Cigarette Daydreams

The first thing I could sense was people looking at me. I know the feeling because it is the same sensation that gives me anxiety when I go up in front of a group. I had lost the ability to open my eyes—hell I couldn’t even wiggle my toes if I wanted too. God I was thirsty, I just wanted water. My skin was on fire. Maybe I made it to hell after all. I could feel my hearing starting to coming back and I could barely make out the sounds of systematic beeping.

Nope, not hell but a hospital is pretty close.

I wanted to open my eyes so desperately asking them to turn the damn machine off regardless if it was keeping me alive—the beeping was too much to handle. Then that is when I heard the soft guitar strings. It couldn’t have been someone playing his or her I-Pod. The music was too loud and too real. I started sorting threw my memory trying to remember anyone I knew that could play the guitar decently, not being able to list anyone. His voice was nice and so familiar. WHY COULDN’T I OPEN MY EYES?

“My lungs gave out…”

“MINE ARE ABOUT TOO IF NO ONE ANWERS ME!” I yelled realizing I didn’t actually yell and started to get annoyed with my situations. Good prank God, as if I wasn’t fucking crazy enough.

“And the experts say I'm delirious.”

“Join the club buddy,” I sighed again—internally—knowing that no one heard me. I tried to calm myself down while I was concentrating on his voice. It was so familiar so I knew I had heard it before.

“Give me therapy. I'm a walking travesty but I'm smiling at everything.” I just concentrated on his voice and in my probably drugged up state of mind, he sounded just like an angel. My angel.

“Is this heaven?” and just then my eyes popped open leaving me face to face with the guy with the angelic voice. I was hit with soring pain that I didn’t even think was possible, but his brown eyes made all my worries melt away. Then it hit me like a train, I did know this guy. I had saw him once at Warped. I had seen him again live in concert a few months ago with Allie and her Ex. More importantly, he was the guy in the beanie at 901 Coffee House. What was his name?

“Alex,” I slipped out of my mouth before I had time to even process if that was really his name. Apparently it was because it made him stop singing.

“Please don’t stop.”

I could faintly hear Allie screaming and my room turned into a circus of medical professionals dragging everyone out of my room. The whole time I was staring and the brown eye angel trying to forget all of that around me, while he stared right back at me with the same intensity. As soon as the door shut leaving me with multiple doctors all screaming orders I realized how tired I was and how much pain I was in. I looked up at one of the doctors who had memorizing blue eyes and he smiled at me. I closed my eyes promising myself that I wouldn’t fall asleep but it was another promise I couldn’t keep.