Wishful Thinking

Alex hates school. He really, really, very much hates the fact that he has to drag himself out of bed while it's too early for his brain to function properly and spend the next few hours cursing his existence.

But he is handling it pretty well. Maybe because he doesn't despise the time he spends in same classes as Zack, Rian and Matt every single day, including the weekends because really, how could he not wish to spend much time with them.

But again, Alex hates school. He hates English class because he doesn't have it with Zack or Rian or Matt and he usually has to do all of the projects alone, get a shit grade which makes him hate everything even more and start another topic of the day with his group of music geeks. He can tell those guys everything.

Well, not exactly everything. Most things. There are some things you'd like to keep for yourself to secure yourself a better future, right? Alex firmly believes in that. Silence isn't tehnically lying, so he isn't tricking his friends into believing in anything- he is simply doing everything to make himself feel safe. His pretty average teen life could back him up on that.

Only he isn't so average, after all.

—-

"Hey, Alex, do you have History today?" Rian asked out of breath, since he ran across the hall to approach his friend by the lockers. "If you do, you can skip it, just found out the teacher's not in school today."

Alex just huffed in annoyance as he heard the fact, cursing his schedule for being the way it is and not letting him have a break in this busy school week. "Oh man, why isn't Thursday today..."

"It's Friday, I think you'll be okay. You have only two periods left and there's a weekend for chilling." Rian said matter-o-factly and Alex couldn't help but agree with him a little bit, because fuck yes, it's Friday, but he couldn't bring himself to be happy because he has English and Maths in a row.

"I have English next. I will never be okay." He whined and Rian just patted his shoulder as a comforting gesture, obviously not helping at all. "See you after school, and wish Matt good luck for me in his Geography exam if you see him before I do."

He didn't let Rian reply, he just rushed to get to the classroom before everyone else and have enough time to unpack his things and lay them out on his spacious desk space, another privilege of sitting alone on a two-person desk. Just as he approached the classroom, his shoulder bumped someone else's accidentally and said person backed off a few steps, but how could they not, they were just so lanky and wind could swoop them off the ground.

"Dude, I'm sorry, didn't see you there." The boy said. Alex just realized he bumped into that one cute guy that sits in front of him in class, and he couldn't utter a single word of acknowledgement because the mysterious boy did it before he had a chance to. "Oh, you sit begind me in English, right? Walk with me."

Alex just nodded and eyed his face, trying to attach a name to his features and failing, even after being in his class for the past 4 weeks, since junior year started. Jack noted his staring and introduced himself. "I'm Jack."

"Alexander. Well, you can call me- um- Alex." He mentally facepalmed himself and spontaneously wiped his palms on his jeans, not even realizing he was sweating nervously. He felt a pang of unusualness, but again, it isn't quite usual for him to introduce himself to strangers, or even attractive strangers, at least. Or maybe it was he didn't think of his legal name not even once in the process of the meeting.

"Well then, hello, Alexander." He smiled cheesily and sat in his desk, Alex doing the same after realizing they have arrived to their destination. "You weren't here freshman year, right? I didn't notice you until last year."

Alex blushed a little, maybe because the attractive stranger who now has a name that goes by Jack has noticed him, and he responded with ease. "I moved before sophomore year. After my parents divorced."

"Hm, fascinating." He then turned around as the teacher entered the classroom, holding a stack of white papers. Alex didn't notice, he completely zoned out, taking in what just happened. He stared at the back of Jack's thick hair, probably hairspray loaded, because how else could it stay so spiky and up, and he noted the two different shades of it in each half and the collar of his heather grey t-shirt which he sported in this hot weather. He didn't even realize the teacher passing by each desk and placing a sheet of paper in front of everyone before moving along to another student.

When Jack turned around once again, he kept staring, he looked at his plump lips as they moved, revealing bits of his perfect white teeth, and they he realized that fuck- his lips are moving he must be talking to him but he just wasn't listening.

