Wishing Well

I didn't get to see Gerard outside of school again until Wednesday. He'd discreetly dropped a note on my desk while he was handing out a guideline sheet for our big midterm project. I picked up the note first, it read "Meet me at the cabin at 6. Don't be late!" I covered my smile with my hand and started reading over the guide, although it seemed more as if my eyes were scanning the page without any information going to my brain.

It seemed like forever before 6 finally came. I'd spent a few hours just cleaning to make time go faster. By the time I went out to my car, the ground was lightly dusted with snow, and I hadn't even realized it was snowing until then. I got in my car and started driving to our spot, blaming my shaking hands on the cold. I pulled up to the gravel area and parked and looked across the street to find Gerard's car was already parked there and he was heading over.

We exchanged light smiles but no words as he walked right passed me, swiftly grabbing my hand and pulling me along. I walked with him silently until we made it all the way to the wishing well, and although there were no fireflies, the soft snow fell over it and somehow it still looked like a magical entity.

As we walked to the cabin, I said "You're so quiet today." I didn't feel like anything was wrong with him, it was just a little unlike him to be so silent.

"Sorry princess." He said, giving me a smile. He opened the door and the fireplace was already lit up and a bouquet of cala lilies and roses waited for me, gently laying on the floor in front of the fireplace. Little rose petals were scattered over the floor, like something from a movie. It was unexpected, I really didn't think this was going to be such a romantic night, although I did expect what happened last time.

"What's all this?" I asked, a little breathless. No one had ever done something like this for me before, and although it was simple, it was one of the best gestures I'd ever received.

He closed the door behind us, shutting out the winter wind. "I wanted to talk with you about something." He started, taking me to the couch that he'd taken the plastic off of.

"What is it?" I asked as we sat, facing each other. I felt like I already had an idea as to what he wanted to talk about, and just the though made my heart race and palms sweat. I felt like I was 16 again, about to get asked to the school dance by the cutest guy in school. It seemed ridiculous when I really thought about it, but the feelings were real no matter how stupid it seemed.

"Have you thought about what you wanted? You know, when it comes to me. Us." He seemed a bit nervous, but somehow also relaxed.

"I think about it a lot." I admitted. How could I not? Wouldn't anyone?

"And what do you think about it?" He sat back on the couch, biting at his thumb nail.

" I have a lot of thoughts about it. Mostly the obvious things, things we've talked a lot about. What about you? That's the reason for all of this, isn't it?" I sat back too, trying to look a little more relaxed than I was.

"Yeah, I mean I did drag you here." He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. "Well I've thought a lot about it too. And, as complicated as this already is, I kind of feel like not doing this would be a mistake." He shrugged, unknowingly sending my heart into and invisible frenzy. "I just don't want to get 10 years down the road and wonder what life would be like had we just tried it. And I know it's a lot of work and a lot of risk and secrets, but, you know, I just don't want to wonder."

I thought about it for moment, and I decided he was right. I knew I wanted to be with him on my own, but his perspective definitely helped. "I don't want to wonder either. I'm just afraid of what would happen if we got caught."

"Well yeah, me too. Neither of us have much of a back up plan. I could write or sing or draw or something I guess, but none of that is going to be a guaranteed success. And you, finding another school to go to would be damn near impossible. But, however you feel about this, whatever decision you make, I want you to know that I think it's worth trying. I think it's worth the risk." He looked like he was expecting me to run away or something, he looked timid, cautious.

"You know, I've tried to convince myself that I don't have feelings for you, or that I don't want to be with you. I've even tried getting myself to not talk to you outside of class anymore, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I just keep getting the horrible feeling like I'm about to lose something much bigger than myself. And because of that, I think I'm ready to try this too. I want to take the risk with you." The words spilled from my mouth slowly and carefully, like molasses.

"And you're sure? Once we do this, there's no going back. We can't undo anything, we can't take it back. If we get caught, we're fucked." He warned, almost trying to scare me off.

"Then we'll just have to be fucked together then, won't we?" I smiled, maybe a little afraid of my own words.

"So we're really doing this, huh?" He sat forward and leaned on his knees, holding back a smile. "Shit." He laughed.

"I know. It's crazy." I laughed too, feeling a weight lifted from my shoulders, although a new one fell on me with this new relationship.

"Get over here." He said, pulling me over to him and cradling my face, kissing me fast and hard. The smiles and the laughter almost seemed endless as we kissed. It was insane that this was even happening, I don't think either of us could wrap our minds around it. This was real and we were already in deep.

Kissing Gerard was more than just kissing Gerard. It was everything I've ever loved or hated about myself, every emotion I'd ever felt all rushed into one entity, It took all my worry and pain away and brought on a million more thoughts at the same time. It was neither all positives or all negatives, but it was something worth suffering for.

