Cigarette Daydreams

Things have somewhat settled back into normal, Alex constantly running errands and making appearances with me settling back into my school schedule. We spend as much time together as our busy schedules will let us, I think he does it to keep my mind off of Kyle, who we have yet to see since the incident last Wednesday.

“Do you want to go get lunch?” Alex walked into my temporary room without knocking, per usual.

“I’m not hungry,” I hadn’t eaten since last night’s dinner with the band. I wasn’t trying to worry about my weight as much as I have in the past, but I’ve put on five pounds since I moved in with Alex, four days ago, how was that possible?

He groaned, “Erin come on.”

I crossed my hands over my chest, “I had a big breakfast on campus.”

He studied me trying to detect it if I was lying, “If you go get lunch with me I will take you to Disney Land.” My ears perked up.

“Don't fuck with me Alex”

He smirked knowing he had me hooked, “I'm not.”

I jumped up off my bead causing my accounting homework to go everywhere, “Let me get dressed!”

He laughed at my enthusiasm, “I’ll be in the car!” I slipped on a pair of shorts seeing as it was still pretty warm out and a large t-shirt tucking the front into my jean shorts. I found my white high-tops and slip those on before grabbing my sunglasses and running out the door. Alex was sure enough in the front seat, waiting on me with a smile on his face. I slid into the passenger side and buckled up.

“Lets go ride roller-coaster!”

“Lunch first,” He reminded me with a smile.

“Fine, fine but lets make it quick!” Alex actually listened to me and swung by Jack in the Box, getting us both hamburgers. I picked at mine being too excited to actually eat while Alex scarfed his down in a matter of seconds. It took us a little over an hour to get there due to traffic and parking issues but by one o’clock we were standing at the gates to the happiest place on earth. “Ah! I’m so excited!” I squealed looking around.

“What do you want to do first?”

I was overwhelmed, “Can we get a pair of Mickey ears?”

Alex looked at me like I was crazy, “Really?”

“Yes!” I grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the first gift shop I saw. I got him a pair of Mickey ears and I found myself a pair of Minnie ears. I paid quickly and made him put his on so we could take a picture. “I don’t want to ever forget my first trip to DisneyLand!”

“Fine,” He grumbled. “Can you take our picture, please?” He asked one of the food cart ladies and she smiled nodding her head yes.

“You two are so cute,” She murmured. Alex threw his arm around my shoulders and I snaked my arm around his waist. “Smile!” The camera went off twice and before the lady could hand Alex his phone back, he lead down and kissed me. I heard a faint click in the background figuring the lady had captured this moment as well.

“Thank you so much,” I told her when she gave the phone back.

“I wish I saw cute couples like you two more often,” She smiled and went back to her cart.

“We are pretty cute,” Alex commented looking at the picture on his phone. I glanced at it and all I could noticed was my fat thighs. My diet would be changing as soon as Alex left for tour.

“Yeah you are,” I looked away. “Lets go on that one!” I pointed towards the first big roller coaster I spotted. The wait wasn’t very long and we were strapped in California Screamin’ within a matter of minutes. I looked over at Alex who seemed very nervous, “Are you okay?”

He nodded his head quickly, “Yeah I’m great.” The ride started to move forward slowly and I could see him tense up.

“You can play in front of hundreds of thousands of people but you are afraid of roller coasters?” I asked laughing as we made our way upward.

“Yeah you can’t die playing a guitar!” He held on to the side of his seat.

I shook my head, “Why did you take me on this if you are afraid?”

He turned and looked at me with fear in his eyes, “Sometimes we make sacrifices for those we care about.” We plunged straight down and our conversation was drowned out by our screams.



My phone binged for about the hundredth time today. I’ve been trying to ignore it and live in the moment but it was becoming more and more difficult. The firework display was going to start any minute and I didn’t want to be bothered by some text message. “Thank you for taking me here,” I told Alex leaning into his side. He looked down at me and gave me a huge smile.

“I’m glad you had fun.” My phone binged again and I groaned giving up all self-control to check it. I had about a hundred instagram notifications, which was weird seeing as I had just downloaded this new app a few weeks ago per Allies request. I opened it up and saw that all the notifications were coming from the picture of my fat thighs, well the picture of Alex kissing me with our ridiculous ears. The caption was simple, “That Girl @ETaylor.” I looked over at Alex who gave me a sheepish smile.

“Why did you tag me in this?” I was angry because I looked fat. I was angry because he was the one who said we weren’t going to do anything to make this official and more importantly I was angry because I now had thousands of fan girls blowing up my phone.

“Because it was a cute photo of us,” He shrugged.

I could feel my eyes start to water as I read through the comments.

Who is that Bitch?

What happened to Chloe? Chloe is so much prettier than her.

Have you even seen her IG page? Girl is a straight up freak.

“Alex they hate me,” A few tears slipped out and Alex looked panicked.

“Don’t listen to them!” He embraced me in a hug, “You are perfect and they are just jealous and bored.”

“Why would you post a photo of me?” I asked still crying and probably causing a scene in the middle of the walkway.

“Because you are so beautiful, everyone should have the pleasure of looking at you and knowing that I'm so lucky to have a girl like you.”

I looked up at him with tears still in my eyes, “But I’m not yours.”

“I would like you to be.”

“Is this your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?”

“Yes,” The fireworks starting going off but we weren’t paying attention.

“That is a really shitty way.”

Alex starting laughing, “What?”

“Well I’m crying in the happiest place on earth because your fans hate me and then you randomly ask me to be your girlfriend.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I’ve been thinking about the best way to do it all day,” He admitted.

