Parts of Me

It was a small wedding. We didn’t want a huge one, just something with our closest friends and family. When I saw Dakota for the first time in her dress, my heart all but fell out of my chest. She looks incredible. I can’t believe she’s settled for an average guy like me; lucky doesn’t even begin to describe the way I’m feeling right now.

Her long blonde hair was in waves down her back, which to her word was bare from her dress. It was an open back dress, but completely tasteful. I keep telling her that she hardly looks thirty, but for some reason she doesn’t believe me.

Now back at the reception in my parents’ backyard, I sit with my wife as we watch our guests dance and mingle, all under the gorgeous Arizona sky. My wife. My Mrs O’Callaghan.

“I can’t believe it took us so long to get here,” Dakota chuckles as she leans into me.

I lean back in my chair, my arm firmly around her shoulders. “We finally made it.” I laugh as I lean in to kiss the side of her head. “You look beautiful, darlin’. I don’t know how I managed to keep such a doll like you for so many years.”

“I think it has something to do with the pet names,” she teases before looking out to the dance floor. “Mesa and Kia look so cute, don’t they? Mesa really looks like you.”

Looking in the same direction as her, I spot my oldest son dancing with his girlfriend. He did look a lot like me, and Kia had similar features to Emily. Same hair colour, same build…it’s almost like looking into the past. I’m sure I took Emily to a wedding once or twice when we were dating.
Since the incident a couple weeks ago, Mesa and I had spoken very little about it. I grounded him and had a firm talking to about his behaviour. He was no longer allowed to drink without my permission or supervision; AKA he’d not be drinking until he was twenty-one. I gave him a chance (hardly) and he blew it. I also grounded him for the way he spoke to me. I didn’t tell him it hurt, just that it was inappropriate. He’s been happy and supportive of Dakota and I, especially with Dakota as the date of our wedding got closer, but when it’s just him and I…things always seem to get awkward. It doesn’t help that he’s failing two of his classes at school.

So we’re not in a good place at the moment, which has been at the forefront of most of my thoughts for the past couple of weeks, overruling the wedding.
I know Dakota’s noticed, and I hate myself for letting it get in the way of our day, but it’s hard not to think about when it’s between me and my son. Somehow, she’s managed to convince me to postpone our honeymoon. We’ll take it at the end of the year, or when Mesa and I have cleared things up. I don’t think I could trust him if I went away. That party was the last straw. Since then he hasn’t been to another one. Not of my knowledge, anyway. Trusting Mesa is getting harder and harder as we become further from one another. I’m only stricter on him than I am with Phoenix because I worry about him. I don’t want him to get drunk and do something stupid. With Phoenix, I don’t have to worry, he’s not the one that’s going out to parties and drinking all night. The fact that they’re twins has nothing to do with who they are- they’re completely different people.

I feel Dakota pull me from my chair. “C’mon darlin,” she coos, “try not to think about it. This is our day…just relax, yeah?”

I sigh as I stand, pulling her into my arms. “I’m sorry-“

“Don’t apologise, I completely understand.” She nods supportively as she wraps her arms around my waist and looks up at me. “You have a right to feel the way you do.”

“I just wish it wasn’t on my mind on our wedding day.” I chuckle sadly.

“Baby…” she sighs, bringing my face down for a kiss. “I don’t like when you’re not happy over the boys and today is a day that you deserve to be happy. Look how far you’ve come. Don’t get me wrong, I’d do anything for those two, but today is about you, babe. It’s about us. It’s about celebrating our love and I don’t want you thinking about your problems with Mesa for at least a couple hours. Focus on us.”

I look down at her, my appreciation growing. “I love you.”

“I love you too, darlin’. Now call me your wife and ask me to dance.”

Wife. God I was so happy with that.

“How’s the newly wed?!”

I look up and laugh as Tim, Jared and Eric bombard me; my oldest of friends. They all slap me on the back as I sit at the bar in my parents’ backyard, having just had one of the best conversations of my life, with my father. Him and ma are really happy for Dakota, and me and more so that I’ve finally moved on and found someone I want beside me for the rest of my life. I’ll admit, I’m pretty happy too.

“Pretty fucking good, man,” I laugh as they take a seat around me.

“I fucking love this open bar, man.” Tim comments as the boys order us all a scotch. “Reminds me of the good old days.”

