Kill Me I Dare You
Official Merch Chick
Merching. Its one of the few amazing things that is totally crazy, yet calming. I shuffled around grabbing tee shirts for the fans waiting. I was cycling cash and shirts around. My pockets stuffed and my hands worn.
"Like, I like, want like, the one, that like, says, 'Mikey Effin Way,"
"You mean the one that says 'Mikey Fucken Way,'" I said with a sigh.
"Like yeah," The blond said smacking on her gum. I had been dealing with fans like her all day. It made me wonder where the real fans had gone in the past year.
I watched the girl go, swaying her hips. The world still seemed so different to me, it was weird, everything had changed and I felt so behind. The styles were different, in a year skinny jeans became a thing of the past. Baggier, jeans were in now, fashioned with different buttons and such. It seemed everything I owned was out of fashion.
"Hey Adam!" I yelled to the boy next to me. He was tall, standing at 6'3, and had black hair cut short, but still shaggy. He had gray eyes that sparkled in the stage lights. Adam wore a merch shirt, which read 'MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, OFFICIAL MERCH DUDE' in big white block letters. His jeans were still skinny jeans, making me feel more like the old days.
"What Charlie?" He yelled looking behind himself at me, he was currently dealing with an undecided fan, who was testing his patience.
"Do we have anymore armbands?" I asked kneeling down and searching threw some boxes.
"No, we sold out of those in Houston, why?"
"I wanted one, and so does this group in front of me," I said with a sigh. I stood looking at the group of thirteen year olds.
"Sorry kiddies, were out, what else could I get you?"
"Oh come on! Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Hey, don't get smart, I said were out, were out," I said frustrated.
"Ugh fine, we'll get tour shirts."
I handed the kids their merch and sighed. I wafted threw the rest of the crowd, waiting for it to slowly dwindle down. I was glad when I said goodbye to my last customer and I could finally breathe.
I sat down in the small chair and sighed. "I forgot how hard this was."
"Yeah, I swear you get more muscle hauling boxes then lifting weights," Adam said with a chuckle.
"I'll take your word for it."
"Hey guys!" Gerard said happily walking into the tent. He looked around the boxes for a minute before turning to me.
"You guys going to need any help?"
"No, we got that covered, it's what were paid to do, you sing, we haul," I said with a smile, standing up and grabbing a box. I smiled and started to walk to the merch bus.
The memories still haunted me. The memories resurfaced as I got closer to the looming bus. It was a different bus, different color, different bunks, different everything. But it still felt the same. Frank invaded my mind. The memory of him tackling Kayden came to as I passed the front of the buss to the back cargo hold.
"Are you okay?" Gerard asked pulling me from my thoughts. I shook my head and looked at him.
"Yeah I'm fine, just old memories."
"I see, do you want to talk about it?" Gerard asked lighting up a cigarette.
"No, yes, well, kinda," I said pushing the box into the hold.
"Well whats bothering you?" Gerard asked kindly as he leaned his body against the bus. He lifted his right leg up against the bus in this process.
I leaned onto the bus next to Gerard. "Its just the old memories, I know I didn't know Frank for long, but after he died....these... feelings came out, It was like I had loved him since I was eight years old. It's weird, and corny, but I felt so bad-I still feel so bad, that he died on account of my cowardliness," I sighed looking down.
Gerard's hand made its way to my back, where he rubbed it in a soothing way. "We all loved Frank, and I wish you would realize that it wasn't your fault, and you weren't a coward. You just believed in the good that had disappeared in Kayden. You believed it was still there. That's what makes you, you Charlie, you see the good in people. While we wrote letters your spoke of your cell mate. You spoke of her as if she just stole a sucker from a candy store. You saw the good, you still see the good. I love that in you," Gerard flicked his cigarette to the ground and crushed it with the toe of his shoe, making sure it was out.
"I guess I did,"
"You don't guess you know, Charlie, I love you."
"Like, I like, want like, the one, that like, says, 'Mikey Effin Way,"
"You mean the one that says 'Mikey Fucken Way,'" I said with a sigh.
"Like yeah," The blond said smacking on her gum. I had been dealing with fans like her all day. It made me wonder where the real fans had gone in the past year.
I watched the girl go, swaying her hips. The world still seemed so different to me, it was weird, everything had changed and I felt so behind. The styles were different, in a year skinny jeans became a thing of the past. Baggier, jeans were in now, fashioned with different buttons and such. It seemed everything I owned was out of fashion.
"Hey Adam!" I yelled to the boy next to me. He was tall, standing at 6'3, and had black hair cut short, but still shaggy. He had gray eyes that sparkled in the stage lights. Adam wore a merch shirt, which read 'MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, OFFICIAL MERCH DUDE' in big white block letters. His jeans were still skinny jeans, making me feel more like the old days.
"What Charlie?" He yelled looking behind himself at me, he was currently dealing with an undecided fan, who was testing his patience.
"Do we have anymore armbands?" I asked kneeling down and searching threw some boxes.
"No, we sold out of those in Houston, why?"
"I wanted one, and so does this group in front of me," I said with a sigh. I stood looking at the group of thirteen year olds.
"Sorry kiddies, were out, what else could I get you?"
"Oh come on! Are you fucking kidding me?"
"Hey, don't get smart, I said were out, were out," I said frustrated.
"Ugh fine, we'll get tour shirts."
I handed the kids their merch and sighed. I wafted threw the rest of the crowd, waiting for it to slowly dwindle down. I was glad when I said goodbye to my last customer and I could finally breathe.
I sat down in the small chair and sighed. "I forgot how hard this was."
"Yeah, I swear you get more muscle hauling boxes then lifting weights," Adam said with a chuckle.
"I'll take your word for it."
"Hey guys!" Gerard said happily walking into the tent. He looked around the boxes for a minute before turning to me.
"You guys going to need any help?"
"No, we got that covered, it's what were paid to do, you sing, we haul," I said with a smile, standing up and grabbing a box. I smiled and started to walk to the merch bus.
The memories still haunted me. The memories resurfaced as I got closer to the looming bus. It was a different bus, different color, different bunks, different everything. But it still felt the same. Frank invaded my mind. The memory of him tackling Kayden came to as I passed the front of the buss to the back cargo hold.
"Are you okay?" Gerard asked pulling me from my thoughts. I shook my head and looked at him.
"Yeah I'm fine, just old memories."
"I see, do you want to talk about it?" Gerard asked lighting up a cigarette.
"No, yes, well, kinda," I said pushing the box into the hold.
"Well whats bothering you?" Gerard asked kindly as he leaned his body against the bus. He lifted his right leg up against the bus in this process.
I leaned onto the bus next to Gerard. "Its just the old memories, I know I didn't know Frank for long, but after he died....these... feelings came out, It was like I had loved him since I was eight years old. It's weird, and corny, but I felt so bad-I still feel so bad, that he died on account of my cowardliness," I sighed looking down.
Gerard's hand made its way to my back, where he rubbed it in a soothing way. "We all loved Frank, and I wish you would realize that it wasn't your fault, and you weren't a coward. You just believed in the good that had disappeared in Kayden. You believed it was still there. That's what makes you, you Charlie, you see the good in people. While we wrote letters your spoke of your cell mate. You spoke of her as if she just stole a sucker from a candy store. You saw the good, you still see the good. I love that in you," Gerard flicked his cigarette to the ground and crushed it with the toe of his shoe, making sure it was out.
"I guess I did,"
"You don't guess you know, Charlie, I love you."
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm leaving for vacation Tuesday morning.Comments=Updates