Bombshell

July was fairly laid back for me. There wasn't much going on at work still so when we weren't busy, Courtney and I spent most of the time planning her wedding. They'd finally set a date of December 31st, exactly one year from the day they got engaged, and Courtney had immediately enlisted me to help her plan, adding me to every single pinterest bored she made. She even asked me to be a bridesmaid and, I admit, I did cry a little but she just laughed at me.

I'd originally thought it might not be very much fun helping plan a wedding when my own love life was still in such shambles, but it actually turned out to really take my mind off of things. Beau and I still texted back and forth every day, but the optimism I felt before I went to Nashville had dissipated. Even though he'd done it unknowingly, James had effectively killed off any hope I had about eventually working out things with Beau. Knowing we weren't ever going to get back together made texting him harder, but I didn't want to lose him as a friend again so I tried to soldier through it every day.

I got a text from him on the first day of August letting me know that he'd be back in Pittsburgh the following weekend. That gave me eight days to prepare myself for seeing him again but it didn't matter because I still wasn't ready by the time the day rolled around. He flew into town on Saturday afternoon but took the rest of the day to get situated back into the apartment he shared with Bortz during the season. That didn't matter because Courtney wasn't about to let me get out of their weekly party anyway, even if it was to see Beau, which I conveniently hadn't told her about yet.

I made my way over to Shadyside around four to help her start getting the food ready and everything else set up. My skirt-crop top-flip flop combo was slightly less than suitable for the usual dress code but being there was the last thing on my mind when I knew Beau was back in the same city with me. Dylan could tell right away that I was distracted as soon as I walked through the door but he didn't say anything to me, instead just gave me some fatherly look of concern. I of course ignored him and went straight to the kitchen to help Courtney with the food she was hard at work trying to prepare. She only briefly glanced up when I walked through the door and she eyed my outfit in disapproval before she went back to stirring whatever was in the big green bowl.

"Can you get those mini quiches out of the oven to cool?"

I nodded obediently and went over to the opposite side of the kitchen to grab an oven mitt from the drawer before sliding the pan out of the oven and setting it on a trivet on the counter to cool for a bit. She looked up at me again as I slid onto the wooden bar stool across the island from where she was standing, still stirring, and I couldn't avoid her serious stare for very long.

"What?" I finally sighed.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing, what's wrong with you?"

Courtney set the spoon in her hand down in the bowl and placed her hands on her hips, giving me an unamused look. "What's wrong with me is that you're lying to me. And you should stop because you're terrible at it."

"I'm not lying, Court. There's really not anything wrong with me."

"But?"

I groaned and dropped my head down to my folded arms which were resting on the granite counter top. "You remember the guy I told you about?"

"You mean your ex boyfriend Beau Bennett, right winger for the Pittsburgh Penguins, who you're still madly in love with and miss like crazy?" I looked up only to shoot her a glare before dropping my head back down again, but she just chuckled. "Don't give me that look. You know it's the truth. You still love him and you miss him and he's all you think about when we're not planning my wedding."

"Okay, thanks, Court," I muttered sarcastically.

"No problem," she retorted cheerfully. "So, what about him?"

"Remember I told you how he stopped by my place back in May and asked if he could see me when he got back to Pittsburgh?" I paused and waited until she nodded her head. "Well he got back to Pittsburgh today."

Her whole face lit up and a sly smirk took over her face as she leaned over to prop her elbows on the counter. "And you're nervous about seeing him again? Because you looooooove him?"

I rolled my eyes at her way too gleeful tone of voice and raked a hand through my dark hair. "Of course I'm nervous. We haven't talked about the break up, like, at all and now we're going to be actually sitting down face to face for the first time since-.....Yeah, I don't know if I can do it."

"Aw, sweetie," she cooed sympathetically as she walked around the island to my side and threw her arm around my shoulders. "He may be your ex boyfriend, but think about how many years he was your best friend before that."

"Yeah, I know, Court but it's still going to be awkward as fuck. He may have been my best friend for a long time but he's also still the guy that basically dumped me a few months ago. It's not going to be easy no matter how I try to look at it."

"And why exactly was it that he dumped you again? You never really told us what happened."

I couldn't tell her the real reason. Aside from being really painful to think or talk about, it was also something that I was hugely ashamed of. All those months ago when the challenge had been planned, I'd been excited about it. I'd thought to myself that so many girls out there would have killed to get to do what I was going to and, on top of that, I was just really looking forward to seeing what each of them could do. Now, looking back on it, I was beyond embarrassed. I found it hard to believe I had actually participated in something like that. Those five guys had all been my friends, people I spent 95% of my time with, and thanks to that one night with them, I'd lost about twenty friends in total. As much as I'd enjoyed myself, it just hadn't been worth it.

