Status: Slow moving... but moving, nonetheless.
She's Like a Piece of Home
Sept 15th
When Sunday morning came, she found herself at a loss for what to do. She was still ignoring the tinge of doubt that hovered in her mind, trying to convince herself that everyone was right and it didn’t hurt to give him a chance. They had exchanged a few texts everyday, but it felt forced. The day before she had sent him a text in the afternoon telling him to have a safe trip. She didn’t know what had come over her. She received a simple response of ‘thanks’ twenty minutes later.
Still laying in bed, she rolled and looked out the window wistfully wishing it were Monday so she could drown herself back into work. He had become the first thing she would think about when she woke up and the last thing before she fell asleep. Tuesday night was not close enough.
She felt blindly for her phone. She clutched it close to her and debated. Should she? Hadn’t she put herself through enough torture this week? Brooke had been right, she realized, she had put him in the ‘friend zone’, so it wasn’t like she should expect anything different than what was happening. She didn’t know how to fix it though. She had worked so hard to put him in the box and now he was actually staying there.
‘Hope you have a good day.’ She read what she had typed again. Ew. Deleting it quickly, she tried again. ‘Good luck today. Hope you do well.’ There. Two birds with one stone. You remembered he had a game and want him to do well. It was 7:20, not too early, actually normal by her current standards. She wasn’t sure of his schedule, but knew if she didn’t send it now she might not send it at all. She lightly pressed “Send” and dropped the phone next to her.
She was mid-stretch when it “tinged” next to her. She picked up it up, surprised. She hadn’t had an immediate response since Monday. ‘You should watch.’
She wasn’t sure what she expected in return, but that wasn’t it. Her fingers rapidly drummed out a response. ‘Yeah. I’ll definitely try.’
‘Finish grants?’ Another quick response. She allowed herself a tiny smile. She had mentioned the grants Wednesday morning. She didn’t think he’d remember.
‘Almost.’
Several minutes quietly passed. She was about to push the covers back when the familiar “ting” rang out again. ‘Then you should watch. What are you doing up?’
‘Just woke up. Still in bed. I’ll try to watch.’ She looked down at what she had just sent. Shit. What if he was sleeping? She quickly added, ‘Sorry if I woke you up.’
‘You did but its okay.’ Came through first. A second followed before she was even able to think of what to respond. ‘Finish grants. Watch game. :)’
She bit her lip as she pushed herself up. This was the most they had talked since last Sunday. She sent one last text before getting out of her bed. ‘Okay, okay. So persistent. I better get moving then. :)’
**
“Please, Raleigh, come on. Come watch the game with us,” Brooke pleaded with her. “Seriously, what are you doing right now? Reading? I know you finished that grant already.”
“I’m doing stuff.” Raleigh looked down at the book she was holding. She was already planning on watching the game. Quietly, by herself. She just… didn’t want people to know. She had purposely avoided telling Brooke about her conversation with Luka earlier.
“Reading. LAME. Come over.”
“I miss you, Raleigh! I haven’t seen you since Friday! Your new schedule sucks!” Tristan’s voice rang out distantly. She rolled her eyes as she crossed the kitchen to the refrigerator. She tucked the book under her arm.
“You’re not going to leave me alone tonight, are you?” she asked grabbing a bottle of water off the shelf.
“Nope. Just save yourself the trouble,” she replied in a singsong voice. Raleigh was starting to think she had too many persistent people in her life.
“Fine,” the brunette said with a sigh. “I’ll be over in a bit.”
“Yay!” She squealed. Then her voice sounded distant. “She’s coming.”
“I’m wearing my PJs.”
“It’s me and Tristan. We don’t care what you wear.”
“I’ll be over soon. See you.” She tucked the phone in the pocket of her navy linen PJ pants. She cleaned up her laptop and the journals and put everything in her shoulder bag to take back to work the next morning. Throwing on a light sweatshirt, she grabbed her keys and headed for the door. She doubled back to grab the book off her bed. There was no way she was letting Brooke think anything else was going on.
**
The screen of her phone lit again. 12:03. How long had she been trying to fall asleep? It had to be at least two hours. She had gotten home from Brooke’s around 10:30 and had climbed straight into bed, hoping to fall asleep quickly. Ha. Her mind had other plans.
She had kept her book propped up in front of her face during the game, but low enough that she could watch over the top. Tristan had finally forced her to put it down when she hadn’t turned a page for five minutes. She had blushed when they had gaped at her in stunned silence after she had growled “how was that not tripping?” after Matt had gone down from the stick of an opposing player. She could only pretend that she didn’t understand the game for so long.
She stared at his name on her phone and hovered her thumb over the call button. “Don’t,” she muttered to herself. Just send him a text in the morning. Her thumb slipped as she went to set the phone down and she tapped his number. She quickly touched End on the screen as the first ring could be heard. “Nooo,” she muttered softly to herself.
She tapped the phone against her head in mock punishment and dropped it next to her. She rolled over and buried her face in her pillows. Her leg vibrated before she heard the sound of her ringer. “So stupid,” she mumbled into the fabric of the pillowcase. She reached and felt around the bed until she found it. Twisting her body back over she swallowed hard when she read Luka’s name on the screen. She debated for a moment before answering.
“Hello?” she answered almost inaudibly.
“Hey,” he responded just as quietly.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m sure you’re probably on your way home or something. And you have a game tomorrow so I’ll just go. Sorry.” She was rambling. She squeezed her eyes shut. She was getting ready to pull the phone away when he spoke.
“No.” She could hear chatter behind him. “Don’t have to go. Flight just landed bit ago. Going to car. What’s up?”
“Your flight just landed?” She asked surprised. Wait. It was midnight. Oh God. It was midnight. And she just called him. At midnight.
“Like you said, we have game tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah,” she mumbled. They were both quiet. She heard the click of the door and shuffling. She figured he was likely putting his bag into the car.
