‹ Prequel: Calm Before the Storm
You're Kind of Gangster
Ean
She pulls away completely from our hug, assessing any damage her brother did. I can feel the blood still trickling down from my nose, and I’m not confident that he didn’t break it.
“It’s not bad,” she says, as if reading my thoughts. She reaches for my face and I pull back.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m checking to see if it’s broken.” My brows knit together. “I took athletic training and I’m around hockey players all the time, I think I know what a broken nose looks like.” She reaches once again for my nose and I don’t back away this time. Nudging it gently and smiling sympathetically at my wince, she seems to be looking for something. “I don’t think it’s broken. It’s barely swelling at all,” she declares. “I don’t know what you want to do about stopping the bleeding, though.” I pull at my sleeve so it covers the heel of my hand, then press it under my nose, remembering I’m supposed to tilt my head back slightly to stop the bleeding. “You deal with that blood on your sleeve then, because we still have to prep you for calculus.”
-
I pull into the library parking lot and blindly follow Shai to the front desk where she stops to talk to the ladies behind it. They make conversation for a few minutes before she says goodbye and leads me towards a sign in the back designating the study area.
She picks and empty table and grabs two chairs, setting them next to each other, then takes one. As she waits for me to sit down and get ready, she grabs her calc textbook and a blank sheet of paper, copying down a problem from the book. “Just try this so I can see what we really need to work on.”
I stare blankly at the word problem in front of me, not knowing what to do with any of the information given to me. I find my thoughts wandering, and make no attempt to stop them from going to the events earlier, especially what happened outside Shai’s house after the fight. “Ean, are you just thinking or are you even here?”
I glimpse up at her and notice she’s put more room in between us compared to before at the diner. I drop my pencil, “There’s no point in even trying. I’m never going to be able to get all this before Tuesday."
“Well, it’s a good thing it’s only two o’clock, because you are passing this test.”
-
I drop my head into my crossed arms, sighing. “My head hurts. Can we give up now?”
“That was only one lesson, Ean, we still have another one.”
“Not fucking happening,” I say, forgetting to whisper. The dirty looks I get quiet me back down.
“Yes, yes fucking happening,” she counters, being sure to keep her voice down.
-
I slam the paper on the locker next to Shai’s after school on Wednesday, causing her to jump. “I got an 81! An 81, Shai. I fucking got a B!”
She looks between the paper and me for a second before she flings her arms around my neck, practically beaming. She’s proud of me, and I let the grin consume my face as I hug back. Then, I notice Matt and Jo awkwardly averting their gazes.
Shai lets me go, only to look over my test. I look around awkwardly, unsure what to do. I can feel the death stares now being sent from Matt and Jo.
"That's amazing, Ean, really, but don't think this gets you out of today," she says, laughing. I try to think of something smooth to say, but she catches me off guard.
"O-okay."
"Just let me get my stuff then we can go to the media center."
"Lene- can we talk for just a second? Alone?" Matt cuts in, scowling at me. She nods and follows her friends as they slide down the hall out of earshot.
I can't hear a thing until the end when I can tell it becomes more heated. Matt has to be yelling at her for trusting me. I honestly can't blame him after all the shit I've done. Jo mediates the discussion, stepping between the two of them when one's ready to kill the other. Shai seems adamant about how I've changed.
That brings a sense of relief. She believes in me.
By the end, Matt calms down enough to trust her, and his scowl at me is just a fraction less as I turn to follow Shai.
"Do you have all the books you need? For all your homework?"
"All?"
"I had your teachers give me all your assignments that are due tomorrow or the day after. So there's no getting out of it." I groan. "Just be thankful your English teacher forced you to take the SAT before Christmas. Otherwise we would have a shit load more to do. Speaking of- you got all your applications out already, right?" she asks as we walk into the media center and sit down at a table across from each other.
"...When are they due?"
"Ean! At least tell me you got teachers to do recommendations."
