We Might Just Be

46: Just Another Girl

“How are you doing?” Montserrat posed as she set a plate of food down ahead of her son, offering him a sympathetic smile. She felt for him, Imelda had meant a lot to Gerard, but she didn’t want him doing anything stupid just because they were over. Whether he could get over Imelda or not, they were going to have a baby and that baby was going to want both their mother and father around.

Gerard shifted slightly at his mother’s question and shrugged, poking the food on his plate with his fork. He was trying to be alright, he was trying to forget all the feelings that he still had towards Imelda, but it was futile. Every time he thought he had made progress, he would cross paths with her and be drawn back into remembering that he loved her and that he couldn’t get over it.

“Gloria told me that Immy’s having a boy” Montserrat continued, eating her own meal “You must be excited about that” she added.

Gerard nodded. “Of course I am, mama” he murmured “I have a picture if you want one” he added.

Montserrat nodded her head before she peeked back at her son, noting the purple bags that lingered beneath his eyes. “Gerard, you have been sleeping right?” she posed.

“Of course I have” Gerard replied “I am capable of looking after myself” he added, placing a piece of food into his mouth.

Montserrat sighed. “Why can’t you just change your mind about this Gerard?” she murmured “If you could just…”

“Mama, I don’t want to get married” he murmured, his blue eyes peeking at her “I don’t want to waste time on a day where people arrive just to stare at me and Immy and I don’t want to do it just because it is what Immy wants from me. I love her, more than anything, but my mind isn’t going to be changed. I offered Immy a life, even if it wasn’t quite what she wanted and she turned that down” he muttered, pushing the plate of food away from him.

Montserrat shook her head. “She just wanted to see that you are serious” she mused gently “Gerard, that girl adores you and she just wanted to know that the pair of you were going somewhere with your relationship, something you plainly told her was wrong” she murmured.

Gerard shook his head. “Mama, I can’t” he murmured.

“Why not?” Montserrat whispered “You thought you couldn’t deal with the baby and you have. Why can’t you do this too? You two are good together, brilliant even and I know you love her, so why can’t you do this for her?” she posed.

“Because I can’t” he replied with a shake of his head.

Montserrat opened her mouth to speak again, but was cut off as Gerard climbed to his feet, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Gracias for lunch, mama. I will see you soon” he murmured before he padded out of the room. Montserrat watched after him and shook her head, wondering what it would take to make him see that being stubborn was the only thing keeping him away from the girl he clearly loved.

Resting against his bedroom door, Gerard sighed, his eyes dropping sleepily. He was trying to be OK with it all, the idea that he and Imelda were done and that there was no fixing it without a compromise, but it was hard. Everywhere he went, people asked the same series of questions and he was running out ways to answer. He loved Imelda, he really did, but marriage wasn’t on the cards for him and he didn’t know what it would take to make it so. He wanted to be there for her, she was slowly moving towards the final trimester of her pregnancy, but Imelda was making it hard. She was happier than he was, more OK with the way things had reached their conclusion, and Gerard couldn’t bear to look at her. She didn’t look like she missed him for a second and he missed her with everything he had.

Shaking his head, he pushed himself forwards and reached for his wardrobe, quickly pulling it open and yanking out a clean shirt. He wanted to make things better, he wanted to win Imelda back, but he couldn’t will himself to do it. He didn’t like it, the idea of proposing or getting married, and he didn’t know what it would take to change his mind. He was fixed, he didn’t want to go through the hassle, and he didn’t understand why the idea meant so much to Imelda. She hated weddings, she had told him that when they had been involved with Cesc and Thalia’s wedding, and he didn’t see why he had to be the one to make the compromise. Imelda giving up one day seemed a lot easier than him giving up the rest of his life.

Quickly, he pulled off his t-shirt and replaced it with the nicer dress shirt. He knew it wasn’t a good idea, he could barely keep his eyes open, but he just wanted a little while away from his home and away from his friends and family, both of which merely served to make him feel worse. He knew it was his fault, even if Imelda had been the one to end their relationship, and he didn’t need people telling him over and over again. It was his fault that Imelda had overheard him talking, his fault that he didn’t want to marry her and it was his fault that they were over with, something people insisted on reminding him of.

Peeking at his reflection in a nearby mirror, he pushed a hand back through his hair and sighed. “Come on Gerard” he muttered, his blue eyes fixed on the mirror “You’re a grown man and you have been through breakups before. Stop moping” he grumbled to himself “She’s just another girl” he added before he nodded his head firmly, collecting a jacket and his keys from the side. It wasn’t the most practical idea, going out with the intention of doing something stupid, but it beat the alternative. He had wasted too many nights just sitting around and he didn’t want to waste another. Imelda was his past and unless there was a dramatic change of heart, that was what she was going to be.
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Thanks to Jayme112234 for the comments :)