“Oh come on, we’re not that old.” Jared chuckles, shaking his head.

“Uh, I’m in my forties with three kids. We’re pretty fucking old.” Eric states.

“Dude I have no idea how you kept your men swimming.” Tim mutters. “You should quit while you’re ahead.”

“Oh trust me, I’m getting plenty of head.” Eric scoffs.

I roll my eyes. Everything and nothing has changed. “Can we not talk about your sex lives?”

“Hey, I never said anything about my non-existent sex life.” Tim claims, raising his hands.

“Once a week is not non-existent.” Jared scoffs. “Try once a month-“

“Yeah? Once a blue moon after we had Miles. All I get is blow jobs and-“

“Mr Halvorsen I hope you’re not taking those blow jobs for granted.” A soothing voice speaks over my shoulder. Long, tan arms find their way around my shoulders.

I can’t help but laugh, placing my hands over Dakota’s as they rest on my chest.

“I mean they’re great but-“ He whispers, before being cut off by Dakota once again.

“You do know that everything you say right now will be reported back to your wife when she gets me drunk later.” Dakota smirks, raising an eyebrow at Eric.

Eric scowls, shooting her an accusing look. “Were you this mean before you married my best friend?”

“Of course, baby.” Dakota smirks as she kisses my cheek and hails the bartender for a drink. “Pink lemonade, please.”

The boys cheer her on, leaving me astounded at the fact that I’ve married this girl. Like, for real. I’ve really made this crazy, passionate loving woman my wife. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.

“I’ll catch you boys later, be good.” She nods, before heading off to mingle with our guests. I’ll be sure to join her just as soon as I finish up with my boys.

“So, I don’t see Em around here.” Eric smirks at me.

I roll my eyes. “Are you twelve years old? Because you act like it.”

“Have you spoken to her lately?” Jared asks sensitively. “Y’know, considering her history with these kind of ‘big moments’.”

“She’s fine,” I nod, taking a sip of my drink. “Really. We met up for lunch during the week. She’s happy for us, there’s no feelings between us so there’s no problems. Plus she’s focusing on herself right now, especially after what happened last year.”

“It feels like that was a whole other life ago, when you were with her- before the kids.” Tim comments.

Eric nods in agreement. “Definitely. This is by far the best way it could have turned out.”

“I agree.” I nod. “Back then I wouldn’t have believed you, I didn’t think I’d survive without Em, but now I don’t think I could survive with D. And I mean that, y’know? She’s been everything for me since we met. When the boys were six.”

“Dude…” Jared mumbles, his eyes widening.

“What?” I frown in confusion.

“It took you ten years to marry her!” Jared burst out into tears of laughter. “I can’t believe you pussied out for ten years!”

Rolling my eyes, I can’t believe I hadn’t seen that coming. Although, I didn’t even realise how fast the time had gone. Ten years. What a great ten years it’s been, through all the hard times and struggles I’ve face with the boys, Dakota has stood by me through each and every one. She’s been the one I can lean on and I’m so grateful for her.

“Really dude,” Tim chuckles once their laughter subsides. “Aside from that, we’re happy for you. You’re happy, so we’re happy. Congrats, man.”

“Cheers to that,” Eric nods. “To John!”

“To John!”

Yeah, here’s to me.

Not long after my chat with the boys and some mingling with a few of our guests, I find Phoenix sitting at one of the tables around the backyard, aimlessly looking out at everyone dancing in the middle of the yard on the temporary dance floor.

I take a seat beside him, loosening my tie.

“Hey kid, you alright?” I ask softly.

Looking up at me with a smile, Phoenix nods. “I’m good.”

“So why are you sitting all alone at the table?” I ask curiously. “Some of your friends are here, you should be hanging out with them.”

“Yeah I know,” he hums, “I just wanted to take a few minutes.”

“What’re you thinking about?” I question as I sit back in my chair.

Phoenix shrugs and leans back into his. “This. All of it- I remember when we were little, and we would talk about what it would be like to have a mom,” he begins, surprising me and taking me off guard. “And what it would be like to have a full family, y’know? Then when you met Dakota, we got really excited because finally we got our mom, y’know?”

I’m touched by his words and I know Dakota would be too. “You guys felt like that?”

