Our Scars Don't Define Us
Our Scars Don't Define Us
I was on my way to the Right Back at It Again tour party here in Miami, Florida. This was the last date of this amazing tour and I was lucky enough to win a free ticket to the end of the tour party. A free ticket was sent out to the first fifty ticket buyers for this tour from this date only. I was always up for a good party. Always.
The concert already happened and let me say that A Day to Remember, Of Mice & Men, and Issues did spectacular. They all did a marvelous job, especially Of Mice & Men. Of Mice & Men’s music has helped me through so much. I was in a dilemma a few years back. It was back in the year of 2008; I was only eighteen.
When I was ten, my mother started to do cocaine, making her very violent. This brought the worst in my father and he became an alcoholic. Together my parents became a couple of violence and destruction. When they became that way, they started too verbally and emotional abuse me. Months passed with this going on until they started to physically abuse me.
I still have scars from the abuse. Scars from belts, deep scratches, you name it. Finally after a year of this pain and suffering, I ran away, not caring about where I’d go. I stayed on the streets for a good two months, until I knew I had to get some form of a job and there was only one thing I could do. I became a stripper.
I had no choice. I had no degree; I looked like garbage. Who would accept me for a good paying job looking like scum? As a stripper, I did mostly public shows and very few private shows. I was in this job for two years, until one night on the job, I was booked to do a private show for this guy.
I didn’t think much of it whatsoever. When I went into the private room, the room was dark. I thought the guy wasn’t here yet, until two arms pulled me in. That was the night I was raped. I was still a virgin at the time and it scarred me.
After that horrid night I quit. I had to get away from that place. I didn’t think my life would get better and that was finally when I turned to music. Of Mice & Men was one of the first bands I listened to and it was like they called out to me. They put me at ease.
I can honestly say their music turned my life around. When I turned twenty, I got a job as a photographer and took band photographs. I rented a much nicer apartment than I did before when I was in the stripping business. Everything was falling into place.
Now I am twenty two, living my dream, and now arriving to the end of the tour party. It was at a local beach house that either one of the band members or crew members owned or just someone lending it to them for the night. I parked my car by the curve of the house and got out, closing the door. I walked up to the door and handed the guy guarding the door my free ticket. I entered the house to see people drinking, talking, dancing, and just having a good old time.
I went over straight to the drinks and poured a cup of Jack Daniels. I took the cup to my lips and took a small sip. Alcohol turned me into a complete party animal if I drink too much, which I used to do back in the day. I would drink illegally with my so called friends, who never really gave a shit about me. I would get completely wasted and say things I didn’t mean, so tonight I wouldn’t drink a lot, because I want to actually remember tonight.
As I finished my drink, I went to get one more cup when I accidently ran into someone. I felt a liquid spill all over my shirt as I fell onto the floor landing on my behind. “Oh gosh! I am so sorry!” I heard a male, but familiar voice. I looked up to see the vocalist of the band who saved my life. Austin Robert Carlile.
I laughed and shook my head, “dude it’s fine. Just help me up.” He gave me a hand and lifted me up. He looked down to see my shirt was drenched in what smelt like alcohol. “I really am sorry. I should have looked at where I was going!” he confessed. “Really, it’s fine,” I laughed.
“Well, let me at least make it up to you by getting you a clean shirt,” he insisted. I smiled, “that would be nice.” He smiled and grabbed my hand to lead me up stairs. We got up there and he went into the first room on the right. He walked over to one of the drawers and pulled out an Aspire & Create tank top.
“Here you go. It’s a medium in guys so it should fit,” he smiled and handed me the top. “Thank you so much!” I cheered. He turned around so I could quickly slip off my A Day to Remember tee and slip on the Aspire & Create tank. “You can turn around now,” I said and he turned all the way around and grinned. “You look nice,” he winked.
I giggled, “Why thank you!” “So, are you a fan who won a free ticket or a crew member I have never seen before?” he joked. “A fan and you and the rest of the guys did amazing by the way,” I said in truth. He chuckled, “so you know who I am?” “Well, you are one of the men who saved my life so of course I know who you are,” I smirked.
“Well, it’s always good to know that my band mates and I have saved a life, so I am glad,” he smiled. I nodded, “well, we should probably head back down. It was a pleasure to meet you Austin.” I was about to walk out, when I felt him grab my wrist. “Wait! Would you maybe like to go for a walk down the beach with me?” he asked. I smiled widely, “I would like that.”
He grabbed my hand again and we walked down the stairs and out the back door to the sandy beach. “So since you know who I am, what is your name beautiful?” he flirted. I blushed, “Jessica, Jessica Marie Lace.” “Pretty name,” he smiled. As we walked and talked for hours, we talked about random things that we liked, disliked, and many other topics.