"I tried that, I really did, but only two of them agreed."
She huffs, shaking her head. "Where are you applying?"
"Anywhere more than a thousand miles away." A year ago, everything was different: I was confident I wasn't going to go to college. I probably wouldn't have gotten in anywhere at that point, so I thought why even bother? Plus, I believed I had an entire reputation to build and maintain here once I passed my initiation into the group. Now, I'm a replacement, but I have someone to support me in Shai.
It takes a second for her to respond. She looks like she was thrown off by what I said. As she begins to say one thing she stops and shakes her head. She must figure out something better to say. "Specifically?"
I think about it for a second. "Well, when I was still playing hockey, my dream school was probably Boston University. I wanted to be the next Jack O'Callahan," I recall with a faint smile. Then I remember everything else. "But that's clearly not happening."
"So what was your second choice then?"
"Michigan State?"
"Is that far enough away for you though?"
I get frustrated with all her questions. "Why does it matter all of a sudden where I go to college? You act like I'll be able to even get in." She shrinks back and the guilt sets in. "Shai-"
"I'm sorry I want to see you succeed and win a national championship and get away from everything for a while."
"Shai- Shai I'm sorry," I plead, reaching for her. She pulls away from me. "Come on, I'll print out my applications and you can help me with not sounding like a moron."
-
Once we've gone over what I should write for my applications and finished all my homework, it's well past eight. Shai bangs her head on the desk. “I have so much stuff to do, fuck my life.”
“I’m sorry, Shailene, but it will have to wait until you get home. We’re closing up the media center for the night," the librarian says, walking over to our table. As I look around, I notice we're the only ones left.
We walk down to the parking lot together after we pack up and Shai calls Sam so he knows to clear Beau out of the house. They haven’t spoken since our fight Sunday night.
When we get outside, Shai groans and heads down the sidewalk instead of following me to my car.
“Shai?” She doesn’t hear me so I have to yell for her the second time and she turns around. “If you think I’m letting you walk home in the dark you’re crazy.”
She smiles sheepishly then jogs to catch up with me. “Thanks,” she mumbles when she reaches me.
“It’s not bad,” she says, as if reading my thoughts. She reaches for my face and I pull back.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m checking to see if it’s broken.” My brows knit together. “I took athletic training and I’m around hockey players all the time, I think I know what a broken nose looks like.” She reaches once again for my nose and I don’t back away this time. Nudging it gently and smiling sympathetically at my wince, she seems to be looking for something. “I don’t think it’s broken. It’s barely swelling at all,” she declares. “I don’t know what you want to do about stopping the bleeding, though.” I pull at my sleeve so it covers the heel of my hand, then press it under my nose, remembering I’m supposed to tilt my head back slightly to stop the bleeding. “You deal with that blood on your sleeve then, because we still have to prep you for calculus.”
-
I pull into the library parking lot and blindly follow Shai to the front desk where she stops to talk to the ladies behind it. They make conversation for a few minutes before she says goodbye and leads me towards a sign in the back designating the study area.
She picks and empty table and grabs two chairs, setting them next to each other, then takes one. As she waits for me to sit down and get ready, she grabs her calc textbook and a blank sheet of paper, copying down a problem from the book. “Just try this so I can see what we really need to work on.”
I stare blankly at the word problem in front of me, not knowing what to do with any of the information given to me. I find my thoughts wandering, and make no attempt to stop them from going to the events earlier, especially what happened outside Shai’s house after the fight. “Ean, are you just thinking or are you even here?”
I glimpse up at her and notice she’s put more room in between us compared to before at the diner. I drop my pencil, “There’s no point in even trying. I’m never going to be able to get all this before Tuesday."
“Well, it’s a good thing it’s only two o’clock, because you are passing this test.”
-
I drop my head into my crossed arms, sighing. “My head hurts. Can we give up now?”
“That was only one lesson, Ean, we still have another one.”
“Not fucking happening,” I say, forgetting to whisper. The dirty looks I get quiet me back down.
