The Ocean Howls Pain

She took a shower every morning. Even if she got sweaty the day before and bathed right before bed it was the first thing she did when she woke up. Her eye opened – usually before the sun finished lighting up the far wall of her room – she kicked her blankets off, and stood with a deep inhale to stretch. Do yoga, pushups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, punching and kicking until she felt a little frantic. Then into the spray, not too warm. That aggravated her skin, made her itch. Tom once told her she was lucky her body was intact. Probably he was right.

In the quiet she could hear a radio, definitely playing a CD since the stations had long since turned to static or repeated transmissions. Sitting on the bed toweling her two inches of dark hair she halfheartedly listened in an attempt to recognize the band or the song, but it was just background noise. The more pronounced sound of someone cooking came from downstairs and after dressing in jeans and a tank top she went to see who it was in the kitchen, grabbing her bag off its hook as she went.

At first she was put with them so trusted members of the community could keep an eye on her, and one of them was usually up on watch if not going on ‘recruitment runs’. Then they didn’t seem to want Kit to leave so she didn’t. As far as the people of Alexandria went Aaron and Eric appeared least distrustful of her. Aaron was usually the one there in the morning and he always tried to get her to eat breakfast with them, no matter how many times she shook her head.

It was Aaron cooking scrambled eggs on the stove and the smell curled around her stomach, evoking vague memories that she couldn’t quite grasp of breakfast. Mornings somewhere else with a girl that looked like her talking about mice in the tunnels.

When he turned around for salt and pepper Aaron saw her standing in the doorway, jumping and reaching for whatever was close before realizing who it was. Hand over his heart, he smiled and tried to pretend she hadn’t terrified him. She had a bad habit of moving silently and not announcing herself. “Morning, Kit. Hungry?”

Blinking her good eye at him, she focused in on reality and shook her head. “No. Sorry. Just wanted to ask if Deanna needs me to come to the meeting.”

“Well…she didn’t say so specifically, but I’m guessing she wants you there.” The question made a crease appear between his eyebrows before realization dawned. “You were on a supply run, weren’t you? Until last night?” Kit nodded, beginning to look a little perplexed herself.

He had to turn back to the stove quickly to prevent the eggs burning, talking over his shoulder at her. “Eric and I got back yesterday, as well. I guess you wouldn’t have heard about it. We brought in a group. They’re kind of…rough.”

Oh. That would explain why Olivia told her there was going to be a meeting in the morning that everyone had to attend. Usually Kit could skip out on them but it made sense Deanna wanted her to go if they had new people. Rough meant they were from outside. Like she was. “Time for the ‘stare at the freaks’ ritual.” she mumbled, raising a bushy eyebrow at him slightly.

Aaron gave her a look like a disapproving parent. “You know that’s not how it is here. They’ve just seen a lot, and Deanna wants us to help them fit in. We’re not even all meeting them this morning, this is just a sort of briefing for all of us that have been here. Deanna thinks it would be better come at them gently, you know?”

“Mm.” Kit didn’t sound particularly convinced or interested, grabbing a pear off the counter and reaching behind her shoulder to drop it in her backpack. “I’m going to make rounds.”

It sounded polite but not expectant when he asked her to stay for breakfast. “I put pecans in the pancakes.” Aaron tried to entice her. Cracking a half smile for his benefit, Kit shook her head and started walking for the door. “No thanks, Aaron. See you there.”

Outside the sun had more or less risen. Heat was settling on the pavement as people walked out of their homes, some dressed like soldiers and some like schoolteachers. If they spotted Kit walking along the sidewalk with her eyes down some smiled until they were sure she didn’t notice them look away, others just ignored her. None of them waved or spoke to her like they did to each other.

Kit didn’t go out of her way to be unfriendly. In the beginning she made an attempt but they were too wary of her. And it was too hard to act normal. She couldn’t blame them, considering what she looked like when Tom found her and brought her in. Starved to taut skin and brittle bone, feverish, the hole where an eye used to be rank with infection. She couldn’t even tell them her name at first. It was a miracle they didn’t think she was infected and kill her. If Tom were still alive she’d owe him. As it was, no one seemed to have a problem with her being there because she pulled her weight and barely ate anything.

