Wildest Dreams

As I sit down at the dining room table, my nerves try to get the best of me. Matt is leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest and his brow furrowed.

The guys had al left not long ago, and I was relieved when it was finally just the three of us in the house. Part of me was happy for Kyle and Johnny to leave. My best friend has moved on without me and doesn't seem to be too willing to forgive and forget. Every move I made around the guys when Kyle was watching seemed to be analyzed before she would react, like she didn't trust me around them anymore. By the end of her visit my brain as exhausted.

"I don't want to fight about this." Matt mumbles out without looking me in the eye.

"I don't either."

"Where's Cash?" He takes a few steps towards me and sits down on one of the bar stools not far from the kitchen table.

"Taking a nap. He had a big day with me and Sam. Then he got to play with Sam's daughter Amelia."

"You know you can always have your friends here. I don't mind."

"Thank you."

"I don't want to make this harder than it has to be."

"I know. I'm not trying to complicate things. I just want this to work and I want it to be easy for Cash."

"So live here. With me. He can grow up knowing what having two parents who love him together is." I let out a sigh as I grip my hands on the table in front of me.

"All types of issues come to mind when I think about that, Matt."

"Like?"

"Us getting along. The guys always being here. Never getting to spend any real time with my son because he's being passed around like a hot potato. What happens when you or I start dating? 'Hi, romantic interest, welcome to the home I share with the father of my child.'"

"I didn't know you were thinking about dating." The tone of his voice is almost hurt.

"I'm not. But what about you? You're a single guy with no complicated backstory. You could have any girl you wanted right now."

"The only thing on my mind at this point, Mariah, is my son and learning how to be a good father to him. Dating doesn't even come up on my radar."

"Oh. Well, you could, you know. If you wanted. I can't stop you." Matt let's out a long sigh while staring me hard in the face. He stands up from the barstool and makes his way over to me In just a few strides. Matt grabs the edges of my chair and spins me away from the table while kneeling in front of me. "What are you doing?"

Matt takes both of my hands in his and holds them tight while his gaze bores into mine. My heart begins to race and for a moment I think he's going to try to kiss me.

"I wish you understood the way I feel about you." My voice catches in my throat as I go to respond.

"Matt.. I. This.." I pull my hands away to motion from myself to him.

"Stop." He whispers out. "You're going to sit here and you're going to listen to me, Mariah, because you've done a whole lot of talking since you've been back and I haven't gotten a chance to say anything I need to say."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise at his forward demeanor.

"I know you don't want to talk about the past and what I did to hurt you but, damnit, you need to know that it was the biggest mistake of my entire life." He squeezes my hands tighter in his. "Baby, if I could take it all back and have just married you like I wanted to so fucking badly instead of being an idiot who was afraid, I would. No questions asked, Mariah."

I can feel the tears burning at the backs of my eyes and I turn away from him and squeeze my eyes shut. Within a second, Matt grabs my chin gently in his hand and turns my face back to look him in the eyes. There are tears swimming in his hazel orbs and I'm sure mine look the same.

"I was drunk, okay? There's the big secret. The guys wanted to celebrate before we went out there and I guess things just got a little out of hand. I'm not proud by any means of the fact that I was drunk on my wedding day, but you know how much I was struggling back then with a lot of things."

"I know." I whisper. Things seem to make a little more sense now that I know that little bit of information. The guys being drunk explains their ridiculous behavior when I confronted them. It explains why they accused me of being dramatic, of trying to find an excuse not to marry Matt. The things they said to me were hurtful that day.

"I don't even remember Val showing up. I remember being in the room we were all getting ready in and then going to the bathroom. After that things get really hazy and I swear to you that's not just a way for me to not take responsibility for my actions. I can't remember if jimmy gave me any pills. He could have, it's likely, and I've never asked him. Next thing I know I'm in the backseat of a car with Val on top of me.

By the time I got myself together and back inside the church your dad told me you were gone. He hadn't seen me with Val, none of the guys had. They kept telling me you backed out on me. That you were ranting and raving about Val and you weren't making any sense. I broke down and told them what had happened and they knew they had done you wrong, Mariah. But it was too late. You were already gone."

Tears are streaming down my cheeks at this point as I take in what happened after I left the church that afternoon. My family thought I was just having cold feet and backing out on Matt. They had hurt me deeper than they ever could imagine. To this day I will never forget the sound of my father's voice as he said what he said to me.

"You almost tore our family apart when Brian found out you were seeing Matthew. You swore he was the one for you and now you're pulling this? On your wedding day, Mariah? What has gotten into you?"

His voice was so full of disappointment as I cried and tried to explain to him what had happened. No one would believe me. Since I've been back my father is the one person I refuse to contact. His betrayal hurt me the most.

Matt reaches up and brushes away the hair that has fallen into my face. I stare down at my lap as the tears continue to flow silently.

"I didn't bring all this up because I wanted to hurt you or make you cry. It's also not to make myself out to be a victim. I know what I did, Mariah. I know I broke your heart." He places a finger under my chin and tilts my head up so he can look me in the eye. "I just want you to understand how much I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. I want to make it up to you so bad."

"Matt, I.. So much has changed these last few years for me." I whisper out as I brush a finger over his cheek.

"Do you still love me?" Matt asks so straightforward my breath catches in my throat. "Do you?" I pause for a moment, taking a deep shaky breath before responding.

"How could I not, Matt? If I didn't love you I wouldn't have ruined my life to get away from you. To get away from the hurt you caused in me."

There's a silence between us as we both take on what the other has revealed.

"Stay here with me. Don't leave, again."

My eyes flicker from his lips to his eyes as a million thoughts race through my head.

"Okay." I whisper. "Okay."

"Really?" a grin spreads across his face and those dimples I love so much make an appearance. I take his face in my hands gently and brush my thumb across his bottom lip. I lean forward, closing the gap between us and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. My heart starts racing in my chest once more and I pull away before things get too carried away.

"This is how it's suppose to be, baby. You and me. You and me and our perfect kid." Matt presses a kiss to my forehead before standing and pulling me to my feet. He envelopes me in his arms so tight and if I could be any closer to him in that moment I would. In that moment everything feels like life might be okay again.