Sequel: Everything After ›
Status: Life in Progress
Notes on Heartbreak
4:00 am
Here's what I know now:
He loves me, but he is no longer in love with me. I am still so deeply in love with him.
He's contemplating being with other people. He once told me I was the only one he ever wanted.
He is the only one I want.
He tells me we can only salvage our friendship. He is still my best friend.
He says I did nothing, that I'm not at fault, yet then I do not know why this is all happening.
He won't talk to me, won't call me, won't say it to my face, I'm not sure what that means but that I am not worth the time anymore.
He says there will always be a place in his heart for me, and for some reason these words hurt more than anything.
He used to say he would always love me, never forget me, that I would always be his first love, his first everything. Yet he continues to downplay the love that we had. He's emotionless.
He says he's been happy this week, while this has been the most miserable week of my life.
I want to be with him during my last few weeks of high school, during my graduation, and over the summer.
He says if he changes his mind I'll be the first to know. God I want that to happen so badly.
I hope he realizes next week.
I will die if he is with another girl.
I cannot even picture him texting someone else... It literally kills me from the inside-out.
My heart is literally aching. I can't fucking sleep. My body is numb, its empty, its blank.
How the fuck does this happen? How do you go from loving someone so much one week and then next not wanting anything to do with them? You can't just flip a fucking switch like that.
I am dying. Dying.
It feels like this hurt will never go away.
I need to keep talking to him, to have him in my life because I love him
But I hate him so much, i don't want to give him the benefit of talking to me after he has hurt me this badly.
Why did I talk so much? Friday night I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut. I kept rambling on, things I didn't mean, things I never should have fucking said. It triggered him, made him snap. Jesus christ all he wanted to do was kiss me. Why didn't I just kiss him back?
Now I just want him back. I would do anything for that kiss.
He loves me, but he is no longer in love with me. I am still so deeply in love with him.
He's contemplating being with other people. He once told me I was the only one he ever wanted.
He is the only one I want.
He tells me we can only salvage our friendship. He is still my best friend.
He says I did nothing, that I'm not at fault, yet then I do not know why this is all happening.
He won't talk to me, won't call me, won't say it to my face, I'm not sure what that means but that I am not worth the time anymore.
He says there will always be a place in his heart for me, and for some reason these words hurt more than anything.
He used to say he would always love me, never forget me, that I would always be his first love, his first everything. Yet he continues to downplay the love that we had. He's emotionless.
He says he's been happy this week, while this has been the most miserable week of my life.
I want to be with him during my last few weeks of high school, during my graduation, and over the summer.
He says if he changes his mind I'll be the first to know. God I want that to happen so badly.
I hope he realizes next week.
I will die if he is with another girl.
I cannot even picture him texting someone else... It literally kills me from the inside-out.
My heart is literally aching. I can't fucking sleep. My body is numb, its empty, its blank.
How the fuck does this happen? How do you go from loving someone so much one week and then next not wanting anything to do with them? You can't just flip a fucking switch like that.
I am dying. Dying.
It feels like this hurt will never go away.
I need to keep talking to him, to have him in my life because I love him
But I hate him so much, i don't want to give him the benefit of talking to me after he has hurt me this badly.
Why did I talk so much? Friday night I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut. I kept rambling on, things I didn't mean, things I never should have fucking said. It triggered him, made him snap. Jesus christ all he wanted to do was kiss me. Why didn't I just kiss him back?
Now I just want him back. I would do anything for that kiss.