“So, this why you called?” he finally broke silence.
“I just c-called,” she was stammering. Get a grip. “To see how you were doing.”
She heard him chuckle. It sounded distant as though he had pulled the phone away. “After midnight. Exhausted. Been going all day. Someone woke me up early. How are you?” He was teasing her now. She was terrible at this.
She said the first thing that popped into her head. “I saw your goal.”
“Hmm.” Amused again. “Yeah. What did you think?”
“It was impressive.”
She realized she hadn’t heard a second door close yet. He was standing outside. “Eh, don’t know if ‘impressive’ from someone who not watch hockey means much.”
She sighed as she humored him, “Brooke replayed it in slow motion and discussed, at length, what made it so great.”
“So it was good then, yes?”
“I already answered that,” she replied, keeping the playful banter going.
“And this why you called?” She heard the door slam shut finally. There was no background noise anymore except for the jangling of his car keys. “To tell me you like the goal?”
“I, uh, I imagine you’ll be going to bed as soon as you get home?” She sounded so lame. She wanted to smother herself with her pillow. Honestly, what other reason would you think about calling a man after midnight for? Accident or not, she couldn’t deny that she had actually considered calling him.
“Yes.” He was obliging her again, playing along with her randomness. She knew he wasn’t going to the first to get to the point. “Morning skate before game.”
“Oh, I see.” She was twisting the hem of her tank top between the fingers of her free hand.
“I not report until 11,” he replied steadily, baiting her. She froze. He’s moved beyond giving you gentle nudges… Just go for it.
“So, um, I – ” the words felt clumsy coming out of her mouth. She just couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, that there was a part of her that wanted to see him. “Well, I don’t want to keep you then.”
“Okay, Raleigh. I hope you sleep well in your bed tonight.” She could hear him start the car, music soft in the background.
“Um, yeah.” She rolled over and curled herself up into a ball. “Good night, then.”
“Good night.” The phone disconnected and she stared at it. Did he just give her an option to not be in her bed? Did she want to be in his bed again? No. Yes. No… Yes.
“Fuck,” she whispered. How did he get under her skin so easily? She chewed on her bottom lip as she touched his number again. It only rang once.
“I just wanted to – um,” she started as soon as it connected, but stopped just as suddenly. She still couldn’t do it. “I want – ” The words refused to leave her mouth.
“Be home 30 minutes,” he said. She could hear the confidence in his voice. He continued without waiting for her to respond. “You wait extra 15 minutes so Alex and Molly can get in house first.”
“Okay,” she answered, her breath caught in her throat. “Yeah.” She ended the call without saying anything else and sat up. She set her phone on the nightstand and looked down at the floor.
“You just did that,” she mumbled. She pushed herself off her bed and turned the overhead light on. Squinting while her eyes adjusted, she stumbled to the closet where she stood for several minutes scanning her clothes. What the hell do I wear?
She tugged a minty green and gray striped sweater off a hanger and headed to her dresser where she pulled a gray racer back tank and jeans out. She rummaged through her underwear drawer next and pulled out a bra and clean underwear. She set them carefully on the bed and studied them. These clothes say you are planning on sleeping in the same bed as him, but these green and blue lace boy shorts and matching bra say you are definitely sleeping with him. She sighed as she leaned against the wall and glanced at the clock. 12:30. What are you doing? She looked at the clothes again. Going. You are going to him.
She started to undress and looked at the clock again. She had time for a quick shower. She pulled up her pajama pants and looked at her legs. Yeah… get a shower. By the time she got dressed, she was beginning to have a change of heart. She felt guilty knowing she was keeping him up longer. Her hand hovered over her car keys and she began to pull back again. He wanted to see her. He wouldn’t have told her to come if he didn’t. Well, he wanted to sleep with her and who was she kidding, she wanted to sleep with him, too. Fair is fair, she resolved. She grabbed the keys, flipped the light switch and closed the door behind her as she headed to the separate entrance. No need for anyone else to know what she was doing. She’d be back early enough to get ready for work that they shouldn’t miss her.
**
He was standing in the kitchen cutting an apple when Molly, already changed into her pink sweat pants and ivory tank top, came in.
"Hey. It's after one. What are you still doing up?" she asked as she headed to sink. He glanced over at her. A short ping rang out from his pocket. She looked him over suspiciously. "And who is texting you this late?"
He returned his attention back to the apple, trying not to make eye contact with her. "My mother," he lied. "Just checking how first game was.”
"Your mother?" Her voice was full of skepticism as she filled up her glass with water.
"Yes,” he replied taking a bite of the apple. She leaned against the sink as she rolled her eyes at him.
“Right,” she muttered shaking her head.
“When you move out?” he called to her jokingly.
“A few more months… thank God. You’re a real pain as a housemate,” she said as she paused in the doorway. "Good night, Luka," she called over her shoulder as she left carrying her glass. He heard the steps creak as she went to her room. The corner of his mouth pulled into a small smile as he read her text. ‘I'm here. I didn't want to knock.’
‘You can come in. Door open. In kitchen.’
He had actually been shocked when he had seen her name come across his screen as he was grabbing his bag. He was intrigued though. She didn't strike him as the type for late night calls. But she had been funny, in an awkwardly adorable kind of way. He could hear the stutter in her voice and almost see her cringing at her own words. He wanted to hear her say it, that she wanted to be there, that she wanted more than what she had insisted on a week ago. But she didn't, even with him leading the conversation there for her. He knew for sure what she wanted, however, when she had called him back minutes later. She still couldn't get it out, but she had at least tried that time.
He chewed another slice of apple waiting to see if she'd actually come in. A few minutes passed and he realized he was going to have to go out after her. He dumped apple in the garbage and plate in the sink.
