Echoes

"Good morning, Mr. Stark." Jarvis greeted Tony the moment he unlocked his front door. He half expected to find Pepper there waiting to scold him for having gone out without her but there was no sign of anyone. This left him both unsettled and relieved. If she wasn't home then where was she? And why did he care? They were dating, that was as good a reason as any. But he'd practically told her to get out so what did it matter where she wound up? It wasn't like he'd actually told her to leave in so many words, not at all. So where was she if not home? Also, why was it so damned hot inside his house? Tony was sweating and he was not one for being uncomfortable especially where he had control over it.

"Air conditioning, Jarvis. It's hot. I'm sweating! God it's like a sauna. Are you broken or something? Do I need to pull you apart? Freon? Something?"

"I've had it at a constant 75 for the past six months, sir, even in your absence. Perhaps I am not the one that is broken."

"Well now I want it at 72, snarky-pants."

"Yes, sir." All was quiet in Stark Mansion and it felt oddly welcoming. Silence hadn't been his friend in a long while.

Tony rubbed his eyes and stretched. He'd barely slept the night before but not because of the nightmares that had usually kept him from slumber. He'd gone out for pizza and not alone. Scarlett had insisted she could only stay for a little while- she was exhausted. Before they knew it, it was two in the morning and he was secretly bribing waiters and staff to keep the pizza place open way past closing time just so they wouldn't have to leave.

Scarlett had pretended not to notice but every so often he'd caught her smile and turn her gaze when he'd addressed some of the wait staff. She hadn't wanted to go home either, despite numerous objections to staying out far later than planned. Something deep down inside told Tony that Scarlett wanted his company as much as he wanted hers.

On the flight home that morning Tony had braced himself for the fallout of his actions. They were all over the papers, all over the gossip news shows. Tony's phone had been blowing up all morning with calls from different newspapers and publishers, looking for a story. He hadn't responded to any of them. There was too much on his mind. On top of that he had the potential to say something stupid, at least right now. Last night had been such fun that Tony felt he was still in a fog, a haze.

God, he felt like a stupid teenager with a stupid crush on someone unattainable. He hadn't felt that way even when he had been a teenager. Usually he didn't care if he said something stupid or offensive but Scarlett had still not agreed to work with him. He couldn't risk saying something to chase her away without some other reason to keep after her. It was an excuse, but hell, it was a good excuse.

"Sir?" Tony finally snapped out of the daze he'd been in as he walked lazily through his house. He'd found himself in the bedroom upstairs without even realizing it. Habit, albeit an old habit, had led him there to get changed and showered. Everything was clean, nothing of Pepper's was lying around. She'd taken a few of her things. For a second panic gripped Tony's throat at the idea of losing one of his closest friends but then surprisingly it let go just as quickly. Was this what recovery felt like? "Sir?" Jarvis spoke again, this time with a hint of alarm in his voice.

"Jarvis, what? You're such a nag."

"You have missed three calls since you've arrived." The voice spoke, still with some concern.

"Oh, really?" Tony turned in place and patted himself down in search of his phone. "It's in my coat downstairs, Jarvis." When had he taken off his coat? Must have been another old habit. He could feel the man he was still there inside him, and confidently for the first time in ages, he felt good about it. Running his fingers through his hair, Tony turned in place. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"That's the thing, sir. I did. Multiple times… very loudly I might add."

"Huh, curious." Tony shrugged it off, not worried. He'd spaced out before, but at least this time it had been a good fantasy and not the air in the room crushing his lungs. "Media people, right? Nathan's little display made all the papers. I look like the villain all over again. Tony Stark versus handsome, charming Nathan whatever-his-face." Tony laughed. "I kinda like it. It's funny."

"Yes, you do seem to be getting into all sorts of trouble, Mr. Stark, however it was Miss Potts who called not the media."

"All three times?" Tony grimaced and wondered if he could keep avoiding her.

