Sequel: Everything After
Status: Life in Progress

Notes on Heartbreak

Whats meant to be, will be

There comes a time when all thats left for you to do is stop. You realize that your life isn't progressing, your happiness is stagnant, and your mind constantly dwells on the things of the past. This cannot go on forever. Moving on is the hardest mindset I have ever tried to take on, the hardest task, the toughest road. It is finally allowing myself to accept that I will not and CAN not be with him again. It is realizing that those day trips to his house, the idea of kisses and touches on my breaks home, and the "catching up" texts that I had planned to send, will never ever be the relationship we had or the want that I want. I deserve so much more. I am not the girl that is taken advantage of, used for a day and then abused, forgotten about, and talked down to. I was never that girl. You don't think that the boy that claimed he loved you more than anything, that said you were the best thing to happen to him and his favorite person, would ever take it upon himself to treat you like that. But he will. Thats when you know its over, when you're more in love with the person from the memories, from 4 months ago, then you are with the one standing in front of you present day. When you don't even like the person that acts as though you're annoying and makes you feel as though you are hard to love. God, the hardest part is letting go, saying to yourself that "this is it", no "last time seeing him" because that will only fuck you up more if thats even possible at this point. The next time, you will pass him in the street or at a party, and you can only hope by then you're over it. You can only hope that time really will heal all wounds and at some point your silence will turn into healing for yourself. I keep thinking "next summer" and "when he goes to college" but that's far far away, in the very distant future, and by then Ill be long gone. Thats the goal. You have to draw the line between desperation and determination at some point. Stop yourself from being that pathetic girl you don't even recognize, help yourself to move forward. It fucking sucks accepting that its over, that this could be it. It fucking sucks accepting that you just have to go on with life, move forward. There won't be another guy to pick you up and carry you forward, no knight in shining armor to rescue you from heartbreak, only yourself. You have to do it on your own, even when you're all alone. Even when you're at college, and its your first week, and you have one real friend but even thats not that real. You are all that you have and will ever have to count on. Do it for yourself. And remember that whats yours will always find its way back on its own, no force necessary, no constant snapchats and texts to remind him you exist, no subjecting yourself to being used in order to feel wanted again, its a force of gravity. If it doesn't return, it was never yours to begin with. This is life. What is meant to be, will always find a way.