Wildest Dreams
Blue Orchid
My hips move to the beat of the music, a smile gracing my face as the sound of the electric guitar flows through my ears. My hand taps my thigh to the beat and a giggle escapes my lips as I spin around and see my almost three year old dancing around the kitchen to the sound of Blue Orchid by the White Stripes. The stereo on the counter is turned up loud and so far today has been a good day.
“Mama, watch me!” Cash calls out to me as he slides across the kitchen floor and pretends to be strumming an invisible guitar. He jumps up and down, head bangs, and twirls himself around to the rock song.
“Wow! Look at you!” I clap my hands, my chest light for the first time in weeks. My son continues to dance his way around the island in the kitchen as the song ends and the next one starts. The toddler is not satisfied by the next song on shuffle and he runs over to try climbing up my leg.
“Daddy’s song, mama. Can we listen to daddy’s song?” I crouch down to be at eye level with him and brush a hand over his cheek.
“That song is kind of sad, baby. We’re having fun, aren't we?” He nods his head as his hazel eyes bore into mine and I feel a squeeze on the left side of my chest. I know exactly what song he means. The Bob Dylan tune was something Matt sang to his son almost daily, and Cash loved it. I know he misses Matt, but doesn't understand where he went or when he's coming home.
“Please?”
“Let's make a deal,” I take his little hands in mine. “Tonight before bed, we can listen to that song and we can write daddy a letter together. How's that sound?” His eyes light up.
“Will daddy read it?”
“Well of course he will.” I don't know if what I'm telling him is true. Matt could very well see the return address and throw it in the trash before even opening it. “He will love to hear from you.” I kiss his forehead and brush my hand through his hair before he takes off into the living room to play with toys.
The patio door slides open and in walks Samantha, Amelia tagging along behind her who is giggling at Bella trying to lick her in the face. Samantha’s arms are full with two bags of groceries and I hurry over to help her.
“Thank you.” Samantha’s voice is exasperated as I snatch a bag from her and shoo Bella back out to the backyard to keep the dog from tripping the two blondes who just entered the kitchen.
“Hey, Cash!” I call out to the toddler as I set the bag down and turn the stereo off. “Amelia is here!” I hear the sound of his feet on the hardwood as he races back down the hallway. “Why don't you two play with Bells out back?” I suggest while opening the patio door for them. Their innocent giggles fill my ears as they race out to a very excited golden retriever with her ball in her mouth.
“You don't have to keep taking care of me, you know.” I tease her while unpacking the groceries.
“Of course I do. Doesn't change the fact that I'm going to be here with you as much as I can.”
“You're so stubborn.” She flips me off while taking a seat on one of the barstools.
“How do you know I'm not here for selfish reasons?” She takes a bag of Cheetos out of the paper sack and opens them with a ‘pop’ sound before stuffing her mouth with the orange crisps. I reach over and steal one from the bag before raising an eyebrow at her. “I think Carter wants to work things out.”
My mouth falls open in shock, no words coming to mind. Carter has been with his girlfriend Rachel for almost all of Amelia’s life. He always rubbed his perfect relationship in Samantha’s face, even though they ended on peaceful terms.
“Excuse me?” she nods and continues eating the Cheetos. “Please explain. I thought you had the hots for my brother?” I tease her.
“Well duh. Your brother is absolutely a hottie. But he's in prison and Carter is the father of my child.” She grins at the prison part.
“So he broke up with Rachel?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“Is this really something you want? You couldn't stand his perfect persona before.” I think back to all the times she told me when they were together she never felt good enough.
“I think it's something I'm willing to think about. He wants to get dinner tomorrow night to talk about things.”
“If he can make you happy then I think it would be good for your family to be together. A few months ago I would have believed that was true for me.” I motion towards the oversized and very empty house.
“Where's your dad?” She stands from the barstool and begins putting away the groceries.
“He went home for a few hours. I don't need a babysitter, Sam.” Her hands raise to feign innocence.
“Not babysitting. Just wanted to talk.”
”There's my two favorite tykes!” I hear someone call out from the backyard and I see Jimmy entering the gate. My heart swells in my chest. Jimmy has been gone since before Cash was taken by Chris. His mother is sick and living in Georgia, so he has been there the last few months. I hurry out to the backyard and envelope him in a hug before he can even get a ‘hello’ out. I bury my face in his neck and he squeezes me tight.
“I've got you.” He whispers in my ear. When I pull away there's hope written across his face which causes me to smile.
“I missed you, Jim.”
“I'm sorry I couldn't be here. Mom just kept getting worse.”
“Is she okay?” I brush a hand over his cheek as he looks to the ground.
“She passed, but we all knew it was coming. Made it a little easier to handle, you know?”
“I'm so sorry, Jim.” He kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand before heading over to play with the kids. Something about having him back feels right. My heart feels a little less empty with the silly giant right here in my backyard. “Hey, could you keep Sam company for a few hours?” I call out to him.
“Of course.”
“Where you going, mama?” Cash calls out, his expression full of concern.
“I'm just going to run to the store really quick, okay?” I can tell he's unsure but he glances from Jimmy to Amelia and nods.
I head towards the house where Sam is still munching on Cheetos and scrolling on her phone.
“Where are you really going?” She asks, having overheard the conversation from the open door.
“I have to tell him. In person, not in a stupid letter. Not by Kyle. I want to be the one to tell him. He doesn't get to just check out of this life without giving me a say.”
“How are you going to get to him if he took you off his list?” I grab my purse and car keys off the counter.
