The Chasing of Moons

Frank would love to say that everything is absolutely grand on Monday when they’re back at school, but unfortunately he cannot. Even more unfortunate is the fact that it’s his fault. The Problem is with Frank.

Gerard is lovely, and he keeps trying to grab Frank’s hand in the hall or be low key coupley all over the school, and Frank simply isn’t having any of it. He wants to be that obnoxious couple that everyone hates because they’re jealous, but he just can’t. The problem is that Frank, other than with his close friends, is still supposed to be straight.

To his classmates, he’s still that straight guy who never dates anyone. Probably because everyone thinks he’s picky and none of the girls at their school are good enough for him, and to extent that’s not incorrect. Some of the people at this school are actually really great people, a lot of the girls are genuinely fantastic people who Frank would totally date if he wanted to, but there is a huge problem in that he doesn’t want to. Basically every single boy is an enormous asshat, but not all of them. Frank’s not in the business of kidding himself, he knows that even some of his friends are colossal twats, like Brendon, but he also doesn’t care that much.

The only person who Frank seems to think is the best person in school is the very person who he’s been shrugging off the whole day. Frank understands that one of, if not the most colossal twat in school is himself.

Frank doesn’t know what’s keeping him for just admitting who he is, but the same terrified feeling he had when he was trying to tell Brendon and Pete is returning now with a vengeance. It feels worse now. He doesn’t know why.

He thinks it’s because he knows that he simply won’t be accepted by some people. There’s just too many people for all of them to be accepting, and part of him is terrified of that, even if it’s a minority, it still scares him.

It’s a small school, and it’s a small town. It’s 2015, sure, but small town means smaller minds. There’s a bunch of gay kids in school, and some are widely known, Gerard wasn’t much of a secret apparently, but there isn’t a single gay couple. To Frank’s knowledge, there never has been.

Another thing that terrifies him is that his private life is going to be up for grabs so quickly, and it’s not fair. He doesn’t want that to be anything but his. He doesn’t want anyone prying, he doesn’t want to be different, and he doesn’t want him and Gerard to be a spectacle. Sure he wants everyone to be jealous of the fact that they’re adorable and what not, but he doesn’t want it to be because they’re both boys.

Possibly the worst thing is Pete and Mikey. Pete has little to no inhibitions on a good day. Mikey seems completely impervious to outside stares and opinions. This means that they are now officially the gay couple. They’re probably the first one in the entire school, or at least the first one that is actually out. But they don’t seem to care. Frank doesn’t know how they do it. They’re so blatant, no secretiveness to it. He wants to have their lack of embarrassment and shame, because Gerard is too good for Frank to be hiding about it. Gerard doesn’t deserve to have a coward of a boyfriend.

Frank is pretty sure that Gerard has noticed. By third period he’s stopped attempting to even find Frank in the hall. Frank doesn’t know what to do or what to say, but he knows that if he were Gerard, he’d be pretty pissed off too.

Frank is somewhat dreading lunch, because he knows that he’s going to fight off something or other, either himself, Gerard, or a very angry Mikey. Frank is honestly startled by those two, they seem to both be the older brother in various situations, except Frank is sure that he knows which Way he would less like to piss off. Being on Gerard’s bad side isn’t ideal, especially considering that he’s hopelessly in love with the guy, but Mikey is the kind of dude who could make you disappear. They’re very tightknit as far as brothers go, and both of them make no secret of the fact that they are willing to murder for the other.

By the time that Frank eventually makes his way to the cafeteria, he’s almost petrified. He’s anticipating a lot of crap, and he’s anticipating it coming from more than one person.

Frank isn’t the first to sit at their table, Ray and Brendon are both already there staring blankly at each other. They look very annoyed with each other.

“Contain yourselves boys,” Frank says.

“He promised me he’d buy me ice cream,” Ray says. “Guess who’s a liar.”

“I only had enough for him,” Brendon says, “I didn’t think Frank would be so expensive but he put everything on his ice cream! I thought I’d have enough left over. I’m not the one with the job.”

“Are you trying to tell me that minimum wage is enough to buy ice cream? What year do you think it is? I can barely afford socks,” Ray says.

“Ah see, and thus are the luxuries of a rich aunt,” Frank says.

“Go fuck yourself,” Brendon scowls, as his car is secondhand along with most of his things. But that’s the curse of having siblings, Frank supposes.

“Oh no,” Frank says seeing Pete and Mikey walking over, practically glued at the hip. Frank doesn’t think it’s fair that he and Gerard got together first and yet Mikey and Pete are practically exchanging wedding vows already. He knows that he and Gerard will still end up together in the end, and that Pete and Mikey will too, but he realized recently that he doesn’t know whose wedding is coming first. In the pictures Gerard gave him, there’s no clear shot on either of the hands, so Frank can’t tell if they’ve got wedding rings yet. He simply doesn’t know who is going to be tying the knot first and it infuriates him. He direly hopes it’s him and Gerard. He has a feeling Gerard would get a complex if his younger brother got married before him.

But Frank is thinking way too far in the future, as here comes Gerard looking pissed as all hell. He beats Pete and Mikey to the table, as his walk is fast and determined and his face looks like he’s about to yell at the first person who talks to him.

As soon as Gerard sits down, Ray and Brendon both get this look and turn in the opposite direction, like they’re extremely fascinated by the window. Frank also happens to become all of a sudden interested in the window, watching the grey sky taunting rain over them.

“So my mom bought a new kind of cleaner this weekend,” Brendon says.

“Oh, tell me more!” Ray says, and Frank rolls his eyes at the two because of their very lacking performance. He understands that they’re trying to give him and Gerard privacy but he’d rather they just didn’t talk at all.