“So you couldn’t do it when we were riding roller coasters? Or when we got to dance in Cinderella’s castle? Or when I got to meet Mickey and Minn—“ He cut me off with a kiss and I lost my train of thought.

He pulled back smiling, “Do you ever shut-up?”

I hit him in the chest, “Do you ever not have horrible timing?”

“Touché,” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “So what is the answer?”

“Took you long enough,” I leaned in to kiss him again as the firework finale was going off in the background. It was the perfect cliché moment for the perfect cliché day.



Things have been great between Alex and I since he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. I've gained about four thousand new Instagram followers and thanks to Jack I'm in the works of gaining a "Twitter Fan Base" apparently not all of Alex's fans hate my guts, which is reassuring. Alex and I spend every hour we can, together. I've been taking most of my classes online and he has been cutting down on appearances so we can spend as much time together as we can before they leave for three months. I just can't get enough of him though, he is my new drug. I feel like a different person when I'm around him. Alex brings out the very best in me. I don't know how I'm going to survive when he leaves me to live out his dreams.

We were currently cuddling on the couch while he went over the finalized itinerary for their big tour, “So you guys are starting off overseas?”

He nodded his head half paying attention to me; “Yep for two weeks and then we kick off the US tour with Cleveland, Ohio.”

I scrunched up my noes, “When do you come to California?”

He flipped threw a few papers looking for the dates, “Right before Halloween.” He turned towards me a smiled, “So I hope you have a sexy costume.” I shoved his hand off my leg with a laugh.

“You can keep fantasying, but I haven’t dressed up for Halloween since I was fifteen.”

He pouted, “Maybe I will get lucky.”

“Maybe,” I teased. “Who are you touring with again?”

“The Summer Set, The Downtown Fiction, and Hit the Lights.”

“Sounds fun,” I trailed off playing with my hair. “You finish with Baltimore, right?”

“Always.”

“And then you will spend the holidays with your family.”

Alex sighed and turned towards me, “Yes I will. What’s up with the twenty questions?”

“I just can’t believe your leaving tomorrow,” I shifted my gaze to his work. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” He smiled pulling me closer into him. “When do you finish school?”

School, the only thing preventing me from living out my rock star dreams and going on tour with them. “December 2nd.”

“Are you going home for the holidays?”

I shrugged, “Probably not.” Alex frowned and I got sick of this conversation. “Stop working so we can spend your last day in town together.”

He raised his eyebrow, “What did you have in mind?”

I giggled, “Come upstairs and find out.” I got up and sauntered up to Alex’s room where I have been spending majority of my time the past two weeks. Alex followed like a lost puppy and as soon as he shut his door he attacked my neck with kisses. He moved us slowly back until we hit the bed and collapsed into its comfort. I was quick to remove his shirt and run my hands all over his body not once removing our lips. He pushed me deeper into the bed only breaking our kiss to take off my shirt and my bra; he paused admiring my half naked body. I blushed and tried to cover myself.

“Stop,” He mumbled removing my hands. “You are so beautiful.” He leaned down to attack my nipples with his mouth and I shivered arching my back to be closer to his mouth. I wanted to melt into his body, he was so addicting. Once he felt my breast had enough of his assault, he move back up slowly towards my lips. He played with the buttons of my jeans and I gave him a slight nod to take them off. He wasted no time ripping them off along with his own pants, leaving us both in our underwear. He climbed back on top of me returning his lips on mine while he slowly teased me with his hand. I could feel myself growing wet and more nervous. I closed my eyes and instead of seeing Alex I saw Kyle, I let out a loud gasp and Alex mistook it for one of pleasure.

“Are you already ready for me?” He was still slowly rubbing circles in me and my heartbeat was racing. I could feel how hard he was and I didn’t want to disappoint him.

“There is something I need to tell you,” Alex looked worried.

“What’s wrong?”

“Alex I haven’t had sex well since—“ I trailed off not wanting to say Kyle’s name. “And I don’t really count that.”

He nodded, “So you're technically a virgin.” He understood and I closed my eyes.

“Technically yes, and I don’t think I’m ready.” I looked into his big brown eyes.

He leaned in to kiss me, “We don’t have to have sex if you’re not ready.” He moved to get off me and I stopped him.

“Just because I don’t want to have sex doesn’t mean I don’t want to do other things”. He smirked and leaned back into me.

“Oh yeah?”

I flipped us so that I was straddling him, “Oh yeah.”



“I’m going to miss you like crazy,” Alex kissed me again refusing to let go of my waist. We stood in the middle of the LAX airport with the rest of the band saying goodbye to their loved ones.

“I’m going to miss you. Don’t forget to call me!”

“I will try not to,” He laughed and their tour manger was telling everyone to hurry up because they had “a flight to catch.”

“Be safe and have fun,” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“I will. Take care of yourself, Erin.” He gave me a very passionate kiss before Matt practically tore us apart.

“I will,” I smiled. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, ET.” I paused in the familiarity of my childhood nickname. No one else other than my mom or my grandma called me ET, I like the way it sounded coming out of his mouth. I watched as he made his way through security before I made my way out of LAX. I felt something in my pocket and pulled out the piece of paper. I smirked looking at the scrawl with my name on the front, immediately recognizing it. I opened it and was surprised by seeing music lyrics. Alex must have slipped this in here last night.



My eyes started to water because I knew I would miss him immensely. I tucked the paper back into my pocket and made my way to my car. Just one more month until we would be reunited, I could do this.