Sing Me to Sleep

Jack stares at his mobile phone, the words on the screen imprinting themselves into his head, no matter how much he doesn't want them to be there.

(From: Alex)
J, I asked Lisa to marry me... She said yes! :)

He couldn't believe it. Alex was going to marry Lisa. His Alex is going to get married.
His Alex.
He chews on his lip anxiously as he replies,

(To: Alex)
That's amazing buddy, I better be best man ;) I love you x

He laughs quietly. He won't be best man.
He knows he won't be around for the wedding.

----

It's 5 days later when Jack can't take it anymore.
He knew this was coming.
The young man sighs sadly as he opens twitter, searching for Alex's account.
There is it. Clear as day. He tweeted about it an hour ago. Finally decided to tell the fans.
He is marrying Lisa. And they look so fucking happy. Why can't Jack be that happy?
Because he doesn't have Alex, that's why.

He throws his phone to the floor with a scream of 'fuck' before running his hands through his hair in angst.
This can't be happening.
He loves Alex.
Alex promised him.

-Flashback-

'I'm gonna die alone.' Jack mumbles, nuzzling into Alex's neck. His girlfriend had just broken up with him, claiming he was too immature to be in a relationship with. His heart was broken, and that hurt Alex.
'No Jacky, stop that. You're perfect and you'll find someone who loves you for you one day.' The elder whispers, rubbing his on and off boyfriends back soothingly, 'In fact, if you're not married by the time you're thirty, I'll marry you no matter what. Yeah? Whether we still love each other or not. I promise you that because I love you to pieces Jay and I always will.' Alex adds and Jack giggles quietly, him and Alex have been in an on and (mostly) off relationship for years. They break up on mutual terms but they always end up going back to each other.
'Promise?' Jack whispers and Alex smiles,
'I promise.' He says softly, lifting Jack's head up and kissing him softly.

-End of flashback-

Alex and Lisa have been together for a long time now. Alex and Jack had small affairs during Alex and Lisa's relationship, but nothing serious enough to make Alex break up with her for the young man. Jack doesn't think she deserves Alex though. But maybe that's just jealousy. He wants his Alex back.
But now they're engaged.
Alex broke his promise.

@JackAllTimeLow: Congratulations to Alex and Lisa... @LisaNoelRuocco he's special, okay? Look after him.

Lisa knows that Jack loves Alex.
The fans know that Jack loves Alex.
Hell, even Alex knows that Jack loves him.

Maybe he's being irrational. But Jack can't help the tears run down his cheeks as he finds a notepad and pen.
He can't believe he's doing this.
But he knows he has to. It's been a long time coming.
This is his stories end.

To the people I'm leaving behind, he writes,
I love you and I'm sorry. This is no ones fault but mine.
I didn't take advantage of happiness while I had it and now it's gone forever.
This isn't Alex's fault, not Lisa's. This is just something I have to do.
I'm not happy anymore, I haven't been for a long while now, and I don't want to go on any longer. I can't watch the man I love get married. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry mum, I'm sorry dad, I'm sorry Joe and May. I love you all. You're the bet family I could have ever had.
I'm sorry Rian and Zack. You made my life better. I love you.
To all my friends, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry Lisa. I shouldn't have been so jealous, but you have the man I love. Don't blame yourself, please don't blame yourself, you're amazing and Alex will be happier with you.
I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry Alex. I love you. I love you. I love you. I'm sorry.

He sniffs, choking on a sob before writing a final line.

Don't mourn for me. I don't want you to. Be happy. Be strong. I love you.

Tears stain the page but Jack is smiling slightly. He's finally going to be able to let go.
He sighs quietly as he picks up his phone with shaking hands.

To: Rian; Zack
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I can't do this anymore. I've been trying to keep smiling for too long. I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm sorry. Don't stop the band because of me. Keep going without me. Do it for me, please? I love you both so, so, so much. Don't let Alex throw away his future with Lisa because of me. Keep him happy. Make sure he knows I'll always love him. I love you xxxx

He presses send and opens twitter, this is it.

@JackAllTimeLow: I don't want to take the attention away from my best friend and his lovely fiancé but-

@JackAllTimeLow: this is where my chapter closes. Keep loving All Time Low. Stay happy. I'm leaving. Love you all, bye x

@JackAllTimeLow: I'm sorry.

----

Jack picks up the little brown bottle and opens it quickly.
The sleeping pills he was prescribed months ago. He knew they'd come in handy.
He pours them into his hand. Tiny white drops of poison. The ending to his life. He takes them all dry, not caring that they scratch his throat as they go down. No going back now.

