Villainy

I can pinpoint the exact time in my life that I realized heroes weren't all they were cracked up to be. I entered my favorite coffeehouse and let the door slam behind me when I heard a startled, "Ow!" I had let the door hit the man coming in behind me.

"Sorry," I said, not really apologetic in the least, "I didn't see you coming." Also a lie...

I live in the city. People are rude in the city, so I expected him to flip me off, or snort, or ignore me, but instead he smiled, patted my shoulder, and said, "That's alright. Have a nice day!"

Confusion isn't even the right word to describe how I felt when he said that. Sure, it could've been an empty gesture, but it just felt different. He gave off some seriously strong, positive vibes. I didn't know how to feel! We waited in line for our drinks together, and he started a conversation with me. It absolutely blew my mind.

And there I was thinking, Hey, this guy's not so bad. He's certainly better than me, maybe he could be a hero - just, maybe. I was wrong. I was still so damn naive.

I was at the point where I recognized that I was a villain in a world of people exactly the same, so I got excited. I latched on to this man as if he were the only hope for all of humanity. But, as people who get excited almost always are, I was wrong. This man was no better than anyone else; no better, even, than me. So I married him.

We can't have children. I didn't want to anyway, but it was kind of a big deal when he found out. He cried, and I cried to make him feel a little better, and we discussed our "options", but I vouched for having no kids and in the end, he agreed.

He still doesn't sound all that bad, does he? Well, he isn't. As far as villains go, he really isn't the best, but he's not good enough for antihero material yet either. We went to the movies together the other day, and he said something quite intelligent.

"It's weird," he said as we got in the car, "that the villain always gets caught and reprimanded for their crimes in movies. That's not how the world works. Everyone gets away with the bad things they do." It would've been nice if he had just stopped there. I could have shared all of my understandings with him. It wouldn't have changed much, of course, but it would have been nice.

"That doesn't make them bad people, though," he continued, and that's where he lost me. Bad people do bad things! Everyone does bad things! There's no such thing as a hero! But no, I didn't argue the point. If he's ever going to really understand, he'll have to figure it out for himself.

I suppose he still sounds like the hero at this point. Sure, he's got plenty of character flaws that are pretty easy to see, but it's no big deal. Everyone has flaws, right?

Except maybe they aren't flaws. Maybe people aren't inherently good. Maybe this is exactly the way we are all supposed to be. Frankly, I don't care.