I just shook my head instead of answering and slipped out from under her arm as I slid off the stool. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom before people start getting here."

Courtney frowned, seeing my obvious escape ploy, but I didn't stick around to hear a lecture about not lying to her. Instead, I ducked out of the kitchen and went straight to the small but extravagant half bath down the hall. I locked myself inside for a good fifteen minutes, just sitting on the marble floor with my back against the wall and my knees pulled up to my chest as I pathetically wallowed in my own self pity. I knew how ridiculous it was, but I couldn't help it.

Dylan knocked gently on the door, most likely at the direction of his fiancée, and asked if I was okay but I just brushed him off and took a moment to compose myself before I literally picked myself up off the floor, checked my appearance in the mirror, and went back out to face whoever was now out there. A couple of Dylan's friends that I'd met at previous parties were sitting in the living room having a beer when I passed back through there but they only gave nods and smiles of acknowledgment, not interrupting their conversation to greet me.

I made my way back into the kitchen where Courtney had gone back to fluttering all around the kitchen, grabbing measuring cups and serving spoons and milk from the fridge. Another girl sat at the island with her back to me and she seemed familiar but I didn't recognize her until she turned her head and looked over her shoulder at me. She smiled widely and stood up from the bar stool she was sitting on, wrapping her arm around my shoulders in a hug as I approached.

"Audrey, it's so good to see you again!"

"Allegra?" I said dumbly, still trying to process, because if she was invited, then her brother probably was too. And that meant I was going to have to kill Dylan. "I didn't know you'd be here tonight."

"Oh, well it was kind of last minute," she replied, letting me go to sit back down in her previous spot. "We were supposed to be in Barcelona until Monday, but ended up coming back early."

I didn't miss that she said we as opposed to I, but I wasn't about to ask her if he'd come along so I just nodded. Thankfully, Courtney distracted me for the moment by asking me to plate the mini quiches so I was busy doing that when the doorbell rang. It ended up being only a couple of girls from work, but from then on, every time I heard it ring, I got nervous all over again.

It turned out, my nervousness wasn't completely unfounded because about thirty minutes after everyone got there and we started eating, the doorbell rang one more time. Dylan got up from the table to answer it and when he returned, there was a familiar tall blond following him. Ezra claimed the seat that was conveniently left empty next to me and when I looked over to glare at Dylan, he was smirking at me. Asshole.

"Hey, Audrey," he said as he slid into the chair on my left. "How've you been?"

"Can't really complain. You?"

He gave me a tired smile as he unfolded the fancy linen napkin from his place setting and set it in his lap. "Busy. We just got back this morning from a month in Barcelona setting up a new office there."

"How are you even still upright? Jet lag always kills me."

"Dylan asked me to come," he shrugged.

Okay, so that told me that A.) Dylan definitely did need to be murdered, and B.) Ezra was obviously a good friend. He'd just flown all the way back from Spain less than twelve hours before and yet he still showed up at a dinner party just because Dylan had asked him to come. And of course I knew that Dylan had asked him to come because he was going to try to do some sly, underhanded shit for me. While I appreciated that Dylan cared enough about me to try doing something like that, I still kind of wanted to smack him because I'd already told him I wasn't over Beau. And to be honest, I wasn't sure when I ever would be.

I spent the rest of dinner talking mostly to Ezra but also to Allegra, who was sitting directly across from me, and I ended up learning a lot more about them both. Dylan and Courtney were both constantly throwing glances in my direction and if my eyes met theirs, then they'd just give me sly grins. They would whisper back and forth a lot too and I knew they had to be talking about me because they weren't very subtle about it.

After dinner was over, Dylan went with most of the guests back into the living room while I stayed to help Courtney clear the table. I took a small stack of plates into the kitchen and on my way back out, I nearly collided with someone by not looking where I was going. Ezra luckily had better reflexes than I did because he managed to raise the plates he was carrying so that I didn't crash into them and send them flying everywhere when I bumped into him.

"Whoa, sorry. You okay?"

"No, I'm sorry," I replied, shaking my head. "Here, let me take those for you."

I took the plates he was holding and turned to go back into the kitchen and he followed me in. Courtney looked up at the sound of footsteps, a smile sliding across her face when she saw Ezra standing there with his hands in his pockets. "Hey, why aren't you in there with the rest of the guys?"

"I'm getting ready to head out. I'm still running on Spanish time and it's after 2am there."

