You're Kind of Gangster

I take my time going back to my seat, watching Ean get reaquainted with not only the guys, but the ice itself. It's been a couple years since he's set foot on the ice, and I can see it in his stride. It's full of rigid, quick movements as he works his way to center ice. But, he's welcome back literally with open arms. He gets several bumps and hugs from the guys, and I can almost see his entire body relax when a fight doesn't break out.

When I get back up to my stuff, I decide homework can wait. I pack up Ean's stuff and then mine, then bring the bags to the other side of the rink to the team bench. Jo comes over when she's done with the first drill of practice. "It's like he never left," she comments as she leans against the boards. I watch Ean go through the drill with Matt, and by the end, they're jokingly shoving each other around like best friends again. I can hear their laughs over the chatter.

When I turn back to Jo, she's smirking. "What?"

"You were looking at them a little too long, there. Now, I know you can't be giving Matt that attention." I nod in agreement. The two of us had that discussion freshman year when I first met Matt and thought he was a godsend. "So, spill. What have you and Ean been up to when we're not around to chaperone?" I blush. She seems to understand that, yes, something has happened, but I don't want to talk about it just yet. "Don't worry. I won't tell Matt."

As Matt and Ean get back in line, something occurs to me, "Do you think this is too drastic?" Jo's brows knit together. "I mean, do you think that if all of a sudden, we're...hypothetically of course, together, and he's skating and doing his homework, he's not genuine?"

"You tell me. You've been tutoring him for months. Do you think he could change at all?"

She can't wait for an answer as coach calls everyone together.

-

The next day, Matt drives me home from school. “I’m coming inside,” Matt announces.

“No no no. Ean’s already gotten a busted nose because of Beau, and I know you’re going to start something.”

“I’ve already decided.”

“What happened to treating Lene like a big girl?” Jo interrupts. Matt stops short of pushing his door open with a look of defeat.

He turns around in his seat. "Fine. But I want you to call one of us. Call me, Jo, hell, even call Ean if Beau starts shit. Okay?"

"Okay. Bye, guys," I get out of the car with my bag and walk up to the door. As I'm getting my key, the door swings open in front of me.

I look up and see Beau. I shove past him and make my way to the stairs. "Shai- before you run away, can we talk like civilized human beings?"

"There's nothing for us to talk about."

"I miss my sister. We see each other but you don't smile at me, you don't talk to me. I'm lucky if you string three words to me together without yelling at me."

"I'm not dealing with this right now, Beau."

"Well I am."

I pause on the first step. "Look at that. You're being told that your feelings don't matter and you should just get over it. Wow, that sounds familiar," I can hear my sarcasm transition to anger. "And now you want answers. Well, I'll talk when you're ready to."

"I'll talk." I turn back around and see Beau's climbing the steps after me. "I'll never be ready, but I'll talk."

-

"Shai, I'm just scared for you. Ean, if he's anything like Will and Max, has to have some ulterior motive behind all of this," Beau starts as he sits down at the dining room table. I sit across from him and think back to practice this afternoon. "You keep insisting he's changed, but I don't think you understand why he's changed."

"He hasn't been hanging out with them for a while," I defend.

"Do you really think they're going to just let him go? They're going to come back for him."

"I don't want to hear about this, Beau. Now you're just avoiding what you said you would tell me. I'm not a little freshman in high school. I'm almost eighteen."

He sighs. "What do you want to know?"

"Where'd you go when you left?"

He pauses. "Sam rented me a place in St. Paul out in Minnesota. What else?"

"You left because of the bust, right?"

He nods, "Sam wanted to get me out of dodge and let me get my head back on straight, so he rented me the place St. Paul and kept me there until I got everything back together."

"But you couldn't even say goodbye?"

"I didn't think you wanted me to. I thought that you figured out that I kept everything from you before, and you wanted nothing to do with me. I guess I was right. But that's no excuse for vanishing like I did. Trust me, I missed home and I hated having to live like none of this happened. But I'm over the manipulation from Will and Max, and I'm over being just a piece in their plan. I thought that going away like that would be good for everyone, but I guess I've been wrong about a lot of things, huh?"

I nod. "But you're back. And you're trying, right?" When he agrees, I get up to hug him. He stands too and pulls me into his chest. "Okay," I pull away from him, wiping my eyes. "That was enough for tonight. I’m exhausted, so I’m going to bed."

I pick my backpack up from the bottom of the steps, then head upstairs, leaving my bedroom door open.

-

A couple hours later, just as I’m about to get into bed, my phone starts ringing. "Hello?" I answer without looking at the caller ID. I rub at my eyes to try to keep myself awake for a little bit longer.

"Hey." It's Ean, but he sounds off. "Shai?" he asks when I don't say anything else.

"Oh- sorry I'm like half asleep. What's up?" He giggles- giggles like a little girl. I look at the clock, it's well past midnight. "Ean? Are you alright?"

He doesn't answer and I think about asking where he is, but I don't think I want to know. "I think I'm going to do something bad." His words are slurred. I realize he's drunk.

"Ean, where are you?" I think he's about to answer, but before he can, there's a muffled yell and I think I hear Ean drop his phone. It doesn't sound like any damage was done to the phone, the impact was soft. Like he dropped it in the sand. “Ean?” Someone must pick up the phone and hang up, because the next thing I hear is the dial tone. "Beau!" I yell, sprinting down the stairs.

I find him on the couch in the living room, watching TV. He turns to look over the back of the couch so he can see me. "What's up?"

"It's Ean."

"What about him?" he asks, tensing.

"I don't know. He just called me and he sounded drunk and he said he's going to do something bad and I think he's with Will and Max-"

"Whoa, Shai, slow down. He was drunk and he called?" I nod. "Then what?"

"I thought he sounded weird, like he wasn't himself, you know? And then he started giggling and slurring his words when he tried to talk. He said he was going to do something bad, then he must have dropped his phone. But it didn't sound like it was bad, it sounded soft, like sand or something."

"Like he's at the wharf." He sighs, settling back into the couch. "There's nothing we can do." I look at him, furious. "There's one of us who can go down there and do anything, and I doubt you want to get Sam involved because Ean's broken some laws if he's drunk with them. Track him down tomorrow. That's all we can do."

-

As I meet up with Matt and Jo the next morning, I can't decide whether to find Ean or let him do his own thing for a few days. He said he was going to do something bad, whatever that means- but I don't think I want to know if I can avoid it. Beau told me to track him down, but I know how fragile his change was, and how quickly he can probably go back to being a punk.