn’t even heard why my life was fucked up before that…

“My god...I really was a dick in school. I know that. I had a lot of issues of my own I didn’t know how to handle at the time and I took it out on you for some reason. It wasn’t fair of me, I know. And I don’t really know much about your life too much, but if it was anything like mine I know I didn’t make things much better.” he stated, admitting to me that he was bully in school. “I’m sorry Susan...I really am.”

“You picked on me because I was someone who hadn’t grown up with your bullshit Zacky...I know you are sorry, but sorry isn’t going to make things magically better. That is not how this works and you know that.” I state turning back to the food and stirring it once again. “You have two parents and a older sister and younger brother...you may not have paid much attention to me or my life, but people were always talking about how much your siblings did things and how all you were in was baseball when you weren’t out getting drunk or high. It’s a middle child thing.” I state, thinking back to my psychology classes, glad that something in college was actually sticking these days.

“Okay, yes. I screwed up in high school. I fucked up a lot of things. I picked on you because you were an outsider. It was wrong and I know that now. I’ve changed from the person I was in school. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, its that you can’t let your past hold you back. Whatever I did to you, the hell I put you through, you have to let go of it or you’re just going to be stuck in rut with your own nightmares. I mean, all things considered, you look like you’re doing pretty damn good for yourself. But keeping a grudge against me isn’t going to exact your revenge any time soon.” he stated and I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me.

“I know this already…” I said, getting down two bowls and two forks as I filled them both up and handed one to him. “like I said, a sorry won’t fix it...but I can begin to forgive you...now eat.” I sigh, going over to the couch and sitting on my feet.

“Well you don’t have to tell me twice.” he stated and came over to sit down next to me on the couch. Like right next to me! Our legs were touching and my eye began to twitch involuntarily.
“Mmm. That shits good...So, why don’t you allow me to start making it up to you. I know I’ve probably got a lot of ground to cover. But if we don’t start now, we’ll be fifty by the time I finish.” he said between mouthfuls of pasta, frowning when it fell off his fork and plopped on his pants.

“I see you are still as clumsy as ever.” I smirked at him as I watched him pick it up off his pants and put it into his mouth. “You sure your girlfriend won’t be upset that you’re here fixing the fucked up basket case you helped cause from high school?”

“No. Not really...She’s uh, kind of invisible these days.” he stated, casting his eyes to the floor. What the hell did that mean?

“What type of black magic are you into these days Baker?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him seriously as I fidget with my lip rings. “Don’t you know that invisibility is hard to come back from?”

“Oh don’t I. No, my last girlfriend...she uh, she cheated on me and told me I was worthless before she left me. So yeah. Single life. Yay.” he explained, shoveling another forkful of shells into his mouth and chewing angrily at the memories. Wow. Had Zacky really just opened up to me a little?

“Hey, it’s not all that bad, I live through it every day...haven’t had a boyfriend since last year and just having two of them in one year was hell for me. Their expensive and whiney and there is no privacy and you have to include them in all things including possibly your future. It’s difficult at times, but you get used to it...not to mention, you don’t have to constantly check in with them to make sure you don’t piss them off and get it when you get home.” I stated, then realized that I had said too much about myself. God Damnit!

“Dear god, what kind of mommy issue guys have you been dating?” he asked me, lifting an eyebrow in my direction. “I totally get what you mean though. Gina was like that. Always wanting this and that and whining when she didn’t get her way. Always flipped out of me whenever I went somewhere or did something but she could do whatever the hell she wanted and got pissed whenever I questioned her. Girls are also expensive, whiney and hypocritical. They never know what they want and when they finally figure it out they just end up wasting your damn time. I haven’t had a girlfriend for almost two years.” he told me, polishing off his pasta and getting up to put it in the sink, running water over it. I looked at him as if he were an alien when he actually started washing his dishes...and all of the other ones that had piled up. What?

“Not that I am complaining, but are you doing dishes...without being asked to?” I ask in complete shock as I finish my bowl and go over to help dry them.

“Uh...yeah? Is that shocking to you?” he asked, rinsing another plate and placing it in the other sink.

“Yes it is. As for this Gina girl...who the hell names their daughter Gina...you might as well have named her Vagina!” I stated and paused as he started laughing, stopping on the dish he was currently washing as he laughed even harder. I joined in, laughing just as hard until tears were coming to my eyes and smiled at him, then it faded as I thought of his question. “The first guy wasn’t to bad, he just lost interest and left me after a couple months. It was the second guy that would make Daddy dearest proud.” I stated, seeing his look of confusion. “Prison one not Catholic one, though they sometimes seemed like they were one in the same. But with this guy...he just wanted one thing from me and wasn’t going to stoop as low as to rape me, so beating it out of me was the next best thing.” I didn’t look up as I looked at the dishes, noticing he had stopped as I finished the last dish on my side.

“Your boyfriend beat you?” he asked me, fire in his eyes. Who was this new Zacky? He seemed so different now. Not that that was a bad thing.

“Yup, so maybe crazy ol’ Freud was right. Maybe we hate our mothers because we want our fathers. But then we can’t have them, so we find potential mates who are exactly the same way.” I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m sure they make great butt buddies in jail though, cause he abused me for three months longer than I should have let him.”

