Dust

Placing a hand instinctively over my swollen stomach, I gave a glance around the now disorganized room. I'd spent most of the day packing my things, separating what was mine from what little was Jax's and it looked as though I'd done nothing but trash the place. Still, regardless of what the room showed, my entire body was painfully disagreeing. This pregnancy wasn't exactly agreeing with my back or my ankles and most days Abel was kickboxing my kidneys, today was no exception.

Clearing space on the couch, I decided to grab the pint of rocky road from the freezer before taking a much needed break. I knew I shouldn't have been doing any kind of labor work, I was in my second trimester after all, but I didn't want to have to spend another night alone in this house. Jax and I had been a mistake and, as much as I hated to admit it, this child was an even bigger one. SAMCRO was nothing for a child to grow up around, not to mention neither Jax nor I were ready for children--especially Jax.

My phone went off from its place in my purse. Already firmly planted on the sofa, I decided against answering it. More than likely it was Gemma wondering where me and her grandchild were. She'd already scolded me for even suggesting packing my things alone, God only knew what she'd do if she found out I was doing it anyway.

This wasn't how things were supposed to be and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't entirely lay the blame on Jax. I was suppose to be gone by now, Charming should have been nothing more than a memory long forgotten in my rear-view mirror. Because even though daddy was still faithful to the Son's, I'd promised Uncle John I would be gone by now and where was I? I was sitting smack dab in the middle of everything, alone in his son's house, carrying his unborn grandson.

I had made a promise to get out, but I'd fallen in love--or at least I thought I had--and love changes things, doesn't it?

Jax and I grew up together. I was always running around trying to impress him and Ope, trying to prove that I was just as tough as the boys--I mean, my daddy is Lenny the Pimp, I had just as much right to shoot that bb gun as they did. Maybe that was it, maybe when you spend so much time with a person love was just something you expected, something you told yourself had to be because this person was a constant and everyone always said you'd end up together. Jax must have believed the same thing as he'd even gone as far as to propose no sooner had I graduated high school.

Abandoning the ice cream, I found myself subconsciously twirling the tiny diamond around my left ring finger. I don't know why I kept it on, I'd already filed for the divorce we were just waiting on Jax to get off his ass and sign the damned papers. It was a cute little ring, nothing too flashy, of course Gemma had helped him pick it out. Gemma always seemed to know me a little bit better than anyone else. It made sense; her and John practically raised me once my dad went to prison. Then when John died, if it was even possible, I spent even more time at Gemma's only now she was married to Clay and Jax was always pissed off.

On cue my phone went off again, but I was almost done for the day anyway so once again I ignored it. I wanted to get a few things from the bedroom, the last few days I'd been trying to wear my nightgowns to bed, unfortunately as my stomach had grown the gowns had equally shrunk.

I'd managed to acquire a little house a few blocks away, still in Charming, but far enough away from Jax Teller's house I wouldn't need to see him any more than I had to. I'd denied his many attempts of letting me keep this house, it was a decent size, I was familiar with it, and Jax had promised to keep up on the bills for Abel and I while he stayed at the clubhouse. I couldn't stomach the sight of being in this house alone though; there wasn't a room that Jax and I didn't share some memory I'd give anything to forget. That was probably the reason Jax refused to stay in it.

I began my search in the closet, I knew Jax had a few of his old SAMCRO t-shirts tucked away somewhere it was just a matter of figuring out where. In all honesty, even he probably didn't know where the hell they were; organization was not one of Jax Teller's strong suits.

After both the bedroom and hallway closets turned up dead ends, the only other place I could think to search was the shed. Groaning, I looked down at my belly as I rubbed a hand across it.

"He better not have, I'll kill him. I swear I'll kill your daddy." I sighed, reluctantly headed for the back door. I wanted those shirts, however I was also hoping they weren't in the shed because the last time Jax had even been to the shed was at least a few months ago and they'd have that musty shed smell. I hated that smell, it always took a few washes to get out and doing laundry was the last thing on my mind after today. All I wanted was a bath, some pickled eggs, and sleep.