Mikey and Pete finally sit down and Brendon very conspicuously gestures towards him and Gerard as if to say that shit is going down.

“So do you mind explaining why you’re ashamed of me?” Gerard says finally, with a stern jaw and focused eyes.

“That is not at all true,” Frank says.

“So why are you all of a sudden pretending you don’t know me?”

“Okay, so I see why you might get that idea, but it’s not true. I’m not ashamed of you, I’m... like I’m more ashamed of myself.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Gerard asks.

“Like, I’ve never been the gay kid before,” Frank whispers, glancing around to make sure no one can hear him. This isn’t the right thing to do as Gerard looks even angrier now. Frank just can’t do anything right.

“And that relates to me how?” Gerard asks. “I’ve been the gay kid for about four years, Frank.”

“I know, I understand that and you’re a way better person than I am too.”

“Well you’re not going to see me arguing with you about that,” Gerard responds.

“So, okay, Gerard, like you know I like you. That’s not something I want to be a secret, or at least, I don’t want it to be a secret with people I care a lot about, but I don’t care about anyone at this school besides the people who already know I like you.”

“So that means I don’t have the right to fucking have a boyfriend outside of the minds of four people?”

“Oh that makes it sound bad.”

“Well that’s because it is bad, Frank,” Gerard says.

“Okay, but Gerard, I’m not used to being the gay guy!” Frank says quietly.

“I understand that much but it doesn’t change that it’s not fair to me that I don’t get to even be your boyfriend during most of the day.”

“Okay, but you still are!” Frank insists.

“If I’m a secret eight hours of the day than I might as well not exist at all.”

“That’s not true!”

“It might as well be.”

“Okay, but it’s not fair that you expect me to want to tell everyone! I have a right to some privacy,” Frank says.

“And I have the right to hold my boyfriend’s hand in the fucking hallway.”

“Well, yeah, sure maybe, but that doesn’t mean that I have to put my entire life on a pedestal for the consumption of people who don’t give a shit about me.”

“Frank, I just want to be able to tell people I have a boyfriend and know that he wouldn’t deny that to everyone who I would tell.”

“I wouldn’t deny it!” Frank says.

“But you won’t readily admit to it,” Gerard responds.

“Gerard, I like you, why isn’t that enough?”

“Because it’s not a real relationship if it has to be kept a secret to everyone who matters. Have you even told your mother?”

“That’s not important.”

“Which means that you haven’t.”

“I will,” Frank says.

“Frank, I can maybe understand why you don’t want the school to know, and while I don’t like it, I understand it, but your fucking mother? From what I hear, she is a fucking saint. Why am I so embarrassing to you that you can’t even tell her?”

“Yeah, I get it, I’m a piece of shit, but this is all really new to me. I haven’t even told her I’m gay, Gerard, it’s not something that is easy to bring up.”

“Well, if she won’t understand, or if you’re putting yourself in danger by telling her than I completely get it, okay? I don’t want you to tell her if it could end badly, but if it won’t, than you not telling her can only make me think one thing and that’s that you don’t care enough about me to acknowledge that you’re dating me.”

“That’s not fair to me Gerard. Okay, yes, my mom won’t get mad, and I know that, but that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to tell her.”

“But if you don’t than what does that make me?”

“It makes you the guy that I like a lot.”

Gerard rolls his eyes, “The guy who is only your boyfriend in the company of about six people.”

“Gerard, how can you be putting pressure on me to come out when you still refuse to think that we’ll be together after graduation?”

“Oh my god, this again?”

“Yes, this again!” Frank says angrily.

“How is this related?”

“Well because you’re angry at me because I apparently don’t care enough about you to tell the world, but me being angry at you for refusing to consider that this relationship has any enduring capability is apparently too much for you to handle.”

“I thought we got over this?”

“We didn’t get over this, we just put it on the back burner for a few days.”

“So if I’m angry with you about something that is presently apparent, that gives you the right to bring this shit up? It’s not even relevant to bring up and you think it compares to the fact that you won’t admit to being my boyfriend? How the fuck is you being ashamed of me supposed to feel?”

“How do you think the fact that you don’t like me enough to give me any faith feels?”

“You’re taking that out of context,” Gerard snaps.

“You’re being a bitch.”

“Wow,” Gerard says, looking so far beyond angry with Frank that he’s almost calm. Frank looks back at him, scared of what he’s going to say next, because Frank won’t deny that they’re both being quite bitchy.

Instead of saying anything though, Gerard just stands up and starts making his way out of the cafeteria. Frank just sits there aghast, watching him walk away.

Someone hits Frank in the back of the head and that’s the only thing that gets him to turn around and stop watching Gerard leave.

“What was that for?” Frank asks, because Pete is apparently the one who hit him.

“Mikey told me to,” Pete shrugs.

“That’s my brother you just called a bitch, Frank.”

“Yeah, but he kind of deserved it,” Frank says.

“Pete,” Mikey says, and Pete, on cue, hits Frank in the arm.

“Alright that one was maybe earned,” Frank nods.

“You do realize that you have to fix this before tomorrow right?” Mikey asks him.

“Fuck,” Frank says, when he searches his brain for a moment. Yeah, so tomorrow is Gerard’s birthday. He can’t exactly allow them to be fighting on Gerard’s actual birthday. That would make him the ultimate dick. There would be literally no way to come back from that.

“You two must have set a record,” Ray says, “No other couple has ever had two fights in their first three days. You guys have been fighting for 2/3 of your relationship.”

“Don’t remind me,” Frank groans. How on earth this relationship is going to make it beyond a week is a mystery to Frank, let alone eight years. He’s got his work cut out for him, that much is for sure.