“Yeah well...I think that Freud guy is full of crap. I don’t want someone like my mother. Cheating half crazy, cracked out whore. But anyway... I won’t bug you with my family drama. Sounds like you’ve had enough in your own. I can’t stand men who beat women. I’ll playfully hit my girlfriend...when I have one. But if she actually gets hurt from it I always feel like shit. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t baby them. I just know the difference between keeping an eye on the line and crossing it.” he replied, going back to scrubbing the bowl that was his hands.

“Sounds like your mother deserves my father.” I stated, hearing my phone go off with a ringtone I had set for unknown numbers and I reach into his hoodie pocket to pick it up. “Hello?”

“Hello there, this is Wanda from Pure Romance calling about the magic wand you just ordered. We just wanted to take a quick survey looking into why you were drawn to the toy in the first place. So tell me, what was it? What makes you creamy?” A male voice came over the phone and I could hear snickering in the background. This had to be a prank call.

“Well if you’d like to know, it’s because my other one just isn’t quite up to par and I hear this gets the right angle and speed for those late night bubble baths reading a good book.” I answered rolling my eyes as I put the phone up to Zacky’s ear. “It’s for you.”

“What? Hello?” silence. “Brian what the hell?” more silence. “Seriously guys,you put her number in your phones?” silence, silence. “ You guys are pathetic. If you want a girls number that bad all you have to do sign their tits.” I rolled my eyes at that one. “Pure Romance, seriously?” the longest silence ever. “Alright, I’ll be there. Jeez. I’m on my way.” he stated before hanging up my phone and giving it back to me.

“They put my number...in their phones.” I say in complete shock before drying the last of the dishes and shaking my head sadly. “These are your friends, sounds like you gotta take off then?”

“Yeah...looks like it. Hey uh..listen um...it was great catching up with you. Like I said, I have a lot to make up for so...maybe we could meet up again sometime?” he suggested and my eyes widened in pure shock as he dried off his hands.

“I...I don’t see how we could considering you are in a band that tours the country...I don’t exactly have all the money in the world to be a groupie.” I pointed out teasingly as I went in my room, slipping on some sweatpants finally as I started to get cold.

“Groupie eh?” he asked smirking at me devilishly. “Bet you’d like that. But in all seriousness, this was our last stop on the tour so we’ll be heading back to Huntington Beach for while to chill at home. Maybe we could do something while the band takes a break from tours.” he pressed, watching me get dressed from the doorway.

I throw a shoe at him, glad I only had to throw on some sweats and a bra under my tank top like a ninja. “I most certainly would not! I’m not like every single girl that follows bands Baker” I stated sticking my tongue out at him and I bite my lip. “Last night was the closest I have been to Huntington Beach since I was kicked out of the house...or so they would like to say.” I explained rolling my eyes as I went back out into the living room.

“Oh...well if you’d like, you could stay at my place for a little while…” he stated, hope filling his eyes but he let doubt cloud them as he started playing with his lip ring nervously. What was up with him?

“Spring break does start next week, I guess I could...though I wouldn’t want to leave my friends behind and the sun in Huntington is gorgeous this time of year.” I state, insinuating something to him, hoping he picks up on it.

“That’s not a problem. Your friends can stay too. My friends will be over all the time anyway. The house gets kind of empty and lonely when I’m home so I don’t mind guests when I can have them. I have a couple of guest rooms downstair in the basement. Its kind of set up like an apartment with a party bar down there so you girls can make use of it as you see fit.” he gushed, getting a little too excited and I couldn’t help but smile at how child like he was being with this. I couldn’t believe this right now.

“Don’t wag your tail off with too much excitement now.” I chuckled at him, looking at the digital clock in the kitchen and noticed it had been ten minutes since Brian had called. “You better get going, I’m assuming you either put your number in my phone already or are going to steal it from one of the guys?” I ask, smiling at him as I ran a hand through my hair that had waved from having them in braids for so long.

“Yeah of course. I’ll call you tomorrow okay? We can make plans then. I’ve gotta run though, so we’ll chat over the details later. Glad I ran into you again...maybe I’ll have a second chance to make things right.” he stated and I just nodded, with a sad smile. “See ya later Susan.”

“Call me Lucy.” I smiled at him, wincing at the sound of my real name that was like nails on a chalkboard.

“Alright. Lucy, you have a great rest of your day and I’ll talk to you tomorrow!” he said as he waved, heading out the door and I was left standing in the middle of my apartment. I looked at the clock and it was nearly six o'clock, which brought me into shock even further. I had just spent five and a half hours talking to someone I considered the scum of the Earth for most of my life and now...now I was going to his house?

What was wrong with me? Maybe this was all a trick? Every fiber in my being was scared to let him in, in fear that he would be exactly like my father. I either was going to have to buck up and work through this week coming up or fake sick or make up some lame excuse to why I couldn’t go. I wanted him to make it right and I wanted to give him that opportunity, but it was all so conflicting.

I was just glad that tomorrow was longue around, bathe and get fucked up day while watching movies. The rest of today would be spent writing a paper on that recording last night and hoping I could get quite a bit of it done before I got too distracted with my real life issues. For now, I wouldn’t think on what I had just experienced but on that paper.

If only...if only I could get him and his stupid green eyes out of my head...I really must be coming down sick. Lets just hope this keeps up.

Fingers crossed.