We stayed at the cabin almost until dawn, chatting, kissing, laughing, I was surprised we didn't go any further than wondering hands and warm, wet neck kisses. It was a little further than we'd gone in the past, but I think we both needed to take it a little slower. We only noticed we'd been out so long once the sun started to cast it's light into the cabin windows. "It's getting light out." I noted, quietly, and Gerard's warm lips slowly and calmly grazed my neck, leaving soft kisses.

"Mhmm." He mumbled against my skin, sending a shiver down my spine.

"We have class today." I said, equally as quiet and calm, even though I should have been freaking out about going to classes with no sleep.

"Mhmm." He repeated, with no intention of moving any time soon.

"We have to go." I smiled, secretly liking how he was ignoring my prompt to get going.

"Whenever your ready." He said, barely separating his lips from my skin.

I pulled his face up to mine, reluctantly, and kissed him, hoping to pull him back into reality, even though it was a little difficult to get back into reality myself. "Let's go."

He helped me up off the couch and we left, not bothering to clean anything up. We quietly walked out to our cars and went our own ways back home to prepare for the day. I only had 2 hours before class.

When I got back home I took a shower, and upon looking in the mirror afterward, I noticed and few purple spots on my neck. They weren't too bad, and they weren't too high up, but they were there, and it was shocking to me as I'd never had a hickey before. I smiled at the little love marks, thinking back to just a short while ago. It was the most relaxed and happy I'd felt in a long time, and I started feeling better about the relationship I was in. And then it hit me. Gerard was my boyfriend now. I was in a real relationship with my professor. It was such a bittersweet thing, but I decided to just be satisfied for once. I was not going to let anything or anyone ruin my day.

I made my way to class, a little groggy and tired, and was happy I'd picked up a coffee from the gas station before I came. I sat down and started working on one of the paintings I'd been assigned. I had a few different art projects going on, just for Gerard's class, but the paintings were always my favorites. I hadn't even remembered that I still had to paint something for him before he'd sing for me.

I started sketching out ideas into a sketch book when he'd walked in. He looked a little tired too, and I couldn't imagine how he wouldn't be. He started class by telling us we were going to get a chance to just sit and use the day as a work day, which was very out of the ordinary. In all honesty he was probably just too tired to deal with teaching. He sat at his desk and started working on grading and lesson plans, so I decided to shoot him a text. "Tired? lol"

I saw a quick smile and an eye roll as he read my message and he replied "Ya think?"

"Sorry!!" I felt bad for keeping him up all night, but I certainly wasn't the only one to blame.

"Don't be. It was fun. Ps. you didn't do great job at covering those little marks I gave you ;)" He watched as my cheeks turned pink, making him put his hand up to his mouth to cover his amusement at my reaction.

"Maybe you should come over later and teach me how to cover them better." I didn't actually mean it as an invitation, as I already had to deal with Lana when I got back.

As if he had read my mind, he said "Yeah, Lana wouldn't be at all suspicious, especially since we both just to happen to have hickeys now."

"You have them too?!" I hadn't realized I'd given him any.

"Yeah look." He replied. I looked up and he acted like he was scratching his neck, but he discreetly pulled open his shirt a little so I could see the few purple marks that trailed from his collar bone to the middle of his neck. Shit.

"Sorry!" I replied, though for some reason I thought the marks looked sexy on him.

I went home after Gerard's class, deciding to skip my other classes for the day. I didn't expect to see Lana home, an I suddenly dreaded walking into the living room. "Where the hell have you been?" She spat the minute I walked in.

"Out." I said, already getting annoyed. I went to the kitchen to make food and hopefully get away from her.

"No. Where were you? You didn't come back last night." She followed me to the kitchen and blocked the fridge.

"I was at Jeremy's. I fell asleep. Now can I eat please?" I lied, glad I'd remembered the fake boyfriend's name.

"Next time, don't be gone all night." She demanded, oddly angry.

"And why not?" I was getting fed up. I was an adult, I didn't need her parenting.

"Because Ashley, if people found out you spend the night on the first date, they'll think you're a slut." She seemed more bitchy than usual, which only made me more angry.

"First of all, it wasn't the first date. Second, it's none of your business. I can stay out if I want, you aren't my mom." I spat back, finally standing up for myself.

"Excuse me? If it weren't for me you wouldn't even have friends outside of school. All I've done it try to help you." She crossed her arms like a 4 year old and I swore she was going to lay down and throw a fit.

"Well stop Lana." I snapped, I didn't want it to get this far, but I couldn't take it anymore. "I don't need your help. All you did was set me up with a guy who didn't even want to be set up, introduce me to your boyfriend, and lecture me about who I'm seeing and where I am all the time. That's not what friends do. Friends are there for each other, they don't control each other. So leave me the hell alone if you can't stop ordering me around." I stormed off to my room, not even hungry anymore. I didn't realize it then, but a line was drawn that day, and things were about to get rocky with her.