Kill Me I Dare You

I was looking around the tourbus for the last time. The other roadies were already unloading and working on putting the stage together for tonight’s show. I had given Vic my two weeks notice, two weeks ago, and told Gerard last night. It was weird looking at the mess known as home, that it would be the last time I would see it. I would no longer wake up to arguing and the smell of coffee, there would be no smelly George, patiently waiting for us all to get on the bus, and no Sabra flirting with Derrek like a teenage school girl.

I knew deep down that it was time, that I had over stayed my welcome. Stenny begged me to stay, she tried everything. But I didn’t want to be dependent on her anymore, I am a big kid now, I should act like one. I realized how different everything really was, a year changes everything, everyone. Ray barely talks to me, even though he pleaded to get me realesed. It was time to move on.

I descended the big tour bus’s stairs for the last time, the guys were in a line in front waiting for me. Stenny stood at the front tears welling in her eyes. Bob stood next to her, holding her as she cried. Mikey stood next to Bob, then Ray, and Gerard was last. They all had down cast looks on there faces, like someone jsut took away there favorite toy. All except for Ray, he was unnaturally calm, which annoyed me.

“Well, lookes like it’s time for goodbye,” I said looking down, I was desperately trying not to cry. I sniffled and looked up.
“Are you sure?” Stenny questioned me enveloping me in a hug,
“I’m sure, it’s time.”
We held onto each other, not wanting to let go, I reluctantly did, and smiled.

“I’ll call you when I find a new place.”

I gave Bob a hug. “You take care of my nephew and cousin. Alright?”

“Of course I will, keep in touch,” He said patting my back. We broke away from each toher and smiled.

Mikey was sobbing when I came up to him, he rubbed his eyes, and sniffled.

“I owe you a coffee,” I said giving him a smile, hoping he’d get the messgae that this was not truly goodbye.

“Huh?” He asked confused.

“The first time we met, I made you drop you coffee, so therefore, I owe you a coffee.”

He sniffled again, “Oh yeah, I remember, Frankie was there too,” He smiled at the distant memory.

“Take care Charlie,” He said hugging me tightly.

I moved to Ray next, who when I hugged, had less oomph then a pole. I sighed and turned to Gerard, the last person I needed to say goodbye to.

He kept his eyes down on the ground. I could make out tears leaking down his cheeks.

“You saved my life Gerard Way, not once, but twice, I owe you more than I can give.”

“If you stayed I be repayed,” He said looking up, his glassy eyes meeting my own.

“I’d love to Gee, but you know I can’t,” It was my turn to look down, I noticed we were alone, the others going off to prepare for the show. Tears streamed down my cheeks, my facade cracking. Gerard lifted my chin, bringing my eyes level with his.

“Charlie, I love you, and not like some pathetic best friend. I love you like I love live itself, Kill me I dare you! Becuase walking away now will do that.”

I felt another abundance of fresh, hot, salty tears streak my cheeks. “Gee, I love you too, I’ve loved you since you stood up and pled my case, but god, I can’t stay, the others-”

He cut me off by connecting out faces. Our lips crashing into each other like waves in the ocean, I opened my mouthslighly and let our tongues inititate and intence game of tonsil hockey. I could taste tears on my lips as I pulled away.

Gerard and I had our foreheads leaning against each others.

“I love you Gerard, but I have to leave this tour.”

“Then I’m coming with you.”