“I don't know, I'm going to beg the guards I guess. On my hands and knees.” She blows me a kiss as I race out to my car. Visiting hours end in two hours, and it takes an hour to get there based on traffic. I should have plenty of time.
“Mama, watch me!” Cash calls out to me as he slides across the kitchen floor and pretends to be strumming an invisible guitar. He jumps up and down, head bangs, and twirls himself around to the rock song.
“Wow! Look at you!” I clap my hands, my chest light for the first time in weeks. My son continues to dance his way around the island in the kitchen as the song ends and the next one starts. The toddler is not satisfied by the next song on shuffle and he runs over to try climbing up my leg.
“Daddy’s song, mama. Can we listen to daddy’s song?” I crouch down to be at eye level with him and brush a hand over his cheek.
“That song is kind of sad, baby. We’re having fun, aren't we?” He nods his head as his hazel eyes bore into mine and I feel a squeeze on the left side of my chest. I know exactly what song he means. The Bob Dylan tune was something Matt sang to his son almost daily, and Cash loved it. I know he misses Matt, but doesn't understand where he went or when he's coming home.
“Please?”
“Let's make a deal,” I take his little hands in mine. “Tonight before bed, we can listen to that song and we can write daddy a letter together. How's that sound?” His eyes light up.
“Will daddy read it?”
“Well of course he will.” I don't know if what I'm telling him is true. Matt could very well see the return address and throw it in the trash before even opening it. “He will love to hear from you.” I kiss his forehead and brush my hand through his hair before he takes off into the living room to play with toys.
The patio door slides open and in walks Samantha, Amelia tagging along behind her who is giggling at Bella trying to lick her in the face. Samantha’s arms are full with two bags of groceries and I hurry over to help her.
“Thank you.” Samantha’s voice is exasperated as I snatch a bag from her and shoo Bella back out to the backyard to keep the dog from tripping the two blondes who just entered the kitchen.
“Hey, Cash!” I call out to the toddler as I set the bag down and turn the stereo off. “Amelia is here!” I hear the sound of his feet on the hardwood as he races back down the hallway. “Why don't you two play with Bells out back?” I suggest while opening the patio door for them. Their innocent giggles fill my ears as they race out to a very excited golden retriever with her ball in her mouth.
“You don't have to keep taking care of me, you know.” I tease her while unpacking the groceries.
“Of course I do. Doesn't change the fact that I'm going to be here with you as much as I can.”
“You're so stubborn.” She flips me off while taking a seat on one of the barstools.
“How do you know I'm not here for selfish reasons?” She takes a bag of Cheetos out of the paper sack and opens them with a ‘pop’ sound before stuffing her mouth with the orange crisps. I reach over and steal one from the bag before raising an eyebrow at her. “I think Carter wants to work things out.”
My mouth falls open in shock, no words coming to mind. Carter has been with his girlfriend Rachel for almost all of Amelia’s life. He always rubbed his perfect relationship in Samantha’s face, even though they ended on peaceful terms.
“Excuse me?” she nods and continues eating the Cheetos. “Please explain. I thought you had the hots for my brother?” I tease her.
“Well duh. Your brother is absolutely a hottie. But he's in prison and Carter is the father of my child.” She grins at the prison part.
“So he broke up with Rachel?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“Is this really something you want? You couldn't stand his perfect persona before.” I think back to all the times she told me when they were together she never felt good enough.
“I think it's something I'm willing to think about. He wants to get dinner tomorrow night to talk about things.”
“If he can make you happy then I think it would be good for your family to be together. A few months ago I would have believed that was true for me.” I motion towards the oversized and very empty house.
“Where's your dad?” She stands from the barstool and begins putting away the groceries.
“He went home for a few hours. I don't need a babysitter, Sam.” Her hands raise to feign innocence.
“Not babysitting. Just wanted to talk.”
”There's my two favorite tykes!” I hear someone call out from the backyard and I see Jimmy entering the gate. My heart swells in my chest. Jimmy has been gone since before Cash was taken by Chris. His mother is sick and living in Georgia, so he has been there the last few months. I hurry out to the backyard and envelope him in a hug before he can even get a ‘hello’ out. I bury my face in his neck and he squeezes me tight.
“I've got you.” He whispers in my ear. When I pull away there's hope written across his face which causes me to smile.
“I missed you, Jim.”
“I'm sorry I couldn't be here. Mom just kept getting worse.”
“Is she okay?” I brush a hand over his cheek as he looks to the ground.
“She passed, but we all knew it was coming. Made it a little easier to handle, you know?”
“I'm so sorry, Jim.” He kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand before heading over to play with the kids. Something about having him back feels right. My heart feels a little less empty with the silly giant right here in my backyard. “Hey, could you keep Sam company for a few hours?” I call out to him.
“Of course.”
“Where you going, mama?” Cash calls out, his expression full of concern.
“I'm just going to run to the store really quick, okay?” I can tell he's unsure but he glances from Jimmy to Amelia and nods.
I head towards the house where Sam is still munching on Cheetos and scrolling on her phone.
“Where are you really going?” She asks, having overheard the conversation from the open door.
“I have to tell him. In person, not in a stupid letter. Not by Kyle. I want to be the one to tell him. He doesn't get to just check out of this life without giving me a say.”
“How are you going to get to him if he took you off his list?” I grab my purse and car keys off the counter.
“I don't know, I'm going to beg the guards I guess. On my hands and knees.” She blows me a kiss as I race out to my car. Visiting hours end in two hours, and it takes an hour to get there based on traffic. I should have plenty of time.