As he stepped into the cool night air, he tucked his hands into his pockets of his gray dress slacks. The temperature had dropped even more in the last half hour it seemed. He held back a grin as he approached her car. He could see her illuminated by the soft glow of the car's interior lights. Her head was against the steering wheel, hair falling in waves hiding her face. He tapped the window and waited. She moved her hand to the door and the window began to roll down. He was pretty sure he heard a soft "hi."
"Sleep in car tonight?" he asked leaning down. She turned her head slightly and pushed her hair off her face.
"It's tempting," she mumbled and he saw her lip twitch upwards.
He let out a laugh through his nose. "Come on," he told her as he stepped back. She rolled up the window and after what appeared to be a heavy sigh, turned off the car. The door opened slowly and light green shoes touched the ground. She certainly wasn't hurrying. It wasn't until she was standing directly in front of him that he was hit with an overwhelming surge of uneasiness. Maybe he shouldn't have been so headstrong and just called her. He cleared his throat and leaving his hands in his pockets nodded toward the door.
She followed silently behind him. "Wait." It was so faint he almost didn’t hear her. He turned to see her slowly backing up. She was biting her lower lip and twisting the hem of her sweater.
"Where you going?" he asked her feeling even more perplexed as he took a step towards her. Make up your mind. That’s what he really wanted to tell her.
"I should go. I shouldn't have come." He could hear the near panic in her voice. He reached out and grasped her wrist; she didn’t resist him pulling her closer. "It's really late and I mean we’re just - "
He cut her off. There it was. “No say it.” He couldn’t hear her say it again. Not when she was standing here in front of him. Not after the things they had done. He couldn’t be ‘just friends’ with her.
"What?" She was nearly inaudible. She either really didn’t get it or she didn’t believe him.
"I never let someone come over like this. This late, game next day," he confessed. He was dedicated to his career, trading many late nights for early mornings. He had never met anyone he was willing to sacrifice even a few nights like this for. He was no saint, but nights like this were off limits.
Her eyebrows furrowed together. "What?" she repeated again. “But we’re ju – ”
His hand flew to her mouth. “No.” There was slightly more force behind his voice this time.
Her eyes were wide with apprehension and confusion. She gently wrapped her hand around his wrist and pulled it down. "Then what is this?"
He took a deep breath, mulling it over. “Not know, but friends not act like this.”
“I know,” she whispered, dropping her gaze. They stood in silence both unsure of what to do next. She moved first, taking a timid step towards him, closing most of the gap between them. How did she make him feel so out of control? She was on her tiptoes now and placing her warm hands on his neck, gently pulling him down to her level.
He stopped short of their lips meeting. He had to make this clear first. “Wait.” It was going to drive him crazy. She let go almost instantly. He had his hands planted firmly on her waist so she couldn’t back away. His chest tightened at what he knew he needed to say. “I not think I want to be ‘just friends’ with you.”
She licked her lips and gave a tiny nod. She whispered, “I just don’t want anyone to know, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed. He didn’t understand her request, but he could agree to it, something that was quietly his. Something he could have that people didn’t know about. He was an intensely private person, but there was only so much that he could keep concealed when his life was public. His hands slid to her hips yanking her even closer. She was hesitant as she moved hands back to his neck.
Her eyes drifted shut as her lips grazed his. His eyes closed and he gently worked her mouth open, allowing their tongues to touch lightly. Her fingers were trailing over his shoulders and down his arms. He felt her hook her fingers in the belt loops of his dress pants, keeping herself pressed against him. Keeping his left hand on her back, his right traveled up her waist over her sweater until it reached her hair. He tangled his fingers in it and pulled it back from her shoulder. He moved his lips along her jawline and down her neck. When he reached the curve, she moaned softly in his ear and her hips arched into his. The moan nearly did him in. His fingers eagerly pushed the bottom of her sweater up. He was confused when he didn’t feel her smooth skin and instead found another layer of clothing. He pulled back and gazed at her curiously.
“Why so much clothes?” he groaned. She gave him a coy smile.
“It’s chilly out here,” she hinted as she slid a glance to the house. He didn’t hesitate as he bent down and scooped her up tossing her over his shoulder. “Luka!” she cried out in surprise and then immediately lowered her voice. “I would have walked!”
He took large steps moving quickly as she wriggled against him. As he closed the door behind him, she shifted. “Seriously, Luka. Please put me down.” He leaned her against the wall and lowered her slowly so that her back slid down the wall. He stopped short of letting her all the way down, forcing her to wrap her legs around his hips for support. He didn’t know where to start. He wanted that damn sweater off. As he started to tug it up, Raleigh’s hands immediately came down and stopped him in protest. “I don’t want Molly and Alex – “
“Sleeping,” he mumbled, burying his face in her neck leaving a trail of kisses along her collarbone.
“Oh,” she uttered as she exhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and rolled her head back against the wall. “Can we at least go up to your room?”
“Fine,” he grumbled and was about to hoist her back up when she put hands up in front of her, pushing on his chest.
“Wait! I will walk this time.” He laughed and pulled her off the wall, letting her lower her legs to the floor.
“So, you don’t normally do this?” she asked as she shut the door behind her. She was thinking again about what time it was. About the fact that she was here again in his bedroom. He was nearly on top of her within seconds, her back pressed against the oak door. Her eyes widened at the speed in which he could take control of her. Her mind went blank. What had she asked?
“Have to trust me,” he muttered staring down at her. Make up your mind, Raleigh. His fingers tightly gripped her sweater around her waist as he covered her mouth with his. Oh, hell.
“Mmm… God. I - I can’t think.” She murmured when he again found his way to the edge of her collarbone, nudging the collar of her sweater aside. His hands were on her hips again, twisting the button of her jeans. She opened her eyes and looked past him. Only the light on his nightstand was on. She noted a small, unopened black suitcase on the chair closest to his bed. He must have dropped the bag and waited downstairs for her, she assumed. Her eyes drifted closed again and she raised herself up on her tiptoes.