Courtney made a noise of disappointment and I didn't miss the look she sent me before she walked around the island to give him a quick hug. "Well, I'm glad you could come! It was so good to see you again, wasn't it, Audrey?"

"Huh?"

Ezra glanced over at me with amusement but Courtney just looked exasperated.

"Um, I'll walk you out?" I offered hesitantly but when my blonde best friend smiled at me, I knew she approved. I followed Ezra out of the kitchen and we walked together to the front door. He opened it before he turned back and leaned in to press a kiss to my cheek.

"It was good to see you again, Audrey."

"You too."

"Maybe I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah, maybe," I nodded weakly and he smiled before walking out the door, shutting it softly behind him. I just stood there for a few moments trying to process before I headed back to the kitchen, feeling a headache coming on. "I think I'm gonna head out too actually."

Courtney turned from the sink to look at me with a frown. "Don't go now! It's not even nine yet!"

"I know, I just-....I'm still kind of stressed out about tomorrow and I think I just want to go home and get in my bed."

"Are you angry at us for inviting him without telling you?" she asked quietly. "Is that why-"

"No, Court, I'm not mad," I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Really, it's just this whole thing with Beau's got my nerves pretty much shot and I just need to be alone for a little while."

She frowned again but quickly wiped her hands on a dish towel before coming over to hug me. "Okay, well text me when you're home safe. And call me after everything tomorrow if you want. I'm always here to talk."

"Thanks, Court," I said, giving her a quick squeeze before letting her go completely. "Tell Dylan bye for me."

I barely even remembered the drive home but somehow I got back to my apartment and I went straight inside, putting some fresh dog food into Cleo's bowl before I went into my room to strip off my clothes and climb into bed. I spent nearly the whole night tossing and turning, unable to sleep knowing Beau was in such close proximity and I'd be seeing him very shortly, but I eventually drifted off as the faint glow of early morning began to shine in my bedroom window.

It was only a few short hours before my phone buzzed against my nose, wedged between the pillow and my face. I rolled over onto my back with a huff of protest from Cleo, who was curled up next to me, and blindly reached out to grab it, eventually squinting my eyes open against the sunlight that seemed way too harsh.

are you free today? wanna come over?

I wasn't sure going over to Beau's apartment was an especially favorable idea considering it was the same exact location we were in when we broke up, but I was dying to see him again. At this point, I didn't care where it happened. I replied, telling him I'd be over in about an hour, which gave me enough time to make myself look at least halfway decent.

I took a quick shower then halfway dried my hair, letting it dry the rest of the way on its own as I applied some light makeup. It took me a good fifteen minutes standing in front of my closet to decide what to wear before I eventually just settled on some pastel colored jeans and a flowy tank top. I wasn't sure exactly sure how far I should go because I was definitely trying to impress him but I also didn't want to seem like I was trying too hard.

I was ten minutes past my hour time frame when I finally walked out my front door and I sent a quick text of apology before I pulled out of my usual parking spot and headed across town to Beau's apartment. Once I pulled into the parking lot of his building and parked, I just sat there in my car for a few moments, trying to take calming breaths. It was kind of stupid for me to be so nervous considering everything that had transpired between us in all the years we'd known each other, but I couldn't help it.

I eventually got out of my car and walked up the stairs to his door, pausing once again to gather up the nerve to knock. Only a few seconds passed before it opened and then I was standing in front of him again, after a long summer of waiting. He looked beyond good in a fitted heather gray tee shirt and jeans, his blond hair freshly cut and a warm smile on his face. He took a step backwards as he greeted me, moving back to give me room to walk past him into the apartment and I tentatively stepped inside, looking around to find that absolutely nothing had changed since I'd been there last.

"Want anything? A drink or-"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks."

He nodded and followed me into the living area where I sat down in the lone chair and he sat down in the middle of the sofa across from me. We just sat there kind of staring at each other for a little while, neither of us really sure what to say. We both knew we needed to talk things out before we tried to move forward, no matter what the capacity of our future, be it friends or more. Things had never been so awkward between us and I really hated it. I couldn't stop my leg from bouncing nervously and my fingertips were drumming against my thighs as I chewed on my bottom lip.

"Look, Audrey," he started suddenly, clearning his throat as he broke the tense silence. "I was a jerk. What happened....i-it was.....I fucked up, ya know? I was jealous and I overrreacted."

I shook my head. "If the roles were reversed, I would have been upset too."

"But you would have at least been fair to me, and I wasn't to you. I already knew everything before we started dating and I shouldn't have let it get to me after. You even stopped hanging out with our friends because of me and then I still-....I screwed up. I screwed up big time and I'm sorry."

