Cigarette Daydreams

“Why do you always leave me in the mornings?”

I wiped the sweat off my face, “Excuse me?”

“I just wish I could wake up to you in my arms.”

I sighed straitening out my ponytail, “I go work out with Zack in the mornings and you know this.

“I just wish I could wake up to your beautiful face,” Alex pouted.

“You do when we take naps!” I gave him a hug grin, which caused him to laugh and agree with me.

“I love our naps.”

I poured myself a hug glass of coffee before walking over to him on the couch, “Me to. What’s on the agenda today?”

He sat there for a few seconds thinking, “Well we have some good friends in Tempe so we will probably spend the day causing trouble with them.”

I smirked, “Ooh I like trouble.’

“Don’t cause too much or I’ll have to spank you!” I busted out laughing at Alex’s lame attempts to be sex. “What?” His questioning caused me to laugh harder.

“What’s going on?” Rian walked into the room eating a banana and texting on his phone.

“Alex threatened to spank me if I don’t behave around your Arizona friends.” I was laughing so hard I could barely spit it out. Rian began to chuckle.

“Really Alex?”

Alex pouted before giving me a few playful swats, “Just trying to spice things up.”

“Am I boring vanilla to you?” I asked with an eyebrow raised and Alex’s eyes went big.

“That’s not what I meant!”

I began laughing again, “Get your shit together man, you’re becoming less fun to make fun of!” I stood and made my way towards the bathroom on the bus but not before I heard Alex’s rebuttal.

“Am not!”



“So these are the other trouble makers place?” I whispered in Alex’s ear as the boys and I pulled up to a decent size house in the suburbs of Arizona. “Seems very un-trouble maker like.”

Alex snickered, “They are pretty wild don’t let the white picket fences fool ya.”

“How did you meet these guys?” I asked a little louder so everyone in the van could answer.

“Warped Tour.” Jack responded from the front seat.

“More bands,” I laughed. “Should have known.”

Zack scoffed, “We associate outside of the music world.”

“Maybe you do Zack.” I stuck my thumb at the other three boys, “But these douches don’t.”

I got a multiple loud complaints before Rian jumped in and saved me. “Are we going to sit in the car and argue or are we going to go inside and visit?” Jack and Alex mumbled apologizes before hoping out of the car, I followed suit. The boys embraced the five guys that were standing in front of the house. Alex waved me over and I walked up to the pretty stone house.

I held out my hand, “Hi, I’m Erin.”

“You must be Alex’s new girlfriend,” I frowned at the blonde guy’s tone. “I’m John,” He smirked before pointing to the other four men. “This is Kennedy, Jared, Garret, and Pat.” He pointed to each man respectfully and they all gave me a small wave and smile.

“Nice to meet you,” I cuddled into Alex’s side. An action I tend to do when I’m nervous.

Alex chuckled noticing my discomfort. “Let’s go inside and crack open some beers!” I rolled my eyes because it was barely noon but followed nevertheless.

“Erin, did you want a beer?” The guy who I recognized as Garret asked me.

“I’m not a big beer drinker.” I declined with a frown.

John came up behind Garret laughing, “How do you make it on tour with these fucks then?”

Alex mocked hurt, “We are not that bad!”

“Yeah you are,” Jack patted Alex’s shoulder with a beer in his hand. “Erin will take some fruity girly shit if you have it.” I glared at Jack knowing that he was right. I preferred the girly shit.

“Does a Redds work?” Garret held out the bottle for me to look at.

“Perfect,” I smiled taking it. “Thank you.” I cracked the top off taking a long sip of it.

“So who is ready to go swimming?” Zack came running in the room with his shirt off.

“It’s cold out!” I protested laughing.

Alex looked down at me smiling, “They have a heated pool.”

I rolled my eyes looking at John, “How suburban of them. Do you guys happen to have a mini van in your two-car garage?” Everyone in the room, minus John, started cracking up.

John sent a glare my way, “Oh yeah?” He put down his beer before charging towards me and hosting me up over his shoulder causing me to scream in protest.

“Alex!” I called out for help but he was too busy laughing at the blonde lanky man who was carrying me towards the backyard. “Don’t you dare! Put me down!” I tried kicking my legs with futile efforts.

“Alex?” John called out spinning us around to face the other eight men.

“Yes good friend?” He held a smirk on his lips as I struggled to get out of Johns grip.

“Do you think your girlfriend needs to cool down?”

I screamed again kicking and flaying my arms. I did not want to get wet. “She seemed a little hot on the way over. A little dip couldn’t hurt.” I was sent flying into the water with one last scream of protest. I hit the bottom of the pool pretty hard and decided to milk this for what it was worth. I’m from Florida; you can guarantee I could hold my breath for a long time. A few moments later, John had jumped into the pool to “rescue me” but not before I pushed myself off of the bottom of the pool, emerging gasping for air. I started laughing as soon as John emerged himself getting me a weird look.