“I know,” his husky voice brought her back. She felt the material relax against her skin, followed by the tips of his fingers against her skin. “Better you not think.”
**
“You’re awful,” she sighed with a soft giggle. He heard her breath suck in when he nipped at her neck. He noted every curve as he skimmed his hand back up and over her butt and her hips. He pulled himself away letting his forehead rest against her shoulder. He tugged on her zipper, freeing her hips from the restrictive fabric. Her hands were on him now, twisting at each of the buttons on his pale lavender button down shirt. He slipped his hand between the jeans and her skin, not at all surprised to find lace like material greeting him.
He let out a heavy sigh and a look crossed her eyes; one that he hadn’t seen before. She gave him a coy half smile. Not taking her eyes off of him she stepped out of her shoes and kicked them to the side. His heart rate picked up as she placed her hands on the center of his chest and began pushing him back towards his bed. She was taking control. He dropped his hands as he moved with her. Her eyes were still locked intently on his as she lowered her hands, stopping on his belt buckle.
**
Raleigh stared outside through the sheer curtains covering the French doors. It’s the middle of the night and you came to him. Hadn’t she done this before? Sneaking out in the middle of the night? This was so familiar. Had she enjoyed it that much then, so many years ago? There was only one other person this had happened with. Brooke was right; she never let anyone else get to the point where this would be acceptable to her. Cleverly shutting them out before there could be a second or third time, if she let it get that far. She liked the quiet, safe existence she had carved out for herself. No surprises, no shocks. Day in, day out, life was the same. This was dangerous territory she was stepping into, getting closer to him.
She felt Luka twisting her hair to the side. He should have been sleeping. “I thought you said you were exhausted,” she commented as his lips brushed the nape of her neck. Her past was pushed to the furthest recess of her mind as his fingers glided down her arm and finally interlocked with her fingers.
“I am,” he answered with a yawn.
“Then go to sleep.” She twisted so that she was now laying on her back, their intertwined fingers across her stomach. She rolled her head to look at him. He was still on his left side facing her with his eyes closed and his other arm tucked under his head. His right eye opened slowly and a half smile pulled at his lips.
“You and ballet,” he mumbled sleepily. She was surprised at the random subject choice. What did he care about that for?
"So you really always wanted to play hockey?" She attempted to guide the subject back on him. Years ago she had learned that this usually worked with people. Most people… but apparently not him.
"You. You study ballet,” he insisted. He had both eyes open now, but his gaze was still sleepy as he looked at her. Why wouldn’t he just go to sleep?
"Until I went to college.”
Luka, even tired, was determined. He nudged at her with his nose. "Oh no,” he murmured. He let go of her hand and let his fingers run lazily between her waist and hips, his thumb dragging against her skin. “Want to know why not pursue ballet,” he continued unfazed. “What happened?"
She let out her breath when he stopped and let his hand rest on her stomach. She cleared her throat in an attempt to refocus. "Nothing happened. I just -" She looked back over at him. “Why are you so interested in this?”
He grinned guiltily at her and shrugged his shoulders. "I go to ballet whole life. Ballet is beautiful.” She couldn’t help but note that he failed to mention Valeriya.
“You really think that?” she asked skeptically.
“Mother insist. I play hockey, I also know my culture.” He paused. "Now, no deflecting," he muttered as his lips lightly touched her temple. Still no mention, she thought.
She sighed, deciding to go with the slightly more elaborated vague answer she had become accustomed to giving. "Okay. I studied it until I went to college. I chose not pursue it, because I didn’t want to. Don’t get me wrong. I love it, but I wanted to focus on history and running.”
“That it?” For a second she almost thought he sounded disappointed.
She rolled to face him and propped herself up by her elbow, cheek resting in her hand. “Yep. I told you it wasn’t much.”
“You run now?” He pushed on. She nodded as she inched herself closer to him. “Good?”
“It’s for fun now, but in college I did place.” As he opened his mouth to speak and she slid her hand over it. She felt his mouth twitch under her hand and by the moonlight she could see his eyes crinkle. “No more questions. You need to go to sleep,” she insisted as she removed her hand. “We can’t start this off with me being responsible for you falling asleep at games.”
He shook his head as his face scrunched. “That no happen.” He shifted to his back, but continued to watch her.
“What? Me being responsible or you falling asleep?” she teased as she poked him.
“No sleep in hockey. Impossible.” He reached out and pulled her into him. Lightly tugging on her hair as she settled against him, he continued, “But I say your fault if I did.”
She lifted her head and gave him a coy smile. “Oh yeah?”
He nodded as his finger skimmed her bare back. She rolled her shoulders and arched her back slightly. “I sure some apology work.”
“Hmm… I’ll try to keep that in mind. Now go to sleep!” His English was getting progressively worse the longer he stayed awake. She had to leave. At this rate he was never going to sleep. She began to pry herself loose from his arms. “I’m going to head home. I’ll text you in the morning.”
“Bossy,” he grumbled. “Not leaving.”
“I have to work in the morning,” she said softly. “You have a game tomorrow. And Molly and Alex…” She trailed off. Someone was going to see her if she waited too long.
“I got you out before.” He was determined, unrelenting.
“My car is here.” She stood firm. “They are bound to notice that.”
She tried to wriggle free again only to be met with the words, “Set alarm.”
“You don’t give up do you?” she replied with a frustrated sigh. His expression became smug. He knew she was caving. She rolled her eyes. “Bossy.”
“Good. Settled,” he said simply as he laid his head back again the pillow. When he relaxed his grip on her waist, she pushed herself away. “Where you go?” he asked curiously, the drowsiness returning to his eyes.
“I need my phone to set my alarm.” He let her go completely so that she could retrieve her phone. Feeling his eyes following her, she self-consciously covered her chest as she rounded the bed. She fought back the urge to pick up all the clothes as she crossed the room. A few minutes later, dressed in her tank top and underwear, she nestled back up against him.
