Show Me a Life With Blood and With Beauty

I looked over and saw a walker's arm out and around Beth's neck. I grabbed my knife and busted the glass and stabbed it in the skull. We decided it was best if we hurry and get inside. I checked and made sure Beth was okay and I looked around. The sun was sort of shinning through. I heard groaning and looked up and saw a bunch of walkers hanging. 'Oh my God..' was all I could utter. I held Miracle and tried to block out the hanging walkers. All of a sudden out of nowhere a walker came out of the shadows. We saw a random walker nailed to the wall with a sign around its neck. 'We should take her down. Come on help me.' She handed Judith to me. 'Whats it matter? She's dead.' Daryl said. 'Its respectful. Help me take her down. Please.' Daryl gave in. I found a chair and sat down. This place was shelter. It might stave off death one more day. I held both babies and looked around. It was dark and the moans from outside made me shiver. Daryl and Beth got the body down and laid it on the floor. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. Daryl walked over and picked up Miracle. I held Judith and got up and started to explore. All of a sudden I heard a crash and ran out of a back room to see Daryl beating a walker. He had already smashed its skull in and kept hitting it with a club. Beth started yelling at him to stop as she held Miracle in her arms. He looked at her and back down at the walker. 'Why should I stop? These things aren't going to stop.' Daryl had been a real hardass since the prison fell. I understood it. He was pissed. I was pissed too but I didn't take it out on other people. 'Daryl, we're stuck together. Try to control yourself. I understand you're upset but don't take it out on other people. We're all upset. You don't see me and Beth at each others throats.' He looked at me and didn't really show emotion. Daryl didn't show emotion and sometimes I wondered if he even heard what I was saying. He walked off to go do something else. I looked at Beth who sat down in a chair next to me and offered to take Judith from me. I gave in and took Miracle from Beth's arms and just looked down at her.

Me and Beth started talking about life before all this. We talked about the simple questions everybody asks when they meet someone new. We were laughing and smiling at some of the replies we gave. All of a sudden we heard 'Son of a bitch' out of one of the rooms further into the building. We both stood up and had our knives ready. Out of the darkness Daryl came out covered in blood. 'Are..are you okay?!' I said with a worried look on my face. 'Yeah, I'm fine. One of these fuckers snuck up on me. I was looking for supplies and some how it came out of nowhere.' I went and grabbed a spare shirt and went to go wipe some of the blood off. I can do this myself, you don't have to do that you're already playing mother to our daughter no reason why you have to do it for me.' I looked down and then back up at him and smiled 'When you love someone you'll do anything for them.' He stood there and let me try to get the blood off him. All of a sudden he just pulled me into a hard kiss. I looked at him with a smile on my face, to say this man wasn't loveable was an understatement. For what he's gone through in his life and after all this and an unplanned pregnancy he actually was loveable. He told me when we first started talking about this baby that he never really pictured himself as a father and after his shitty childhood never wanted kids because he was so afraid that he would turn into his father, if you could call him that. When it was found out that I ended up pregnant by him I had a few people such as Glenn ask why him. Honestly I don't know, maybe it was that he saved my life that one day in the woods from the creep that found me. Maybe it was how nice he was too me? Lack of sex for both of us? - I'll admit that the night we had sex no mention of condoms so when I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't blame anybody but myself. The outcome was the beautiful little girl I got to hold onto every night, the one I was put in charge of protecting. I sat back down and watched Daryl try to find stuff we could use in the future.