Deanna gave her a job when she recovered just like everyone else. After their ‘interview’ was recorded the former councilperson told Kit to join watch duty. The men usually at the gate quickly decided they didn’t like her and sent her out to sweep the fence on the inside, look for weakness and listen to see what was happening on the other side. Kit liked that a lot better and started walking around the fence every day. Every day they didn’t need her for supply runs with their diminished run group. Deanna hadn’t noticed or she was fine with it, and Kit wasn’t complaining either way.

The grass was overgrown almost everywhere since they couldn’t afford the gas or noise it would take to run a lawnmower, but it seemed tallest around the west side of the fence. Kit practically waded through it, thankful for the long jeans keeping the blades from tickling her and the little black chiggers from biting her ankles. At least the whisper of her sneakers through the green sea was more or less calming. Like most things it made her think of something. She just didn’t know what.

Making an almost complete loop of the compound brought her to a rickety shed – easily the most dilapidated building in Alexandria – where stray equipment that they rarely used was kept. Kit walked behind it where an old tire with a cut-out piece of carpet on top sat, dropping her bag to the ground and dropping onto the tire in the shade of the shack. It was a quiet spot. One where she was usually able to find an hour or two of solitude. The only downside was the view. Just another piece of the fence that she was getting too familiar with.

After a few moments of staring blankly ahead she slipped her hand into her bag, closing around the smooth shape of the pear and pulled it out to roll between her palms. They didn’t always have fresh fruit and the satisfying squish it made when her teeth pierced the skin brought a smile to her face. It was just edging toward too ripe, juicy and reduced to mush in some places. Kit pressed the soft meat to the roof of her mouth, savoring the sweetness before swallowing. She wondered how long she went without food before Alexandria and took another appreciative bite of the pear. She wouldn’t eat anything else until evening. Her stomach didn’t hold very much anymore.

Kit took her time eating, nibbling at the fruit, able to enjoy the sun heating her jeans while her upper half was shielded from burning. Her skin was considerably less vulnerable to the elements than it used to be but there was no sunscreen to spare and her shoulders being pink was always irritating. Though she could hardly recall her own face without looking in a mirror Kit knew she used to have pale skin and freckles. From her head down her arms it was browned now, but she still had the little spots on her knees. There was a scar on her right knee right down the middle, obviously years old. Maybe someday she’d remember.

Speaking of remember, Kit realized she had missed the meeting by an hour if not more. She looked up at the vibrant azure sky and didn’t feel bad about it. Odds were no one even noticed, and if Deanna wasn’t happy about it she’d come find her. Hadn’t happened yet.

Her eye itched and Kit grimaced. That happened periodically and Pete told her he wasn’t totally sure the pain wasn’t psychosomatic. He’d done a great job fixing up the mess left on her face and she was grateful, especially for the black eye patch he’d given her to cover it. Made her look a bit more pirate-y than she ever would have liked, but no one made jokes about it. Maybe the kids, but they didn’t talk to her. Kit didn’t know how old she was and Pete couldn’t make a guess due to the malnourishment she’d suffered, but Kit felt about nineteen. Sometimes she felt fifty.

Pressing a hand over the patch, Kit used the eye she had left to gauge the position of the sun. She’d been spacing out for too long. That could happen. The core of the pear was still in her palm and she let it roll to the grass, licking her fingers clean while she stood and shrugged her bag back on her shoulders. Someone would begin to wonder where she was if she wasn’t seen at least once, so Kit started back for the main road while keeping close to the fence. She didn’t really look for damage. If there was anything wrong she’d spot it right away.

The sound of the gate opening and closing with a screech made Kit jump slightly, reaching for her hip where a weapon no longer sat. She couldn’t remember hearing the gate open earlier but she could have been off in another world. Breaking into a slow, quiet jog, Kit slunk along the side of a building close to the gate to see what was going on.

“—not ready for runs yet!” It was Aiden, his voice distinct from all the times she’d heard him barking orders. He wasn’t happy, walking fast. Kit pressed her hand to the dusty siding of the house and peered around the corner, head turned so her remaining eye had a good view.