“Good night, Rals,” he murmured into her hair. She was nervous though, regarding staying. He said would get her out; she had to trust him. Even if it was just a tiny bit.
Still laying in bed, she rolled and looked out the window wistfully wishing it were Monday so she could drown herself back into work. He had become the first thing she would think about when she woke up and the last thing before she fell asleep. Tuesday night was not close enough.
She felt blindly for her phone. She clutched it close to her and debated. Should she? Hadn’t she put herself through enough torture this week? Brooke had been right, she realized, she had put him in the ‘friend zone’, so it wasn’t like she should expect anything different than what was happening. She didn’t know how to fix it though. She had worked so hard to put him in the box and now he was actually staying there.
‘Hope you have a good day.’ She read what she had typed again. Ew. Deleting it quickly, she tried again. ‘Good luck today. Hope you do well.’ There. Two birds with one stone. You remembered he had a game and want him to do well. It was 7:20, not too early, actually normal by her current standards. She wasn’t sure of his schedule, but knew if she didn’t send it now she might not send it at all. She lightly pressed “Send” and dropped the phone next to her.
She was mid-stretch when it “tinged” next to her. She picked up it up, surprised. She hadn’t had an immediate response since Monday. ‘You should watch.’
She wasn’t sure what she expected in return, but that wasn’t it. Her fingers rapidly drummed out a response. ‘Yeah. I’ll definitely try.’
‘Finish grants?’ Another quick response. She allowed herself a tiny smile. She had mentioned the grants Wednesday morning. She didn’t think he’d remember.
‘Almost.’
Several minutes quietly passed. She was about to push the covers back when the familiar “ting” rang out again. ‘Then you should watch. What are you doing up?’
‘Just woke up. Still in bed. I’ll try to watch.’ She looked down at what she had just sent. Shit. What if he was sleeping? She quickly added, ‘Sorry if I woke you up.’
‘You did but its okay.’ Came through first. A second followed before she was even able to think of what to respond. ‘Finish grants. Watch game. :)’
She bit her lip as she pushed herself up. This was the most they had talked since last Sunday. She sent one last text before getting out of her bed. ‘Okay, okay. So persistent. I better get moving then. :)’
**
“Please, Raleigh, come on. Come watch the game with us,” Brooke pleaded with her. “Seriously, what are you doing right now? Reading? I know you finished that grant already.”
“I’m doing stuff.” Raleigh looked down at the book she was holding. She was already planning on watching the game. Quietly, by herself. She just… didn’t want people to know. She had purposely avoided telling Brooke about her conversation with Luka earlier.
“Reading. LAME. Come over.”
“I miss you, Raleigh! I haven’t seen you since Friday! Your new schedule sucks!” Tristan’s voice rang out distantly. She rolled her eyes as she crossed the kitchen to the refrigerator. She tucked the book under her arm.
“You’re not going to leave me alone tonight, are you?” she asked grabbing a bottle of water off the shelf.
“Nope. Just save yourself the trouble,” she replied in a singsong voice. Raleigh was starting to think she had too many persistent people in her life.
“Fine,” the brunette said with a sigh. “I’ll be over in a bit.”
“Yay!” She squealed. Then her voice sounded distant. “She’s coming.”
“I’m wearing my PJs.”
“It’s me and Tristan. We don’t care what you wear.”
“I’ll be over soon. See you.” She tucked the phone in the pocket of her navy linen PJ pants. She cleaned up her laptop and the journals and put everything in her shoulder bag to take back to work the next morning. Throwing on a light sweatshirt, she grabbed her keys and headed for the door. She doubled back to grab the book off her bed. There was no way she was letting Brooke think anything else was going on.
**
The screen of her phone lit again. 12:03. How long had she been trying to fall asleep? It had to be at least two hours. She had gotten home from Brooke’s around 10:30 and had climbed straight into bed, hoping to fall asleep quickly. Ha. Her mind had other plans.
She had kept her book propped up in front of her face during the game, but low enough that she could watch over the top. Tristan had finally forced her to put it down when she hadn’t turned a page for five minutes. She had blushed when they had gaped at her in stunned silence after she had growled “how was that not tripping?” after Matt had gone down from the stick of an opposing player. She could only pretend that she didn’t understand the game for so long.
She stared at his name on her phone and hovered her thumb over the call button. “Don’t,” she muttered to herself. Just send him a text in the morning. Her thumb slipped as she went to set the phone down and she tapped his number. She quickly touched End on the screen as the first ring could be heard. “Nooo,” she muttered softly to herself.
She tapped the phone against her head in mock punishment and dropped it next to her. She rolled over and buried her face in her pillows. Her leg vibrated before she heard the sound of her ringer. “So stupid,” she mumbled into the fabric of the pillowcase. She reached and felt around the bed until she found it. Twisting her body back over she swallowed hard when she read Luka’s name on the screen. She debated for a moment before answering.
“Hello?” she answered almost inaudibly.
“Hey,” he responded just as quietly.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m sure you’re probably on your way home or something. And you have a game tomorrow so I’ll just go. Sorry.” She was rambling. She squeezed her eyes shut. She was getting ready to pull the phone away when he spoke.
“No.” She could hear chatter behind him. “Don’t have to go. Flight just landed bit ago. Going to car. What’s up?”
“Your flight just landed?” She asked surprised. Wait. It was midnight. Oh God. It was midnight. And she just called him. At midnight.
“Like you said, we have game tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah,” she mumbled. They were both quiet. She heard the click of the door and shuffling. She figured he was likely putting his bag into the car.
“So, this why you called?” he finally broke silence.
“I just c-called,” she was stammering. Get a grip. “To see how you were doing.”
She heard him chuckle. It sounded distant as though he had pulled the phone away. “After midnight. Exhausted. Been going all day. Someone woke me up early. How are you?” He was teasing her now. She was terrible at this.