Days passed, I don't know how many days, but I was rearranging stuff in my bag to fit other stuff inside and found a diary. I opened it and read the pages, apparently packing things away for just a precaution I packed it away. I looked in the spiral ring and found a pen, a pen that I always had. I wasn't big on diary entries so I only wrote down MAJOR things. I looked down and read some of the stuff and I remembered what happened. Concerts, Movies, etc all the memories came flooding back. I flipped ahead and read the entry that didn't have a date 'Something happened today. The cops were shooting people in the middle of the street. People were ripping other people apart. Is this some movie filming and I didn't get a memo? Am I just dreaming this? So far my phone hasn't gone off at all today. Nothing. No contact to family or friends. What the fuck is happening?!' and I replayed that day in my head. I skipped ahead and read the entry that I wrote the day I met Daryl 'I didn't know how long I had been wondering in those woods. I tried to hide from everything but I came in contact with this person, the first person since this whole thing started that wasn't one of those things. He seemed like a nice guy. We joined each other and wondered together. I opened up to him, not fearing judgement in the end of times. All of a sudden after days of us being in our group, it was just us, he turned on me. He... pinned me down and.. and started ripping at my clothes. I kept screaming until he pulled out his knife and told me if I scream one more time that would be the last time. I didn't hear anything, it was like we were the only 2 people on Earth. I didn't even hear the moans of the monsters. All of a sudden I saw a man with a crossbow step out of the woods and heard him say 'Let her go. NOW.' and the sick son of a bitch on top of me turned around and said 'Hey man, we can both share. Let me go first then you can have her. This can be our system.' I closed my eyes and started to cry. 'I said let her go now or you won't be making it out of these woods.' - 'Hey man, do you know how long its been since I've seen another woman? Not to mention sex.' - The man with the crossbow shook his head 'I haven't had sex in a long time either, but trust me this is no way to go about getting it.' - 'Hey man, if you don't like it you don't have to join in.' and The man with the crossbow said 'I'm giving you one more chance to get the fuck off her right now or you won't be making it out of these woods alive.' The creep stood up and pulled out his gun and said 'Alright. If I can't have a piece of ass neither can you.' All of a sudden I saw the guy's body drop. An arrow through his brain. I started screaming. The strange man walked over and pulled the arrow out of the creeps skull and went to try to help me up. I scooted back away from him only to be leaning against a tree. 'Listen, I'm not going to hurt you. You need help.' he motioned to my arms which were bruised. 'I have a camp. Group of people. One of them used to be a vet, he could help you.' I looked at him and he kept saying 'Trust me. I'm not going to hurt you.' We got to his tent and he said 'Stay here. I'll be right back.' I kept looking at him and he walked out of the tent and came back with an apple and a bottle of water.' He set them down in front of me. He sat down beside me and I didn't touch the objects in-case this was a test. He asked me questions and I found out his name was Daryl. Daryl this was the name of my savior. I flipped ahead a little more and read where it said 'We made it to a prison. Lori is pregnant and Rick seems to think that this is a good place to stay. He said we can live here.' I flipped a little further - 'Lori had her baby today, first we had something happen and we got attacked. Lori died during childbirth and Carl had to end it, his own mother, he had to shoot his own mother. Daryl is being sweet with the baby. Her name is Judith.' I Flipped a little further 'Me and Daryl had sex a while back while he was supposed to be on watch. My period is late and I've been throwing up non-stop. We didn't use a condom, so I think I'm pregnant. I flipped further and read the stuff about when I told Daryl about this baby 'Daryl didn't take it well. He yelled at me and it hurt. I think he finally came around. I don't know how I could be so stupid after Lori why I would choose to go have sex without a condom.' Daryl walked over and saw that I was crying. 'Whats wrong?' I looked up and he saw I was reading something. He went and grabbed what I was reading and looked at me and said 'You're writing all this shit down? What for?' - I looked at him and said 'One day this is going to be important. Maybe not now but when she gets older and if something happens, I want her to know. Plus I write down the good with the bad.' He put it back down 'If you say so.' He walked off and I saw Beth playing with Judith. I smiled. I flipped ahead a little further and read about the proposal. 'Tonight at dinner Daryl put attention on himself, without fear, and asked me to marry him. I didn't even ask him, and he did this. He said this was the right thing to do. The ring is beautiful, but honestly I would have said yes if he didn't have a ring.' I flipped to the other page 'Last night me and Daryl welcomed a little girl into this hellish world. She is our hope that things are not all bad. She is so perfect. I can't believe how hands on Daryl is with her. Life is about survival and things have started to change. We now have a family to protect. - We named her Miracle. Because? Well she's our little miracle.'

I grabbed my pen and wrote 'A while back our home, the prison, got destroyed by a selfish bastard named 'The Governor' he ended up killing Daryl's brother. He.. he killed Hershel. The whole group got separated, me and Beth and Judith and Miracle got out. We ran and came to a highway and slept in a car for the night and Daryl found us. I repeat Daryl found us. We are together, me and Daryl, and Beth and Judith and Miracle. We don't know if anybody else made it out a live, but Beth says that people made it out. I so want to believe her, but the deviation that I saw doesn't scream hope. We walked through the woods for a few days and nights and even got stuck in a rain storm. We made it to a golf course and now we're safe for now.' I let Daryl hold Miracle and he was just in awe over her. She woke up and was crying and he was trying to calm her down. I looked at him struggling and walked over and picked her up and said she likes to be held this way. I handed her back to him and he looked at me as she stopped crying. 'Thank you.' He said. I smiled and said 'No problem. Its what I do.' We settled in and I decided to look outside and could faintly make out the silhouettes of the walkers in the distance. Daryl came over and shut the door. We need to keep this shut. I looked at him and shook my head. As the days went on I didn't know how to handle it. Somedays I wanted to just give up, but my daughter made me want to fight. I made a tiny place on the floor and laid down. I held my daughter and watched as Daryl sat and kept watch. I left my daughter on the floor and walked over to him and said 'Its okay to sleep you know that right? You're draining yourself. You need rest.' - 'I'll survive. You need sleep you've got to take care of yourself and those babies.' he said motioning over to our sleeping area. 'Yeah.. but she needs you too..come on.' I said pulling on his arm. 'Stop.' He said with an annoyed tone. I went up behind him and started massaging his shoulders and he pushed me away. I didn't understand it. I kissed him and he pulled me into his lap. I sat in his lap and he started kissing my neck. I tried to hold in moans. 'Come here girl..' he got up and pushed me against a wall and tried to lead me into a room he cleared out. We almost got into a room when Miracle started crying. I sighed and wanted to say 'Don't worry about it.' but it wasn't in me. 'Go check on her' Daryl told me. Beth woke up in a hurry. 'Wha-what's going on?!' - 'Nothing. Miracle just had a bad dream I guess.' I looked at where Daryl was standing and he wasn't there. I knew where he went. This would have been the first time since our daughter was born that we had sex, and it didn't happen. I was upset, we both wanted it so bad, we both needed it so bad. I fell asleep with my daughter wrapped in my arms and my head on Daryl's chest. He actually slept. I looked at the front door and saw he pulled as much stuff he could in front of it. I brushed the hair out of his face and watched as he slept.

