Stay

As much as I loved my job and life in Toronto, I didn’t want to board the plane to head back. I tried so hard to keep it together and not cry at the airport, but it was so hard. I let a few tears roll down my face. Tyler just held me close.

“I can’t believe this is happening again. I don’t want to leave.” I said.
“I know. I don’t want you to leave either.” Tyler began, as the voice of reason. “You have a job you love, a job you worked hard for.”
“I know. This feeling still sucks.” I said.
“It will be okay. We will see each other again soon.” Tyler said.

This was the perfect vacation, this time with Tyler was what we needed. He was my first love, there has been no one else who has ever come close to him. I was more than happy to have him back. I really did love him.

A month and half after coming back from Dallas, I had gotten the flu or so I though it was the flu. I was off work for a couple days, but still wasn’t getting any better. Avery kept saying it wasn’t the flu and as a nurse, I should just have known better. I couldn’t even begin to think of this flu as a pregnancy.

“Take a test, you work at a hospital. You should know better.” Avery said.
“I can’t be pregnant.” I said.
“Don’t even go there, you are a nurse. You know what happened between you and Tyler.” Avery said. She was totally right. I though we were protected. In the heat of the moment, sometimes you don’t really realize that the condom broke.

“Isn’t Dallas in town soon anyways?” Avery said. “You would want to know before, wouldn’t you. You know you have to talk to Tyler.”
“I know. I know.” I said.

Tyler and I still were talking everyday, we were in a great place. Probably the best we had ever been in our entire relationship. I knew I loved him, and he loved me. We were older know, we both had great careers, we could support ourselves and a child with no issue. It was still a scary though of bringing another life into this world. Especially when we lived in two different places, and two different countries.

Avery was sitting by my side as I waiting for the results. I still hadn’t told Tyler, I wanted to make sure 100% that I was or wasn’t pregnant. I also wanted to make sure that if there was a little baby, that he or she was healthily. I didn’t want to him to worry, even though I knew he would anyways.

I had no idea how much this trip would change both of our lives. I was pregnant. Tyler and I were going to be parents. I was having a child with the man I loved. I had so many emotions. I couldn’t wait to tell Tyler.

He was coming to Toronto in a few days with the team, I knew we wouldn’t have much time. This was something I couldn’t just blurt out over the phone. This was a major face to face conversation.

I loved being creative so I wanted to do something special to tell Tyler and then our families. Avery took a photo of me holding the sonogram photo over my stomach. Totally not originally, but I loved this idea.

I wrote in a blank card, “I can’t wait to meet you Daddy. See you in December”

“He’s going to love it.” Avery said.
“I hope so. I’m so nervous.” I began. “It’s killing me not to tell him now.”
“I know but I think he would much rather this be face to face.”

I knew I was going to have to really decide about my future. I had both my Canadian and American Nurse licences, I could move to Dallas and get a job down there. Well if they accepted my visa that is. I did do photography growing up as a side job and still did a little, that could always be my back up plan. I really didn’t want to be a stay at home parent and depend on Tyler, and he knew that. Thou I think he might try and sell that a little more now.

I knew I would miss my family, friends and career here but I loved Tyler and we were about to start out own family together. Well at least I would hope so. I hope he doesn’t get too scared, I hope he does get excited.

The next two days felt like forever, I was never so excited to see someone in my entire life. Though I knew in the next 8 and half months that would change.

Tyler was coming in a day early since the team had a day off. I was more an excited to hear that knock on my door. It was a weekday so Avery was teaching and I had the day off.

I opened my door and his arms were around me, pulling me in tight. I couldn’t help but just start to cry. This would be a great few months of this hormones and mood swings.

“I’ve missed you.” Tyler said.
“You have no idea how happy I am too see you.” I said. He walked in and I closed the door. I told him to sit down. I had something important to tell him.

“What’s going on?” He asked. I just handed him the card and waited. His eyes just light up. “Are you serious?” He stood up as I said yes. He held me tight.

“We are going to be parents.” I said.
“I can’t believe this.” Tyler began. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine, baby is doing great.” I said with a huge smile.
“I’m going to be a Dad.” Tyler said.
“You will make the best Dad.” I told him.
“Who all knows” He asked.
“Just Avery. I wanted you to know first, but I needed someone to hold my hand while waiting.” I began. “I wanted us to tell everyone else.”
“Thank you.” He said.

I made a couple more “Can’t wait to meet you” for our families. We decided to wait a couple more weeks to officially tell everything. We wanted to be past the 12 weeks before we broke the news. We both hated the waiting, but we knew it was for the better.
We spend the majority of the afternoon being lazy and just being with each other. I was more than happy to spend our only afternoon together just on the couch.

“So we need to have another talk.” Tyler said. I knew the what are we going to talk needed to happen sooner or later.
“I know.” I said.

“What are we going to do? I mean you are here, I’m in Dallas.” Tyler began. “I don’t want to miss out on everything.”
“I know and you shouldn’t.” I began. “I know it’s easier for me to move, my contract is up in August. What if I don’t renew it and move to Dallas?”
“You have both licenses? Canadian and American?” He asked.
“Yes, I do.” I started. “I love my job, but I love our new family more.”
“You are amazing.” He said.
“Oh, just wait till the hormones really kick in and I’m fat and hate everything.” I told him.
“I can’t wait.” He said. Kissing my forehead.

Now to get through these next 8 and half months. I still couldn’t believe I was having a family with the man I loved.