She said the first thing that popped into her head. “I saw your goal.”
“Hmm.” Amused again. “Yeah. What did you think?”
“It was impressive.”
She realized she hadn’t heard a second door close yet. He was standing outside. “Eh, don’t know if ‘impressive’ from someone who not watch hockey means much.”
She sighed as she humored him, “Brooke replayed it in slow motion and discussed, at length, what made it so great.”
“So it was good then, yes?”
“I already answered that,” she replied, keeping the playful banter going.
“And this why you called?” She heard the door slam shut finally. There was no background noise anymore except for the jangling of his car keys. “To tell me you like the goal?”
“I, uh, I imagine you’ll be going to bed as soon as you get home?” She sounded so lame. She wanted to smother herself with her pillow. Honestly, what other reason would you think about calling a man after midnight for? Accident or not, she couldn’t deny that she had actually considered calling him.
“Yes.” He was obliging her again, playing along with her randomness. She knew he wasn’t going to the first to get to the point. “Morning skate before game.”
“Oh, I see.” She was twisting the hem of her tank top between the fingers of her free hand.
“I not report until 11,” he replied steadily, baiting her. She froze. He’s moved beyond giving you gentle nudges… Just go for it.
“So, um, I – ” the words felt clumsy coming out of her mouth. She just couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud, that there was a part of her that wanted to see him. “Well, I don’t want to keep you then.”
“Okay, Raleigh. I hope you sleep well in your bed tonight.” She could hear him start the car, music soft in the background.
“Um, yeah.” She rolled over and curled herself up into a ball. “Good night, then.”
“Good night.” The phone disconnected and she stared at it. Did he just give her an option to not be in her bed? Did she want to be in his bed again? No. Yes. No… Yes.
“Fuck,” she whispered. How did he get under her skin so easily? She chewed on her bottom lip as she touched his number again. It only rang once.
“I just wanted to – um,” she started as soon as it connected, but stopped just as suddenly. She still couldn’t do it. “I want – ” The words refused to leave her mouth.
“Be home 30 minutes,” he said. She could hear the confidence in his voice. He continued without waiting for her to respond. “You wait extra 15 minutes so Alex and Molly can get in house first.”
“Okay,” she answered, her breath caught in her throat. “Yeah.” She ended the call without saying anything else and sat up. She set her phone on the nightstand and looked down at the floor.
“You just did that,” she mumbled. She pushed herself off her bed and turned the overhead light on. Squinting while her eyes adjusted, she stumbled to the closet where she stood for several minutes scanning her clothes. What the hell do I wear?
She tugged a minty green and gray striped sweater off a hanger and headed to her dresser where she pulled a gray racer back tank and jeans out. She rummaged through her underwear drawer next and pulled out a bra and clean underwear. She set them carefully on the bed and studied them. These clothes say you are planning on sleeping in the same bed as him, but these green and blue lace boy shorts and matching bra say you are definitely sleeping with him. She sighed as she leaned against the wall and glanced at the clock. 12:30. What are you doing? She looked at the clothes again. Going. You are going to him.
She started to undress and looked at the clock again. She had time for a quick shower. She pulled up her pajama pants and looked at her legs. Yeah… get a shower. By the time she got dressed, she was beginning to have a change of heart. She felt guilty knowing she was keeping him up longer. Her hand hovered over her car keys and she began to pull back again. He wanted to see her. He wouldn’t have told her to come if he didn’t. Well, he wanted to sleep with her and who was she kidding, she wanted to sleep with him, too. Fair is fair, she resolved. She grabbed the keys, flipped the light switch and closed the door behind her as she headed to the separate entrance. No need for anyone else to know what she was doing. She’d be back early enough to get ready for work that they shouldn’t miss her.
**
He was standing in the kitchen cutting an apple when Molly, already changed into her pink sweat pants and ivory tank top, came in.
"Hey. It's after one. What are you still doing up?" she asked as she headed to sink. He glanced over at her. A short ping rang out from his pocket. She looked him over suspiciously. "And who is texting you this late?"
He returned his attention back to the apple, trying not to make eye contact with her. "My mother," he lied. "Just checking how first game was.”
"Your mother?" Her voice was full of skepticism as she filled up her glass with water.
"Yes,” he replied taking a bite of the apple. She leaned against the sink as she rolled her eyes at him.
“Right,” she muttered shaking her head.
“When you move out?” he called to her jokingly.
“A few more months… thank God. You’re a real pain as a housemate,” she said as she paused in the doorway. "Good night, Luka," she called over her shoulder as she left carrying her glass. He heard the steps creak as she went to her room. The corner of his mouth pulled into a small smile as he read her text. ‘I'm here. I didn't want to knock.’
‘You can come in. Door open. In kitchen.’
He had actually been shocked when he had seen her name come across his screen as he was grabbing his bag. He was intrigued though. She didn't strike him as the type for late night calls. But she had been funny, in an awkwardly adorable kind of way. He could hear the stutter in her voice and almost see her cringing at her own words. He wanted to hear her say it, that she wanted to be there, that she wanted more than what she had insisted on a week ago. But she didn't, even with him leading the conversation there for her. He knew for sure what she wanted, however, when she had called him back minutes later. She still couldn't get it out, but she had at least tried that time.
He chewed another slice of apple waiting to see if she'd actually come in. A few minutes passed and he realized he was going to have to go out after her. He dumped apple in the garbage and plate in the sink.
As he stepped into the cool night air, he tucked his hands into his pockets of his gray dress slacks. The temperature had dropped even more in the last half hour it seemed. He held back a grin as he approached her car. He could see her illuminated by the soft glow of the car's interior lights. Her head was against the steering wheel, hair falling in waves hiding her face. He tapped the window and waited. She moved her hand to the door and the window began to roll down. He was pretty sure he heard a soft "hi."