“Yes, yes fucking happening,” she counters, being sure to keep her voice down.
-
I slam the paper on the locker next to Shai’s after school on Wednesday, causing her to jump. “I got an 81! An 81, Shai. I fucking got a B!”
She looks between the paper and me for a second before she flings her arms around my neck, practically beaming. She’s proud of me, and I let the grin consume my face as I hug back. Then, I notice Matt and Jo awkwardly averting their gazes.
Shai lets me go, only to look over my test. I look around awkwardly, unsure what to do. I can feel the death stares now being sent from Matt and Jo.
"That's amazing, Ean, really, but don't think this gets you out of today," she says, laughing. I try to think of something smooth to say, but she catches me off guard.
"O-okay."
"Just let me get my stuff then we can go to the media center."
"Lene- can we talk for just a second? Alone?" Matt cuts in, scowling at me. She nods and follows her friends as they slide down the hall out of earshot.
I can't hear a thing until the end when I can tell it becomes more heated. Matt has to be yelling at her for trusting me. I honestly can't blame him after all the shit I've done. Jo mediates the discussion, stepping between the two of them when one's ready to kill the other. Shai seems adamant about how I've changed.
That brings a sense of relief. She believes in me.
By the end, Matt calms down enough to trust her, and his scowl at me is just a fraction less as I turn to follow Shai.
"Do you have all the books you need? For all your homework?"
"All?"
"I had your teachers give me all your assignments that are due tomorrow or the day after. So there's no getting out of it." I groan. "Just be thankful your English teacher forced you to take the SAT before Christmas. Otherwise we would have a shit load more to do. Speaking of- you got all your applications out already, right?" she asks as we walk into the media center and sit down at a table across from each other.
"...When are they due?"
"Ean! At least tell me you got teachers to do recommendations."
"I tried that, I really did, but only two of them agreed."
She huffs, shaking her head. "Where are you applying?"
"Anywhere more than a thousand miles away." A year ago, everything was different: I was confident I wasn't going to go to college. I probably wouldn't have gotten in anywhere at that point, so I thought why even bother? Plus, I believed I had an entire reputation to build and maintain here once I passed my initiation into the group. Now, I'm a replacement, but I have someone to support me in Shai.
It takes a second for her to respond. She looks like she was thrown off by what I said. As she begins to say one thing she stops and shakes her head. She must figure out something better to say. "Specifically?"
I think about it for a second. "Well, when I was still playing hockey, my dream school was probably Boston University. I wanted to be the next Jack O'Callahan," I recall with a faint smile. Then I remember everything else. "But that's clearly not happening."
"So what was your second choice then?"
"Michigan State?"
"Is that far enough away for you though?"
I get frustrated with all her questions. "Why does it matter all of a sudden where I go to college? You act like I'll be able to even get in." She shrinks back and the guilt sets in. "Shai-"
"I'm sorry I want to see you succeed and win a national championship and get away from everything for a while."
"Shai- Shai I'm sorry," I plead, reaching for her. She pulls away from me. "Come on, I'll print out my applications and you can help me with not sounding like a moron."
-
Once we've gone over what I should write for my applications and finished all my homework, it's well past eight. Shai bangs her head on the desk. “I have so much stuff to do, fuck my life.”
“I’m sorry, Shailene, but it will have to wait until you get home. We’re closing up the media center for the night," the librarian says, walking over to our table. As I look around, I notice we're the only ones left.
We walk down to the parking lot together after we pack up and Shai calls Sam so he knows to clear Beau out of the house. They haven’t spoken since our fight Sunday night.
When we get outside, Shai groans and heads down the sidewalk instead of following me to my car.
“Shai?” She doesn’t hear me so I have to yell for her the second time and she turns around. “If you think I’m letting you walk home in the dark you’re crazy.”
She smiles sheepishly then jogs to catch up with me. “Thanks,” she mumbles when she reaches me.