You're Kind of Gangster

I'm midway through a sentence when he looks up and I regret moving any closer. I lose my train of thought as he averts his gaze but makes no move to back away.

We sit like that for almost no time before the waiter comes to take our order for drinks. We jump away from each other, and I nervously run a hand through my hair as I tell him my order, my eyes never leaving the menu.

When the waiter leaves, it becomes awkward. I fiddle with the corner of my paper so I don't have to look up at him. Then, my phone begins ringing with a call from Sam.

"Hi, Sam. What's up?"

"Can you come back to the house?" I glance at Ean and see he's playing around on his phone while I'm busy.

"Uh, I'm tutoring right now. He has a calc test on Tuesday I'm trying to get him ready for."

"It can wait. You're needed here right now, Shailene. Other things can wait."

"I'm needed here too, Sam."

"Just come home. You can see your friend later. It's important and I don't think you would want to miss this."

"Okay." I hang up without a goodbye. "Sam needs me back at the house. It sounds pretty urgent."

Ean looks up. "I can give you a ride?"

"That's not necessary. I can just walk," I say as I pack up my stuff quickly.

He puts a hand on my bag to stop me. "Just let me drive you back. I still need help with this stuff anyway." I glance over his still blank piece of paper and remember his pure confusion when I tried to explain the lesson to him.

"Okay. But I don't think Sam will be too keen on letting you in the house."

-

"Just come in, I guess. I don't want to just make you sit out here. If Sam says anything just ignore him."

We walk up the stairs to the porch together, and I open the door, leading Ean into the kitchen where Sam waits with another person.

"What was so urgent that you needed me right now?" I call, interrupting their conversation. The guy Sam is with turns around and I recognize him instantly. Beau.

He gives me his signature crooked smile as he rises from his seat. But nothing else is the same as when he left. His hair is shorter and more blonde than before. He's ditched the leather jacket that I always questioned before I knew just what he was, and he's swapped it out for a flannel and a baggy pair of sweatpants which cover his tattoos.

He's attempted to revert back to the untouched Beau, the Beau I knew before he met Max and Will and the others I never knew. Though anymore, that Beau is only a vague memory.

"Hey, Shai."

That hits me hard when I've finally adjusted to Ean calling me that. I can see from the corner of my eye Ean's confused look when Beau uses his nickname.

"Hi," I manage. His smile falters when he realizes I won't come running to him.

I'm not sure what to do in this situation. My brother vanished from existence, and didn't even bother to call me or text me or anything. And now, he's back in my world again, expecting everything to go right back to the way everything was when we were different people. That seems so ignorant to me: for him to just expect that I'm okay with everything that's happened.

I blink back the tears and find Ean right by my side, giving me a sideways glance I read as support. I have to hold back the grateful smile.

"Beau-"

"Who is this?" he cuts in, directing a hard look at Ean. He must have noticed when Ean moved over towards me.

I go to say something else and ignore his question but I'm beaten to the punch. "I'm Ean. Shai is tutoring me."

I can see the fire behind Beau's eyes ignite. "Ean? Ean Gallagher?"

"Did I fucking stutter?"

Beau really loses it after that. He lunges for Ean, landing a punch in his gut. Ean doubles over, in obvious pain, more than I saw when Matt hit him there during one of their scraps. It doesn't take long, though, for Ean to get back up and retaliate with a fist to Beau's face. They scuffle for a minute, throwing a couple more punches to the face before I can get between them without getting hit too.

"What the hell?" I scream, pushing myself between them. I seem to have become the referee for a boxing ring anymore. Sam comes between the two guys to back me up.

Beau answers me between labored breaths, wiping roughly at the blood gushing from his lip. "Do you know who this is?"

I sigh. "He's in with Will and Max, I know. Trust me, I know. But I signed up to be a tutor and I was assigned him, so I can't just leave him hanging. And he's doing well. Beau, I can't let him fail when he's trying."

Beau pushes past me and comes face to face with Ean. "So what? You've changed? Gone soft?" I can see Ean ball his fists, anger flaring. But it's too intense to only be about this. There has to be some underlying tension I missed.

"Fuck you."

Beau laughs. "No denial, I see. That's too bad that the group has to lose another member. And their new little superstar at that."

Ean's about to go for his throat before Sam gets to him first and holds him back.

"Fuck you! You know what their plan is, you asshole, you're just patronizing me!"

"What plan? You mean Will's delusion that I'm their Messiah? I'm not going back to that. That's why I left, you dumbass."

"Beau, calm down."

Beau's anger turns to me. "Just stay out of this, you have no idea what you've gotten in to!"

"I know exactly what I've gotten in to. With no help from you I might add!" I yell, the tears winning their battle as they cloud my vision. How dare he think he can just come back out of the blue and believe he knows everything!

He softens when I say that, but I'm already halfway out the door with Ean trailing closely behind. I furiously swipe at my eyes in a pointless attempt to stop the tears. "Hey," Ean calls softly from behind me. I keep walking out to his car, ignoring him. He grabs my hand, stopping me, and pulling me into a hug.

It's awkward in the beginning as we both remember what happened at the diner earlier. But it works itself out as I throw my arms around his midsection.

“What were you talking about back there? About their ‘plan?’” I say into his chest. Ean sighs and holds me tighter, closer to himself.

He doesn’t answer, but I know it doesn’t matter at this point. Beau isn’t going back to that. He needs to prove not only to everyone in this town, but himself, that he still is the Beau Caron that was adored by everyone. But I was right; the Beau I knew is long gone.