In the Shadows

Billie shot awake with a choked scream and a racing heart as her hand flew to her shoulder. Eyes shut tight, fighting back tears, all she could feel for a moment was a numbing cold, and then, all at once, she could feel the horrible, burning, aching, stabbing pain of the bullet ripping through her right shoulder. She could feel the heat of her blood, seeping through her fingers and she didn’t dare open her eyes to see the crimson.

Her head was pounding and her body ached; she could feel the force of every single blow they had landed to her body, the punches to the face and stomach, the kicks in her ribs and across her back. Her ribs hurt the worst, cracked and broken, just like the hardwood floor of that old apartment. Those guards had inflicted so much damage, left so many scars that had never gone away. Some were visible, some weren’t. Either way, Billie was still haunted by them. Couldn’t escape them.

And the reality of that crushed her.

”What’s one more body gonna hurt,” one of them had said. That had been her motto ever since she’d escaped them, ever since she’d left that horrible place. Everything after that gun had fired was a blur, so how she’d gotten away was a mystery to her, even now. She had no clue how she’d manage to escape, let alone survive, but she had. She’d belonged no where, back then, and when she finally found a place that she wanted to be, a man she wanted to follow… her life had never been the same.

But that didn’t mean the memories never went away.

A blast of thunder shook the room and she snapped back into reality, finding herself in her quarters in the Assassin hideout. A storm poured down outside, she noticed, and that made her feel all the worse. She hated thunder storms. Hated everything about them. She hated the smell of rain, the roll of thunder, the patchy grey of the skies. There was nothing she despised more than a bad storm.

Billie, doing her best to ignore the pain that racked her, mind, body, and soul, she wrapped her arms around herself, and the tears fell, no matter how hard she willed them not to, coming down like the rain outside. Even when she realized she was awake, wrapped up in the shadows and dark of her room, she could still feel her wounds and bruises like it was just yesterday that they had all but tortured her. It didn’t matter if her eyes were open or closed, all she could see with each flash of lightning that shone through from what little of the window she hadn’t blacked out were the faces of those guards. She could hear them leering at her, taunting her, berating her. Most of all, she could see those vicious, soulless eyes that belonged to the leader of that particular group of guards.

The events of that night seemed to play through her mind’s eye in a blur. Her heart pounded inside her chest, just as it had done that night, and with each adrenaline and fear filled thump, she though it was going burst at any moment. She was breathing like she was being kicked in the ribs again… over and over again, and she could still feel the stabbing jab from those ribs that’d been broken, too. She saw herself laying flat on the floor, having been slammed back into after a guard had tripped her on her second break for the door.

Billie could vaguely remember having somehow gotten a knife from one of the Overseers and slashing the leader across the face with it. She wasn’t sure she had even done so, but she could knew, though, when the leader had come after her, screaming and cursing in outright fury, his face had been extremely bloody. He’d grabbed her roughly around the throat, nearly crushing her windpipe, and when the lightning came again, she could see a clear, diagonal slash across his face.

Billie’s hand went to her throat, clutching at it as she tried to control her breathing. It only came out even more ragged, matching the pace of her racing heart.

She winced as she felt the leader’s hand tighten around her throat, letting less and less oxygen into her lungs… Awake or not, Billie couldn’t tell, but her vision was quickly getting darker and darker…



Daud’s footsteps were silent as he trekked down the hall of the Assassin hideout, making his way towards Billie’s chambers through the darkness. The closer he got, the more the thunder seemed to rumble and the lightning lit up the sky. All the while, as he walked, he couldn’t shake his thoughts of hoping Billie was alright. Surely, she was. She was tough, strong, and quick witted. Even as a kid, she’d been a fast learner, taking to all he had to teach her with an unusually fast and with an unmatched attentiveness. He’d often said she was the best he’d ever trained as an assassin, and he still, even to this day, stood by that statement. Despite being a woman (and the only woman Daud had ever trained), Billie could hold her own against any man; she was skilled, she was smart, and she did her job well. That was why she was his second in command.

One could even go as far as to say she had a talent for inflicting death; Daud, though he wasn’t much an arrogant man, wondered if her skill had anything to do with how closely she had always watched him.

Daud didn’t know for sure, but so long as she got her work done, and did it well, he could care less. Well, he didn’t care how attentively she watched him, anyways. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t care about her wellbeing, even in the slightest. Why else would he be heading towards her room, to check on her, of all people, when he knew she could take care of herself?

He was going to check on her because he knew all too well that true emotions, true fear, hid well in the darkness, and it was in darkness where the assassins lurked the most. No one could be perfectly okay all of the time. Not even Billie.

That was also the reason he’d been so adamant in getting to know her so well; if she was going to be his Lieutenant, he wanted to know who he’d be working with. He wanted to know what her weaknesses were, for it seemed she had none; he wanted to know what her strengths were, and she, of course had several of those. He had known, right from the first moment he’d seen her, that she’d lived a hard life. She was just a small, skinny kid, but she was determined, and Daud could see a great deal of resilience in her, and he probably saw it more so than she ever had. Duad knew she would make a great asset to his group of assassins, woman, or not, but he’d had no idea how great she would become, how great she was. He’d also never expected her to be so aloof, especially when it came to the other assassins. Even though she kept a close eye on Daud, himself, she kept her secrets even closer. She’d kept them hidden deep in her mind, locked away, until one day… they’d been too much to keep in.

