Unmasked

Valerie's POV

I felt sick. I hadn't slept more than two hours last night. Finn hadn't texted or called; neither had I. I knew the blame was on both of us and simultaneously on no one. Before, when we handled our college business, we couldn't have imagined a relationship. But hearing Finn say he would've still applied outside of New York because he needed a change… It hurt. Now, I was glaring at the letter from Brown; I was on their wait list. I'd gone through every college letter and this one was the closest to MIT.

And I, Valerie Monet, was on a fucking wait list.

Meanwhile, I would have to leave at the end of the week for my orientation. Well. I opened a desk drawer to stuff the letters inside. I bit the inside of my cheek as Jackson's unopened gift mocked me. I needed to return it. I grabbed the vile thing when my phone vibrated. I dreaded checking it; on one hand, I wanted it to be Finn, on the other…

It was Ava. She was in the neighborhood and wanted to grab something to eat. I didn't feel like going out; instead, I sent her an invite to my house. I tossed Jackson's gift back in: it could wait.

***

"You enrolled in NYU?"

Ava blew at the steaming coffee Simone brought her. How she could drink that—in this heat—I didn't know.

"I didn't have much of a choice. The only colleges I applied to in New York were NYU and Columbia." Columbia hadn't taken her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She gave a small scoff, "Like you've told me about your acceptance letters?" Touché. We hadn't been very social on the college topic. Ah, the nucleus of my problems! "Where did you get in, anyway?"

"Stanford university and UCLA. I'm on the wait-list for Brown." Ava's face was the reason why I hadn't wanted to tell her about it. "Yeah, I know. They're all great. I sent a deposit for UCLA university…"

"But?"

I pursed my lips.

"But now I want to get into Brown." I took a big breath before unleashing the reason for my awful mood, "Finn got into MIT. He didn't tell anyone but his Dad. Two days ago, his father told everyone. April and I had lunch yesterday and she casually brought it up, because she thought I knew. Which I didn't. So, imagine my surprise, when she tells me Finn has a scholarship that pays for half his tuition and apparently it's his dream college…"

"Slow down." I pinned her with a glare. "I get it. Finn's moving away." She didn't get how that set off panic bells in my brain. I had severe issues with losing people. Still, I knew Ava meant well; she was my friend. "How far is Brown from MIT?"

"It's two hours away." I could not stress that enough.

"Oh. Well, you can still be admitted in late August, right?"

"Supposedly." I mumbled. "What if I don't? I chose UCLA before things happened with Finn. I didn't even… think something like this would happen." But it had, and it was something important to me—something serious.

Ava's eyes took on a warm shine.

"This isn't a summer fling, is it?"

"No…" I whispered letting my head fall into my hands. "I can't just fly over to Massachusetts whenever I want to see him. I guess I could… on the weekends…"

"But it just wouldn't be the same." No, it wouldn't. Get on a plane on Friday to fly out on Sunday. "I have to leave for orientation at the end of the week."

"I already went to mine." she supplied quietly. "I wish I could help you, Valerie."

"Well, you can't." I hissed sounding like a colossal jerk. Ava sighed, taking it in stride. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be taking this out on you. I'm angry with Finn. We left things—I don't know how we left things." And I was angry with Brown University for putting me on hold; it was funny how I hadn't cared about being on hold until yesterday. "I thought he was going to attend college here—or nearby. I get why he wants MIT, it's a great school, especially for someone with his math skills."

I was getting nowhere with my reverie.

I snuck a look at the shadow hanging by the door; he was the freaking Slender man, damn it.

"Don't you know it's rude to eavesdrop? Get lost." I spat with such venom that even Ava—who was used to my cold streak—did a double take.

Jackson's lips quirked for a split second.

"I'll get lost after I deliver a message from your Daddy. He's meeting up with my mother for some romantic getaway."

I tried not to blanch.

"For how many days?"

"Four. Oh, and another thing. Mom asked me to accompany you to California, for orientation?" WHAT? "Me being a perfect gentleman, said yes. Aw, you look royally pissed off. You can call your Dad, but he agreed with Mom, so…" he made a clicking sound with his tongue.