“That’s what you get for throwing me in,” I splashed him.

“Fuck yeah Erin!” Kennedy yelled before jumping in himself. The remainder of the boys followed suit.

“Damn girl you can hold your breath! You just about gave Alex and John a heart attack,” Jack swam towards me laughing with a beer in his hand.

“That’s what they deserve,” I felt arms wrap around my waist and smiled knowing it was Alex.

“That wasn’t very nice.” I turned around to face Alex with a smirk on my face.

“You can spank me later,” I kissed him on the lips before swimming away from him leaving him stunned into silence.

“Come back here!” I laughed while getting out of the pool. As soon as I did, I regretted my decision. I was hit with the brisk cold air and standing there without a towel.

Pat noticed my district shivering, “Follow me inside we have some spare towels.” I nodded my head too cold to give a ‘thank you.’ Pat tossed me a large blue towel and I imminently wrapped my body inside of it.

“Thank you,” I managed to get out while my teeth were clattering. He nodded and headed back outside. I tried to dry off my body as best as I could, but with my soaking wet clothes it was useless.

“Do you need a change of clothes?” I turned around to see John standing there without a shirt.

“No thanks,” My teeth were still clattering.

“You’re going to freeze to death.”

I frowned, “Alex wouldn’t want me to wear another guys clothes.”

John laughed, “I have a girlfriend who is about the same size as you, you can barrow her clothes.” My faced heated up in embracement.

“Sure that would be awesome,” John darted into the first door on the right and emerged a few seconds later with a sweater and a pair of jeans. I took them graciously, “Thank you.” He nodded his head before disappearing outside. I slipped into the bathroom before stripping out of my wet clothes and putting on new ones. They hug off my body obviously a few sizes too big and too long, but I shrugged off, too big was better than wet. I left the bathroom collecting my wet clothes. I spotted Alex in the kitchen getting another beer.

“Hey babe,” He jumped and I giggled.

“Whose clothes are those?”

I raised my eyebrow, “John’s girlfriend.”

“John doesn’t have a girlfriend.”



I was reading a book on the front of the tour bus waiting for the guys to get back from their show. I was always happy with sitting side stage and watching them pour their hearts out to their fans but tonight I needed a night to myself. My depression did that to me sometimes; I would be perfectly fine and then all of the sudden I couldn’t stand to be around anyone. I needed to be alone. I check the clock again and groaned when I realized the boys would come running up the stairs to the bus trying to get some drinking game started. I honestly do not know how none of the ATL boys had liver failure yet. The door slammed open and I was surprised to just see Jack there.

I gave him a small smile and went back to the book. “We need to talk, Erin.” I looked at him with an eyebrow raised not ready for his antics just yet, but he looked completely serious. I marked my place in my book and then set it down next to me all while moving my feet so Jack could take the seat by me.

“What’s up?”

“It’s about Alex.” My heart stopped.

“What about Alex?”

“He really likes you,” I let out a breath of air I didn’t know I was holding. “But I have a feeling you’re going to hurt him.”

“Excuse me?” I sat up a bit straighter going straight to defensive mode.

“I like you Erin, I think you are a cool gal but Alex is my best friend, and you’re just another girl that is going to break his heart.” He looked so pained to tell me the truth but I understood where it was coming from.

“I don’t have any intentions of hurting Alex, I hope you know this.”

He nodded his head, “I just don’t think you’re at a good place in your life to love Alex the way Alex loves you.”

“I don’t think it’s any of your business.” I snapped.

He didn’t seem fazed, “But it is. I want the best for him and believe it or not I want the best for you. Maybe it’s being with each other but if it’s not let him know before he takes that jump, because believe me Erin he is about to.” He stood up and I was frozen in shock. I had so many questions ruining through my head. So many unanswered questions.

Did I love Alex?

Am I holding him back?

Are we meant to be?

Am I just leading him on?

“And Erin?” I snapped out of my dazed.

“Yeah?”

“Lets keep this between us.”

I nodded my head, “Sure.” The rest of the boys barged in the bus with big smiles on their faces.

“There you are Jack! Matt is going crazy looking for you!” Rian smiled not noticing the tension in the room.

Alex looked over at me and frowned, “What’s wrong?” He came closer to the couch and I shot up.

“Nothing, I just think I’m getting sick.” Alex stepped closer and I stepped back. “Excuse me.” I ran to the bathroom and let my stomach empty itself. I groaned when I finished and lead up against the toilet resting my head. A few tears escaped my eyes when I realized the situation I was in.

I wasn’t going to hold Alex back.