Echoes

Scarlett was being held down.

There was nothing she could do to break free.

People were screaming in pain all around her but she couldn't see them, couldn't find them. Voices from every corner of her senses assaulted her, blaming her for their pain. Scarlett tossed and turned, or at least tried to, sweat dripping down her cheeks, her neck.

Forcing her eyes open Scarlett broke free of her mental bonds and sat upright. The first thing she felt was the blinding pain in her side. Hunching over she held her stomach and much to her relief, it was covered and dry. No more blood. One tug at the sheets around her and she saw that there really was no blood, not even a hint of it staining the light colored sheets.

Her stomach did a flip, but overall she still felt much improved to when she'd last woken up. Rubbing her eyes, Scarlett tested her limbs carefully to make sure she could feel them, that they could work. Her hand was sore from where she'd tugged the IV free when she'd lost her mind in the hospital. There was a mark on her arm from where she must have had another. She wasn't in the hospital anymore though. Curtains were pulled closed and her room was dark, but someone had brought her back to the loft she'd rented in Malibu. She was relieved but only for a moment.

Maybe someone had brought her here so she could die in peace, but judging by how she felt so much better Scarlett highly doubted that was the case. It was much more likely that she was out of the woods and someone knew how she despised hospitals. Jemma must have found a way to counteract whatever had made her react so poorly to that old knife in her side.

Closing her eyes and laying back, Scarlett considered going back to sleep. Every nerve in her body was sore, weary from her ordeal. There had been no chance that what had happened in the hospital had been a dream. Absentmindedly she wondered how long she had been out of it. It had to have been awhile for her to feel so much better. She hadn't been sleeping well for a long while, maybe she'd just given into exhaustion at last. It was more likely that she'd been drugged to keep her from having another fit and attacking another S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent with a scalpel.

Guilt sunk in her stomach again as she considered her dreams and what she already knew they meant. The longer she laid awake, even with her eyes closed, Scarlett knew she wasn't alone and she didn't have to guess who else was there. Peeking one eye open, Scarlett caught sight of Natasha Romanoff on a comfortable gray couch at the far end of the room. The redhead was flipping through notes in a file, but was purposely avoiding looking at Scarlett.

Great, now she really had a babysitter. Closing her eyes again, Scarlett saw flashes of those last few moments in her mind. She was almost sure then that when she closed her eyes she wasn't waking back up. But there she was, awake again. Was it selfish of her to go back to sleep? To want to be left alone? To partially have wished that was it?

Definitely.

It didn't stop her feeling it but she was surprised by how much regret followed.

"How are you feeling, Damien?" Natasha's voice came from much closer than the couch and Scarlett felt a weight on the corner of the large bed. Scarlett didn't respond and laid still with her eyes closed. Natasha knew she was awake, there were no doubts about that but Scarlett didn't really have an answer for her.

The last words she remembered hearing were that she was going to die. Natasha had told her she was dying.

To scare her? As some terrible price to pay for the sins she'd committed? Or to try and take this all very seriously? Scarlett was internalizing again. Natasha wasn't like that, or at least Scarlett didn't actually think she was. It was weariness and pain speaking in her mind, getting the best of her. It was side effects from medication, anxiety, feelings Scarlett had no idea how to actually deal with in practice.

Natasha didn't move and simply waited for her friend's response but none ever came.

"What's going on with Tony Stark?" If Scarlett wasn't going to respond about her own well being, Natasha would try something different. This time Scarlett responded but didn't open her eyes.

"Work. Just work."

"Ah." Natasha nodded and watched her before turning away again and looking back toward the files she'd discarded on the couch. "You called for him in your sleep."

Scarlett grumbled and sat up at last, narrowing her eyes.

"Not funny."

"I'm serious." Natasha continued, turning toward her on the bed. "Several times actually on several occasions. Hours ago."

