Notes on Heartbreak

There is nothing wrong with my life. What would I change? What would I alter if I could make everything the way I wanted it to be? Well, in that case, there would be things I would fix. Everyone has that. No one's life is so pristine and perfect that would not alter a single thing. I think back to when I was in a relationship and I remember the numerous things I would change, the nights when I knew it wasn't for me, the days I would realize that it wasn't worth it. Why does everything seem so much better from far away? I am fine. Right now, I am fit, I am happy, I have amazing friends and family, and although they are not with me I know I will see them soon enough. I have things to look forward to, most of my homework is done, I am healthy, I am alive. We still talk. I am here and he is there and we still talk. He has not yet forgotten about me. Time is so scary, the fact that Ive been here for what feels like years, he there, in school for only 3 days. There will be so much more time, so many more days and weeks and months, and the scariest thing is knowing that things will change so much in that time but not knowing how. I can't try to look into the future, it gives me a migraine. I don't know what I want,or where I want to be. It is when I look into the future that I get scared and sad and anxious. Why torture yourself? There is a 90% chance that the future holds amazing things and everything may just be ok, maybe even better than it is right now. Stop thinking negatively, stop getting scared. Day by day, minute by minute, hour by hour. Time moves quickly if you let it, but if you get sucked into it, sucked into its vast and endless possibilities, you will undeniably drown.

So fuck her for texting your ex when she was supposed to be your friend. But keep in mind that he said it would never happen. And the little things he has said that bring you comfort. And the freedom you would get even if he did go against those things. And you are fine. And there is nothing wrong with your life.