Discovering Love

I was only 10 when I first saw you. For so long you were just another buy. Nerdy and alone in the corner. No one more obsessed with music than you. I didn’t care about you. I didn’t even know your name.

Then one day everything changed. Gilbert. The silver haired devil. My best friend. He came to me and told me about a violet eyed boy that took his stuff. I didn’t question him. I didn’t even make the connection that it was you. The boy who would push the glasses up his nose with a single slender finger before burying his face in a music book. Last book I saw you reading before that day was Mozart’s Magic Flute.

It was you. I was confused. While I never paid attention to you… or so I thought, I knew that you were not the type to take things for anyone. You weren’t a fighter. But I couldn’t stop now. You hurt Gilbert, so now I needed to hurt you.

It was cruel. So cruel.

Gilbert had such a dark heart for someone as energetic as him. I guess that’s to be expected when you are raised by such a militant grandfather.

We plotted. I lured you.

“Hey, can you come here for a moment?” I remember asking you. I was on the second floor of our school building. You hesitated. I never spoke to you before, so why was I calling you now?

Your eyes held so much confusion. You called back up to me, “I have to go.”

But I insisted. I pressed on. In the back of my mind I knew how to get you to come. I knew you better than I ever thought I did. “I know you are a musician. A great one. A prodigy I hear. I have this book. A…. Beethoven.” I hesitated for a moment. Recalling the countless days where you would pull out a book, Beethoven, I remember reading, instead of going out to recess with the rest of the class. He must mean something to you. “I have this movement, but I don’t understand what it means.”

I saw those eyes shine so bright. They looked like amethyst sparkling against such porcelain skin. You looked back for a second, then smiled. Your mole only adding to the beauty of your smile. My heart skipped and I blushed. “Sure.”

You ran up the stairs. So much trust. So unknowing of my true motives. You fool.

From the corner of my eyes I could see a bit of movement. Gilbert. He was waiting in hiding. Waiting for the right moment to attack. He needed me, because you hurt him. You. Such an innocent soul. You hurt my friend. I had to forget your smile.

I only had one job. Lure you up here. Lure you to Gilbert. He wouldn’t tell me why, but he said that you would never come near him. Maybe because you hurt him and you know just how wild he could be.

You came up. I had no book. I didn’t even know if the school offered any classes in music. Just not my thing. Confusion filled your eyes, quickly followed by horror.

“No…. No…. leave me alone.” You said trying to step back, but before I knew it Gilbert had jumped out and was blocking your path.

“I hate you!” Gilbert shouted in your face. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” He swung at you. Somehow he missed. Luck? I don’t know. Gilbert looked back at me with those red eyes. It drew me in. I was on his side. I pushed you into him. “You don’t hurt my friend!” I shouted at you.

Why was no one here? Where was everyone at? Help! Help! I shouted in my head for any adult. Stop this.

“I didn’t do anything!” His eyes were welling up with tears. Your music notes fell out of your bag when I pushed you. There was nothing but fear in your eyes. “Don’t lie!” Gilbert shout. He swung again, this time his fist made contact with your eye, knocking the glasses to the floor. I imagine that you were blind at this point.

“You always do this!” Gilbert was so angry. “You think you’re better than everyone!” He swung again, he missed. Not a surprise. Not many 10 years old know how to punch effectively. “Ludwig likes you more than me!” He shouted.

Ludwig. That was Gilbert’s younger brother. The only direct family that he had left after his parent’s death. “It’s all your fault! Help me, Elek!” You shouted at me. Looking at me with those blazing eyes with tears in them. Tears. Shock. I looked at you. Your eyes were streaming tears. You stumbled looking for your glasses. My mind raged. “No one upsets my friend!” Things were getting out of control.

I didn’t want to hurt you. So I pushed you.

Paper everywhere.

You slipped.

Shoe heel tipping over the edge of the stairs.

We were too close to danger.

Everything happened in a flash. You were at the foot of the stairs. Your eyes closed. Body limp. Your body didn’t look right. There was blood.

“No!” Gilbert shouted and before I knew it he was gone. I was left standing there, staring at your fallen body. “….What have I done?” I ran down the hall. “Help! Help! Help!”

Days passed and you were not in class. What had I done? You swam in my mind every single day since that fight. I needed to see you.

So I did.

Thank god you don’t remember that I was there at all…. or thank the devil.

I’m so sorry.