I didn't really know what to say. I was surprised obviously and there were so many different thoughts whirling around inside my head that I wasn't sure which one to focus on. My mouth had other plans though as I just blurted out, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he nodded with a little shrug.

"You told them all that I cheated on you?"

His eyes fluttered closed for a moment at the crack in my voice and he let out a heavy sigh before he looked back up at me and shook his head. "I didn't, no, but when that was the story that got passed around, I just-....let them think that."

"You know, I'm not sure what hurts more-- the fact that they could believe something like that about me after knowing me for these past few years, or that you didn't defend me when you heard what they were saying."

"I know I made it worse," he muttered, rubbing his hands roughly over his face. "It was just...easier, I guess, than having to tell them the real reason why. They kind of just let it go a lot faster that way."

"I guess I understand how correcting them would've made things harder for you," I decided, sniffling. Thankfully, no tears had actually fallen yet even though my eyes did feel a little misty. So I was pretty much a big baby. I couldn't help it.

"That wasn't a good enough reason, Audrey. I shouldn't have let them say that shit. It wasn't even your fault, it was mine."

"No, but it was my fault. I'm the one who started the whole thing with that fucking challenge."

"If I'd just told you how I felt to begin with then that wouldn't have ever happened, but I didn't. I let you do that challenge, and I let you go because I couldn't get over it, and then I let my teammates talk shit, unchecked. I was a shitty boyfriend and an even shittier friend."

I shook my head at that because minus that whole challenge/break up thing, he'd been the best boyfriend I ever had, and he'd always been my best friend, even when we weren't speaking for those few months after everything went down. "I guess we both made some pretty stupid mistakes."

"I know I did," he chuckled.

"Do you, uh....do you think we could....try being friends again?"

He raked a hand through his hair and smiled hesitantly. "Actually, I was kind of hoping we could try being more than friends again."

"Seriously?"

"That surprises you?"

"To be honest, yeah kinda. I mean, what happened still happened. Are you-....are you really okay with it?"

He sighed. "Audrey, I've spent these past few months thinking about it 24/7 and it doesn't even come close to mattering anymore. I mean, I'm still not like thrilled about it or whatever, but I realized being without you sucked way more than anything else did. I'm not gonna let that happen again."

"You're sure?"

"Definitely," he nodded, licking his lips and smiling.

I felt my face break out into a huge grin and I got up from my chair to lunge forward onto the sofa and throw my arms around his neck in a hug. He immediately pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around my body, hugging me to him and I swear I never felt happier in my entire life. The feeling of having his arms around me again was indescribable and I was pretty sure I could die happy right there.

He laughed when I started peppering his entire face with kisses and he reached up to slide one hand around the back of my neck and pull my lips down to his. And I thought I missed him holding me. Him kissing me was on a whole other level that I didn't even fully realize how much I could miss it until it was happening again and I never ever wanted to not be able to kiss him. He broke the kiss and instead pressed his lips to the pulse point just below my ear. I knew he could probably feel how fast my heart was beating and I tried to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down a little as I gently raked my fingers through his hair. He continued his way down my neck to my shoulder and then my collar bone.

"I missed you so fucking much," he mumbled against my skin but I just tugged on his hair and he let out a groan as he tilted his head back so that I could press my lips to his again.

I was quickly getting lost in the smell of his cologne and the softness of his shirt as I balled it up in my fists against his chest and the way his mouth felt moving with mine. He carefully shifted me a little in his lap and then I felt his fingertips slip under the hem of my tank top. He didn't try to do more, just kept them there resting on my hips, but I was kind of afraid of how much I was enjoying the feeling of his rough hands on my bare skin. If I didn't stop it, then it wouldn't be long until we were down the hall in his bedroom doing something we might end up regretting jumping back into so quickly.

I broke the kiss and slipped my hands up either side of his neck, my thumbs stroking against his jaw as I leaned in to peck his cheek. "I don't want to risk fucking this up again."

"Yeah, you're right," he nodded, reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "C'mere."

He pulled me back into another hug and I dropped my head down to rest on his shoulder, my face nuzzled in the crook of his neck as he wrapped one arm around my waist and stroked my hair with his free hand. I guess the tossing and turning all through the night before, coupled with the steady rise and fall of his chest and the complete and total warmth and safety I felt, made for a perfect mixture. I'd never felt so content in all my life and the combination of my feelings with my surroundings were very easily succeeding in lulling me to sleep. My eyes felt heavier and heavier until they eventually slipped shut and my fingers stilled against his sides where they'd been tracing invisible patterns but just before I slipped fully under, I felt him press a kiss to my forehead and then he said the words I'd been longing to hear from him for months.

"I love you, Audrey."