"Sleep in car tonight?" he asked leaning down. She turned her head slightly and pushed her hair off her face.
"It's tempting," she mumbled and he saw her lip twitch upwards.
He let out a laugh through his nose. "Come on," he told her as he stepped back. She rolled up the window and after what appeared to be a heavy sigh, turned off the car. The door opened slowly and light green shoes touched the ground. She certainly wasn't hurrying. It wasn't until she was standing directly in front of him that he was hit with an overwhelming surge of uneasiness. Maybe he shouldn't have been so headstrong and just called her. He cleared his throat and leaving his hands in his pockets nodded toward the door.
She followed silently behind him. "Wait." It was so faint he almost didn’t hear her. He turned to see her slowly backing up. She was biting her lower lip and twisting the hem of her sweater.
"Where you going?" he asked her feeling even more perplexed as he took a step towards her. Make up your mind. That’s what he really wanted to tell her.
"I should go. I shouldn't have come." He could hear the near panic in her voice. He reached out and grasped her wrist; she didn’t resist him pulling her closer. "It's really late and I mean we’re just - "
He cut her off. There it was. “No say it.” He couldn’t hear her say it again. Not when she was standing here in front of him. Not after the things they had done. He couldn’t be ‘just friends’ with her.
"What?" She was nearly inaudible. She either really didn’t get it or she didn’t believe him.
"I never let someone come over like this. This late, game next day," he confessed. He was dedicated to his career, trading many late nights for early mornings. He had never met anyone he was willing to sacrifice even a few nights like this for. He was no saint, but nights like this were off limits.
Her eyebrows furrowed together. "What?" she repeated again. “But we’re ju – ”
His hand flew to her mouth. “No.” There was slightly more force behind his voice this time.
Her eyes were wide with apprehension and confusion. She gently wrapped her hand around his wrist and pulled it down. "Then what is this?"
He took a deep breath, mulling it over. “Not know, but friends not act like this.”
“I know,” she whispered, dropping her gaze. They stood in silence both unsure of what to do next. She moved first, taking a timid step towards him, closing most of the gap between them. How did she make him feel so out of control? She was on her tiptoes now and placing her warm hands on his neck, gently pulling him down to her level.
He stopped short of their lips meeting. He had to make this clear first. “Wait.” It was going to drive him crazy. She let go almost instantly. He had his hands planted firmly on her waist so she couldn’t back away. His chest tightened at what he knew he needed to say. “I not think I want to be ‘just friends’ with you.”
She licked her lips and gave a tiny nod. She whispered, “I just don’t want anyone to know, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed. He didn’t understand her request, but he could agree to it, something that was quietly his. Something he could have that people didn’t know about. He was an intensely private person, but there was only so much that he could keep concealed when his life was public. His hands slid to her hips yanking her even closer. She was hesitant as she moved hands back to his neck.
Her eyes drifted shut as her lips grazed his. His eyes closed and he gently worked her mouth open, allowing their tongues to touch lightly. Her fingers were trailing over his shoulders and down his arms. He felt her hook her fingers in the belt loops of his dress pants, keeping herself pressed against him. Keeping his left hand on her back, his right traveled up her waist over her sweater until it reached her hair. He tangled his fingers in it and pulled it back from her shoulder. He moved his lips along her jawline and down her neck. When he reached the curve, she moaned softly in his ear and her hips arched into his. The moan nearly did him in. His fingers eagerly pushed the bottom of her sweater up. He was confused when he didn’t feel her smooth skin and instead found another layer of clothing. He pulled back and gazed at her curiously.
“Why so much clothes?” he groaned. She gave him a coy smile.
“It’s chilly out here,” she hinted as she slid a glance to the house. He didn’t hesitate as he bent down and scooped her up tossing her over his shoulder. “Luka!” she cried out in surprise and then immediately lowered her voice. “I would have walked!”
He took large steps moving quickly as she wriggled against him. As he closed the door behind him, she shifted. “Seriously, Luka. Please put me down.” He leaned her against the wall and lowered her slowly so that her back slid down the wall. He stopped short of letting her all the way down, forcing her to wrap her legs around his hips for support. He didn’t know where to start. He wanted that damn sweater off. As he started to tug it up, Raleigh’s hands immediately came down and stopped him in protest. “I don’t want Molly and Alex – “
“Sleeping,” he mumbled, burying his face in her neck leaving a trail of kisses along her collarbone.
“Oh,” she uttered as she exhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and rolled her head back against the wall. “Can we at least go up to your room?”
“Fine,” he grumbled and was about to hoist her back up when she put hands up in front of her, pushing on his chest.
“Wait! I will walk this time.” He laughed and pulled her off the wall, letting her lower her legs to the floor.
“So, you don’t normally do this?” she asked as she shut the door behind her. She was thinking again about what time it was. About the fact that she was here again in his bedroom. He was nearly on top of her within seconds, her back pressed against the oak door. Her eyes widened at the speed in which he could take control of her. Her mind went blank. What had she asked?
“Have to trust me,” he muttered staring down at her. Make up your mind, Raleigh. His fingers tightly gripped her sweater around her waist as he covered her mouth with his. Oh, hell.
“Mmm… God. I - I can’t think.” She murmured when he again found his way to the edge of her collarbone, nudging the collar of her sweater aside. His hands were on her hips again, twisting the button of her jeans. She opened her eyes and looked past him. Only the light on his nightstand was on. She noted a small, unopened black suitcase on the chair closest to his bed. He must have dropped the bag and waited downstairs for her, she assumed. Her eyes drifted closed again and she raised herself up on her tiptoes.
“I know,” his husky voice brought her back. She felt the material relax against her skin, followed by the tips of his fingers against her skin. “Better you not think.”