We stayed at the clubhouse for a long time. I felt safe. In a long time I actually felt safe. Beth went digging for stuff and put something on the counter. 'Hey is this stuff any good?' I looked at her and said 'I guess if you're into that sort of stuff.' I picked up the bottle and read 'Peach Schnapps' and she pulled out a glass and wiped it off. I stood there and saw her struggle. She wanted to pour it but then didn't want to.' - Daryl walked into the room and asked what was going on and he saw Beth sitting there crying. 'Whats wrong with you Blondie?' I looked at him and wanted to just yell at him. He picked up the bottle and read what it said. I pulled him to the side and told him what was going on. He walked over and picked the bottle up and threw it on the ground and it busted into pieces. 'If you're going to have your first drink sure as hell ain't gonna be no Peach Schnapps. Come on.' He opened the door and lead us to this shed and pulled out these jars. I looked at him he was actually being nice. He put the jars on the table in the small shed. Beth went over and lifted one out and looked at it. 'Daddy used to say bad moonshine will make you go blind.' - 'Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore.' Daryl said and looked at me holding Judith and Miracle. Beth sat down at the small table and Daryl across from her. She tasted it and made a face and said 'Oh my gosh this stuff is horrible.' I laughed. 'I know lets play a game. I say something and you say something and if you've done it you drink. I'll start' - They went back and forth. I had never really seen Daryl drunk or even tipsy for that matter, but I knew what people looked like when they were drunk. Beth said 'I've never been to jail' and Daryl looked at her and said 'That what you think of me?' - 'Maybe just the drunk tank. My dad's been there.' He lost it at that. He got up and started throwing things around and yelling and screaming. Me and Beth both started to scream at him and stop. 'Why?! She thinks I'm a fucking drunk. She thinks I'm trash and worthless.' - 'Daryl she doesn't think that. She knows you. I know you. Both of us don't think you're trash! Please stop.' - 'Alright you girls want a game? - Uh I've never had a pet pony. - I've never counted on anybody for nothing! - I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention!' - 'Daryl stop! You're drunk. You don't know what the hell you're saying. You-' He stepped up in my face and I was against a wall and he said 'No. You don't know what you're saying.' He was scaring me 'Daryl, get the fuck away from me. You're drunk and you need to sit down before you do something you're going to regret.' - 'Like everything up until this point? That what you mean? Go ahead and say it. You regret everything between us.' - 'What the fuck do you mean Daryl? I don't regret anything.' - 'You should. I'm no better than my dad apparently.' - 'That's not what she meant Daryl- it was a simple question.' - 'Oh yeah it's a simple question when you've lived that way your entire fucking life.' I reached out and tried to touch him and he grabbed my arm and said 'Say I was a mistake. I need to hear it.' - 'Daryl, you weren't. Honestly. I love you. If I didn't believe me I wouldn't have slept with you that night.' He turned around and walked a few feet and looked at us 'Daryl, honestly I'm sorry' - 'Can't hear you, I'm taking a piss.' - He turned around after and grabbed his crossbow and Beth up by her arm. 'So you've never shot a crossbow before let me show you something Blondie' - 'Daryl you're hurting me. Stop please!' - 'Daryl I swear to God if you don't let her go....' - 'You're going to do what? She's never shot one of these before I'm going to teach her.' - 'You're going to hurt her. You're supposed to protect her.' I heard a walker and stood there holding both babies and Daryl got behind Beth and she was crying and he was screaming at her she missed a few times but one hit the walker and pinned it to the tree. - Beth ran up and stabbed the thing in the skull. - I walked over to her as she sat on the ground crying. I looked at her arms and she had hand prints from where Daryl grabbed her arms tight. I put the babies next to her and walked up to Daryl and slapped him right in the face. 'You stupid son of a bitch! Maybe I was wrong and you were right. Maybe you aren't the man I thought you were. Maybe you're just like your dad.' - His face changed and he pinned me up against a tree and got up in my face 'And maybe you were just a random slut that just wanted sex and came to me.' I tried not to cry, because I knew this was drunk Daryl and not my Daryl. He glared at me and I stood there and tried not to cry, that's what he wanted. 'Go on. Say I never mattered to you.' - 'Daryl, you matter to me. You matter to our daughter. All this is because you're drunk. Let me go.' - He let me go and I quickly ran over and grabbed the babies. I looked at Beth and said 'I'm so sorry.' She looked at me crying and said 'I know. Trust me I know this isn't him. Almost all drunks are like this. My dad was like this at times.'