Anger Is a Gift

As I sat down on the cold toilet seat, I hung my head between my knees. Oh god, the dizziness. Could it not just go away? The lovely buzz that was filling me was great, but the walls kept coming my way. They seemed to be moving quicker than I could avoid them. My head hanging there, between my legs, I felt the world swaying beneath me. Luckily I did not feel any gulfs of nausea arising. That was something, right?

Maybe drinking is not really your thing Ava, maybe you should try all the other stupid stuff.

My mind drifted towards my anger, had I really almost hit a guy? A guy twice my size and not as intoxicated as me? What had I been thinking? I tried to reason my motives but my mind would not work with me. My inebriation was keeping me from analyzing anything. It was keeping me from getting to the bottom of my sudden found violence.

I raised my head again. I did not need to pee. I had only tried to escape the bodyguard that had been following me. Who the hell was he? I looked around me. The small toilet stall was plastered with adult posters. Probably torn from mutliple playboys, hustlers and such. As I inspected the exposed women, I got a smile on my face. What was it with guys? They fell for boobs and asses, but didn’t really know they would fall for any female creature that presented themselves? Guys were shallow and I knew how to work them, or at least my intoxicated mind felt like I did.

Opening the stall without flushing, I walked out, into a crowded hall. No place was silent and calm in this college party.

How hard can it be to lose a guy in this place? I hadn’t even finished the thought as my eyes locked onto his. He stood across the toilet door, his shoulders leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. Dammit!

“You didn’t flush,” he said and I turned my head towards the little room I emerged from and realized I actually didn’t.

“Nope, didn’t go. I was hoping you weren’t desperate enough to keep waiting.”

“Guess I am.” The guy pushed himself from the wall with his foot and walked over. “Ready to go home?”

Home? His or mine? I didn’t understand where he was coming from, but my mind was not yet recovered. Or maybe it just needed some more alcohol. I wasn’t sure. Slowly, my eyes took him in. As people moved along us, bumping against me and my Prince Charming once in a while, I let my eyes travel his appearance. He was a bit taller than me, and considering I was wearing the only heels I owned, he was pretty tall. I guess my friends would have called him ‘tall dark and handsome’? He had this mysterious but gentle face, surrounded by dark curls and his stature was athletic. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe it was just him, but he was kind of gorgeous. Maybe some more drinks would make him even more pretty?

Let’s see if this Prince Charming has a dark side too.

“Drinks first,” I said, a little devilish smile playing on my face. I don’t know if this was me, or this was the alcohol, but I wanted to play with him some more. Who knew, I might even let him take me home. I had been so good for so long, I could be a bit bad now. I wanted to be all kinds of wrong. Taking him home, that would be at least one kind.

“You’ve had enough.” He wanted to grab my hand again, but I retracted before he could.

“All work and no play makes….you...a dull boy,” I teased him, already turning to find my way to some alcohol. I was done with beer, it had given me a great buzz, but I craved for something more. I craved for something my mum had hidden in the kitchen sink, right next to the cleaning supplies. I longed for something that she drank in the cups of her good china. And I longed for careless physical joy, maybe this weird boy could indulge me.

“Ava! Don’t...” He said, following me through the crowd. Bodies bumped against me but somehow I did not feel it. In the corner a couple were exchanging saliva. I had watched multiple couples go up the stairs tonight, you didn’t need a vibrant imagination to understand what the upstairs was for.

“How do you even know my name, weirdo,” I said without turning my head as I kept stumbling towards the bar. Grabbing ahold of one guy’s shoulder, I pushed myself forward through the crowd. My blond hair was sticking to my neck, the sweat making it humid.

“You told me a few hours ago,” he said. Did I? Did I speak to him before? I searched my mind, during my stumble, but the memories were faded and incoherent. I did not know. Maybe I had, maybe I hadn’t. I couldn’t be sure, but what did I care anyway. I had reached the bar again, it was quite professional, with a tender behind it and everything. Multiple bottles stood on shelves behind the bar, and I knew right away which one I wanted. My hand steadying myself against the bar, the annoying handsome guy caught up to me. He stopped behind me, putting one hand upon the bar next to mine and I felt his body behind me, making sure I could not fall?

“Well, what was yours? I don’t seem to remember, or you never told me.”

“Kayden.” It was a short answer but he had been short and kind of cool the whole time, so why did I care?

“Well Kayden, we are going to have some shots. Tequila.” I gestured to the bartender and he lined up four shots, next to it lay a bowl of limes. I loved tequila. I did.

“You are not drinking any more alcohol.” He sounded like my dad. So dull, so strict. All I wanted to do tonight was defy him. My dad. This guy. I wanted to rebel, like I had never been able before.

“Oh no, I’m not. You are.” I handed him a shot, holding it out in front of him. Slowly waving it in front of him, making it sway on the movements of the world below me.

“I am not drinking that,” he said. He looked at me, with those strong eyes, a little crease between them.

“Don’t be a downer, if you don’t drink it, I guess I will.” I moved the liquid to my lips, Oh I did love tequila and I was not to be held accountable for my actions. I was drunk already and I loved being this persona. I loved finally being able to break these restrictions I’d been feeling. Always being the good girl, studying hard, shutting my eyes to the faults of my family. I never spoke up, and suddenly I could. I was rebelling and this guy was going to help me. The tequila touched my lips and just before I could throw it back into my throat, swinging my head to the back, he stopped it. His hands covered mine as he snatched the shotglass from my hands. His head was soon thrown back as he emptied it.

“Deal,” he said as he wiped his mouth clean. “After, I’m taking you with me.”

Sucking on the lime that was meant for him, a smile crept upon my face and my eyes glistened. “I was counting on that.” Turning around to truly face him, one of his hands still beside me pushing against the bar, I took the second shotglass into my hands.

“Only three more to go, and I will leave with you,” I said. He took the shotglass into his hands, and threw this one back as well. His face wrinkled as he squinted from the alcohol traveling down his throat.

“Great, this is the devil’s drink,” he said, a little grin appearing on his face. It was boyish, but with the alcohol influencing me, he did look like more of a man.

“You never drank before?” I asked him as he emptied the third glass. His head shook a ‘no’. This guy was unbelievable. A student that never tasted tequila, I even had a drink of it. The goody-two shoes had had a sip of the devil’s water.

“Last one,” my eyes squinted from the lime I ate. He took it from me and I daringly neared him. The liquid poured down his throat and I could not stop myself. My brakes were broken and I could do as I pleased, and I would. I pressed my lips against his, tasting the delicious tequila on his lips, as soon as I parted. I grinned.

“I longed for that.”

In a stupor he managed to question his confused state: “The kissing or the tequila?”

I answered: “Yes.”