You're My Mission

I pulled the gauze off one of Bucky’s gunshot wounds in silence, though internally I was marvelling at how much he had healed since yesterday. Bucky had refused to talk to anyone since we had returned to the Red Skull’s base. I couldn’t blame him. What he had seen was crushing to us all.

Aside from the shattered glass where Falcon had thrown the Captain through windows in order to rescue me, the building hadn’t really suffered any damage during the fight. But the contenders had. Blood littered the room, touching all surfaces in such immense amounts it was terrifying. Afterwards we were told that the blood was a mixture of Steve’s and an unknown person, but the question of whether or not a super soldier could survive such blood loss hung over our heads. No one could find the Red Skull’s body, or Steve’s. Even Tony, with all of his resources, couldn’t track them down.

Fury came in after Maria’s urgent call and he was the one who officially declared Steve dead. He weighed up the facts: Steve had insisted on fighting alone, the incredible blood loss, how he didn’t return to us, and that his shield was left behind. The logical conclusion was that Steve was gone, and Bucky didn’t know how to react.

I rubbed some antiseptic cream across Bucky’s wound but he didn’t even react to the stinging sensation I knew he was feeling. He was staring at Steve’s shield, which Tony had cleaned the blood off and polished, and I knew his heart was aching. We had been in a meeting with the rest of the team, trying to figure out how to reinstate SHIELD to protect people once again, but Bucky couldn’t cope when Steve’s demise was brought up and he had silently left the room. Fury had ordered me to follow, and now I sat before him in one of the many lounges in Tony’s Avengers tower, the urge to make him talk becoming an itch I couldn’t scratch. I sighed as I began redressing the wound, and Bucky finally looked across at me.

“You don’t have to be here,” he said in a quiet voice. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that his first words were trying to get rid of me. “You should go and discuss SHIELD with the others.”

“I’d much rather be here with you,” I replied.

As I finished bandaging the wound I recalled exactly when Bucky was shot there: when he was escorted into the room where I was a hostage. I shivered at the thought of how close Bucky had come to being brainwashed again, but calmed when I reminded myself that Bucky had been acting with Clint’s help the entire time.

“You know, I was really worried I was going to lose everything I have with you,” I confessed, staring at my hands that now rested in my lap.

“Why? I would never leave you, you mean so much to me,” Bucky promised. His bandaged fingers slid into my lap to comfortingly hold my hand.

“I thought you were going to be brainwashed, that you were going to forget what we have together and- it really broke my heart,” I continued, hardly believing that I was actually getting choked up. I gulped to try to rid myself of the tears that were welling in my eyes and I hung my head, hoping to have blonde locks shield my expression from Bucky.

“I wouldn’t have let them. I would’ve held onto your image in my head until it was the only thing I could remember,” Bucky vowed with such determination and emotion it made my heart leap. Cool metal caressed my jaw and gently lifted my gaze until I met Bucky’s pale blue eyes. “I went into that building raising hell because I was on a mission, and that mission was you. I didn’t care who or what stood in my way because I wasn’t going to fail.”

Uncertain of how else to react to Bucky’s sweet words, I leaned forwards and buried my face in his neck while wrapping my arms around his torso. Bucky responded positively, curling his arms around me to hold me closer, and I finally felt him radiate warmth for the first time since Steve’s disappearance. His hands gripped my waist and lifted my hips into his lap, also shifting my face away from his neck so he could place a kiss on my cheek.

“I know Clint sort of cut me off earlier, but I wanted to tell you…” Bucky began, pausing to take in a deep breath. “I love you too, Jennifer.”

I didn’t really know what I was expecting Bucky to say, but that had been the last thing on my mind. It had actually slipped my mind that I had recklessly declared my love for him earlier, before I had even mentally acknowledged it myself. But hearing Bucky admit that he returned those feelings made me feel as though a missing puzzle piece had clicked into its place deep inside me. The initial raw shock was quickly overrun by a gratifying affection and the corners of my lips curled upwards. I rested my nose against Bucky’s for a couple of seconds, pausing to gaze into his eyes before I pressed my lips firmly against his.

It was easy to stay in that moment, surrounded by Bucky’s tender love, but eventually Bucky backed away. He gave me a smile but I noticed the depression sinking back into his eyes.

“You’re going to be okay,” I said while I rubbed his back. Bucky winced, clenching his jaw and letting his pained eyes wander. They settled and enlarged, so I glanced over my shoulder to see that he was staring at Steve’s shield again. As I opened my mouth to provide him with comfort, Bucky grasped my waist and slid me off his lap so he could stand and walk over to the shield. He lifted the rare metal and stared at it for a few seconds before he turned the shield around and slid it onto his arm. His lips tightened and he gulped to rid himself of some of the tension before turning and looking up to meet my eyes.

“It’s a perfect fit, like the uniform,” Bucky announced softly. “I can do this, for Steve.”

I opened my mouth to protest, to say that he didn’t have to take on such a huge responsibility, that it wasn’t his duty to follow in Steve’s footsteps, that I would rather he stayed safer by not wearing such a huge target on his back, but I didn’t speak. I knew exactly how much it would mean to Bucky to go into battle holding that shield as his own, so I gave him a smile instead.

A flicker of motion in the doorway caught my eye and I looked over. Fury was loitering and watching Bucky stare intently at the shield, but then he met my gaze and gave me a nod. I realised that I had finally completed my mission. I had retrieved the Winter Soldier from Hydra’s merciless grasp and recruited a new hero for SHIELD. Bucky was what the world needed right now, and he was everything I needed too.