Phoenix nods. “Mesa was always going on about how you were going to marry her one day and we’d be this happy family. Of course we already were happy, but we thought that moms were these magical things that knew how to do laundry and bake cookies and give you sweets when you hurt yourself. That’s what Aunt Ash always did for us anyway, but then when she got her baby we didn’t know what to feel. Because now she was a real mom, to someone else. I know it’s all little-kid-logic, but to us…having a mom was everything. That’s why we pushed you to marry Dakota, because we didn’t want to lose her. We also knew how happy she made you so we wanted you to stay happy. I guess now that it’s all actually happened, it’s weird because Mesa and I aren’t the same, close little kids that we used to be.” He finishes.

So I’m not the only one feeling distant from Mesa. It really is sad how far apart the two of them had grown. I was hoping they’d always be close for one another and always have their backs. I know Mesa’s going to need Phoenix when he doesn’t want to come to me about certain things, no matter how much I want him to.

I miss my baby.

“He’s told me he’s happy for us, but he’s been kind of closed off about it.” I admit, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what to think. You know that we haven’t been close since what happened last year, Phe.”

Phoenix nods understandingly. “He took it a lot harder. I guess I understood where you were coming from and I mean, that was years ago. I know you’d never do that again, we’re a lot more stable now. But Mesa…I don’t know, I think it spooked him. He’s always felt things a lot more than I have, dad.”

“I always thought you were the more sensitive one,” I admit. “I always told him to look out for you and take care of you when I wasn’t there.”

“He always has, even though we don’t really talk to each other.” Phoenix admits.

“He’s not talking to you?” I frown, unaware that they’d reached that level.

“Maybe a couple times a day at the most,” He shrugs, “But we talked today, obviously. He’s happy for you, dad. He’s just…still going through shit, I guess. He’s a lot moodier, and to be honest, he’s kind of an asshole.”

“Phoenix,” I scold, shooting him a look. “Don’t talk about your brother like that.”

“It’s true, you know it is.” Phoenix mumbles.

I know Mesa’s been moody, but I wouldn’t call him an asshole- I wouldn’t call either of my kids an asshole. It’s hard accepting that Mesa’s just going through something he won’t tell me about, but I would never badmouth him just because of it. I have to support him, no matter what.

As the night goes on, I spend most of my time with my arms around Dakota. I probably sound like a broken record but I’m so grateful for her and everything she’s done for us. More importantly, she gave me a chance. I love this woman with everything I have and to know that she feels it all in return is indescribable. I know I took forever to show her, but I couldn’t’ rush it, not after what happened with Emily.

“Dad?”

I look up from my spot on the left side of the dance floor. Dakota was in the bathroom and I was waiting for her to find me again so we could go for a walk together.
I’m thrown off a little when I become face to face with Mesa.

“Hey kid,” I nod, not knowing how he wants me to react.

He stands beside me and we look at the dance floor in front of us. I see Phoenix hanging out with Mia and a few of the other kids. The boys were close with them to the point where they were basically extended brothers and sisters. I’m thankful that they get on so well together, we all are.

“I hope this isn’t too boring for you.” I joke, nudging him in the side.

He shakes his head, not finding my humour amusing. “It’s not boring. I’m happy for you guys, you know that.”

“That means a lot, Mesa.” I nod, taking a sip of my beer. I notice him eyeing my drink but I don’t offer him any. He’s still technically banned and an event like this won’t change that. “Kia looks pretty.”

Mesa nods, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah. She does.”

“So you guys are pretty serious, then?” I ask, hoping his somewhat good mood will allow him to open up to me a little.

Nodding again, he looks a lot more serious than before. “She’s important to me. I know you probably think she’s-“

“I don’t think anything negative of her, Mes,” I inform him before he has time to throw an insult my way. “If she makes you happy, that’s all that matters.”

“She does.” Mesa agrees quietly.

“I’m glad, kid,” I say as I squeeze his shoulder. “As long as you make her happy and you treat her well, you’ll be fine. You never know, she could be the one.”

He shrugs, taking a sip of his soda. “Who knows. You thought mom was the one.”

“Mesa-“

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” he sighs, rolling his eyes. “I’m just saying- when do you ever really know?”

I look over at Dakota as she emerges from the restrooms with Ashley by her side, the two laughing and smiling. “It’s hard to explain, but…you just know. You might not feel it right now, but you could later on. You might not feel it with Kia, but just love her the best you can, Mes. That’s all you can do.”

