Heroes Exist (I'm Just Not One of Them)
SIX
Had an ‘incident’ the day after I was released from the hospital.
God damn sensationalist news blasted It over breakfast, and suddenly I was yelling at the newscaster through the television. At some point I think I threw my plate. There were eggs splattered on the wall. Things happened, basically amounting to me throwing shit and screaming obscenities and punching Neil when he got too close (which he didn’t deserve; Hell if anything I deserved to be punched.) Eventually the rage and tunnel vision disappeared, and I found myself cradled against Neil’s chest, being rocked gently as he whispered, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
But it would never be okay, never again, and he of all people knew that best.
“It’s not,” I croaked. My temper tantrum had burned my vocal cords to ashes. Truth erodes, all the same, and the words sliced my throat. “God Neil, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, if I’d just—”
“It’s not your fault,” he said firmly. That was a bold faced lie if I ever heard one, and I went to laugh because unless you laugh you cry, but damn it all I sobbed into his chest and let him hold me like I was a goddamn child.
God damn sensationalist news blasted It over breakfast, and suddenly I was yelling at the newscaster through the television. At some point I think I threw my plate. There were eggs splattered on the wall. Things happened, basically amounting to me throwing shit and screaming obscenities and punching Neil when he got too close (which he didn’t deserve; Hell if anything I deserved to be punched.) Eventually the rage and tunnel vision disappeared, and I found myself cradled against Neil’s chest, being rocked gently as he whispered, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
But it would never be okay, never again, and he of all people knew that best.
“It’s not,” I croaked. My temper tantrum had burned my vocal cords to ashes. Truth erodes, all the same, and the words sliced my throat. “God Neil, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, if I’d just—”
“It’s not your fault,” he said firmly. That was a bold faced lie if I ever heard one, and I went to laugh because unless you laugh you cry, but damn it all I sobbed into his chest and let him hold me like I was a goddamn child.