"And again just now." In the air appeared the video screen Tony was familiar with. Pepper was calling him and Tony could only guess why. She was none too happy with him and had surely seen the papers. Tony didn't want to deal with her whining about it. He was happy for once, didn't that matter? Shouldn't he hold onto that happiness? Why did he even bother coming home? He could have stayed in Boston, he could have followed Scarlett around and convinced her to come home with him, to work with him. Instead he'd come home because realistically he knew there was work to do in Malibu. If he was going to have Scarlett work with him then he had to have something ready for her to work on.

That day was supposed to be spent going through his old notes on the energy project and coordinating with one of the contractors he was fond of to build a workspace at Stark Industries in the desert for him to work with Scarlett.

Back in the day, when a girlfriend was upsetting him Tony would ignore it. There was no point in fixing something he didn't need. Tony had all the money he needed to buy his way into any relationship. Now, however, Tony was at a loss. He wanted to ignore Pepper, he really did, but if he did there would repercussions. Tony didn't want to lose Pepper which is what made this so particularly difficult for him. No matter what, he couldn't see a way to keep her. Ignoring her right now certainly wouldn't help. Besides, she was calling so frequently he was half worried something bad had happened. Years of being his assistant had given her the insight of when to know to give up!

So, against his better judgment, Tony allowed Jarvis to pick up the call.

"Hey, Potts, I thought I'd run into you at home." Tony cleared his throat and looked around the bedroom before sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

"I was starting to get worried." The usual bite in Pepper's voice was absent. Maybe she wasn't mad at him. What were the odds of that? Tony didn't want to get his hopes up. Maybe she hadn't seen the papers yet, that's all. Surely the shit storm would come at any moment now. "I called you half a dozen times, is everything alright? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, I just left my phone in my coat downstairs." Tony held up his hand to silence Jarvis. Words appeared in the air next to him, accusing him of not hearing the phone and Tony wiped them away with a swipe of his hand. They then reappeared just out of arm's reach. Jarvis' sass needed to be turned down a notch.

"Tony…" Pepper began and Tony heaved a sigh before looking back at the image of the woman who was supposed to love him. There was no love in her eyes just as Tony was sure there was no love in his. That ship had long ago sailed.

"Don't… start, okay Pepper?" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not in the…"

"Can we talk?" She interrupted him, a look of irritation on her face. The video cut out for a second and Tony wondered if she'd broken her phone but didn't ask. He couldn't hide his surprise. Pepper never really wanted to talk she always seemed to want him to listen or to yell at him. Tony loved a good fight, a sexy argument, but the fighting and talking they did was not the kind he had hoped for in a relationship. There was rarely the more fun makeup part of it.

"So now you want to talk?" Tony scoffed before he'd even had a chance to consider being snarky.

"Don't get snippy with me." Pepper scowled and pointed to something presumably nearby. "What right do you have to be snippy anyway? After everything!"

"Snippy? I wasn't being snippy. I was making a point."

"You're the one in all the magazines with Scarlett Damien at some play in Boston that you didn't even bother to invite me, your girlfriend, to! On top of that, fighting over her with that actor guy she's stringing along… And you're getting snippy with me?" Pepper's tone wavered but she quickly cleared her throat to get back on track. Maybe she really didn't want to fight. Tony however, seemed to be in the mood to nitpick. Finally he was defending himself after all this time spent hidden in his shell downstairs. He hadn't realized how attacked he'd felt for so long. Scarlett was right. He was suffering and there was no reason for him to feel guilty that he was, especially when it came to the people who were supposed to care for him.

"Except that I wasn't being snippy and I was making a point that you never want to talk to me about anything unless it's to nag me about whatever I'm doing wrong apparently."

"You could have at least warned me about what I'd see this morning!" Pepper sighed in frustration. Her eyes were puffy. She'd been crying. Tony grimaced and the courage he'd felt only moments ago melted into guilt. He'd made her cry! She'd seen him in the papers making a scene with Scarlett and she had felt wounded, betrayed. She probably thought he'd cheated on her. "Or invited me to go with you. I would have gone to a play, Tony! I love Shakespeare! I love… the theater, you know that. Or I thought you did at least. It's hard to tell these days what you do and don't know."

