Stray Heart.

I read the short story I had written so long ago. The squire had saved the fair princess against all odds, but the king wouldn’t let him have the happily-ever-after he deserved. “You’re no prince,” he had told the squire who was so in love with his princess. As a few of my stories usually went around that time, the princess went on to marry a prince from far away with no knowledge of the affection of the squire but a deep appreciation of him saving her; they stayed good friends until the end. And now, all I could think about was the voice I haven’t heard in years. I still waste a lot of time thinking about that voice and who it belongs to.

I set the notebook back in the box and scratch my head. I have a lot of unpacking to do still. I have been living in my new apartment for two months now and still don’t have much to show for it. I am so tired. Spare time is something I never have enough of and that is made obvious by the many boxes still left unpacked and the dirty dishes piled up in the kitchen. I look at the time on my phone and my eyes widen when I find that it’s later than I thought. I don’t even have videos ready for tomorrow. With a groan, I head to my office to record a video instead of going to bed like I want to. “I need a vacation,” I grumble, something I mumble daily. My fans need me more than I need sleep.

I slump down in my chair and yawn, wiggling the mouse to bring the screens to life. I open an internet browser and look through some interesting game choices offered up by subscribers. I want to play something multiplayer, to interact with a friend, but the only one online is Jack and I just don’t have the energy to keep up with him tonight. I yawn again and decide to record some Team Fortress 2 on random servers. I log in to Steam, change my name, set up everything to record, and start up the game. Time for me to liven up, the fans expect me to be hyper and I could never disappoint them.

I am lying in my bed and it’s much later than I want it to be but I have two videos recorded, edited, and scheduled to post on time. One would think I would learn to stop procrastinating someday but it really did not look like that was a lesson I’d be learning any time in the near future. My eyes are heavy and I yawn one last time before drifting off to sleep.


I sit at the table still feeling half asleep, a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee on the table in front of me. I stare at the steaming mug in dissatisfaction. I never thought coffee would become a staple in my life. Just a year ago, I had been a little too energetic and now I needed coffee just to wake up in the morning. What had my life become? I take a spoonful of the cereal and, glaring at the mug of coffee, I start eating.

I take a begrudging sip from the warm ceramic and resent how much I enjoy it as it travels through my body. My phone vibrates and I glance at it, the caller ID informing me that it’s my brother. I pick it up and answer it, “Hey Tom.” I take another bite of the cereal, still giving the caffeinated drink a dirty look.

“Hey little brother, how’s it going?”

I shrug even if he can’t see the gesture. “Good, how about you?” I could complain about being tired and feeling overworked but it wouldn’t do anyone any good. I'm not one to complain, I just try to fix whatever is bothering me or I ignore it. I stifle a yawn as if on cue.

“Good, same. How’re things with the channel going?”

I take another spoonful of cereal. “Really good. I’m not far from six million subs; I’ll probably hit it in a couple weeks at the rate I’m gaining. It’s still so weird to think about…” I pause to swallow and take a sip of the coffee. “How’s the comic?”

“It’s going good. You haven’t done a charity stream in a while. Any plans?”

I cringe slightly. It has been a long time since I’ve done a charity livestream. It’s a fact I hate, but a fact nonetheless. I hate doing them alone and I know that’s a horrible excuse but it’s the one I have. Plus, flying Bob and Wade out to LA is a lot of work and hassle for everyone included and I feel bad having to burden people with that. “I’d like to do one but it’s a complicated process trying to get everything worked out with everyone living in different places and having to fly Bob and Wade out here and everything.” I rake a hand through my tangled hair.

“You should come back to Cincinnati for a while.” He pauses for a second. “I’ve seen your videos. Mark, you need a break for a little while. Time to just rest and be around your friends and family would be good for you,” he says delicately, like it might offend me.

I shift and put the phone against my other ear. I had a feeling that was coming. My fans have been yelling at me lately to take a break and rest, to not worry about videos for a while and just take time for myself, but I’m afraid of letting them down. Since I started doing YouTube videos three years ago, I have not missed uploading a single day. They have given me the chance of a lifetime to be able to live my dream and do exactly what I’ve always wanted, and I never want to take that for granted. Going back to Ohio would mean a lot of planning and organizing, and a lot of recording videos ahead of time so I could maintain my perfect upload record, and that would be a lot of exhausting work.

But, on the other hand, I really miss being at home. I miss my family and my friends and everything I am familiar with. I love LA and all of the opportunities that have knocked on my door since moving out here but, Dorothy was right, there’s no place like home. It would be nice to spend some time back in my hometown. “Perhaps… I’ll see what I can plan. It would be nice to come home for a little while.”

“It would be nice to have you home for a while, little brother,” he says, and I can see his smile without needing to see him. Just the prospect of being home with everyone and everything that I know makes my soul feel just a little less exhausted and, for the first time in what felt like forever, I am excited.