True to his word, he went on his way. Too bad I was left fuming.

"What a jerk."

"Siblings can be tough." Ava said, voice clipped.

After Ava left, I got a call from April. I debated on answering. It wasn't April's fault that Finn and I were fighting; if she hadn't spilled the beans, I would've found out some other way, at some other time.

"Hello?"

"Valerie, hi!" she sounded cautious. Unsure. "So… listen. I feel bad—like really bad—for what happened between you and my brother." I bet he yelled at her after I left. "Can we meet somewhere? I could go to your house if you…"

"Are you at work?"

"I just got out."

"I can meet you somewhere." I muttered, going against every honed instinct to protect myself from desolation.

April sounded a strange mix of happy and timid—a word I wouldn't use to describe her. It made my curiosity peak; I left the duplex and hailed a cab. Once I arrived at Central Park's north entrance, I spotted April wearing a black and white plaid shift dress.

"I love those shoulder cut outs." Was the first thing out of my mouth after I neared her. "Is that one of yours?"

"Huh, yeah." I might be mad at her brother, but heck, April had talent. "Thank you so much for coming. I feel terrible about… You know." we started walking a trail as three guys passed us, jogging. "I didn't know that you didn't know and… huh… I screwed up. Finn should've told you, not me."

"No offense, April, but your brother should've told everyone a lot sooner."

"You're not wrong. Mom threw a fit. She and Dad fought about it, too." She sighed looking up at the sky. "I didn't ask you here to apologize, though. I want to tell you something. I think it's important. I think you should know about…" she trailed off. "Let's sit over there?"

I nodded, frowning behind my sunglasses. April was acting shifty; at a certain point, I thought this might be a step up. Maybe Finn was going to pop out from behind a tree? No such thing happened. I crossed a leg, waiting for April to say anything. She took several breaths before leaning back on the bench, looking straight at me. Her eyes were gray, like her brothers, but darker. Right now, they reminded me of a storm at high sea, where boats would sink, and people would die.

"I like you Valerie." Okay? Good, I liked her too… "I could tell my brother was falling for someone before anyone else. Because I know him. I know Finn better than my parents, better than Johnny. And I can tell you that he's never been like this with anyone. There have been crushes, sure, but there's never been someone who's challenged him. That's the thing with him, you know? He needs to feel challenged. He's always liked puzzles, problems…"

"Math?" I suggested without thinking.

April choked a laugh, "Yeah, exactly. Nothing's ever simple with my brother, he likes to make things complicated." Omitting getting into MIT was proof. "You make his life complicated."

"That's a little offensive."

"Nah, I don't mean it in a bad way. He was always going on about how girls at St. Joseph were stuck-up rich princesses. Finn's not a poser, so, you showed him something he liked. Otherwise, he wouldn't have gotten with you." He'd told me something similar. "What I mean is, you're special to him. I know. And that's why I want to tell you something. Something… about his—our past." April crossed her arms. "He'll be pissed when he knows I told you, but screw that. It's my story to tell too. Plus, I think it'll help you understand why he wants to get out of here."

I didn't dare breathe. It felt like a chasm was growing between us as each second ticked by.

"About three years ago, Finn was on the swim team. It was his freshman year and he was the star. He was this amazing swimmer!" my lips parted. The carton box in the closet! "I bet you've seen him swim, right?"

I nodded dumbly.

"At the lake."

April smirked then sobered up.

"He was popular. It's hard to imagine that, huh? Don't worry, he was still gruffy and broody." I grinned in my head. "Our parents went away for the weekend and Johnny picked up a late shift at his part-time. So, Finn decided to throw a party. He invited a lot of people. Not just freshmen. He told me to stay in my room and to not drink anything. I left my room like… twice. My brother was pretty drunk when I saw him—maybe that night was the first time he drank, I don't know. Someone followed me back to my room. I thought it was Finn. I turned around—ready to yell at him to leave—when I was pushed." She paused. "I hit my head on my chair. I remember… pain, trying to fight off hands… I…" April clenched her jaw. I stared at her profile as she gathered courage to continue; I was horrified, still, I kept a mask in place. "I screamed—until I couldn't. Finn was there—out of nowhere. He was drunk," she swallowed thickly. "He pulled Aiden off me… He hit him, Valerie—really beat him up bad..."