"Alexander, hello?" Jack inquired. Alex stirred and awkwardly scratched his forearm with his left hand while trying to remain consciousness. "I assume you weren't listening to the teacher. Were you staring at me, Alexander?"

He blushed, madly, before stuttering out a response and almost hitting himself for not being able to string together a full sentence in moments like these. "I c-could be."

Jack's eyes gazed over Alex's own, and he looked back, taking in their rich brown color before noticing Jack has got a light tint of color sitting on top his cheeks and then he smiled. "Oh, Alexander, it's rude to stare. But we now have these lists about English Literature to complete, and you could make it up to me by agreeing to finish them with me. We're allowed to work in pairs."
Alex covered half of his mouth with his hand as he laughed lightly, his fingers lightly grazing his lips.

"I'd love that."

—-

"Did he really say that, Alex?" Zack beamed with joy after Alex told the group the story of the meeting after school in the parking lot, and he could swear he heard Zack giggle lightly. "Ask him out!"
"Dude, we just met! I might ask him to hang out, but not in the date kind of way- what if he is straight- oh man-"

"Alex." Matt interrupted him. "He was totally flirting with you. And I guess he has the same plans you do, as he is totally approaching us now."
Alex furrowed his eyebrows together and turned to the direction in which Matt was looking, to see Jack walking in a straight line from the main school gates to the almost empty parking lot they were currently located in. "Alexander!"

"You're right, he's totally flirting with him." Zack blurted out as everyone laughed, Alex remained a little nervous and swatted Zack in the arm, and Jack was finally next to them.
"Hey, Jack." Alex said and bit his lower lip, trying not to show how serious he thinks this situation is just for the sake of his nerves and his friends, which had moved away to let the two have a little privacy. He isn't good at hiding emotions, though.

Jack laughed a little, noting the obvious red color on his face before moving along to the topic. "I had fun today. I will have to admit I stared at you too, quite a few times, but I can't help it- you're a lovely person. Would you like to have coffee with me right now?"

Alex's insides are totally, totally not fangirling right now. But his friends are. Totally.

"That would be great, but I prefer hot chocolate." He chimed and let his smile show how content he is with the idea. "Anyway, yeah...that would be great."

—-

It's been three days since the date- can you call it a date? Yes, definitely- and Alex was rushing home from school with Jack, since he made a deal with him that they would like to discuss English Literature in Alex's room and complete the papers which were long forgotten.

Alex was kinda worried because he is usually given something other than a short notice that he is going to have guests in his house. He needs just a little bit of time just to hide some things which are usually laying around his room in full display, something he really shouldn't allow to happen anymore, but being a messy person works like a disease.

When they arrived and Jack asked him for the directions to the bathroom, Alex breathed a sigh of relief as he rushed into his room, opening the windows to let some light into the room, then grabbing his extra chest binder off the couch and throwing it in the closet and checking for anything which might raise suspision that Alex's isn't a regular guy after all.

"Do you have a sister or something?" Jack asked as he entered the room and startling Alex a little. "There was an, uh, box of tampons on the toilet seat."

Alex widened his eyes, muttering a barely audible 'fuck' under his breath, but thankfully he was a quick liar, always have been, so he can survive in this poor world unsuspicously. "They probably belong to my dad's girlfriend. Well, not probably, definitely. I have no siblings."

"Forgive me for asking. I'm just a curious person." Jack stated and flopped down onto Alex's unmade bed, laying next to his navy blue sheets. "I like your room. It's very you, Alexander."

"You always call me by my full name." Alex stated. "Why not use the nickname?"

"I like your full name." Jack added and placed the heel of his right leg on top of the bed and wrapped his hands around the knee. "It rolls off the tongue."

Their little moment was broken up when a tall man, looking a little bit like Alex himself, entered the room. "Oh, excuse me son, didn't know you had company. Hello, I'm Peter, Alex's father." He smiled and brought out his hand for Jack to shake and he did.