"I didn't want you to go with me." Tony hadn't known that actually. He was sure Pepper had told him but it had slipped from his mind just as everything seemed to these days. Or maybe it hadn't seemed important enough information to hold onto. God, he really was a terrible boyfriend. Pepper deserved better than this. She was a beautiful, talented, smart woman.

"You know what? That's the problem Tony." Pepper spoke with surprising clarity. She looked angry, but somehow she managed to keep her emotions in check. Maybe it was that Tony was looking especially guilty or maybe it was that she really did want to talk. Tony didn't know. All he knew was that Pepper was finally talking to him. "I don't want you out with me and you don't want me there with you. What are we going to do about that, Tony? This isn't normal."

"I don't know." Tony shrugged but that fear gripped him again. Was she dumping him? Over the phone? This sure seemed like the opening to a breakup speech. Part of him wanted her to do it. Just drop the knife, get it over with so he could start picking up the pieces of his life. Then again, he was comfortable with Pepper, his friend, his assistant, the woman he had trusted for years to be there for him. Could he really keep clinging onto something that was in the past? She hadn't been that person for a very long time and he wasn't sure how much longer he could wait for that woman to come back. What if she never did? What if it wasn't just some phase for them both? "I'm too busy right now to do this, Pepper." It was true, in a way. He had a list a mile long of things he needed to get done. Plus he smelled like pizza. A shower was in order.

"You're always busy. Or you say you are but I never know with what."

"Are you accusing me of sitting around doing nothing all day, Pepper? Because I'm pretty sure that there hasn't been a day in months where I've sat around watching television." Tony was defensive. He had to be, maybe because there had been a hundred days where he'd felt useless, or maybe because he was afraid she'd say so.

"Working on an army of robots doesn't seem very productive to me these days. Exactly the opposite."

"Well it's not like you listen very hard when I tell you what they do."

"It's not like you want me to see!"

"Why would I? So you can criticize me and tell me what to do instead? Or tell me it's a waste of time? You don't get the point so I don't bother. No thanks, Pepper."

"Look, I was talking to Happy last night!" Pepper shouted in exasperation and then took a deep breath to calm herself down. Tony somehow felt jealous. She was always with Happy. Happy barely even said hello to him anymore. Tony paid him to drive Pepper around and the guy couldn't say two words to him? And then Pepper went and discussed their romantic life with him? She wouldn't talk to him, but she'd talk to her driver? "Maybe we rushed into things a little bit." She tried to smile but it quickly faltered. It was hard enough to keep from yelling nonetheless try to look civil.

Tony snapped and almost told her to go talk it over with Happy since she seemed to enjoy being with him so damn much in the past few months. She was with Happy when he needed her! He'd been here suffering alone all this time and she was off doing whatever with Happy Hogan! God, what kind of a name was Happy anyway? It was stupid! Tony was being irrational and he knew it. Happy was his friend. Or he had been at one point.

"For once I think we agree on something." Tony managed but his words were forced. Pepper seemed to be more interested in talking things through with Happy instead of him. Maybe that's why things weren't working. Maybe it wasn't Tony at all that was the problem.

"Oh." Pepper looked disappointed. She'd been hoping that Tony would tell her she was way off base. The fear and resentment she'd felt that morning when she'd read the articles, scrolled through the blogs, the comments about the outburst at the theater the night before returned in a rush. Her eyes glistened with tears she wouldn't cry. Pepper hated Scarlett Damien. This was all her fault.

"Look, if you don't have anything else to say then…" Tony began. This was just getting awkward.

