April Fools'...or Not

"So, you’re gonna do it today, huh?" my younger brother Mike says as we’re driving to school. His eyebrow is raised in amusement, and there’s a playful smirk on his lips. He seems to find this whole situation very entertaining.

"Yep," I reply, hoping that I sound more confident than I feel. "Today’s the day. I’m gonna do it. I’m prepared for the worst, but I’m hoping for the best."

"Are you positive this time, Vic?" Mike says. He obviously doesn’t believe that I’m actually going to do it—I’ve been avoiding it for a while now.

"Absolutely positive."

What am I positive about, exactly? I’m positive about the fact that today, March 11th, I am going to ask out Kellin Quinn, the cute and dorky guy that I’ve had a crush on for the past few months now. This could potentially end terribly, but it’s better than hopelessly pining after him and never doing anything about it.

So I’m doing it. Today. And I’m nervous as fuck, but I’d never admit that to Mike.

The school day goes by in a rush, and before I know it, I’m standing near Kellin’s locker at the end of the day, waiting for him to show up—it’s close to mine, so I see him here almost every day. My mind is racing; I can feel everything I’ve planned to say slipping away from me.

When he comes into view, I think he notices me at the same time that I notice him. I can see the confusion written all over his face—I’m known as a more popular guy, and he isn’t. He’s probably wondering what the hell I’m doing hanging out here.

"Um…hey," he says slowly. "What’s up?"

This is the moment. I know that this is the moment, and I’m supposed to be asking him out on a date, but what comes out of my mouth instead is “I, uh…I like your, um, eyes.”

I mean, it’s not a lie—he does have pretty eyes. Eyes that are now looking at me like I’m completely out of my mind. Maybe I am.

Before Kellin even has a chance to respond, I spin around and rush away, my cheeks burning. I find Mike standing only a few feet away with our friends Jaime and Tony. They must’ve all been watching on the sidelines, and now they’re all laughing their asses off. Great.

"Fuck off," I tell them, covering my face with my hands to hide my embarrassment. I sneak a quick glance over at where Kellin is still standing, staring at me and looking even more lost than ever. I’ll never get a date with him now.

"Oh my God," Jaime says, pretending to wipe a tear away. "I’m sorry, Vic, but that was classic. You totally froze, dude. Bad things happen when you freeze."

"I know," I say, letting my hair fall into my face.

"I thought you said you were positive about asking him out today," Mike teases.

I sigh. “Tomorrow,” I say, pointing my finger at him definitively. “Tomorrow for sure.”

—

By the end of March, I still haven’t worked up the guts to ask him out.

Every time I think about it, my mind flashes back to what happened the first time I tried, which is usually enough to turn me off. I’m just not good with embarrassment or awkward situations.

Today’s the day, though, I think to myself one day. I don’t tell anyone about my sudden surge of determination, just in case I decide not to do it. I’ve got a good feeling about this, though.

I do what I did last time, waiting for him at his locker right at dismissal. I think I’m even more nervous this time than I was on that day, if that’s possible. But I can’t back out now. Not when he’s suddenly right across the hall and making his way toward me.

"What is it?" he asks when he gets to me. He sounds much less patient and much more frustrated, but I’m not going to let it deter me.

My heart is hammering in my chest, but I manage to get out: “I—um—I was wondering if you wanted to, uh, go out with me sometime? Like…on a date?”

He stares me down for a few seconds, and what I see in his expression surprises me: anger and hurt. Then he says, “Do you people really think this is fucking funny?”

I narrow my eyes. Now I’m the confused one. “I—I’m sorry, what?”

"Don’t play dumb," he snaps, but behind his harsh words, I hear a shaking voice. "This is the fourth time today. It’s not funny, you asshole. It’s really not." Then he storms past me without even stopping at his locker, turning the corner and disappearing down the hall.

I just stand there for a few moments, completely dumbfounded. That probably could not have gone any worse. I just don’t know why.

When I get to the car, Mike is already waiting in the passenger seat. “Hey, what took you so long?” he asks casually.

I just shake my head, still unsure how to react. “Kellin,” I say finally. “I don’t get why he’s mad at me.” With that, I quickly explain the entire scene to him, and when I’m done, he looks at me like I’m the world’s biggest idiot.

"Vic," he says. "Holy shit. Have you even been keeping track of what day it is?"

"Um…not really," I say slowly. That’s when it starts to come to me. "Wait. Shit. Is today…?"

"April Fools’ Day," Mike finishes, shaking his head in disbelief. "Dude, I can’t believe you forgot about that! He probably thought you were asking him out as some kind of joke. And the thing he said about it being the fourth time today—I guess other people had the same idea."

Now I feel like the world’s biggest idiot. I knew today was April Fools’ Day, but it was like it just completely slipped my mind in the midst of my excitement. I can’t believe that I chose today out of all days to finally get up the nerve to ask Kellin out, only to have him think that I’m tricking him. I don’t blame him for calling me an asshole.

"Fuck," I say. "I have to fix this. But it’s probably already too late. He already hates me."

"Hey now," Mike replies. "Don’t say that. You’ve just gotta go up to him tomorrow and explain to him that it was all a huge misunderstanding and you’d like another shot."

I nod slowly. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll do that.”

The rest of the day is mostly spent dwelling on this whole crazy experience, and then April 2nd arrives, like a collective sigh of relief from every person in the world. Yesterday was the day that I fucked everything up, but today is the day that I’m going to try to fix it.

I decide to talk to him first thing in the morning. He’s already at his locker when I find him, so I decide to just go for it and walk right up to him.

He glares at me when he sees me. “What now?”

He’s usually not this rude to people, but I can understand why he’s treating me like this. It’s a defense mechanism, and he thinks I’m someone that he needs to defend himself from.