It was Aiden and Nicholas and they weren’t alone. For a second Kit was baffled by people she’d never seen before, then realizing they were the new group – a woman in flannel and two men with dark hair, one in a red shirt and one in beige. And they weren’t happy either.

“Pretty sure you got that backwards!” the unfamiliar man in beige said, not looking back at Aiden.

Deanna’s son would use that to his advantage. Grimacing at the rising conflict, Kit crouched down on one knee to keep watching, trying to lessen her chances of being spotted even further.

“Look – we got a way of doing things around here.” Aiden was close to the man’s face now. From her place about fifty yards away Kit could now see the woman in flannel watching, another young man at her side. They didn’t seem worried about Aiden’s hostile attitude. Even from where she was Kit knew the man Aiden was fighting with could handle his own. It was clear in his expression, calm but prepared, almost warning. Even if Aaron hadn’t told her the new people were from the road she would have known then.

Tapping Aiden’s chest with just his knuckles, a gesture that meant aggression was brewing, the man glared back at Aiden evenly. “You tied up walkers!”

“They killed our friend!...We’re not having this conversation. You obey my orders out there.”

Kit pursed her lips. It was stupid macho bullshit like that which made Aiden a weak leader. She ignored him when she could.

Others were gathering. More alien faces, tensed, ready to defend their group member. If he had any sense Aiden would have seen he was outnumbered. Kit’s heart began to pound, knowing a punch was coming from someone. There was one man…dirtier than the others in a leather vest. He paced like a caged animal and Kit was frightened of him. It was hard to focus on just one person.

Aiden’s opponent spoke again, close to smug as he pointed out the obvious. “Then we’re just as screwed as your last run group.”

Fingers clutching automatically at the grass, Kit scowled slightly. Aiden had been running his mouth about the people who died. He had no right. Tom was her friend. She felt angry at the stranger for mentioning him but it wasn’t his fault. When Aiden took a step closer Kit licked her lips, anxious. Hands were fists and it would start any second. Their voices were too soft for her to hear but Aiden pushed the other man. Kit saw Deanna coming before the others did, shrinking closer to the house to avoid detection.

“Aiden!” the leader’s voice snapped like a whip at her son. “What is going on here?”

Kit could imagine the petulant look on Aiden’s face when he turned around. “This guy’s got a problem with how we do things. Why’d you let these people in?”

“Because we actually know what we’re doing out there.”

That was the straw. Kit knew it would be when the man opened his mouth, and Aiden hauled his arm back. Only there was no crunch of a fist colliding, Not at the moment there should have been anyway. About a second later when Aiden fell to his hands and knees there was, and Kit was more than impressed at the counterstrike. But then everything was erupting into violence. She didn’t want to watch. Hearing was bad enough.

Standing up and pressing her back against the house, Kit looked at the fence rather than the fight. She barely heard the gate open over Deanna’s shouts and people grunting, jabbing at each other. Looking over, Kit caught a glimpse of a man in a t-shirt running for the brawl, barking at them to stop just like Deanna was. He was new, too. As was the teenaged boy in a wide-brimmed hat who followed him in, standing near the gate and looking on in confusion.

Kit started to slip away, her back hugging the building just in case. But the boy standing there had reflexes just as sharp as hers, his head snapping in her direction just at the gentle rustle of shoes on grass. Like a deer in the headlights Kit froze, and for a second she thought he might not even see her in the shadow of the house. Then he squinted, staring, and the look on his face made Kit turn and run flat-out back the way she came.

The second he saw her face – deep set brown eye, slightly crooked nose with a scar across the bridge from a break, chapped lips that turned down at the corners, and of course the patch over her left eye – his own contorted. It was hard to tell if it was rage or disgust, but Kit wasn’t staying to find out. Immediate fear gripped her in an icy embrace despite the bead of perspiration that dripped down the back of her neck. She couldn’t believe she didn’t worry about it sooner.

New people who’d been on the outside for some time. Just like she had. Maybe they knew her from before she woke up in Tom’s arms, and if her nightmares were anything to go by - Kit didn’t want to remember.