Daud still remembered that day, all too well. They’d been on a mission together, one of Billie’s first as his Lieutenant, when they’d been trapped in a building by an explosion caused by a not-so-fortunate Overseer and a near by tank of whale oil. The Overseer’s plan had been to kill them both by shooting a full tank of whale oil, but it had backfired; due to the unstable and volatile properties of the industrial power source and a lucky change in wind, the Overseer had gone out in a blaze, while he and Billie had survived, despite being trapped. They hadn’t gone entirely unscathed, though; Daud’s left arm had been badly burned, while the force of the blast had knocked Billie out. After quickly saving her from being crushed by the falling rock, Daud had made the decision to stay put until she’d regain consciousness.

However, when she did… she woke up screaming. During a thunderstorm.

After that, she’d had no choice but to tell him of that night she’d run from her childhood home, the night her family had been taken away. He’d asked her why she hadn’t tried to save her family and the sneer she’d given him was branded forever into his mind, but it wasn’t quite the same with the abuse Billie had suffered that night; she was haunted by it, and Daud knew better than most what it was like to be haunted by the past. He also knew what it was like to face something like that alone.

And so, upon reaching his second in command’s door, he knocked a couple of times, waited for a moment, and upon hearing no reply, he knocked again.

And waited again.

Silently, Daud opened the door some, calling for her. Again, there was no reply; he heard nothing.

At least, until there was the sound of a sudden, choked scream. Daud went to step further in the room, but stopped as a loud blast of thunder rumbled over head, followed by a flash of lightning that he could see from the little section of Billie’s window that hadn’t been covered. That small spark of illumination was enough, though, for Daud to see Billie shoot up from where she lay on the floor, sitting straight up, breathing hard. Daud went to her immediately, the sound of his footsteps masked by the sound of her ragged breathing. He knelt beside her, but she was completely unaware of his presence, even when he was so close. Daud waited for a moment, not sure if he should bring her out of her daze, or to let her endure through it; he didn’t want her to kill him in a nightmare driven frenzy. Instead, he simply watched her for a moment. He was right in his instinct to come and check on her, as she was clearly not alright, but he realized now that he had few options as to help her. When he’d tried to wake her up before from a nightmare, she nailed him in the face with an incredible left hook. Daud had no desire to go through that again.

The assassin was still, his gaze trailing over her features. Even in the dark, he could see quite clearly that her face had paled, and much to his surprise, he saw tears in her eyes, trailing down her cheeks. Her dark eyes were set forward, staring at nothing in particular. Seeing movement, his eyes followed her hand as she lifted it, clutching at her throat, nails digging in. Noticing this, he finally realized that she was nearly hyperventilating, and that her eyes were slowly closing; Daud knew she was about to lose consciousness. This had to stop. It had to stop now.

Not thinking twice about any of the consequences that his actions might have, Daud reached out, grabbing Billie’s shoulder. In a surprisingly calm tone, he called her name one, twice, and then on the third time, his voice finally cut through her daze and her eyes snapped to him, widened in surprise, shock, and something close to retreating fear.

“Billie,” Daud spoke, using her first name for once. “Are yo-“ He didn’t even have time to finish his sentence before she collapsed into his arms, crying harder than she had when he’d first seen her wake up from what he assumed was the same exact nightmare.

“Daud,” she replied, calling out his name. Her voice was weak, hoarse. He’d never her heard her sound so… fragile before.

“Hush,” he answered flatly, carefully wrapping his arms around her. He wasn’t particularly good with things like this… but right now, he couldn’t care less. He was here, and Billie needed someone. Maybe even just him.

“I won’t go back,” she growled out into his chest. “I will never go back to that place!” Daud remained silent for a moment. He knew what she was referring to: her old home, but perhaps he should try and get her to talk to him. That had seemed to make her feel better before.

“Go back to where,” the assassin asked as she latched on tighter to his coat. Even through the fabric, he could feel her nails digging into his shoulder.

“That house!” Billie hissed. “I won’t go back! Ever!”

“Of course not, your home is here. No one has any intention of making you go anywhere; I won’t allow it, Billie. Calm down.”

“I…” she trailed off, sounding hysteric. “I can still see them,” she spoke finally, her voice weakening yet again.

“Wh-“

“The guards,” she barked. “I can still see them, see the metal mask over the Overseer, see the black eyes of that Watch guard. I feel his hand on my throat, choking me, I feel the bullet wound in my shoulder. Each crack of thunder is gunfire; another bullet hitting me. Why? Why do I have to have these fucking scars, always reminding me,” she questioned bitterly. Daud looked down, only to see her with her eyes shut tightly, teeth gritted together as she tried to fight back the tears. Tried to ward off the pain. Daud knew, too, what scars she was talking about. He had seen them. Billie had shown him one night, long ago.

Daud sighed, not knowing what to say as he listened to her ranting, her questions. His heart seemed to soften with sorrow with each word she spoke. He didn’t have any answers for her, he never did. That was why she was so curious of The Outsider; surely he had the answers she was after. She wanted to believe Daud did, too, but knew better. Despite all her scars, despite all the things she didn’t understand about her life, the pain and the strife she’d had to go through for so many years, there was one question that Daud knew tormented her more than the rest. Ever since she told him the story of her mother and that whale bone charm, he knew what Billie always wondered.

“Why us,” she questioned hopeless. “Why my family, why,” she continued on, nearly mumbling. Daud didn’t have to listen to much of what she said, he’d heard it all before, but that didn’t make things any easier on him than it did on Billie. “Why me?”

Daud let out a sigh, keeping a tight hold on her, just in case she finally decided to punch him for his answer. It was the same one as always. All Daud could ever do was answer her one, burning question with a practically heartless ‘I don’t know’ and hold onto her as she cried, until she fell asleep, and for long after that into the deepest, darkest part of the night.

Daud didn’t know the answers to her questions.

But he wished he did.