“So, what got you into photography?” Austin asked. “Well I had an old job that wasn’t pleasant, so I quit and tried finding another job and photography at the time was a hobby, until I realized I could turn my hobby into a job,” I said. “That’s awesome! What job did you have before?” he asked. I sighed and I mentally slapped myself. My personal life, just great.
“Um well, I was a stripper,” I mumbled, but loud enough to where he could hear me. He frowned, but not the frown of judgment, the frown of sadness. “Why would you do that for a living if you hated it?” he asked. I sighed, “It’s a long story.” He looked at me and then sat down, “I have time.”
He patted a spot next to me and I sat right down. I then proceeded to tell him my story, my life story. By the end of it I was in tears. I never showed this kind of emotion to anyone. I didn’t let my past get to me, until now.
He hugged me by the end of it. “I know life sucks sometimes. As you may know my mother passed away when I was seventeen from Marfan syndrome and the doctors found out I had the same disease and later on I had to get surgery, which is never fun, but these things make us stronger,” he said into my ear. He pulled back and lifted up his Slipknot tank and showed me the scar, “yes you may touch it.” I let out a small laugh and ran two fingers down the scar. “They really did do a good job at aligning your tattoos up,” I commented.
“Yeah, they took good care of me,” he smiled and put his shirt back down. I sighed, “Since you showed me your scar in person, here.” I turned a little bit and lifted my shirt up to show the scars on my back. They were healed, but you could still see the outline and how it was paler than the rest of my skin. He looked at them and bent down to kiss the scars on my back.
A shiver went down my spine at his touch and Goosebumps started to invade my body. My cheeks got hot and he looked at me just in time to see. “You’re cute when you blush, you know?” he smirked. I just blushed harder and he laughed. “We should head back,” he said.
“Indeed!” I agreed and we headed back to the beach house. He walked me to my car and looked down at me, “I had a really great time with you today Jessica. Will I ever see you again?” “If you want to, then of course,” I smiled. He smiled back, “may I see your phone then?” “Only if I can see yours,” I grinned.
We swapped phones, so we could put our numbers in. We gave back each other’s phones and Austin smiled widely showing off his teeth, “so since I’ll be here tomorrow, how about we go see a movie?” “Sound’s lovely!” I smiled. “Okay settled,” he grinned and pulled me into a huge hug.
"I’ll see you later Austin,” I said pulling back. “Same to you,” he smiled and kissed my temple. I waved goodbye and opened my car door. “Oh and Jessica!” he said “Yes?” I asked. He grinned, “remember, our scars make us stronger.”
The concert already happened and let me say that A Day to Remember, Of Mice & Men, and Issues did spectacular. They all did a marvelous job, especially Of Mice & Men. Of Mice & Men’s music has helped me through so much. I was in a dilemma a few years back. It was back in the year of 2008; I was only eighteen.
When I was ten, my mother started to do cocaine, making her very violent. This brought the worst in my father and he became an alcoholic. Together my parents became a couple of violence and destruction. When they became that way, they started too verbally and emotional abuse me. Months passed with this going on until they started to physically abuse me.
I still have scars from the abuse. Scars from belts, deep scratches, you name it. Finally after a year of this pain and suffering, I ran away, not caring about where I’d go. I stayed on the streets for a good two months, until I knew I had to get some form of a job and there was only one thing I could do. I became a stripper.
I had no choice. I had no degree; I looked like garbage. Who would accept me for a good paying job looking like scum? As a stripper, I did mostly public shows and very few private shows. I was in this job for two years, until one night on the job, I was booked to do a private show for this guy.
I didn’t think much of it whatsoever. When I went into the private room, the room was dark. I thought the guy wasn’t here yet, until two arms pulled me in. That was the night I was raped. I was still a virgin at the time and it scarred me.
After that horrid night I quit. I had to get away from that place. I didn’t think my life would get better and that was finally when I turned to music. Of Mice & Men was one of the first bands I listened to and it was like they called out to me. They put me at ease.
I can honestly say their music turned my life around. When I turned twenty, I got a job as a photographer and took band photographs. I rented a much nicer apartment than I did before when I was in the stripping business. Everything was falling into place.
Now I am twenty two, living my dream, and now arriving to the end of the tour party. It was at a local beach house that either one of the band members or crew members owned or just someone lending it to them for the night. I parked my car by the curve of the house and got out, closing the door. I walked up to the door and handed the guy guarding the door my free ticket. I entered the house to see people drinking, talking, dancing, and just having a good old time.
I went over straight to the drinks and poured a cup of Jack Daniels. I took the cup to my lips and took a small sip. Alcohol turned me into a complete party animal if I drink too much, which I used to do back in the day. I would drink illegally with my so called friends, who never really gave a shit about me. I would get completely wasted and say things I didn’t mean, so tonight I wouldn’t drink a lot, because I want to actually remember tonight.