"This is Jack. We're here to do some schoolwork." Alex trailed off and his dad laughed.
"Alright kid, whatever you want to call it." He grinned and Alex knew what he meant by that and blushed at the thought. "Would you like some snacks? I probably didn't eat all the chips yesterday, during the game." He left the room when Alex nodded.

"Your father seems like a nice man. Why did your mother let him go?" Alex knew very well why, and he wished it was for a different reason, but there are some things he will have to live with. He couldn't ask for a better father, though.

He gulped. "Well...My mother isn't the nicest person I know, exactly..." He couldn't tell the whole story, he just hoped Jack got the hint.

"I hope your dad is. It looks like it. You do deserve the best in the world."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

—-

They started dating about two two weeks later, it was confirmed when they were in Jack's room on a quiet Wednesday night, watching a random movie on Jack's flat screen TV which Alex believed was "way too big to belong in a teenager's room".

Alex wanted to grab the bowl of snacks, but he was so close to Jack, too close, and they couldn't help it but kiss each other and later realize this was meant to happen much sooner. The kiss was sloppy, but it was beautiful, and it was messy but still so perfect in both of their eyes and that it's all they ever really wanted.

Zack, Rian, and Matt were estatic to hear about the newest couple, of course, since they were the ones who predicted this is gonna happen in the very beginning, weren't they?

Everyone was accepting, everything was nice and amazing and more than Alex could ever wish for and it had him thinking that the world might be ready for the rest of his story, because really, if they could accept him for being in a relationship with a guy, why not the fact that he wasn't born like one?

He is just like any other male, mentally, on first sight physically, and everything is set for surgery when he turns 18 in December next year and he will finally feel even more like someone he is really meant to be.

Alex thought he was ready to talk about it 4 months into the relationship. His speech was set, but he couldn't think straight with Jack's body on top his, pressing him into the bed, their mouths enganging in a wild kissing session. Alex's hands were wrapped around Jack's neck, his fingers tangling themselves in strands of his dark hair on the back of his neck, while Jack's own hands were resting at Alex's hips, rubbing soothing circles every once in a while, their legs tangled.

All it took was Jack's hand to start trailing from hip to under his shirt for Alex's breath to hitch in his throat. He felt so small, so vulnerable, fragile, that with every single touch and kiss placed on his lips will just push him further into the mattress and that he will disappear into oblivion. But Jack's didn't know that.

Alex grabbed both of his hands and removed them from his body, catching Jack's curious glance for a second, but moving his own gaze away. If he looks him in the eyes, he won't be able to say anything. It's now or never.

"Jack, I need to tell you something."

There is no going back now, Jack is his boyfriend, first boyfriend, an amazing human, he can be honest with him, it's not like something is going to change, right?"

"This is a little difficult for me to say, um. I would've said it sooner, but this isn't an easy topic for me. I lost my mom because of this, and I don't want to lose you too." Alex spoke again, and Jack grabbed his shaking hand with his own and used the index finger of his other to lightly graze over Alex's quivering lips.

"I will always be here for you, beautiful."

And Alex broke down. He couldn't stop the tears forming in his eyes and spilling over, like a glass filled with water over the top, and the tears kept rolling down his cheeks.

"Shh, beautiful, don't cry." Jack soothed him, and he placed a light feathery kiss to his lips to let him know it's okay, and that's when Alex told him everything.

And that is how Jack decided Alex is the most precious thing to ever happen to him.

Alex kept crying, maybe because he was so shocked that he was accepted, but definitely because he was happy, over the moon, and most importantly- he was loved.

"Baby, please don't cry, you are beautiful, and I still love every single part of you," Jack repeated as he kissed the right corner of his mouth. "You are so beautiful."

He placed kisses on Alex's neck, behind his ear, on his collarbones, and he made him feel like the luckiest human being on this lone planet, because he was.

He wants to tangle his hands in the locks of Alex's soft toffee hair, look into his eyes every single day to be reminded that there is elegance and beauty left in this world, and he will feel invincible, because they had each other. That is all they needed.

It's only been four months, but four months is enough.