Something's Gotta Give - Original Verison

Jade's Point of View

“I might actually kill your brother,” Alex threatened as he paced around the front porch, wringing his wrists.

“Relax,” I told him, trying to keep my tone even. I’d suggested that Alex take a breather outside while Skye and Jack talked about his little outburst. Why the hell would neither one of them ever mention that they’d hooked up to me? Jack was horrible at keeping secrets.

“I can’t!” Alex exclaimed. “You just don’t fuck your best friend’s sister! It’s not cool.” I stared at him blankly, eyebrows raised slightly. He started to get flustered. “It’s different with us!”

“And why is that?” I asked him.

“I don’t know, it just is!” He threw his hands in the air. “Can I please hit him?”

“I thought we agreed to a path of nonviolence yesterday,” I reminded him. “Chances are you don’t want to bust your knuckles open again. And trust me, even if I think he’s a doofus, I’ll defend Jack as viciously as Skye defends you.”

Alex groaned. “Well, I need to do something to get rid of this tension.”

Suddenly I had an idea. I smirk formed at the corners of my lips. “Well, we’re theoretically back in high school tonight, right?”

“I guess,” Alex said and finally slowed his pacing. His face started to get a wary look on it. “What kind of devious thing are you thinking about…?”

I didn’t explain. “Do you have your car keys on you?”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “Why, are we going somewhere? We were just drinking, I really don’t want to drive.”

“Relax,” I told him. “I’ve barely had anything. My blood alcohol’s probably the same as if I took a dose of cough syrup. Toss me your keys.”

Alex didn’t question me anymore, just dug the keys out of his pocket and tossed them to me. “Whatever.”

We headed to his car, and I got in on the driver’s side and he got in opposite me. I turned the car on and the Future Hearts album began playing. I started to laugh as I backed the car out of the driveway. “You’re playing your own album in here? You magnificent douche bag.”

“Hey, I’m proud of that album!” he defended himself.

“I’m teasing,” I assured him as we drove away from the house. “I love the album too. Dancing With a Wolf is my favorite.”

“I wrote that for you, ya know,” Alex said, and then tried to backtrack. “Well, maybe not for you, but as you. Like with everything we went through the last few years. It’s kind of the whole shitty situation from your point of view.”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that, so I just nodded and bit the inside of my mouth.

“I probably wouldn’t have told you that if I wasn’t totally fucked up,” he went on, clearly embarrassed at his admission. “Sorry, I just made things totally awkward.”

“It’s okay,” I told him as I pulled into a suburb and slowed the car, glancing at every yard. I needed to focus on the task at hand, and I definitely didn’t want to make eye contact with him. “I wrote a whole book about us.”

“What the hell are you talking about? The new one?” he asked. Though I was trying not to look at him, I could see a confused look flash across his face.

“When I was in New York, I was talking to Michael about Lines,” I explained. “And he made a lot of comparisons between our history and our relationship with Nic and Peyton’s. And then I realized he was right, and the book was really about us. So…oops, I guess?”

Alex was about to respond, but I suddenly slammed the brakes of the car. He lurched forward slightly, the tightness of the seatbelt catching him and causing a guttural, almost vomiting noise to escape his mouth. “What the fuck, Jade? Goddamnit, you could’ve killed me!”

“You’re fine,” I waved him off. “I found exactly what I needed.” I pointed to the yard to Alex’s right. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“What am I supposed to be seeing? The toilet?” Alex asked, rubbing his chest.

“Yes,” I said, pointing to the end of the driveway with the rest of the trash. “The toilet.”

“I don’t get it?” Alex turned to me, his stupidly big eyebrows morphing together in confusion.

“Think back to high school,” I told him. “Remember that one night that you, me, Jack, Skye, Rian, and Zack were all riding around in Rian’s mom’s minivan and we found that random toilet and put it on Flyzik’s lawn?”

“What does that have to do with…? OH!” he said, his eyes sparking as he remembered. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Oh, I think so.” A wicked grin creeped across my face. “Come on, help me with this.”

I put the car in park, turned it off, and opened the trunk. Alex and I crept over to the lawn and both picked up a side of the toilet and started to carry it to the car. Alex glanced down into the toilet bowl and frowned. “There are shit stains in here.”

“Perfect,” I laughed. We finished loading it into the back and then walked back to the front of the car, buckling ourselves in. Before heading to our destination, we decided to stop at a gas station and buy a package of toilet paper.

“Jesus, what are we, twelve?” Alex chuckled as he pulled his wallet out and paid for the pack of toilet paper.

“For tonight, yes,” I answered. We went back to the car and drove a familiar route to a house we both knew very well. A few minutes later, we were sitting outside of Jay and Isabel’s house. I turned the headlights of the car off, opened the trunk of the car again, and we stepped outside to unload the toilet. We struggled to pick it up at first but finally got it and dumped it in the middle of their front yard.

We ripped the package of toilet paper open and I handed a roll to Alex. “Care to do the honors?”

“We’ll do it at the same time.” Alex readied his toilet paper roll as I did the same. “On the count of three. One…two…three!”

We tossed the rolls at the house and both went sailing over the roof, leaving white paper trails in their wake.

“Yes!” we cheered as quietly as possibly. Alex put his hand out to high five me. I gave him a quick one and then passed him another few rolls. Alex and I spent the next ten minutes or so sending the rolls over the house, through the trees, and wrapping them around bushes.

Though we’d tried to make as little noise as possible, apparently we hadn’t been as quiet as we thought we were. Alex and I were laughing loudly at our petty little revenge, no longer able to stay nearly silent.

Alex was doubled over, his hands on his knees as he laughed while my arms were wrapped across my stomach, the two of us cackling away.

“I have to admit, I feel so much better,” Alex said, wiping at his eyes. “I haven’t laughed that hard in a long motherfucking time.”

“Neither have I,” I admitted, wiping tears of my own away, my makeup running slightly.

A few seconds later, Alex and I finally laughed ourselves out, calming down. He suddenly got a serious look on his face. “Listen, Jade, I wanted to talk to you about-”

“Oh, fuck,” I interrupted as red and blue lights flashed across Alex’s face. The smiles left our faces as we realized what was going on. “Alex, we are so fucked.”