We stand with one another in a comfortable silence until Dakota approaches us, her long blonde hair swaying over her shoulders. She looks incredible in her dress, I almost lost it when I saw her for the first time.

“How are my favourite boys?” She beams as she wraps her arms around Mesa. “Did you make sure to tell Kia how gorgeous she looks tonight?” Dakota teases him.

Playfully rolling his eyes, Mesa nods. “Of course I did.”

Dakota lets out a dramatic sigh. “What I would do to be your age again. I wish I could wear dresses like that.”

Mesa sends me a weird look. “Does she realise how hot she is?”

“Mesa!” I scold, “that’s your stepmom!”

Dakota laughs, shaking her head. “I’ll take that as a compliment. I guess you’re my favourite now, darlin’.”

“I guess that evens the playing field.” Mesa smirks at me. He’s convinced that Phoenix is my ‘favourite’ no matter how many times I try to tell him that I don’t have a favourite. How could I like one of my kids more than the other? It just doesn’t make sense.

“Anyway, I’m going to go find Kia. I’ll catch you guys later.” Mesa waves as he heads off amongst the crowd.

Wrapping my arms around Dakota, I pull her into me. “That went surprisingly well.”

“It did,” she chuckles, kissing me sweetly. “See? Take things slow, it’s just a phase he’s going through. It’ll get better, babe.”

“I hope so,” I hum into her hair. “Now, how about that walk? I could use a breather.”

Pulling my hand, Dakota leads me out of the backyard and down to the side garden of my folks’ house, away from the lights and music of the party. They owned a big property which they bought after they moved out of the small family home we grew up in. My old mans’ company is still going strong and after all these years he was finally able to by ma her dream house. She didn’t care where they lived, because for her, knowing that he’d worked so hard to make her happy was more than enough. I hope I’m able to do that for Dakota when we’re their age.

“You look stunning, D.” I tell her as I follow closely behind her. “Incredible.”

“I’m glad you liked the dress,” she chuckles, sending me a wink.

I won’t lie; feeling her bare skin as I have my arm around her for most of the night has been one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt.

“No, I like you.” I tease, squeezing her hand as she stops me in the garden path. “Seriously, I can’t believe we’re married. You’re my wife, Mrs O’Callaghan.”

Tears fill her eyes and she laughs them off, trying to hide it. “Stop it, you’ll make me cry!”

“Aw darlin’,” I chuckle, bringing her back into my arms; where she belongs. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe it- I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be this happy.”

“Yeah?” She hums softly, looking up at me. “I think this is a day we’ll never forget.”

“I never want to forget it.” I tell her quietly as I rest my chin on her head. “It’s one of the best days of my life.”

“And why would that be?” Dakota chuckles as she pokes my chest before looking up at me. Her eyes are glistening with the joy of happy tears.

“Because I just made the woman of my dreams into my wife. We’re family, baby. This is our family.” I whisper as I lean my forehead against hers.

She takes my hands and places them on either side of her flat, yet firm abdomen. “Baby, this is our family.”

My jaw drops. Is she saying what I think she’s saying?

“I-I-we-“

Dakota nods, tears rolling down her cheeks. “We’re having a baby, John. Our family is getting bigger.”
I’ve said time and time again that I don’t want any more kids. But hearing those words escape from between her pink painted lips, I can’t think of anything more perfect. I’m already in love.
I don’t know what to say, so I hold her close to me, letting the joyful tears slip down my face. I don’t care if I’m the unmanliest of men right now; I was going to be a father for the second time. We were having a baby.

“Is-is that okay?” She whispers softly, wiping her eyes.

I pull back and kiss her deeply. “More than. This is perfect.”

“I know we both didn’t plan for this-“

“Dakota,” I chuckle, “Darlin’, it’s okay. We can do this.”

“I love you, John,” she murmurs, looking up at me. “I can’t imagine doing this with anybody else.”

“I love you so much, D. Nobody has ever made me as happy as you have- I didn’t even think that was possible.” I mumble, looking in her eyes as I press my forehead back against hers.

“I know it was hard for you- through everything you’ve been dealt with in this life, I’ve never appreciated you more than today,” Dakota tells me softly. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met and it makes me incredibly proud to be loved by you- to call myself yours.”

“Darlin’, if you’re mine, I’m yours.”

I was on my way to becoming whole again.