Just the Way I'm Not

Jack was not who he seemed to be. At least, Grieco didn’t think he was like this. As a fried, Jack was cuddly, gentle, loving. Of course, he was like that with everyone but Grieco still felt special whenever Jack kissed his cheek or curled up next to him on the couch, snuggling into his side. Eventually, just like he did almost every time someone was a little too friendly towards him, Grieco fell for Jack. But Jack didn’t date, he hated relationships. Grieco knew it so he didn’t force the guitarist into a relationship, he was happy with what he got anyway. Jack was a little more affectionate with him even though he still was with the others. Sometimes, it turned into a little more, especially if Jack was drunk. They might end up making out on a couch or they’d wake up in the same hotel bed with no memory of the previous night. Some other times, the guitarist would only ask Grieco to blow him in the bathrooms of whatever bar they were in that night but smaller boy didn’t mind. He’d happily do anything Jack wanted him to do without a second thought. So what if it left him with bruised knees, an aching throat and a desperate need for release? It was Jack so, of course he’d do it. Not once did he think that the skunk-haired boy might be using him. Some other people had caught onto it though. Rian was worried that Grieco would only get hurt in the end. He had caught onto the fact that the drum tech liked Jack a little more than as a friend pretty early on and watching the guitarist use the smaller boy was just starting to become painful. He wished that Grieco would realize it but he was too blind to see through his love-clouded vision. Rian didn’t want to be the one to tell Grieco what was happening but Alex and Flyzik had already given up on him and if that was what it took for the drum tech to understand, then he would do it. He simply couldn’t stand to see the hurt look on his friend’s face whenever Jack found someone else than Grieco.

Once again, tonight, Jack had left the bar with some random girl, leaving Grieco on his own, looking almost depressed. There it was again, that hurt, longing look Grieco sent Jack as he walked away, the sad sigh as he turned his gaze to the floor and, immediately, Rian was next to him.

“Are you alright?” He asked him loud enough for the blond to hear him over the constant noise in the crowded bar.

“Yeah I-“ Grieco paused, not even convincing himself. “Not really actually. Can we go?”

“Yeah, of course.” Rian said, getting up from the stool he was sitting on.

They both walked out of the bar and started making their way to the hotel in silence. Grieco wasn’t talking so Rian didn’t push it. The drum tech dragged Rian to his room, shutting the door and making sure it was locked before saying anything. He sat on his bed, looking at the floor as Rian stood in front of him.

“I love him y’know…” The blond said, still looking down at the floor.

“Yeah, I had figured that out a while ago. You’re not as subtle as you might think.” The drummer replied.

Grieco lifted his head to look up at Rian then, seeing how serious he was, he sighed, hanging his head back low. “It kinda hurts to see him go to other people and stuff.” The smaller boy admitted. “I’m kinda fooling myself into thinking that he likes me I guess.”

It was Rian’s turn to sigh. He walked to the bed, sitting next to Grieco and placing an arm around his younger friend’s shoulders. “He’s using you, y’know. You shouldn’t let him do that.”

“He’s not using me. I want it too.” Grieco argued.

“But you want more and he doesn’t!” Rian replied.

“He doesn’t know! I never told him because I don’t want to stop what we have. If I can’t have more, then I’ll be happy with what I’ve got.”

“You’re not happy Griec! It’s obvious that it upsets you. Stop lying to yourself.”

“I’m not lying to myself!” Grieco said, getting progressively angrier.

“Then what was that when he left the bar with that girl?” Rian asked, surprisingly calm.

“You know what it was. I just wish he wasn’t going around with other people than me.”

“And how hurt you always look when he leaves you alone or kicks you out of his bunk when he’s done? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t call that happy.” Rian said, trying to push the anger back.

Grieco sighed, opening his mouth to say something but Rian was right. In the back of his mind, he knew it but he wouldn’t admit it to himself. “Get out. Just leave me alone.” He finally said, defeated.

Rian simply did as he was told, hoping that Grieco at least understood.

But of course, he didn’t. The drum tech was hard-headed and, as soon as Jack came to him, he fell back into his arms. One day, maybe he’d understand, maybe he’d have enough to be hurt and used. But this day was not today.