As I finished my drink, I went to get one more cup when I accidently ran into someone. I felt a liquid spill all over my shirt as I fell onto the floor landing on my behind. “Oh gosh! I am so sorry!” I heard a male, but familiar voice. I looked up to see the vocalist of the band who saved my life. Austin Robert Carlile.
I laughed and shook my head, “dude it’s fine. Just help me up.” He gave me a hand and lifted me up. He looked down to see my shirt was drenched in what smelt like alcohol. “I really am sorry. I should have looked at where I was going!” he confessed. “Really, it’s fine,” I laughed.
“Well, let me at least make it up to you by getting you a clean shirt,” he insisted. I smiled, “that would be nice.” He smiled and grabbed my hand to lead me up stairs. We got up there and he went into the first room on the right. He walked over to one of the drawers and pulled out an Aspire & Create tank top.
“Here you go. It’s a medium in guys so it should fit,” he smiled and handed me the top. “Thank you so much!” I cheered. He turned around so I could quickly slip off my A Day to Remember tee and slip on the Aspire & Create tank. “You can turn around now,” I said and he turned all the way around and grinned. “You look nice,” he winked.
I giggled, “Why thank you!” “So, are you a fan who won a free ticket or a crew member I have never seen before?” he joked. “A fan and you and the rest of the guys did amazing by the way,” I said in truth. He chuckled, “so you know who I am?” “Well, you are one of the men who saved my life so of course I know who you are,” I smirked.
“Well, it’s always good to know that my band mates and I have saved a life, so I am glad,” he smiled. I nodded, “well, we should probably head back down. It was a pleasure to meet you Austin.” I was about to walk out, when I felt him grab my wrist. “Wait! Would you maybe like to go for a walk down the beach with me?” he asked. I smiled widely, “I would like that.”
He grabbed my hand again and we walked down the stairs and out the back door to the sandy beach. “So since you know who I am, what is your name beautiful?” he flirted. I blushed, “Jessica, Jessica Marie Lace.” “Pretty name,” he smiled. As we walked and talked for hours, we talked about random things that we liked, disliked, and many other topics.
“So, what got you into photography?” Austin asked. “Well I had an old job that wasn’t pleasant, so I quit and tried finding another job and photography at the time was a hobby, until I realized I could turn my hobby into a job,” I said. “That’s awesome! What job did you have before?” he asked. I sighed and I mentally slapped myself. My personal life, just great.
“Um well, I was a stripper,” I mumbled, but loud enough to where he could hear me. He frowned, but not the frown of judgment, the frown of sadness. “Why would you do that for a living if you hated it?” he asked. I sighed, “It’s a long story.” He looked at me and then sat down, “I have time.”
He patted a spot next to me and I sat right down. I then proceeded to tell him my story, my life story. By the end of it I was in tears. I never showed this kind of emotion to anyone. I didn’t let my past get to me, until now.
He hugged me by the end of it. “I know life sucks sometimes. As you may know my mother passed away when I was seventeen from Marfan syndrome and the doctors found out I had the same disease and later on I had to get surgery, which is never fun, but these things make us stronger,” he said into my ear. He pulled back and lifted up his Slipknot tank and showed me the scar, “yes you may touch it.” I let out a small laugh and ran two fingers down the scar. “They really did do a good job at aligning your tattoos up,” I commented.
“Yeah, they took good care of me,” he smiled and put his shirt back down. I sighed, “Since you showed me your scar in person, here.” I turned a little bit and lifted my shirt up to show the scars on my back. They were healed, but you could still see the outline and how it was paler than the rest of my skin. He looked at them and bent down to kiss the scars on my back.
A shiver went down my spine at his touch and Goosebumps started to invade my body. My cheeks got hot and he looked at me just in time to see. “You’re cute when you blush, you know?” he smirked. I just blushed harder and he laughed. “We should head back,” he said.
“Indeed!” I agreed and we headed back to the beach house. He walked me to my car and looked down at me, “I had a really great time with you today Jessica. Will I ever see you again?” “If you want to, then of course,” I smiled. He smiled back, “may I see your phone then?” “Only if I can see yours,” I grinned.
We swapped phones, so we could put our numbers in. We gave back each other’s phones and Austin smiled widely showing off his teeth, “so since I’ll be here tomorrow, how about we go see a movie?” “Sound’s lovely!” I smiled. “Okay settled,” he grinned and pulled me into a huge hug.
"I’ll see you later Austin,” I said pulling back. “Same to you,” he smiled and kissed my temple. I waved goodbye and opened my car door. “Oh and Jessica!” he said “Yes?” I asked. He grinned, “remember, our scars make us stronger.”