You're Kind of Gangster

I show up early to the rink since Shai said she would ride with Matt and Jo like normal. I sit in my car for a few minutes, and as it's been for weeks, my thoughts wander to Shai. I stare at myself in the rearview mirror. The bruising under my eyes from Beau's punch makes me look like I haven't slept in months. "Get your shit together, Gallagher. She's just a girl. You've dated plenty of girls before, and gotten farther with all of them."

But maybe that's what makes me nervous about her. I've never really dated any of the girls I've been with. And Shai doesn't have any interest in any of the things I'm used to a girl wanting from me. She's my friend first and she hasn't made any move to romanticize our relationship since our kiss.

It's been a day, I need to calm down.

It may have only been a day since we've kissed but we've known each other for months, even if we haven't always been on the best of terms. She might be the one who actually does know the most about me now, I've let her in the most. That has to be why I felt okay with kissing her last night. I can trust her completely; she's given me no reason not to be able to at this point.

After I check the boards for the rink assignments, I head to rink two where the guys will be practicing. I take a spot in the last row in the bleachers and prop my feet up on the row in front of me. I think about pulling out my phone, but I want to impress Shai when she comes so I pull out a textbook and piece of paper. God, I know I'm in deep when I'm doing homework to impress a girl.

As I look out on the empty ice, I remember all the practices and games I had on this rink. I sigh and begin thinking that maybe Will and Max aren't the best idea. I'm only temporary to them and the group. It’s only a matter of time until they find another replacement. And everything that they've ever done for me has been in their best interests. If it benefited them, they were all for it.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” I snap out of my thoughts when Shai climbs up the stairs to sit with me.

I smile as she puts her backpack on the other side of her so she can sit right next to me. "Yeah. Never better." And I mean it this time.

She grins. "Okay. Oh! I almost forgot. I think I left my jacket in your trunk when you drove me home last night because I can't find it."

"You want to go check?" I ask, holding up my keys.

"What is going on with you? You're giving me the keys to your baby and you're okay with me going out there alone?"

"I'm fine. But if you hurt her, then I'll go off."

"There's the Ean I remember!" She snatches the keys from my hand and kisses my cheek. "Thank you!" she calls, rushing down the stairs and out the door. I feel my face heat up even after she's gone. Last night wasn't a fluke. The sappy grin overtakes my face as I sit there in silence for a couple minutes.

"Gallagher, what're you doin' here?" I turn to face the voice and see Coach Kelly. He's surrounded by all of the guys and Jo dressed in their gear.

"Uh, I'm here with Shailene. She's tutoring me."

"The sessions are on Wednesdays. Why are you really here?" Matt calls through his cage. It takes me a second to find him in the mob of red and white.

"I invited him, Matt," Shai responds tersely without missing a beat as she walks back into the rink with her coat. She tosses me my keys when she's halfway up the steps with a grateful smile.

Coach shrugs a response, letting it go, then opens the gate for the guys to get on the ice behind him. I get a couple of nods and waves from the guys as they filter on to the ice, and that only makes me feel worse about my decisions that forced me to abandon my team.

I look over to Shai and see she’s already started her work. I go to pick up my textbook from beside me, but as a few of the guys start a joking shoving match, I’m enthralled.

"Gally!" I look over and see Matt's hanging out of the door to the ice, yelling at me. "Get out here!"

"I don't have any gear?" I call back. Matt's sudden friendliness worries me. No one's dared to call me Gally since I was a sophomore. Shai couldn't have convinced him that quickly that I've changed. But maybe he's been told from more than one side.

“Aren’t your skates in your trunk? I thought I saw them when I was out there," Shai says from beside me, not looking up from her book. She gives me an encouraging smile, stopping for a second to look at me.

"I don't have a cage, though."

"I have my other helmet for away games in my bag, cage and everything. Our heads are probably still the same size, eh?" Matt says with a smile.

"I'll be back, then, I guess," I relent, swinging my keys on my finger as I stand. Shai's beaming as she races down the steps before me to get Matt's other helmet from the locker room.

"You got a stick and gloves?" Matt asks as I come down the stairs.

I nod, "Taped and all." I only kept what I deemed essential when I quit: stick, gloves and skates. I had my helmet, but Max found it early on in my trunk when I left it in there and went down to the wharf. He mangled the cage, and cracked the helmet countless times as a way to show me who I belonged to.

I come back in with my skates in one hand, my stick and gloves in the other. Shai's waiting for me by a bench outside the door to the rink. "I'm proud of you," she says as she sits down next to me.
When I’m done tying my skates, we both stand and she hands me Matt’s helmet. I can’t help the grin as I walk to the ice.