Am I Losing Myself?

To Wage This War Against Your Faith In Me.
I still felt uneasy. I told Frank what I did to get myself in prison. He said it doesn't matter bother him, but deep down, I know it does.

He told me why he was here. If you ask me, he has no reason to be here. I killed people who were planning on killing me simply because I couldn't afford to pay back a debt.

A couple of days went by and I was beginning to slowly avoid Frank. I didn't want someone as sweet as him to be associated with someone like me. I even got myself put into solitary confinement twice, just so I didn't have to face him. I really was being a coward but Frank was not getting the hint.

Finally, the doors opened and Bobby let me out.
"You pull this crap again, Way and next time I won't be so easy on you."
"Yeah, sure Bobby."

He lead me back to my cell, shoving my inside. I think Bobby was in a bad mood, or tired of my behavior. I didn't really care. I was just happy to go back to my cell.

Frank was asleep in his bunk so I kept as quiet as possible. I stripped off my ugly orange outfit and dropped it to the floor. I then climbed up onto my bunk and slid under the covers and shut my eyes. I had no idea what time it was. I just wanted to sleep.

****
I woke up to a harsh wailing noise. I covered my ears and smooshed the pillow over my face trying to block out the siren.

A man's voice belonging to Dr. Ross appeared over the speakers. "Two inmates have escaped. I repeat, two inmates have escaped."

Well, shit. This was going to be a long day. I was kind of excited actually. This was the first escape I witnessed here at New Jersey State Prison.

Dr. Ross' voice spoke on the speakers again. "For everybody's safety, the prison is going on lock down until the prisoners are found. Sorry for the inconvenience."

I sighed and rolled over on to my left side. I hated lock downs.

I guess all the commotion woke Frank up too. I mean, how can you not sleep through that? Frank was standing at our cell door peering out, being nosy. I rolled over again and shut my eyed. I was not ready to get up yet. Especially since we were going to be on lock down for God know how long.

Four hours later and I was awoken. I had to piss BADLY. I climbed down off my bunk as quickly as I could to use the little dirty toilet in our cell. I finished up and washed my hands in the equally as dirty sink and dried my hands on my shirt.

Frank was sitting in his bed reading "The Catcher In The Rye", not really paying much attention to me. I was glad. I felt bad to be honest. I just didn't want to drag him down with me.

"Gerard?" Frank's voice sounded calm.

I quickly took a breath and turned around so I was facing the other man.

"What?"
"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Ever since we had that talk you've been acting weird."

I sighed as I sat down on the edge of Frank's bed.

"No, Frankie. You didn't do anything."
"Well, what's the problem then?"
"Look. You know what I've done. The people I killed. You don't have to pretend to like me okay?"
Frank glared at me with wide eyes, and a true hurt expression on his face. "Goddammit Gerard. I'm not pretending anything! I like you no matter what alright?!"

Now I was the one staring. I knew we liked each other but I felt guilty. I knew the murders would come back to bite me in the ass so I felt like the best thing to do was not get close to anyone..that was my plan for when I get out of here.

"Why do you like me, Frank?"

Frank inched closer to me and cupped my face in his hands.

"Because I know you aren't this Killer, you claim to be. You made a mistake, Gerard. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't make you a bad person."
"I still killed two people."
"Yes. You have. But I know there's more to you than that. You're Gerard Way, my cellmate, the only good thing about this shit place. Don't take that away from me. Please."

I could feel my bottom lip tremble. No. I could not cry. Not in prison. I was not going to show any sign of weakness. Not here, not now.

I gently kissed Frank and rested my forehead against his. "Okay. I promise you we'll stick together."

Just then I got an idea: We need to get out of here.

****
Frank has now been in here for a year. And I have been here for about a year and a half. In a couple months I was hoping to get out. I was still determined on finding a way to get out of here. The problem was I had to find the perfect escape. So far I had no luck.

There was a riot that broke out so I was scouting the place nonchalantly of course. I was being super careful because I didn't want to get myself into any trouble. It seemed luck has smiled down on me when I ran into a fellow cellmate who's been here for over ten years.

I didn't know whether or not I should trust him but I wanted to get the fuck out and take Frank with me. I wanted to make him my boyfriend. Right now we just acted like best friends. There was no way I was going to develop a relationship with my cellmate here. No way at all.

Anyways, I got talking to one of the inmates here. His name was Reggie. He was put in here for raping his victims and nastily killing them afterwards. I'd rather not tell you the details. It's quite grotesque. He told me that he knew some good ideas about how to bust out of this place. He said the easiest that everyone tries, is unattaching the sink from the wall and carving your ay through and run through a bunch of halls, that lead to the boiler room, yada yada yada.

I didn't wanna get caught on the way out. I wanted something clever.

****
We were in the cafeteria eating slimy spaghetti. I was so hungry that I ate it. I gagged a few times but I managed to eat it all. Frank was sitting next to me, as usual. He wouldn't even touch it. The poor man had more of a sensitive stomach than me.

Frank was staring at me intently.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I reached up wiped whatever may have been there with my napkin.
Frank shook his head. "No. You're beautiful."

And with that, I blushed as I reached under the table and squeezed his hand.
Frank isn't so bad afterall. I just wish this place wouldn't hold us back. I mean we could easily act like a couple here, but the thing is, we aren't officially a couple. We are two men who like each other. A lot.

I said from the beginning that I only want to do my time and get out. I rather not make anything harder for myself or Frank for that matter. I got picked on enough. I would only retaliate and ruin my chances of leaving. I'm trying to be on my best behavior. Wouldn't it be nice to be let out of here early for that?

****
I was becoming a little more successful with figuring out a plan to get out. I just needed inmates to start a rot again and hopefully do what I need to do before we are forced to go back into our cells.

Ah, shower time. I was starting to feel really gross.

Frank was two stalls down from me. Tre was next to me. I was glad Frank wasn't next to me because I needed some assistance. I didn't want to tell Frank about my scheme yet. Not until I have everything together.

"Pssstt. Tre. Psttt. Come here" I whispered.
"Huh? What is it?" Just come here. I need to ask you something.

Frank slouched down so I can whisper in his ear. I asked him to help start some kind of commotion. He agreed.

"It's about time something else exciting happens." He laughed.

Tre and I finished up in the showers. Frank was already gone. Tre winked at me and mouthed "Watch this." And punched Jared in the back!

I had to bite my tongue hard to keep myself from laughing. Jared responded and fists were flying. I took the opportunity to quickly get dressed and do what I had to do. Find a weak spot in the building so I can get through the wall.

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" Some inmates chanted.

Bobby, Barry, Crowley, and Dr. Ross tried to break up the fight but it just wasn't happening until Crowley pulled out a tazer and Dr. Ross threatened some people with a sedative.

****
It looks like this will come together better than I thought. A lot better.
I found the perfect plan! All I will need is something sharp to start poking around at the walls with. A screw would suffice I think. Now where to find a screw, a long screw. In a prison. Hmmmmm.

Luckily for us, I was sitting out in the yard on an old rickety bench. Sure enough there were the screws that I needed. I felt around under the bench, trying to get a feel of how easy it would be to get the screw out. It's definitely going to take some time. Within an hour or so of trying, I managed to loosen the screw. Now, I'll have to loosen it little by little until I can get the entire screw out.

Step 1 is in progress!