Status: I'm not quite sure where this is going yet.
Villainy
Three.
I wasn't surprised in the least when he told me he cheated on me. The whole kids thing had been a big deal to him, so he found someone who could have them.
I was a bit surprised when he told me he was leaving me for her. Even though it didn't hurt, I still asked him the classic question: "Why? I thought you loved me."
He just shook his head and told me that he needed me out of the house as soon as possible. When I moved into my shithole apartment, I found a note in one of my bags that said, "I thought I did too."
I suppose in his mind, he's still a good guy. Everyone is a good guy in their own mind, unless they've come to the same realizations that I have. Priests think that they are helping people find their purpose and get through life. Teachers think that they are giving children the tools they need to survive. Drug dealers are just giving people what they want.
It's a lot easier to think that you're the good guy who has just made mistakes than to think that you're not necessarily a good guy who does good things sometimes.
I have, in the past, donated blood and given to charity and held doors open for people. It doesn't mean I'm a good person.
When I was in school, I remember something that my psychology teacher taught me called the fundamental attribution error - saying that people are good if they do good things and bad if they do bad things without considering the situation in any way.
I don't believe in good people. I believe in people who have done good things, and I believe in people who do bad things.
I guess I just don't understand why it would such a big deal if we were all born bad. I can live with it, why couldn't other people? They get so obsessed with making sure that others think that they're good that they forget how to try to be good. It's all so petty.
If I asked one of my coworkers if I was a good person, they would stutter. They don't know me, but with as shallow as people are, they would tell me that they thought I was. They would say something about the inherent good of humanity or something like that, and then they wouldn't think about me again.
We lie to ourselves and we lie to everyone around us because we think it will make other people feel good. I think that's stupid. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, so why not let them deal with it?
When I believed in heroes, I searched for one. I was lost; depressed. Everyone I found told me to believe that I had a plan or a purpose.
That's crap, and we all know it. But we still say it.
We tell ourselves and everyone else that there's a plan because if we don't, we don't know what to believe. You know what I think?
We're alive. And that's what matters. I'm alive, so I'm going to live whether there's a point to it all or not.
I miss him.
I was a bit surprised when he told me he was leaving me for her. Even though it didn't hurt, I still asked him the classic question: "Why? I thought you loved me."
He just shook his head and told me that he needed me out of the house as soon as possible. When I moved into my shithole apartment, I found a note in one of my bags that said, "I thought I did too."
I suppose in his mind, he's still a good guy. Everyone is a good guy in their own mind, unless they've come to the same realizations that I have. Priests think that they are helping people find their purpose and get through life. Teachers think that they are giving children the tools they need to survive. Drug dealers are just giving people what they want.
It's a lot easier to think that you're the good guy who has just made mistakes than to think that you're not necessarily a good guy who does good things sometimes.
I have, in the past, donated blood and given to charity and held doors open for people. It doesn't mean I'm a good person.
When I was in school, I remember something that my psychology teacher taught me called the fundamental attribution error - saying that people are good if they do good things and bad if they do bad things without considering the situation in any way.
I don't believe in good people. I believe in people who have done good things, and I believe in people who do bad things.
I guess I just don't understand why it would such a big deal if we were all born bad. I can live with it, why couldn't other people? They get so obsessed with making sure that others think that they're good that they forget how to try to be good. It's all so petty.
If I asked one of my coworkers if I was a good person, they would stutter. They don't know me, but with as shallow as people are, they would tell me that they thought I was. They would say something about the inherent good of humanity or something like that, and then they wouldn't think about me again.
We lie to ourselves and we lie to everyone around us because we think it will make other people feel good. I think that's stupid. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, so why not let them deal with it?
When I believed in heroes, I searched for one. I was lost; depressed. Everyone I found told me to believe that I had a plan or a purpose.
That's crap, and we all know it. But we still say it.
We tell ourselves and everyone else that there's a plan because if we don't, we don't know what to believe. You know what I think?
We're alive. And that's what matters. I'm alive, so I'm going to live whether there's a point to it all or not.
I miss him.
♠ ♠ ♠
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