Sequel: Everything After ›
Status: Life in Progress
Notes on Heartbreak
Truth
If you're heartbroken and wondering if it gets better, let me tell you a secret.
It does, but it also never will.
Here's how it goes:
You will find words and phrases that bring you comfort, that you repeat to yourself when you wake up in the morning as you lay in bed and he is the first prominent thing that enters your mind as your eyes open. You will have bad days where all you can think about is the negatives and it seems as though you are trying to physically drag yourself down into depression. You will constantly picture him with another girl, any other girl- that random pretty girl you pass in Walgreens is now the future love of his life and you have successfully brought anguish upon yourself congratulations. You will have good days- but these consist of real good days and false ones. The false good days are only good because they are built upon misconceived hope. "He will realize his mistake and come back" replays in your mind and suddenly its all ok, but its not because this is reality and those kinds of fantasies will not carry you through the week. The real good days are the ones where you tell him to fuck himself in your mind, where you remember the time that he "didn't think he had to ask you to prom" or that one instance where he never got you a birthday present or oh- how about that time he felt up your best friend? Then you smile to yourself and picture the perfect human being that is to be your next boyfriend, the amazing adventures that your future holds, the fact that you can be happy because your life is beautiful and one person can never change that. The real good days are the ones where you wake up sad and end happy, and you don't think of him constantly, and you focus on yourself.
You will tell yourself you are over him- this will forever and always be a lie, the sooner you accept it the easier it will be. Missing someone, thinking of them throughout your day, does not make you weak. You will think about him every day whether you like it or not.
You will be with other people. You will kiss other boys and text other boys and invite other boys over just as you would have with him, but he will always be the one that you think about. That's okay.
I am happy. I can truly say I am happy. I can truly say that it does get better, but it also never does.
I love pretending he doesn't exist, it makes my life so much easier. He exists in my head, in my memories, and my thoughts. But when I see him, when I am reminded that he is a person and we still coexist on this planet with no contact, its like a bullet to the chest. Im not sure when that feeling will go away.
It does, but it also never will.
Here's how it goes:
You will find words and phrases that bring you comfort, that you repeat to yourself when you wake up in the morning as you lay in bed and he is the first prominent thing that enters your mind as your eyes open. You will have bad days where all you can think about is the negatives and it seems as though you are trying to physically drag yourself down into depression. You will constantly picture him with another girl, any other girl- that random pretty girl you pass in Walgreens is now the future love of his life and you have successfully brought anguish upon yourself congratulations. You will have good days- but these consist of real good days and false ones. The false good days are only good because they are built upon misconceived hope. "He will realize his mistake and come back" replays in your mind and suddenly its all ok, but its not because this is reality and those kinds of fantasies will not carry you through the week. The real good days are the ones where you tell him to fuck himself in your mind, where you remember the time that he "didn't think he had to ask you to prom" or that one instance where he never got you a birthday present or oh- how about that time he felt up your best friend? Then you smile to yourself and picture the perfect human being that is to be your next boyfriend, the amazing adventures that your future holds, the fact that you can be happy because your life is beautiful and one person can never change that. The real good days are the ones where you wake up sad and end happy, and you don't think of him constantly, and you focus on yourself.
You will tell yourself you are over him- this will forever and always be a lie, the sooner you accept it the easier it will be. Missing someone, thinking of them throughout your day, does not make you weak. You will think about him every day whether you like it or not.
You will be with other people. You will kiss other boys and text other boys and invite other boys over just as you would have with him, but he will always be the one that you think about. That's okay.
I am happy. I can truly say I am happy. I can truly say that it does get better, but it also never does.
I love pretending he doesn't exist, it makes my life so much easier. He exists in my head, in my memories, and my thoughts. But when I see him, when I am reminded that he is a person and we still coexist on this planet with no contact, its like a bullet to the chest. Im not sure when that feeling will go away.