"What were you really doing with Scarlett last night?" Pepper finally asked, the words flying out of her mouth so quickly that Tony almost didn't understand them. Why didn't she seem as angry as he expected her to be? Obviously she was accusing him of cheating like the rest of the world. He thought she knew him better than that. She'd been his assistant for years and yeah, Tony had slept around back then, but he'd always dumped a girl before hooking up with a new one. Tony had mastered the art of letting a woman go. Except for when it came to Pepper mostly because he wasn't sure what to do. He'd never dated someone who had been his friend before.

"So you think I'm sleeping around, is that it?" Tony snapped. He didn't mean to bite the way he did, but it hurt to be accused by someone he thought was his friend. It wasn't like she'd been his friend for months now, just someone that he lived with. "That must be what I'm doing, right? It's not like you'd trust me or anything." Tony snapped his fingers and then spread the screen that appeared through the air. Quickly he searched for what was being reported about the night before. It certainly had appeared like he was trying to pick Scarlett up. Someone even had a picture of them out for pizza afterward, though it was blurry and from across the street. His thoughts drifted to his close call with Scarlett on the balcony of the theater. Hadn't he almost done something he'd regret? Thank god someone didn't get a picture of that.

"If you're not then why are you getting so damn defensive?" Pepper pointed a finger at him. They were both trying to be civil and it was far more difficult than either of them had expected.

"Because I thought you knew me better than that." Tony stopped upon one of the pictures outside of the theater. He was standing near Scarlett as she spoke with Nathan just staring at her fondly. When had he done that? Obviously he'd looked at her quite a bit but that was not a look he remembered giving her. He zoomed in on the picture and tilted his head to the side.

"I thought I did too, Tony!" Pepper seemed still, oddly, not as upset as he had expected her to be. Tony stared at the picture of him with Scarlett again. Nathan was nearby and irate but Tony was preoccupied with the curly haired woman next to him. God, why was he giving her that look? She wasn't even paying attention to him and he was staring like a puppy dog.

He'd almost kissed her. Was that cheating?

Tony turned his attention back to the phone call and the woman waiting for him to say something, anything. When he closed his eyes he could still see Scarlett, feel her hand on his chest. That tug still remained in his reactor, that need to pull her close and kiss her that had nearly consumed him. Maybe he was cheating on Pepper, but not in the most obvious of ways. He hadn't actually done anything with Scarlett and she had consistently kept reminding him that he wasn't single for almost the entire night.

Tony opened his mouth to tell Pepper that he had thought about being single a hundred times in the last week. How he would have slept with Scarlett already if it hadn't been for his relationship with Pepper. Then he saw the look on Pepper's face. She was simultaneously afraid of his answer but there was something else there, hidden beneath the surface.

Something Tony recognized.

Guilt.

Pepper felt guilty.

It wasn't because she hadn't attended to him while he'd been struggling, that was for sure. Over the past few months Pepper had made it perfectly clear that she didn't care if he was suffering alone over whatever trauma had plagued him. So what was it then that had so riddled Pepper with guilt that she was accusing him of cheating. What was that old theory? He'd heard it before but it clung just outside of his memory. People who accused other people out of the blue of something were usually guilty of it themselves? Wasn't it something like that?

Tony felt suddenly panicked.

"I just want to know if you cheated on me, Tony." Pepper sighed but the guilt was still there on her face. Was it just him or did he think she wanted him to say that he had?

"I didn't." Tony stared at her sincerely but she didn't look at all relieved. "What about you?"

"Excuse me?" Pepper's voice was so high she squeaked. Now she looked panicked.

"You're spending all this time with Happy. If you're thinking I cheated just because I've made a female friend then maybe I should be worried about my driver who hasn't driven me in months."

"No, I just… Well, to be fair you have never been good at having female friends or even coworkers…" Pepper rambled on but never actually answered the question. Yes, she'd said no but not in the context which Tony wanted to hear. He didn't show it, but the pit in his stomach grew. Pepper continued to ramble on, saying that Tony had nothing to be worried about and she only hung out with him because Tony was being such a jerk.

