Sequel: Everything After ›
Status: Life in Progress
Notes on Heartbreak
Prom and Cars
How cheesy is it, that our relationship can be summed up by prom and cars? Two symbols of our love and our loss of it.
Freshman year prom-
I went with a friend, I didn't even know you existed yet.
Sophomore year prom-
You asked me a week too late. You hinted that I would be the one girl you would consider going with. You missed your shot that year, but you never quit.
Junior Year prom-
You won the girl and the prom date. What a perfect night. We took cute pictures, and held hands under the table. We spent time separately with our friends, but ended together slow dancing and kissing. I sat all after-prom with my head on your shoulder, my favorite place to be.
Senior year prom-
Our demise. You shot me looks of frustration and annoyance. You refused to hold my hand, to acknowledge my existence. By pictures I was already crying. Before prom was even over I was leaving. You used to tell me "I promise I will not let you leave" yet you did at prom. You literally let me leave my own senior prom, crying and heartbroken. I will always remember that.
I watched you leave me from my driveway, your damn escalade smoothly rolling by me and I sobbed on the pavement. I sat there for awhile, listening to the sound of others cars drive by. So many times before i had been the one leaving, watching your figure grow smaller from my own car window. I should've gotten in my car that night, should've followed you to your house and kissed you and convinced you to stay before that monster of a thought in your head turned into all of this.
I cried in my car the next few weeks. I could hold it together in front of my family, my friends, and everyone at school, but when I was all alone in the silence and containment of the car, I broke down. I didn't care who saw me from their car windows, the tears just kept pouring out of me. Sometimes, I hoped that I would crash, sometimes I wondered what would happen if I did. I never wished to die, I wasn't that depressed. But if, by chance, I crashed into that tree, or that fence, would you come back? Would you be so thrown by my near-death experience that you would realize how wrong you were for leaving? Pathetic, I know. Now I sing at the top of my lungs in the car. I'm completely free in my car. I scream and dance and all my worries disappear.
We used to dance in the car. We would put on a song and scream it. We were both bad singers, but you were the worst. I know you sang louder just to make me laugh- it always worked. You would try to kiss me at stop lights. I wonder who saw us through the car windows, I wonder what they thought. "Two teenagers in love". That's what I thought. You would kiss me up against the car before I left. Those were always my favorite kisses, desperate, passionate, longing. I would sit in the driver's seat, you having to bend down to kiss me. It took every ounce of my will power to keep from getting out of the car to be with you again. You used to breathe on my window before you left, outlining a heart in the fog that you created. I'm not sure if I ever told you this, but every time I pulled out of your driveway, as I watched you walk inside, I wondered how I had gotten so lucky. "I love that boy," I would say to myself, "I really love him".
Freshman year prom-
I went with a friend, I didn't even know you existed yet.
Sophomore year prom-
You asked me a week too late. You hinted that I would be the one girl you would consider going with. You missed your shot that year, but you never quit.
Junior Year prom-
You won the girl and the prom date. What a perfect night. We took cute pictures, and held hands under the table. We spent time separately with our friends, but ended together slow dancing and kissing. I sat all after-prom with my head on your shoulder, my favorite place to be.
Senior year prom-
Our demise. You shot me looks of frustration and annoyance. You refused to hold my hand, to acknowledge my existence. By pictures I was already crying. Before prom was even over I was leaving. You used to tell me "I promise I will not let you leave" yet you did at prom. You literally let me leave my own senior prom, crying and heartbroken. I will always remember that.
I watched you leave me from my driveway, your damn escalade smoothly rolling by me and I sobbed on the pavement. I sat there for awhile, listening to the sound of others cars drive by. So many times before i had been the one leaving, watching your figure grow smaller from my own car window. I should've gotten in my car that night, should've followed you to your house and kissed you and convinced you to stay before that monster of a thought in your head turned into all of this.
I cried in my car the next few weeks. I could hold it together in front of my family, my friends, and everyone at school, but when I was all alone in the silence and containment of the car, I broke down. I didn't care who saw me from their car windows, the tears just kept pouring out of me. Sometimes, I hoped that I would crash, sometimes I wondered what would happen if I did. I never wished to die, I wasn't that depressed. But if, by chance, I crashed into that tree, or that fence, would you come back? Would you be so thrown by my near-death experience that you would realize how wrong you were for leaving? Pathetic, I know. Now I sing at the top of my lungs in the car. I'm completely free in my car. I scream and dance and all my worries disappear.
We used to dance in the car. We would put on a song and scream it. We were both bad singers, but you were the worst. I know you sang louder just to make me laugh- it always worked. You would try to kiss me at stop lights. I wonder who saw us through the car windows, I wonder what they thought. "Two teenagers in love". That's what I thought. You would kiss me up against the car before I left. Those were always my favorite kisses, desperate, passionate, longing. I would sit in the driver's seat, you having to bend down to kiss me. It took every ounce of my will power to keep from getting out of the car to be with you again. You used to breathe on my window before you left, outlining a heart in the fog that you created. I'm not sure if I ever told you this, but every time I pulled out of your driveway, as I watched you walk inside, I wondered how I had gotten so lucky. "I love that boy," I would say to myself, "I really love him".