He doesn't know why, but when Alex's picture lights up his phone, blink 182's 'always' playing quietly, the ringtone Alex set for himself years ago(and Jack secretly kept setting it as his ringtone whenever he got a new phone), he answers it.
'Hey Lex.' He whispers,
'Jack, Rian just text me, what the fucks going on?' Alex sobs,
'Hey, hey, don't cry. It's okay. I'm gonna be happy soon, Lex.' He coos, a sad smile on his lips, he can hear Lisa crying in the background,
'Tell him I'm sorry! Jesus Christ Jack I'm sorry!' She cries and Jack's heart tightens,
'It's not Lisa's fault. Tell her that now.' Jack sighs,
'H-He said its not your fault Lis.' Alex chokes out and Lisa cries harder, 'Jack please, are you at home? I'm gonna come round.' The elder says quickly, 'Fuck I hope you're okay.'
'No, lex, stop it. This is for the best. I'm not happy anymore.' Jack says sadly,
'Killing yourself isn't the answer! Jack, please!' Alex sobs,
'Stop crying Alex. You don't need to cry.'
'Jack, you're so selfish! I can't believe how fucking selfish you are you fucking prick! Why are you doing this to me?!' The elder screams,
'Stop it!' Jack shouts, which makes Alex cry more, 'You don't understand how much pain I'm in! You just don't understand. You have this perfect relationship but I'm still so in love with you. You promised me Alex! You promised you'd marry me!' Jack cries, falling to the bathroom floor with a heavy thud,
'Jack! Are you okay?!' Alex panics, not mentioning what Jack just admitted,
'Yeah, light headed.' Jack mumbles, leaning against the bathtub,
'You've taken pills, haven't you? Oh god Jack, you bastard!' The elder cries,
'I'll be happy, Lex. It's gonna be okay. W'll both be happy.' Jack mumbles, 'I'm sorry.'
'Jack I love you.' Alex sobs,
'You don't. You love Lisa and I'm happy for you. Just know I'll always love you.' Jack whispers,
'No! Jack, don't give up on me baby! Please!' Alex cries, listening to movement on the other line, yearning to hear Jack's voice again, but only greeted by feedback when Jack's phone clutters to the floor, 'Jack!' He screams,
'Alex, I'm with him. I need to hang up so I can call an ambulance.' Zack says quickly,
'O-Okay. T-Tell him I love him. Oh god, please be okay.' Alex whimpers as Zack hangs up Jack's phone.

'This is all my fault.' Alex sobs, falling against Lisa,
'No. It's mine.' She cries, 'I took you away from him. I knew he loved you. I knew and I still said yes. I'm sorry Lex. I need to go.' She whispers, taking her ring off and handing it to him,
'I'm sorry Lisa.' He sobs,
'No baby, don't be. He needs you more than I do.' She whimpers,
'Wait, will you take me to the hospital?' Alex begs and she nods.

----

'You can't die on me, dammit!' Alex cries, hitting Jack's chest feebly, Jack reaches up slowly and takes his oxygen mask off. The doctors are trying but things aren't looking good.
'I-I'm sorry.'
'But I love you.' The elder sobs, collapsing onto the floor next to Jack's bed, Rian rushes forward and helps him up,
'I love you too Alex. I really do. I always will. I'm sorry.' Jack whimpers,
'Please Jack! No, keep your eyes open! Do something!' Alex shouts, turning his attention to the doctors as he puts his hands on Jack's cheeks,
'Mr Gaskarth, we're trying.'
'Alex, I think you should say goodbye.' Rian whispers,
'No! I can't say goodbye! Jack don't you dare die!' Alex screams,
'I love you Lex.' Jack whimpers,
'Jack! Wait! I- fuck- Jack, marry me? Please, will you marry me?' Alex sobs, falling to his knees next to the youngers bed, clutching his hand tightly,
'I- what?' Jack croaks,
'Marry me! Please Jack, marry me!' Alex begs, pulling the necklace that's sitting around his neck over his head and holding it out towards Jack,
'I... Yes.' Jack whispers and Alex sobs once before putting the necklace over Jack's head,
'I love you. You can't die now.' The elder sobs,
'I love you. Be happy.' Jack whispers before his eyes slip shut.

----

Alex looks up slowly, looking at the camera in front of him, trying to find the words to say. He looks down again, taking a deep breath as he twists the ring around his finger. He bought one for himself and one for Jack, which is buried with him.
'I never thought I'd ever have to make a video like this. Fuck. Okay. So some stuffs happened recently and you guys need to know. Um, I got engaged... But we're not engaged now. Me and Lisa decided it wasn't right. We rushed it I guess. Um, a few days later, I proposed again. This time it was right. I love Lisa but we are not meant to be married. So I proposed to my true love and soulmate, Jack Barakat. I should have proposed to him years ago. I love him and I should have made sure he knew that. Um, Jack tweeted saying he was leaving... You were all freaking out because you thought he left the band. But, um, fuck. Fuck. Okay, I can do this... Okay... Jacks dead. I proposed to him minutes before he died and I-I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you guys that but you deserve to know. H-He killed himself. I-It was all my fault, so if you've got to blame someone, blame me. Not Lisa. You all know me and Jack had an on off relationship, and when I proposed, that pushed Jack over the edge. He wasn't happy. The doctors tried but they couldn't save him. I'm sorry guys. I'm so sorry.' Alex takes a deep breath and looks at the camera before he starts singing, his voice soft and breaking, 'Sing me to sleep... I'll see you in my dreams... Waiting to say... I miss you and I'm so- fuck!' He sobs and jolts forward, turning the camera off quickly.