"Ugh," Scarlett grumbled, wiping the sleep away from her eyes. Like things weren't embarrassing enough these past few months. Losing the capability to take care of herself, having to bend to everyone else's will, having to admit she was weak. Now she was apparently talking about Tony in her sleep. She hadn't even been had exciting dreams! It was very unfair.

"Don't worry, it wasn't dirty talk." Natasha clarified when Scarlett seemed frustrated beyond words.

"Good." Scarlett sighed and tilted her head to the side.

"It sounded sad more than anything."

"You're no good at this profiling thing." Scarlett pointed at her and leaned back against the pillows once she'd propped them up. Natasha threw her a look and Scarlett shrugged. "I'm afraid he's going to wind up hurt."

"He's Iron Man. Way stronger than you think. I've seen it in action."

"Doesn't make it anymore okay that it's a possibility." Scarlett sighed and closed her eyes, placing her hand over her side. This entire conversation made her uncomfortable and she was way too damn tired to pretend it didn't.

Natasha scrutinized her, adjusting herself so she sat cross legged at the foot of the bed, watching her curiously.

"You like him." Natasha didn't smile. Scarlett opened her eyes again and shook her head no. "You like him."

"I don't get to do that anymore, remember?" Scarlett rolled her eyes. "How many stitches did this thing take to close up? Feels like someone did a real hack job." The change of subject didn't take but it wasn't for lack of trying. "What was the verdict?"

Natasha watched Scarlett sadly, her blue eyes seeing far too much for Scarlett's liking. Scarlett was defeated. It was hard to watch. In truth, Natasha knew she was party to that.

"How are you feeling?" She asked again since she had been ignored earlier and Scarlett once more narrowed her eyes. Natasha was ignoring her on purpose.

"You tell me."

"That knife… must have been old and filthy." Natasha began, standing up and walking around to the side of the bed. Scarlett didn't maintain eye contact. "Wish you had told us about it earlier. Had to have something terrible on it. Jemma guessed rust remover. Between it being in your bloodstream and there being remnants of the broken blade itself everything went to hell. I guess you must have forgotten all the drugs you're on because there was a chemical imbalance on a massive scale. Everything we did to try and keep your blood from thinning made you sicker. Ganter thought you were rejecting treatment far earlier than anticipated. We were preparing for the end."

"Good thing I have my will filed away already." Scarlett retorted and it was Natasha this time whose eyes narrowed. "So you fixed it?"

"Simmons did. Once she knew what the problem was it was easy. Had to stop medications, all sorts of other medical crap. Basically told her to do what she had to do. But then we had to drug you up again and that's no fun. At least you're not hallucinating this time."

"I wasn't hallucinating." Scarlett took a deep breath. "I didn't know where I was. I felt like someone had drugged me. The last time that happened I was being tortured so fight or flight kicked in. Didn't recognized Jemma because I couldn't see properly. Happy?"

"Not really." Natasha grimaced, folding her arms over her chest. "You couldn't see?" When Scarlett had nothing to say, Natasha walked back toward the couch and sat down. Awkward tense silence filled the air and Scarlett partially wanted to ask if she had a permanent babysitter now though she knew that wasn't it. She had to stop taking cheap shots at Natasha. It wasn't her fault this had happened. Scarlett had been so scared that Natasha would die because of her that she'd done unspeakable things.

"You told me…" Scarlett began, unsure if she should say what was on her mind or not. This wasn't their relationship, it never was. They'd never had the kind of time this sort of relationship required. "You told me I was dying. I didn't expect to wake up."

Natasha nodded, though she had partially hoped Scarlett wouldn’t remember any of what had happened in that hospital. When she closed her eyes she could still see it. It would haunt her for the rest of her days. "I thought you were."

"Me too." Scarlett nodded.

"Technically… you still are."

"When did you decide that? That's pretty morbid."

"When I realized how bad this all really is."

"It's not that bad Natasha."