**
“You’re awful,” she sighed with a soft giggle. He heard her breath suck in when he nipped at her neck. He noted every curve as he skimmed his hand back up and over her butt and her hips. He pulled himself away letting his forehead rest against her shoulder. He tugged on her zipper, freeing her hips from the restrictive fabric. Her hands were on him now, twisting at each of the buttons on his pale lavender button down shirt. He slipped his hand between the jeans and her skin, not at all surprised to find lace like material greeting him.
He let out a heavy sigh and a look crossed her eyes; one that he hadn’t seen before. She gave him a coy half smile. Not taking her eyes off of him she stepped out of her shoes and kicked them to the side. His heart rate picked up as she placed her hands on the center of his chest and began pushing him back towards his bed. She was taking control. He dropped his hands as he moved with her. Her eyes were still locked intently on his as she lowered her hands, stopping on his belt buckle.
**
Raleigh stared outside through the sheer curtains covering the French doors. It’s the middle of the night and you came to him. Hadn’t she done this before? Sneaking out in the middle of the night? This was so familiar. Had she enjoyed it that much then, so many years ago? There was only one other person this had happened with. Brooke was right; she never let anyone else get to the point where this would be acceptable to her. Cleverly shutting them out before there could be a second or third time, if she let it get that far. She liked the quiet, safe existence she had carved out for herself. No surprises, no shocks. Day in, day out, life was the same. This was dangerous territory she was stepping into, getting closer to him.
She felt Luka twisting her hair to the side. He should have been sleeping. “I thought you said you were exhausted,” she commented as his lips brushed the nape of her neck. Her past was pushed to the furthest recess of her mind as his fingers glided down her arm and finally interlocked with her fingers.
“I am,” he answered with a yawn.
“Then go to sleep.” She twisted so that she was now laying on her back, their intertwined fingers across her stomach. She rolled her head to look at him. He was still on his left side facing her with his eyes closed and his other arm tucked under his head. His right eye opened slowly and a half smile pulled at his lips.
“You and ballet,” he mumbled sleepily. She was surprised at the random subject choice. What did he care about that for?
"So you really always wanted to play hockey?" She attempted to guide the subject back on him. Years ago she had learned that this usually worked with people. Most people… but apparently not him.
"You. You study ballet,” he insisted. He had both eyes open now, but his gaze was still sleepy as he looked at her. Why wouldn’t he just go to sleep?
"Until I went to college.”
Luka, even tired, was determined. He nudged at her with his nose. "Oh no,” he murmured. He let go of her hand and let his fingers run lazily between her waist and hips, his thumb dragging against her skin. “Want to know why not pursue ballet,” he continued unfazed. “What happened?"
She let out her breath when he stopped and let his hand rest on her stomach. She cleared her throat in an attempt to refocus. "Nothing happened. I just -" She looked back over at him. “Why are you so interested in this?”
He grinned guiltily at her and shrugged his shoulders. "I go to ballet whole life. Ballet is beautiful.” She couldn’t help but note that he failed to mention Valeriya.
“You really think that?” she asked skeptically.
“Mother insist. I play hockey, I also know my culture.” He paused. "Now, no deflecting," he muttered as his lips lightly touched her temple. Still no mention, she thought.
She sighed, deciding to go with the slightly more elaborated vague answer she had become accustomed to giving. "Okay. I studied it until I went to college. I chose not pursue it, because I didn’t want to. Don’t get me wrong. I love it, but I wanted to focus on history and running.”
“That it?” For a second she almost thought he sounded disappointed.
She rolled to face him and propped herself up by her elbow, cheek resting in her hand. “Yep. I told you it wasn’t much.”
“You run now?” He pushed on. She nodded as she inched herself closer to him. “Good?”
“It’s for fun now, but in college I did place.” As he opened his mouth to speak and she slid her hand over it. She felt his mouth twitch under her hand and by the moonlight she could see his eyes crinkle. “No more questions. You need to go to sleep,” she insisted as she removed her hand. “We can’t start this off with me being responsible for you falling asleep at games.”
He shook his head as his face scrunched. “That no happen.” He shifted to his back, but continued to watch her.
“What? Me being responsible or you falling asleep?” she teased as she poked him.
“No sleep in hockey. Impossible.” He reached out and pulled her into him. Lightly tugging on her hair as she settled against him, he continued, “But I say your fault if I did.”
She lifted her head and gave him a coy smile. “Oh yeah?”
He nodded as his finger skimmed her bare back. She rolled her shoulders and arched her back slightly. “I sure some apology work.”
“Hmm… I’ll try to keep that in mind. Now go to sleep!” His English was getting progressively worse the longer he stayed awake. She had to leave. At this rate he was never going to sleep. She began to pry herself loose from his arms. “I’m going to head home. I’ll text you in the morning.”
“Bossy,” he grumbled. “Not leaving.”
“I have to work in the morning,” she said softly. “You have a game tomorrow. And Molly and Alex…” She trailed off. Someone was going to see her if she waited too long.
“I got you out before.” He was determined, unrelenting.
“My car is here.” She stood firm. “They are bound to notice that.”
She tried to wriggle free again only to be met with the words, “Set alarm.”
“You don’t give up do you?” she replied with a frustrated sigh. His expression became smug. He knew she was caving. She rolled her eyes. “Bossy.”
“Good. Settled,” he said simply as he laid his head back again the pillow. When he relaxed his grip on her waist, she pushed herself away. “Where you go?” he asked curiously, the drowsiness returning to his eyes.
“I need my phone to set my alarm.” He let her go completely so that she could retrieve her phone. Feeling his eyes following her, she self-consciously covered her chest as she rounded the bed. She fought back the urge to pick up all the clothes as she crossed the room. A few minutes later, dressed in her tank top and underwear, she nestled back up against him.
“Good night, Rals,” he murmured into her hair. She was nervous though, regarding staying. He said would get her out; she had to trust him. Even if it was just a tiny bit.