Wildest Dreams

When I pull up to the house a little while later there's a car parked in the driveway I'm not familiar with. As I unbuckle Cash from his car seat and haul him and the few shopping bags I'd accumulated that afternoon, my mind is running through all the possibilities. My parents? One of the guys' girlfriends I'd been close with? Matt's parents?

The front door swings open just as I reach for the knob and I'm greeted by a face that did not cross my mind a few seconds ago.

"Kyle!?" I cry out, a smile breaking out on my face.

"Mariah!" I'm enveloped in a tight hug and dragged into the entry way before anything else can be said.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as I place Cash down on his own two feet and dig through the bags to find the action figure that's kept him preoccupied all day. He pulls on the bottom of my shirt the whole time until finally I find it. "Aha!" I say with a smile as I hand it over to him. Cash wanders off into the living room, probably searching for Zack or Brian.

"No one told you?" I scrunch my eyebrows as I smooth out my shirt. Just then I hear a ruckus and see a few people make their way into the kitchen from the patio door. Cash waits patiently as he scans the faces looking for someone specific. When his eyes land on Brian his cheeks erupt in a smile as he reaches his arms up.

"Hey, hey little man!" Brian scoops the toddler up and flings him up in the air. Giggles escape Cash's lips as Brian continues to toss him.

"Careful in there!" I call around the corner.

"Yes, mother." Brian mocks as he turns to head back outside. Zack and Jimmy remain in the kitchen, a conversation going on between them that I can't quite catch over everyone else's voices. I turn my attention to Kyle.

"Sorry. It's hard to focus around here. I'm not use to being around so many people at once. My brain just kinda ping pongs around inside my head before I get with the program."

"It's okay. I'm sure it's taking some getting use to." The guys make their way into the entry way and I spot a face I haven't seen since I've been back.

"Johnny!?" He makes his way over and wraps his arms around my waist, squeezing me tight. "When did you get back? I heard about your wedding. Congratulations."

"Thanks. We got back two days ago. We heard Matt found you but wanted to give you some space. Figured you had a lot going on and we didn't want to interfere."

"I appreciate you." I say with sincerity as I lean in and kiss his cheek. "Thank you. So who is the lucky lady you married?" Johnny's eyes flicker over my shoulder as a smile pulls at his lips. I turn around and see Kyle grinning as well. "No way! You two!?"

Kyle holds up her left hand to show me the beautiful ring on her finger.

"When did you guys get together?" I ask.

"Shortly after you left, actually." Suddenly the lighthearted tone disappears and it almost feels awkward.

"Oh. The wedding?" I whisper out and Johnny nods. Of course they reconnected at what was suppose to be the best day of my life , but turned out to be the best day of theirs. "It's fine." My voice is low. "Life goes on." I force a smile and turn back to the girl who use to be my best friend. "Please tell me we will have all the time in the world to catch up."

"Of course. We are still living in the neighborhood. You know you are always welcome and I need to babysit that little beauty you have out there." I peek around the corner to see Brian sitting on the patio with Cash while his nephew plays with the toys that have been out there since we moved in.

"I'll leave you two to talk." Johnny says as he turns towards the patio. "I've got a nephew to catch up with."

"Yes you do." I tell him. "Hey, where's Matt?"

"He was down in the gym when we got here. Hasn't been up much today that I've seen."

"I wonder what that's about." Johnny disappears out the door and Kyle hops onto the couch. She crosses her legs Indian style and stares at me like I'm an alien.

"You're a mom, Mariah." Her tone is almost unbelieving.

"Yes I am. And you married Johnny Christ."

"Life, man. It's all so crazy." I sit down in the chair across from her and rest my chin on my hand. We sit in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds are music playing from the stereo that's almost always on in the kitchen, turned down just low enough to be heard but not loud enough to interrupt, and the shouts of the guys outside as they kick a ball around with Cash.

"He's a beautiful kid." Kyle speaks up.

"Thank you. He's pretty amazing."

"Where the hell have you been?" She asks, the atmosphere turning serious. "You just left without a word. No phone call, note, nothing. You were my best friend." Her voice cracks almost like she's going to cry and that causes me to sit forward in my seat and reach for her hand. "I needed you."

"I know I let you down." I whisper and I can feel the tears burning at the backs of my eyes at the site of her upset.

"It's fine." She pulls her hand away from me and wipes underneath her eyes before shaking her head. "It's fine. Let's talk about something else. Like you and Matt." I roll my eyes.

"There's no me and Matt."

"Don't bullshit me, Haner. You and that man can't be around each other without something happening." Her teasing tone is back.

"I'm serious. We are just trying to figure out how to be in each other's lives with Cash. I don't want to push anything." I run my fingers through my hair and sigh.

"Fine. Fine. I can see it's a touchy subject."

"Not touchy. Just had to explain that to a lot of people here lately. It's been a lot of catching up the last few days."

"I can only imagine with this crew. People are probably stopping by in waves am I right?"

"Not so bad. The guys just never seem to leave." I try to keep my voice down, not wanting anyone to hear. "I love them. I do. I missed them all so much and I can't wait to feel like I'm a part of their lives again, but I don't know how to get my son into some sense of normal when it's a family reunion every day and that's just a normal Tuesday." I look out the window to the backyard and see how happy my son is with these people.

"I know exactly what you mean, but I don't have kids so I can't imagine how that feels when you're trying to keep things structured."

"Cash has enough issues. A lot of them are my fault, but I can't get him to myself long enough these days to really work with him. I guess I'm just not use to having to share him with anyone. It's just been him and I since he was born."

"Talk to Matt about it. I'm sure he can say something to the guys and it not sound like you're pushing them away."

"I will. We are talking about our living situation tonight after everyone leaves. Makes me wonder if that's why he's been in the gym all afternoon."

I stand from the chair and start to head towards the backroom.

"I'm going to go hang out with the guys. You coming?" I ask Kyle.

"I'm actually going to run down and talk to Matt for a second." I scrunch my eyebrows.

"You two close now?" She nods.

"Closer than we use to be, yeah." To me that feels weird and after not trusting anyone for over two years, something doesn't feel right about that, but I have to learn not everyone is Chris. Not everyone wants to hurt me.

"Oh." I turn to head outside without another word. Kyle stops me as my hand touches the knob.

"He was a mess while you were gone, Ri. We didn't think he would ever be the same again." I squeeze the knob tight in my hand, refusing to turn around and look at her. Those words cause pain in my chest because I know me leaving caused my best friend to replace me with the man I once loved. Her interests are in guarding his heart, not mine, from this second round between us.

"Why are you telling me that?" I ask, still facing the backyard.

"I just want you to keep that in mind when you guys talk tonight. Please don't hold his mistakes against him forever."

With that I swing the door open, almost feeling betrayed in my heart but I know I'm the only one to blame.