The Last Goodbye

“What do you mean you’re moving to Madrid?” my mother asked as we continued to set up the hotel room in anticipation for Melisa’s hen party.

“I mean I’m moving to Spain mom. I got a job offer and this is a perfect time for me to start my life over” I explained as she went of in rapid German asking herself where she went wrong with me.

After a week of trying finding the ‘right time’, I finally faced the situation as I decided to tell my parents the news about my new move and job offer. They were not exactly over the moon about it but my dad accepted my reasons for wanting to leave Germany permanently while my mom could still not wrap her head around what I had just said.

“Why do you have to leave? Is it because of Marco and Melisa? I’m sure you can work things out. Please Dani don’t leave me” my mother pleaded as I finally stopped moving and looked at her.

“Mom I’m not leaving you, I’m just moving away. I’ll come back and visit you. I promise” I compromised but her tears started to fall.

“It’s not the same. You’ll be so far away and I’ll never see you. You’ll forget about me” she began to list as I rolled my eyes. “And what about marriage, you could find a Spanish boy and marry him in secret and we’d never know” she continued on.

“Mom I’m pretty sure that I wont be marrying anyone let alone a Spanish boy so you can stop worrying about that” I confirmed to her before turning around and putting the finishing touches to the room.

“What does that mean?” my mother snapped as I finished cleaning.

I shrugged before sitting down and finally looking at her.

“It means I don’t dream of getting married. I’ll fall in love and have kids but I don’t want to tie someone down to me forever” I explained as she look at me with sympathetic eyes.

“Why would you look at marriage as being tied down? It’s about reaffirming your love and showing your commitment to each other” she reasoned but I shook my head no.

“Maybe for you mom but for me the idea has changed. I just feel that some people are obligated to get married and settle with the one they are with – even if they don’t love them. Ok maybe there are some feelings of affection there but because of mistakes they made, they need to adjust their plans and settle for the life they created” I explained as my mom shook her head.

“Is this what you feel is happening between Melisa and Marco?”

“No mom, it’s just what I feel. I’m positive Marco loves her otherwise why would he be marrying her?” I whispered out without looking my mom in the eye.

“Do you still love him?” she asked as she lifted my chin so I could look her in the eye.

“What does it matter now mom?” I answered as I shook her hand off my face and looked out the window,

“Wow it only just hit me how much I have failed you as a mother. In my constant encouragement of Mel to go after whatever she wanted, I neglected to think how it would affect you. Now here you are, watching the only man you have ever loved, get married to your sister. What have I done?” she cried as I held her in comfort.

My mom was right. Ever since we where young, she had always pushed Melisa to give everything when she wanted something. There were times we would both want the same thing but because Melisa was the ‘princess’, I would always have to compromise so she could get what she wanted.

That continued on to now because as adults, she had gotten the one thing I had truly loved and no matter how much it had hurt me, I still gave in to her without a fight.

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m sorry for never thinking how things would affect you” my mother continued to apologise as she dried her tears. “I promise I’ll be a better mother to you from now on and trust me when I say that somewhere out there is a boy who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. I love you baby so much” she assured as she kissed me on the cheek and repeatedly apologised.

As my mom and I shared our first heart-to-heart conversation since I hit puberty, I realised that she was right. Even though Marco was - according to me – my greatest love, it didn’t mean I wouldn’t love again.

I would, in time find the right man for me. A man that loved me for me, someone who would think I was enough and that may not happen in the next few days but I would wait until the right man came into my life so I would allow myself to be completely swept up in the idea of forever with the right man.