"He deserved it." I couldn't stop myself.

April gave me a sad look, as if she'd managed to crawl out of a nightmare. I was breathing heavily—tearing up. How could she keep such composure? This girl was strong; I was in awe of her.

"He really did. Finn went into a rage, though. What he saw… plus the alcohol…" she shook her head with a pained expression. "Aiden was in a coma for two days. He stayed in the hospital for a month. He… could've died. Finn almost killed him." Oh my… I wasn't feeling sorry for this Aiden bastard, I was worried about what sort of scars that had left on Finn. To witness your sister being raped…? "Finn was charged with assault and underage drinking. Aiden's parents agreed to drop the charges after they heard my testimony about what their son did—almost did—to me. Finn was forced to quit the team and attend mandatory meetings about anger management as part of the agreement. Bottom line, Finn could've been screwed. Do you have any idea how impossible it would be to get into college if the charges hadn't been dropped? He could've ended up with a criminal record!" April scratched the side of her head. "The meetings were mandatory for a year. Still, my mother was crazy worried my brother's murderous rage had been triggered by something else—or that he was naturally violent. Which he is not." she huffed. "I love my mother to death, Valerie, but ever since that night she's been suffocating him. Always trying to make sure he's contained. Which is stupid. Finn is a laid-back guy," well, he could be quick to argue with me, but Finn was definitely not quick to violence. Look at all the times Christian kicked his…

"Oh my God."

"What?"

"Something… Some things are making sense. At our school, there was a guy who used to… pick fights with your brother. Finn never stood up to him—is that why?"

"Probably. He didn't want to give Mom any reason to become more overbearing." And to think I baited him against Christian, I'd called him a wimp… "Finn kept going to the meetings until a month ago. Every Saturday night, he would go. To give our mother peace of mind."

You're a selfish person, Finn Matthews. I rubbed my temples; how wrong had I been.

"Valerie," April squeezed my left shoulder. "Finn's worked very hard for this. MIT has been something he was crazy about before the whole Aiden incident. But now—after everything—it means so much more. He needs to leave this city, he needs space from our family, especially from Mom. She needs to see that Finn is fine, that he doesn't need her hovering and double-checking his every move. They both need some separation."

Finn wanted breathing room from his mother while I would give both arms to be with mine again. There was no comparing our situations, Ms. Coleman would say, each situation has unique variables.

"Are you saying I should let him go?" a gorging dark hole opened in my stomach as I thought about never being with Finn again.

April waved her hands at me in a nerve-wrecking gesture.

"No! I'm saying: he's leaving because he needs to, not because he doesn't want you." April cocked her head. "He's head-over-heels for you, girl. Trust me. If you fight for him, he will never stop fighting for you. That's why he's my hero."

Everyone needs a hero from time to time, even heroes.

***

Finn's POV

Valerie walked along the boardwalk on Coney Island with a pensive expression. I wondered if she was plotting something; her call had taken me by surprise, not to mention the cryptic message about wanting to meet. There was no way I would've said no. My stomach hadn't sat still since our fight. I hadn't the faintest clue about what I should say, that's why I hadn't called or texted; I hadn't wanted to accidentally make things worse.

"I met with your sister this afternoon." I mimicked her stance, leaning on the railing, watching the ocean. I kept quiet, not knowing if I was going to be mad at April—again. "Finn, don't be angry with her." Yep, I was going to be very angry with my little sister.

"Tell me what she did."

Valerie slid me a glance.

"It's not something she did, it's something she said. She told me what happened with Aiden." I was so stunned that my arms slipped forward on the railing, causing me to stumble back, before I took a nose dive into the Atlantic Ocean. I gaped at Valerie; she was staring at me, head-on. "She told me so that I would understand why you need to go."

I was shocked. My brain had crashed.