"Look," I say. "I meant what I said yesterday. About wanting to go out with you."

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right. That’s why you asked me out on April Fools’ Day. Along with three other people, who then laughed in my face with all their friends. Guess what? The holiday’s over now. You can stop trying to make me feel like shit for your own amusement.”

"I—" I shake my head, anxiously messing with my hair. It’s awful that other people have seriously done this to him, and it’s awful that he almost seems to be used to it. "Listen. This is gonna sound like complete bullshit, but I sort of forgot what day it was yesterday. I don’t know how. It slipped my mind. I’ve been trying to work up the guts to ask you out for the past month now, and I tried at one point, but then I got freaked out and I didn’t know what to say so I told you that I liked your eyes because I do like your eyes but then that was embarrassing and I thought I’d try again but I lost track of the days and I didn’t realize that it would look bad or that you’d think I was fucking with you, but if I was fucking with you I wouldn’t be talking to you right now because today’s April 2nd and I wouldn’t try to continue an April Fools’ joke on April 2nd, and I just—I really like you, okay? And it’s fine if you say no, but I just want you to know that I meant it, and it was all a misunderstanding, and I’m a fucking idiot and you have the right to slap me, and also I really like your hair, and I really liked it when it had highlights in it ‘cause I thought that was super cute—and, uh, I think you’re super cute. Bye."

At this point, I cut myself off because my pointless rambling probably isn’t helping anything. Convinced that I’ve completely fucked everything up for good, I spin around and rush away, my face burning harder than it ever has before.

The rest of the day goes by slowly. Mike tells me that he has to stop in and talk with a teacher right after school and to wait up for him instead of just driving off without him, so I find myself hanging around in the parking lot, sitting down on the top of our shitty old car. I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice Kellin coming up to me until he sits down next to me without any warning.

"I’ve been thinking about what you said," he says before I even have a chance to react. "Debating all day about whether or not you were serious."

I nod slowly, trying to stay neutral and calm. “And…what did you come up with?”

He bites his lip, glancing away from me and then glancing back. “I’m just a little…shocked, I guess. I find it hard to believe that you could be serious. I didn’t even know you swung that way, and now you’re telling me that you want to go out with me, of all people? Like—I’m not popular or anything. I never thought I was that special.”

It almost hurts to hear him talk this way. It also hurts to think about other people treating him badly, asking him out as a joke because the idea of ever seriously asking him out is ridiculous and hilarious to them. “Well, I think there’s something special about you,” I insist. “Look, I really fucked up yesterday. I guess I was just so caught up in the excitement of finally doing it, asking you out after all this time, that I didn’t even stop to think. And, really, I’m sorry if that hurt you. I never meant for it to.”

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, but I can tell from the look on his face that he’s listening intently. There’s a hesitant sort of hope written in his features, as if he wants to believe me.

"That thing about you liking my eyes," he says finally. "That…was real? Your friends didn’t, like, dare you to do it? Compliment the weird gay kid? I saw them laughing about it after you ran away and went over to them, so…"

"That was real," I reply. "I promise you. They were laughing because I told them I’d ask you out that day, but I freaked out and didn’t do it. They were laughing at me, not you. It wasn’t a dare or anything like that."

He seems to think for a few more moments before looking me up and down, those pretty eyes resting on my lips. “I’m probably biased,” he says quietly, “since I used to have a bit of a crush on you. And I guess I still do. But…”

And then he leans forward and kisses me.

It’s gentle and innocent, his touch soft and his lips softer. He pulls away after only a few seconds, way too soon, a red blush warming his cheeks. “I always knew you were a little bit different,” he says. “But I thought I was just too hopeful.”

For a brief moment, I forget how to form words properly. Once I get my bearings, I blurt, “I just got kissed by the guy with the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.”

He giggles softly, and I can see his defenses starting to fall down. “Well…thank you.”

Before either of us can make another move, Mike’s voice interrupts us: “So, did you two star-crossed lovers kiss and make up or what?”

"Mike!" I snap, smiling a little as I feel my own face heat up.

"What? I’m tired of watching you hopelessly pine after this guy. And I’m tired of you always fucking it up. So. Have you finally stolen the cute little motherfucker’s heart? Or do I have to be your wingman?"

"Uh, I think we’re good," I say, turning to Kellin in sheer disbelief at the fact that this is actually happening. "Are you free tonight?"

"I am." He smiles knowingly. "Would you like to pick me up at my house? Six-thirty, perhaps?"

"Perfect."

"Good," Mike says as he’s climbing into the passenger seat. "Now wrap it up, lovebirds. I want to go home, and I ain’t getting in trouble for loitering just because you two couldn’t contain your gayness."

I glare at him, but Kellin just laughs. “Okay,” he says, suddenly looking more serious. “So…I’ll see you tonight? For real? This isn’t all part of some elaborate post-April Fools’ joke? This is real? You actually want to go out with me?”

I nod, reaching for his hand and intertwining our fingers for a brief moment. “I’ve wanted this for a while now. I promise you. This is real.”

He nods, too, as if affirming it to himself. “This is real,” he repeats in wonder, a pleasantly surprised grin slowly spreading across his face. “This is fucking real.”

To be honest, I think we’re both still in shock. This has been a wild ride. I don’t regret a single moment of it, though.

Okay, that’s a lie. I regret all the embarrassing things that I’ve been doing. I regret waiting so long to ask Kellin out. I regret accidentally asking him out on April Fools’ Day and making him think that I was trying to make fun of him. The result, though—I don’t regret that. And if those are the things I had to do to get here, then—as cheesy as it sounds—I think I’d do it all over again.