Notes on Heartbreak

Who am I? I was never this girl, never the one to fall apart, yet here I am and I can't even recognize myself. The only thing that makes me happy, gets me through the day, is the thought and hope that he will come back. Every eye lash found, every chance to pray, is used to communicate with the man upstairs, to beg him to let Cam come back. I can't look at him at school. All I see is the Cam I love, the one I can no longer have or call mine. I just want to be okay. I just want to keep it together. My heart literally aches inside my chest, I crumble with every thought of my present reality. How can this be real? My life was perfect a month ago. I had my best friends, the love of my life, my family, soccer, and spring fast approaching with its many events to look forward to. Now, how can I be excited? My life is crashing down on me. The corner stone that was Cam has crumbled, every thing else toppling over as a result. I am not giving up hope. Maybe thats pathetic and maybe that will ultimately be my greatest fault, but I can't and I won't. I truly believe in my heart that he will come back, maybe in a month, maybe this summer, or maybe when I'm away at college. I will always be waiting to redeem myself to him, to make him fall in love with me again. For now, I need to hold myself together. Let that hope be the glue to keep my shattered life intact until I can get him back. Please God, if you're up there, I am falling apart, let me get him back.