"How can you say that? You almost died! You just told me you couldn't see, Scarlett." Natasha tilted her head in disbelief.

"But I didn't." Scarlett scoffed and leaned away from the pillows. "How many times have I almost died? I'm still here. Why do you keep treating me like I've already got one foot in the grave?"

"It's not like that."

"Yeah, it really is." Scarlett nodded with a heavy sigh. "I don't get it."

"It's because I'm…" Natasha seemed to mouth the words but not actually say them out loud. Scarlett leaned her head back in frustration. Sometimes being what they were, these emotional discussions were frustratingly difficult. "I'm scared. Are you happy now?"

"No." Scarlett sighed. "Very unhappy actually. I don't need you to be scared for me. I'm capable."

"Not against this, this is different. If it was a gun pointed at you I'd feel better but it's not." Natasha spoke flatly, grimly. "Someone should be scared for you because… you sure aren't."

Scarlett groped on her nightstand for her phone and was glad that it was there waiting for her. She pulled it open and saw that there were dozens of missed calls and text messages. Almost all of them were from Tony. That wouldn't help her argument with Natasha at all, but she couldn't let him worry any longer so she shot him a text.

At least now he would know she was okay. She'd been honest. That wound took much more out of her than she had expected. He didn't need to know how much at this point. It seemed impersonal to do so via text message. Setting her phone down, Scarlett thought it wasn't enough so she picked it up and asked if he was all right too. After all, he'd just gone through a major breakup. It seemed a little petty to think about considering all that she'd experienced in the past few days, but it was still important to her.

Natasha was watching her, irritated that she'd ignored the confrontation in favor of her phone. It wasn't like she had to guess why.

"You should quit the job. I think it's time to reel it in." Natasha sighed heavily.

"Stop it." Scarlett rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious. Refuge, Stark Industries. You knew it had to end eventually."

"Enough." Scarlett shoved her phone aside in frustration.

"No." Natasha folded the file closed and threw it onto the coffee table. "Someone needs to keep you tied to reality."

"You think I'm not tied to reality?" Scarlett pointed at her in irritation. "You have no idea how aware I am of just what's happening to me. You read all this crap on a piece of paper, you sit and watch me from afar and think that I'm screwing around? I know what's happening to me, Romanoff. I know better than anyone else! But I'm not going to roll over and wait for this thing to kick me in the ass while I'm down. I don't need this bullshit from you of all people."

"You're making bad decisions at every turn. You're not in any position to…"

"Screw you." Scarlett snapped. "I came to you for help not because I had to but because I decided to. I could've died alone after going on a killing spree but I didn't do that! I didn't do that because I wanted a babysitter either, you know. I didn't come to you because I wanted you to take care of me."

"Then why did you come to me?" Natasha was quiet and it was an unsettling feeling.

"I needed a friend." Scarlett felt a cold chill run through her. "It was selfish and stupid. I've been making so many of those selfish and stupid decisions lately but I… when am I going to get the chance to do that again? I needed a friend… need a friend." Closing her eyes Scarlett adjusted uncomfortably under the covers. "You used to have so much faith in me I thought you would be the best person to go to and lord knows where any of my other associates are these days anyway. Hunter would have just worried, Noriyuki would have gotten himself killed. But you're not like them."

"I'm just trying to keep you safe the best way I know how."

"I know." Scarlett held her hand over her side, feeling her heartbeat through her wound. "I'm going to be okay. I have to keep saying that. But every time you're around it seems like you don't believe that. And if you don't believe I'm going to be okay then I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do."

Natasha watched Scarlett and felt the guilt creep in. For a second she turned away with her hands on her hips. She had the distinct feeling Scarlett had closed her eyes to purposely avoid eye contact. It would be just like her friend to be overly confident in the face of such adversity and here was Natasha undermining that false confidence at every turn. She only wanted Scarlett to be careful, to not do anything that would possibly endanger her further. Their friendship had become fragile, not because it was lacking but rather because the chances of it ending were very high.

