Seventeen and Pregnant

Oh..Oh..Oh...My God!

It hurts so bad! I can't take it anymore. This is not right. Something is wrong. Something is terrably wrong. I scream in pain and the doctor tells me to lay down. I can't help but hold the bars...more like squeeze them.

They won't let Jimmy in here. Not even my mom or dad. I just want someone in here with me. I can't do this alone.

I am 32 weeks pregnant, and I have been having so much trouble with the pregnancy. The good news is it is a boy. Jimmy was thrilled when we had the sonogram and found out that the baby was a boy.

He was devistated when he found out our son has Trisomy 18..

The doctors said that I probably wouldn't even make it to full term with my pregnancy and that if I did there was a chance that the baby would die shortly after birth, if it wasn't already still born.

This broke my heart. As a mother you never want to hear that there is a chance that you could lose your baby before you even got a chance to hold your baby in your arms.

During my entire pregnancy, up to date, I have had many tests to monotor the baby to make sure that the baby is okay or to see what is going on and why I am in so much pain most of the time.

The doctors rush me to the operating room. They numb me up and cut me open to quickly get my son out. I have no idea what is going on. I didn't hear him cry, and the doctors and nurses are talking in hushed tones it has me worried.

I just want to see him.

I want to hold him in my arms, and tell him how much I love him.

Tell him that he has the greatest family in the world and that no matter what is wrong with him we all love him very much.

They take him to the nicu after running some tests on him.

They fix me up and clean me up and take me to a room where I am to recover.

They let Jimmy come back now, and he comes to me with tears in his eyes. He kisses my head and asks me if I am okay. I nod and tell him that I am fine. I just want to know what is wrong with my son.

A doctor comes in around seven in the evening to check on me and see how I am coping. I told him that I am really sore and that I feel like I have to pee, but I can't. He told me that is normal and if I have to pee, just to go because I have a cathader in.

I cried my eyes out when Dr. Arther told me what is wrong with my son.

"I am sorry to tell you this, today your son was born with Ventricular Septal defect, he has feeding and breathing difficulties, he has an underdeveloped lund and a hole in the heart...If he survives the night there is a chance that he will live up to six months...if he would live longer then that...I am afraid that he will have Mental Retardation."

Jimmy laid his head down on the bed and cried right along with me.

The doctor left us alone.

It's been a week since that happened and I am finally allowed to go home. Last night our son Aydan James Sullivan, took a bottle feeding for the first time since he was born. He seems to be doing better and if he continues to take bottles and respond to things, they will be able to go in and fix the hole in his heart.

After they fix the hole in his heart...we'll be able to bring him home.

I hope to be able to do this...

I don't know what I will ever do if I loose my baby boy.