"Baby girl?" No sooner had I made my way inside the shed, a voice sounded from behind me, scaring the living shit out of me. Jumping was awkward with my large stomach, but I'd managed a sort of shiver before spinning around quickly, grabbing the first thing I could get my hands on--which happened to be a rake. I was more than surprised by the face I found staring back at me.

"Mom?" Dianne Carter, more commonly known as simply Crazy Dee by the rest of Charming, was anything but a mother. Her once beautiful face was worn and scarred from her years of drug abuse and her leathery appearance made her appear closer to seventy than fifty-three.

Growing up, my mother had been a whore, looking for any way to make a quick dime for her next high, but she had been beautiful and my dad had always been a sucker for beautiful women; especially Dee. Everyone in the club swore that she hadn't always been that way, that it was my dad getting arrested that finally drove her off the rails, but I couldn't remember a time when she was ever different.

"How's my grandbaby doing?" She gave me a yellow, barely toothy smile, reaching a hand out for my stomach. Her pupils were alarmingly dilated and she was shivering, unable to even keep her hand steady as she reached out. I took a step back out of her reach, dropping the rake I'd grabbed and wrapping both arms across my belly. She smelled of sweat and ammonia and I knew she was high.

It shouldn't have been possible though, SAMCRO didn't allow drugs in Charming, unless she'd gone out of town, but then she shouldn't have brought it back.

"What do you want?" I was in no mood for a family reunion, not with her, so whatever it was she'd come to say I wanted her to say it and go. Gemma was probably on her way over as we spoke after receiving no answer earlier and things would not be pretty if she found Dee like this.

Her smile faded, if she was hurt by my actions I couldn't be certain. She was twitchy, nervous or embarrassed maybe. A dirty hand reached up to scratch her scalp before her fingernails found themselves to her mouth, which meant she was nervous; a habit I'd unfortunately acquired from my mother.

"I just," she looked around quickly as if expecting someone to be eavesdropping in on our conversation. "I just need a few dollars. Things have been bad, baby girl, real bad." She added quickly, most likely noting the change in my expression.

"Your daddy stopped sending me money, I haven't eaten in days," I knew my dad had stopped sending her money, having closed her off from his accounts. He felt sorry for her, most of the club did, but all the rehabs in the world couldn't save her and it felt as though she'd been to just about all of them. My dad had decided not to support her habits anymore, which was clearly why she was now asking me.

"I only need about--"

"I'm not giving you any money for drugs!" I cut her off, my rage boiling over. I couldn't believe she'd had the nerve to come to me the way she was, asking me--her pregnant daughter--for money so that she could buy more crank. "Where the hell did you even get them from? I can see you're high now!" I continued to scream over her panicked mumbling as she attempted to get me to quiet down. Dee was shaking her head furiously, trying to convince me otherwise.

"Was it Darby?" At that name, Dee froze and I knew I had to have been right. "Oh, that's great, just wait until Clay hears Darby's back in town selling again." I had every intention of informing the club, drugs in Charming was bad--not just for Dee, but for everyone.

"No!" As I'd gone to move past her, she'd grabbed hold of my arms. "No, you can't tell Clay!"

"Get your disgusting hands off of me!" I forcefully tugged at her grip, but she was surprisingly stronger than I had expected.

"No, Nicki if you tell Clay things will be bad! You can't--"

"Nicki? You out there?" It was Gemma, most likely having heard the argument from inside. Never in my life had I been happier to hear that woman's voice, but Dee's face morphed to that of sheer panic.

"Gemma! Gemma I'm--" I never got to finish as Dee, in her rush to escape, pushed me forcefully into one of the shelves. The metal frame buckled under the weight of everything and as I'd landed on my back, the shelf and everything stacked onto it came crashing down on top of my stomach.

Panic washed over me as the pain coursed through my insides. Abel's boxing match had ceased and I could feel the blood soaking my jeans. I was trying to keep the shelf off of me as best as I could, but something was telling me it was too late, the pain was too much and I could no longer breath. Continuing to struggle beneath the weight of the shelf, I could feel my lungs burning as I fought to get the weight off of my stomach. I didn't care about me, I just needed to make sure Abel was alright, that was all that mattered.

Looking over towards the door, I could hear footsteps rapidly approaching, but not soon enough.

"Shit," I heard Gemma cry before my arms gave out and everything faded to black.