Tony wasn't listening anymore. What was he going to do? This couldn't really be happening, right? Everything was his fault. Pepper had said he was being a jerk. Had he been? Staying in the basement, locking himself away out of fear? Had she not seen the fear? Had she interpreted it as selfishness? If only he could say it to her. If only he could tell her how scared he was. Hadn't he once before though?

He'd told her about the nightmares, about how he had to protect what mattered most. Back then what had mattered most had been her. But she hadn't seen the fear. It was clear now. She had seen only that he wasn't sleeping and he wasn't spending time with her. He had avoided going places with her, taking her on dates. Surely there was an anniversary or important date he'd forgotten. To be fair, Tony had never been good about that to begin with.

The thoughts spiraled out of control but always came back to one central point.

Pepper hadn't said no.

"Sir, Colonel Rhodes is on the home line." Jarvis cut through Tony's panicked thoughts. Pepper was still rambling on but Tony wasn't sure about what, he'd long since stopped listening. Perhaps she was yelling at him for not listening. That seemed entirely likely.

"Potts, I've got another call." Tony interrupted though his voice shook. Pepper stopped talking and stared at Tony, expecting him to say something more. "We'll talk later." Tony hung up before she could say argue with him.

"Your heart rate is elevated sir, should I be alarmed?" Jarvis didn't change calls over as he usually would and Tony grunted in irritation.

"Patch him through, Jarvis."

The computer did as he was told and Rhodey's voice came through the speakers throughout the house.

"I see you bit the bullet with Refuge!" Rhodey laughed, pride in his voice. "Is she as amazing in person as she is in the papers? Or is it an all illusion?" Rhodey wanted to call to check on Tony. He'd been in the papers a number of times the last few weeks, which was great for Tony. Then again, Rhodey had wondered if it was really as great a thing as it seemed. Yes, that had been normal for Tony for years, but what was normal now? Tony was struggling with something, he'd been scared to go out in public. Hell, Rhodey had to practically drag him out of the house to see him.

Now he was suddenly in the limelight again. It could have been overwhelming.

"Am I an illusion?" Tony's heart wasn't in the conversation. Even an hour ago he would have wanted to brag about his night, about the fun he'd had but now… now it all seemed unimportant.

"Point taken! Hell, what a night. If any of the stories are to be believed then I think drinks are on me." Rhodey chuckled. "So are you in trouble with the missus after all that?"

"Yeah." Tony nodded and leaned his head in his hands. Jarvis brought up that annoying heart monitor again and Tony swatted it away with a grumble. Once more, the heart monitor appeared just out of reach. "I swear to god, Jarvis…" Tony mouthed to the side.

"Look, I've got a meeting in a half an hour but then I can stop by and we can go grab a drink…"

"I think Pepper's sleeping with Happy." Tony had to say it out loud. He stared at the heart monitor that reappeared in front of him, closer, but he didn't exactly see it. Instead he felt a pain in his chest and silence fell between the two. Even if Pepper wasn't sleeping with Happy, he was almost sure that something was going on between them. It was there hanging in front of him now. Every little touch, every time she went out, every time she talked she mentioned him. At the very least, she had a thing for him.

Women did that. Men did too.

Tony felt sick to his stomach.

"What? Are you serious, Tony? This is a bad joke if you're not…"

"That is a stupid question."

"Tony… man…" Rhodey wasn't sure what to say. Tony was about to tell him to forget he said it. It was stupid. He shouldn't worry about this sort of stuff. Pepper wouldn't do that to him, it wasn't in Pepper's nature. But he didn't really feel like he knew Pepper very well right now either. The Pepper he knew wouldn't have done anything the Pepper he lived with had done. Did she feel the same way about him? Had they both gotten lost somewhere along the way?

"Don't worry about it."

"I'll be right over." Rhodey didn't care what appointments he had right now. Tony needed someone to be there for him and he wasn't waiting for an invitation. Not anymore. "Order some Chinese or something." Before Tony could object, Rhodey hung up and so Tony laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

So much for feeling good for once.