"She told you?" she nodded slowly, trailing her fingers across the railing as she took a step closer. "Everything?" I whispered softly.

"Yes." Valerie leaned a hip on the iron bar, busily keeping my gaze. "I know it's not something you'd want people to know. It made me understand things, though, about you, about your relationship with your mother, about…" she released a soft sigh. "About the box I found in your closet."

"You went through my stuff?" I mumbled as an afterthought. She looked aghast with herself; because she'd done it or because she was admitting it? It didn't matter that she'd snooped, now that she knew the whole story. "Why didn't you ask me about it?"

"Because I wanted you to trust me. To feel comfortable enough to share your baggage with me." Like she'd done about her issues. "My therapist says relationships are built on trust and honesty. I don't trust easily because it implies caring about a person. I'm not honest because manipulating people is something I grew up doing. But I didn't want it to be that way with you, Finn."

My shoulders dropped heavy with layers of cemented guilt.

"You're disappointed."

She didn't bother denying it: honesty. "A little. I would have liked it if you'd told me."

"It's not because I don't trust you, it's…" with a heavy sigh, I croaked, "I'm ashamed of what happened, Valerie. I was an idiot. I was careless because people thought I was so cool. I was so popular." I smiled bitterly, feeling my ribcage crack like an egg; I gripped the railing 'till my knuckles turned white. "I got my sister hurt. It could've been worse. I wasn't even the one who heard the screaming, you know? I was too busy flirting with some sophomore. I'm an asshole, Valerie." April hadn't told her that of course, because April didn't know that little detail.

"No, you're not. I live with an asshole, Finn. You guys have nothing in common. I know this is hard, but instead of focusing on what happened, focus on what didn't: April wasn't raped, you didn't kill that bastard. It was a horrible thing you two went through, but you came out alive and that's what matters. Right?"

Her hand touched my bicep. I eyed her from under my eyelashes.

"Did you steal that from your therapist?" she smiled warmly; for the first time since she'd left the loft, I felt my fucking heart stabilize.

"Yep. And guess what? I'm about to make her very proud." I scowled as she held up her hand. Valerie reached for the thick bracelet encasing her wrist and twisted it off. "Trust," she muttered shutting her eyes for a moment. I couldn't see what the hell I was supposed to see; not until Valerie held her wrist higher. There, on the underside of her wrist, was a faded scar. My face must've betrayed me, because she whispered, "Don't worry, it's old. It's been a long time since I tried… that. I was nine. Mom had just passed away and it was my first violin lesson—I—I couldn't handle it. It triggered too much, too many memories. It's why I started going to therapy. Not anymore, though. Don't worry." She repeated, clearly out of breath.

Unsure of what to say, I gently took her wrist thinking back to all the times I'd plainly dismissed Valerie's usage of bracelets. Even when we had sex or went to sleep. I never would've imagined this.

"I'm not trying to play on your emotions to get you to stay or get you to attend another college, I won't try to kill myself. I like living. I…"

"You trust me." I stated, putting an end to her anxious babbling.

"Exactly." God. I didn't know what to say. To think that two months ago, this girl had stood on a pedestal of arrogance and coldness. Slowly, Valerie had shed those layers; this was her naked persona and she'd decided to give me all her trust. "I'm happy you got into MIT."

"Part of me hasn't been happy about it since we…" I trailed off. "Just because I'm leaving this city behind doesn't mean I'm leaving you. I know this triggers your insecurities," she made a face at the word; I tilted my head as if saying 'you know I'm right'. Valerie rolled her eyes, conceding. "But you know I'm not a manwhore like Gabe. I'm serious boyfriend material like Trip A.A."

"A.A.?"

"After Ava." Valerie's childlike laugh came barreling out; my lips curved. "I'm game for a long-distance relationship if you are."

Her eyes grew misty. I hated having a hand in that.

"Those aren't easy." I didn't miss the wavering in her voice. I framed Valerie's cheeks, sweeping my thumbs along her elegant cheekbones.

"I took a shit ton of AP classes. Easy's never been my thing. Is it yours?"

"Not really…"