Scarlett felt the weight of the bed shift again next to her and the covers moving. Natasha sat next to her with a sigh and picked up her friend's hand, pulling it away from her side. Scarlett opened her eyes and didn't look at her friend but instead gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Nothing felt real anymore.

Scarlett wasn't sure how she was supposed to be feeling at all. It was numbing. Between waking up in her bed again, that feverish moment in the hospital, this all felt like a terrible nightmare. But it wasn't and part of her understood it was real while the other part was probably still in denial. There was an unfamiliar heat behind her eyes as Natasha sat next to her simply holding her hands.

It shouldn't have hit her so hard in that moment, but it did. Everything Natasha kept saying, about how she was sick, how she was dying, how it was a battle she couldn't fight, Scarlett knew it was all true better than anyone else but she very rarely let on. It was a sort of denial, a denial that she couldn't let go of or she was afraid she'd lose hope altogether. Scarlett had to sniffle, her sinuses were suddenly completely plugged with whatever emotion was creeping up behind her eyes.

When had that happened? Scarlett hated the feeling, waited for Natasha to ridicule her but was surprised when the redhead didn't.

"I don't want you to die." Natasha whispered after exhaling deeply. Scarlett stole a sideways glance at her friend and swallowed the lump in her throat. Natasha's face was almost as red as her hair, not with embarrassment but with something else. This was all so terribly awkward, how did regular people deal with these emotions every damn day?

"I'm not going to." Scarlett shrugged and cleared her throat. "You're not going to get all mooshy on me, are you?"

"No. I was just saying that as a fact… I don't want that."

"And I already told you. I don't plan on it anytime soon. We still have too much trouble to get into. Though so far this side of the law is pretty boring." Scarlett smiled a bit and Natasha laughed.

"Give it time."

"All right, all right." Scarlett squeezed Natasha's hand before forcing it free. "Hand holding is weird, just gotta tell ya."

"You looked like you needed a hand to hold."

"I didn't, you're being weird."

"You're being weird."

"Well stop it. I don't like this."

"Aw, are you uncomfortable with emotions sweetie?" Natasha pursed her lips.

"Yuck, sweetie, that's enough of that too."

"I'm going to call you that from now on."

"All right, schnookums. Just you wait until I do that in front of your boss."

"Bring it."

"Hey, Tasha?" Scarlett drifted off and the redhead watched her curiously. "Do you still have faith in me?"

"Yes." Natasha answered without a second thought and Scarlett smiled with a nod. That was more like it. Natasha hadn't been herself and neither had Scarlett. These moments weren't easy for them and Scarlett generally hid things with humor. Natasha tried her best to do the same but it didn't always come off as genuine. Something about Natasha's overall demeanor made her seem cold and heartless but that just wasn't the case. The woman's emotions ran deep and Scarlett would never say that to her face but she knew it was true.

Scarlett held her side again and exhaled deeply. It hurt every time she moved but it was still world's better than it had been the last time she'd woken up. Her fingers numbed every so often, residual effects from medication she had to guess. Vaguely Scarlett wondered how long she'd been unconscious but she'd check the date on her phone eventually instead of asking.

Her phone buzzed and slid on the nightstand. Both Scarlett and Natasha stared at it as Scarlett very discreetly reached over and dimmed the screen by turning it over. When she leaned back up Natasha was giving her a knowing look.

"Don't do it." Scarlett whispered threateningly.

"He likes you."

"What did I just say?"

"He really likes you." Natasha adjusted so her legs were over the blankets.

"He can't. We've been through this."

"You like him."

"I don't." Scarlett spoke deadpan.

"Stop being so cryptic about the relationship stuff for a minute."

"No."

"You've been hot for him since you met him. Bennett was right."

"Jinx? Oh god, I forgot about that card reading bullshit." Scarlett grimaced. "You're being silly. That gossip chain still giggling about it? I thought I told you to forward those conversations to me."

"It's just like you to go after a guy like Tony Stark." Natasha shrugged as she really sat and thought about it. "Charismatic, loaded, dangerous, self destructive, selfish, brilliant…"

"Hey, I do not go after guys with money." Scarlett scoffed and then stuttered on her words. "The rest is probably right, but not the money thing. I've got my own money." She couldn't help but laugh.

"For all you know some of those guys were super loaded…"

"And I would have never known or cared." Scarlett laughed and held her hands up and spoke loudly over Natasha who continued to argue. "Enough, enough! You are not only being ridiculous, you are actually ridiculous. Like as a person. All of this, it's ridiculous and I've had just about enough of the ridiculousness."

"Oh and you're not?"

"You can go now. I'm pretty sure you don't have to be here anymore." Scarlett tapped the covers. "I'm much, much better and I'll be on my feet in just a few minutes… but… your job here is done… So shoo!" Scarlett stretched her words playfully and hopefully.

"I know that I don't have to be here." Natasha nodded but didn't go anywhere.

"Wow, you do not take a hint."

"I don't really take orders either so you're wasting your time."

"I swear, if my side wasn't so screwed up you would be out the door."

"You could try but we've had this fight before and no one wins."

"You're small. I could pick you up and just… drop you outside."

"You're injured, I could just punch you in the side and…"

"Mean. So mean. You're so cruel and small. And mean."

"When you're better, rematch."

"I thought you weren't allowed to be violent for no reason anymore. Aren't you one of the good guys now or something?"

"So are you."

"I don't know how I feel about that." Scarlett sighed. "My moral compass is all sorts of messed up. I just don't always do the right thing, ya know? There's a good chance of me disappearing after all of this."

"You're one of the heroes now. Just… like me, you're… stained with blood. Makes us less afraid to make the difficult decisions."

"I'm not sure that will ever change, Tasha."

"You already have."

"Ugh, stop being sweet I hate it. You're so gross." Scarlett groaned and Natasha shoved her arm. "I'm trying to do better. You can't make me stop working with Refuge. It's the only good thing I've ever really done. It's my legacy now."

"You'll get the chance to do more." Natasha nodded. "Work Refuge remotely, okay? One less stress? Traveling is exhausting."

"Fine." Scarlett could agree to that for now. She was tired of traveling back and forth anyway. But that didn't answer every question she had on the matter anyway. "You really think I should quit this thing with Stark Industries? With Tony?"

"As someone who is scared for what's going to come next? Absolutely." Natasha nodded seriously. She was relieved they'd gotten so much out in the open at the very least.

"Great. So very helpful."

"As your friend? I think you should take a risk on something other than your life for once."

"I'm pretty sure I was not talking about that." Scarlett tilted her head toward Natasha on the pillow.

"You should be talking about it. Everyone else is."

"I was talking about work."

"I'm sure you can find some way to write it off as work if you're creative. Dealing with Stark always felt like work to me. Not sure how much work it'll be for you given his lengthy history…"

"Tasha… oh my god. I don't even know what to say. Who are you and what have you done with my friend?"

"Jinx started a pool to see how long it would take for you two to finally give in. She's winning so far."

"Oh, that's… that's cute." Scarlett looked toward her phone and felt a strange tug in her chest as it buzzed again. "I have to think about it."

"You're allowed to have fun."

"You don't feel like the same person you were twenty minutes ago."

"I'm trying to be more friendly. It's a recent thing. Someone told me I was being a rigid bitch or something."

"So funny." Scarlett closed her eyes and held her side.

"I'm going to stay for the rest of the day." Natasha whispered after a moment. "Just in case."

"Thanks." Scarlett nodded slowly. "I could actually use the company. As long as you get off the Stark thing, it's pathetic."

"I like to watch you squirm. It's such a rare thing."

"Maybe I don't want you to stay."

"Too bad."